The Secret

I love Heather, I really do. But the thing is, I’m not sure if I’m in love with her.

She was there. She was always there. She was the first girl I was with after Abby. I ran into her the day after Abby and I broke up. I looked miserable so she invited me over that night. Next thing I know, we’re making out and then I’m fucking her. The next day she asked to make us official and for some reason, I agreed right on the spot.

I guess she really was my rebound. Abby was my world for four whole years and just like that we became nothing. Heather helped fill the void Abby left and even though we argued constantly, I just couldn’t find it in me to end it with her.

I’ve never admitted this to anyone, not even my brothers. But I think that maybe the reason I never broke up with Heather was because I’m afraid. I’m afraid no one will care about me again. I lost the girl of my dreams when I thought we would end up spending the rest of our lives together. Love is so unpredictable. Heather loves me so much and what would I do if I lost her? I’d have nothing. No one. I’d be all alone in this huge world, standing on the sideline watching everyone move forward with their lives while I’m stuck in the past.



“Don’t forget to feed that mutt while I’m gone. And I left the number to the shelter we board her at on the fridge. And I went shopping so the fridge is full. That should last you at least four days. Um, the laundry is all done and you need to pick up your two suits at the drycleaners tomorrow.”

“Heather, I’ve done this all before. You don’t need to worry. I can take care of myself” I groaned as I leaned against the car. “It’s only two weeks. Stop worrying about me and just have fun with your family.”

Heather usually takes out two weeks every few months to go visit her family and friends. It seems to be occurring more often now that we moved to Carolina. I’m not complaining though. I like to be alone. I like the time I have to think. Especially now with a kid on the way that no one knows about.

I kiss her goodbye and quickly pull out of the airport before anybody notices me, and well, because I parked in the 30 minute parking and I was already a few minutes over.

Once home, I can’t help but let out a loud sigh as I grab myself a beer and plop down on the couch. Sadie jumps up next to me and nuzzles her face under my arm. Heather never lets her on the couch. But she’s my little girl so I let her do whatever she wants.

I pet her head but I end up frowning. I bought Sadie as a Christmas gift for Abby our second year together. When we broke up, Abby told me to take her since she was so attached to me. I know Abby loves her and Sadie only likes Abby. She won’t let any other woman come near her or me for that matter. The only ones allowed near us are my mom, my brother’s girls, and Abby’s sisters and mom. Sadie doesn’t even let Heather touch her.

I sigh to myself and push Abby to the back of my mind as I flip on Sports Center. Of course they’re playing highlights of last night’s game. I could have fucking scored the game winner if Eric hadn’t tried to show off for Tanya and get all fancy with the puck.

Asshole.I mutter as I flip the TV off and toss the remote to the other couch. I lay back and close my eyes. So this is my life; sitting alone on the couch with a beer in my hand and a dog taking up half the couch. What happened to the fun Jordan? The one who went out, had a couple drinks, and just let loose once in a while? Oh yeah, he left after I ruined my life with Abby and then married Sergeant Heather.

I roll my eyes a bit as I grab my phone. A new message.

“Um, I know this is probably so stupid and I’m just wasting my time.. But I really need to see you. I have a flight tomorrow morning. It’s supposed to land at eight.. Can I come see you?”

And just like that my heart is beating a million miles per hour and it feels like it’s ready to just jump right out of my chest.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll pick you up at the airport. Heather is out of town for a couple weeks.” I send back immediately.

I check the clock and see it’s only five. You have no idea how much I wish it was nine so I can go to bed and wake up the next morning and go pick up Abby. I decide to make something to eat, to pass the time. I finish all that around six thirty. I need to find something else to pass the time so I take Sadie on a walk and when I get back I decide to clean the whole house. That kills the rest of the night and by the time I finish, I’m completely exhausted. I pass out as soon as my head meets the pillow and it feels like five minutes before my alarm starts going off.

I quickly jump up and get dressed nicely. I throw on a pair of khaki shorts and a black t-shirt. Abby always told me how much she loved my simple clothes. I spray her favorite cologne that she always bought me and grab my keys before heading to the airport. I decide to wait in the car and I park in the corner. I check my phone and see her flight just landed a few minutes ago so I make my way in. I have my hat low and sunglasses’ covering my eyes, hoping it’s enough of a disguise to veer away fans but allow Abby to recognize me. I scan the room quickly, hoping to see her smiling as she looks around.

My eyes quickly jolt back when I see her long brown hair draping over her shoulders as she stands on her tippy toes to find me. I can’t help but chuckle as I walk over to her.

“You do realize that even your tippy toes can’t help you, squirt” I chuckle but my eyes immediately shoot down to the baby bump engulfing her stomach.

She gives me a weak smile. “It’s not polite to stare, Jordan” she whispers as she grabs her bag. I quickly snap out of my trance and take her bags from her before leading her out to the car. She struggles to pull herself up into the passenger’s seat. She’s always had trouble getting into my truck but I recon the ten pound weight attached to her torso doesn’t make things much easier.

“Need help?” I ask as she groans.

“No, I got it” she mumbles. Always so stubborn.

I walk over to help her just as she gets herself up. She looks to me with a smug grin and shuts the door. I smile a bit and get into the driver’s seat. The ride home is pretty awkward for the most part. Just small talk, really. Every time I try to bring up the baby or us, Abby just says it can wait until we’re home and in private.

We get there and Abby looks around shell shocked. I look over at her and see her frowning at the house.

“What’s that look about?” I ask quietly as I grab her bags and lead her to the door.

“It’s just not you” she whispers with a small shrug. That’s because Heather is the one who picked it out. I hated it but it made her happy.

I silently unlock the door and Sadie bolts outside. She pretty much tackles Abby and had I not been there to grab her, she would have been on the ground. Instead of getting angry Abby just starts laughing and spends at least five minutes outside the door petting Sadie and telling her how much she misses her. I smile to myself but can’t help but feel a sting of guilt for separating them both.

I help Abby bring her stuff up to the guest room and get settled in. I make her a small snack and we both sit in the living room waiting for the inevitable talk.

She looks up at me once she finishes eating and sits back with one hand on her belly and the other petting Sadie’s head.

“It’s a girl” she says quietly. A girl.

“Really?” I ask, smiling the biggest smile of my life. I’m gonna have a baby girl. The first Staal girl of the family. And she’s all mine.

“I broke up with Brad. I told him that she wasn’t really his. I didn’t tell him about us. I just said I got drunk at the wedding and ended up hooking up with some guy I just met” she quietly explains.

I silently nod but inside I feel a bit of relief. Brad wasn’t right for her. She deserved better. And frankly I hated the idea of someone else going to bed with her every night.

“I want to be a part of her life” I tell her after a few moments of silence. She quickly looks up at me with a bit of shock and confusion on her face.

“You do?” she whispers with a slight frown.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” I ask confused with her reaction.

She sighs and plays with her shirt. “You live down here... How are we supposed to share custody? You’re not going to take her away from me, are you?” she whispers and I notice her eyes are getting all watery.
“I would never take her from you, Abs. We can work something out. Maybe you guys can come visit during the season and during the summer you can come up to Thunder Bay” I suggest.

“Jordan, you know that won’t work. I have a job and I can’t just take time off to come see you. And I’m not welcome in Thunder Bay. Heather and her whole family already want me dead and your family probably hates me now too.”

“You know that’s not true, Abby” I quickly defend. “My family loves you.”

She goes silent and just looks down.

“What’s bothering you, Abs? What was the real reason you came here? Do you need something? Money or food or something for the baby?”

“No, I don’t need anything. I got it all… its stupid really” she sighs and shakes her head looking away from me.
Something’s bothering her and I can definitely tell. I’ve known the girl for six years so if she thinks she can hide anything from me now, she’s terribly mistaken. I get up and go sit next to her before gently turning her face towards me.

“Tell me” I softly demand.

“No! You’ll just laugh at me and say I’m stupid!” she sighs and quickly shakes her head.

“Abigail Shaw, when have I ever laughed at you and called you stupid?” I ask firmly. She doesn’t argue because she knows I’m right. “Tell me” I whisper again, this time staring into her eyes.

She lets out a sigh before quickly beginning.

“I’m pregnant, Jordan! And my hormones are going crazy and I’m all alone. And Brad couldn’t help me at all and there’s only so much a vibrator can do and you’re the only one who can make me feel amazing and just fulfill what my hormones are craving and I know I am such an idiot for coming here because you’re married but I just needed to try” she blurts out with a loud, frustrated groan at the end.

I can’t help but chuckle. “Abby, my innocent, “I want to wait until we’re in love to have sex,” Abby, came all the way down to Carolina because she wants to have sex with me?” I smirk. I look over at her with a chuckle and see her cheeks turning bright red.

“Oh my gosh, I’m gonna go. I’m so sorry, Jordan” she groans rubbing her face and tries to quickly get up, but I grab her arm and pull her back to me before she has the chance.

“That may be the sexiest thing you’ve ever done” I whisper right before her lips before leaning in and giving her the most passionate kiss of her lifetime.

She whimpers into my kiss and immediately crawls in my lap and straddles my waist. My hands run up and down her thighs before my index and middle fingers find their way between her legs. She moans out my name and looks at me like a lost puppy. I smile and kiss her softly. I stand up and hold her bridal style since her baby bump doesn’t allow me to carry her the way I used to; her legs around my waist as she kisses down my neck and collar bone.

I gently set her on my bed before removing her clothes. She grabs my belt and pulls me to her before ripping my shirt over my head and quickly unbuckling my belt and sliding my jeans down in one swift motion.

She smirks up at me as she slides my boxers down and kneels down in front of me. She’s so fucking hot.

“Don’t cum. Tell me when you’re close” she whispers. I nod in compliance and she takes me into her mouth. I let out a groan and gently tangle my fingers in her hair as she gives me what I need.

“I’m close” I whisper after a few minutes. Abby nods and pulls away. She stands up and I kiss her passionately as my hands trail up her spine and to her bra strap. I get it undone the first try and toss it into our heap of clothes on the floor.

“Holy shit, your boobs got huge” I blurt out. Abby pulls away with a giggle.

“That’s what happens when you’re pregnant, babe. Just be careful. They’re really sensitive” she whispers.

I nod and lay her back before sliding her underwear off. She’s already so wet for me. I rub my fingers between her legs but she grabs my hand.

“I don’t want that. I want you” she whispers looking down at me.

“Okay” I whisper and lean up to kiss her. I reach over towards the dresser to grab a condom but she stops me again.
“Jord, you don’t need one. It’s not like I can get pregnant” she giggles.

I laugh softly and blush a little. Abby smiles and gently brushes her thumb over my cheek before pulling me down and kissing me softly and slowly.

I position myself, careful not to put my weight on her stomach as I enter her. She’s still so tight. I stifle back a moan and I slowly move.
Abby moans and holds onto my arms. I lean down and kiss her slowly as I pick up my speed, but only a little bit. We continue at the same, steady speed until we both release.

It may have been slow, but it was the best sex we’ve ever had. It wasn’t even sex. We were making love and it was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever experienced.

Abby lays back and pulls the blanket over herself with a smile. She lets out a content sigh as she curls into my side and lays her head on my chest. I smile to myself and play with her hair. God, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed lying in bed with her on rainy days and the smell of her hair in my face and the way she could only sleep if I was holding her.

I glance down to her and see her eyes are slowly closing. I can tell she’s trying to fight it.

“Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up” I whisper into her hair and kiss her head.

“I love you, Jordan” she whispers before drifting into a heavy slumber.

”I love you too, Abby” I whisper with no hesitation.



I wake up later that day and smell something amazing. I quickly get up a throw on my boxers before heading downstairs to investigate.

I walk into the kitchen and see Abby at the stove making dinner. I smile to myself and quietly lean against the doorway and watch her.

“I saw that” I smirk when I see her drop some food on the floor for Sadie. She quickly turns around and giggles.

“I didn’t see anything. Did you Sadie?” she giggles and pets her head.

I chuckle and walk over to them both. I pet Sadie’s head and quickly kiss Abby on the lips before peeking over her shoulder.

“Oh my gosh, my favorite” I groan when I see she has pierogies and sausage cooking. Now my mother is an amazing cook, but I cannot even deny that Abby makes the best polish food I have ever tasted in my life.

“Well I had to say thank you somehow” she teases and winks at me. I chuckle and kiss her cheek before grabbing some plates and setting the table. As I’m setting it I find myself just staring at Abby. She has on a pair of sweatpants and she stole one of my penguin’s sweatshirts. She looks amazing. I miss seeing her like this every day.

“Almost done! Go put some clothes on” she playfully demands and looks back at me with a smile.

“Yes ma’am” I chuckle and head upstairs. I throw on some sweats and a white t-shirt before going back downstairs. I help her bring the food over to the table and we both sit down.

“This is amazing, Abs” I groan with a mouthful. She laughs at me as she eats and reaches over to wipe the food off my cheek.

“I see your eating habits haven’t changed” she teases and kisses my cheek.

“One of the only things that haven’t changed” I chuckle.

“Your performance in the bedroom hasn’t changed” she winks.

“Is that good or bad?” I chuckle and feel myself blushing.

She smirks at me and shrugs as she reaches for more food.

“Abby! Tell me what that means!” I gasp dramatically and she starts laughing.

“Nope” she giggles and shakes her head.

I groan and we both finish eating. She gets up and grabs the plates but I quickly wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to me.

“Tell me” I whisper into her ear before gently biting down on the lobe. I hear her gasp and I smirk, spinning around.

“What happens if I don’t tell you?” she whispers looking up at me with a smirk.

I just silently smirk at her and scoop her up bridal style before heading upstairs. I set her down and slowly, teasingly slide my sweatshirt over her head. I lean in and place gentle kisses along her jawline and down her neck. I hear her breathing pick up and I know I’m doing something right. I run my hands up her thighs and stop at the hem of her yoga pants. I gently lay her back and slide her pants and underwear off in one motion.
“Want me to continue?” I whisper seductively.

She looks at me hopelessly and quickly nods.

“Then tell me what you meant downstairs” I smirk and look to her with a laugh.

She looks at me and groans. “I just meant that we always had amazing sex and it was amazing earlier too” she whines.

“Oh” I smile triumphantly.

“Now continue!” she demands as she pulls my chest to hers and kisses me deeply.

I chuckle into her lips and she helps me undress myself. I lay her back and slowly slide in before moving at a steady pace.

I jump a bit when I feel the bed shift and all of the sudden Sadie starts whining and nudging at my arm.

“Sadie, now’s not a good time” I groan and try to push her away. She fights me and goes back to nudging me. I groan and sit up but look down when I hear Abby laughing hysterically.

“Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny!” I whine.

“Yes it is!” she laughs out. “She did this our first time, remember?” she cries out hysterically.

I can’t help but start chuckling when I see how hard she’s laughing. And the memory of Sadie jumping on the bed as a puppy the first time Abby and I had sex was pretty funny too.

Next thing I know we’re both laughing as Sadie licks both our cheeks.

“Will you get out so we can finish?” I chuckle after a couple minutes. This time I get up and lead her out, making sure to shut the door all the way. I get back on the bed and Abs and I finish before lying back together.



Our two weeks are up and Abby is upstairs quietly packing her bags. I stay downstairs just thinking about everything. These have been the best two weeks. It’s been the happiest I’ve been since Abby and I split and I really don’t want her to leave.

I’ve mentioned the idea of her buying a house down here. Hell I even offered to buy her a house down here. But every time I brought it up she rolled her eyes at me and told me that was impossible.

I know she has a life of her own now, but I want her by me. I want to make sure she’s okay and honestly I just want to be able to spend time with her.

But both of us know this isn’t possible. At least not right now. Not with Heather in the picture.

I go upstairs after a few minutes and see Abby sitting on the edge of the bed with her bags all packed. I go over and quietly sit next to her and pull her into my arms. I hold her close to me and I don’t want to let go. Not now, not ever.

“I’m ready” she whispers with a sniffle and quickly wipes her eyes. I nod and we both slowly stand up, neither of us saying a word. I would say something, anything but I honestly don’t know what I could say. I need to figure out my own life before screwing with hers.

The drive to the airport is silent. The same as it was the day I picked her up. I carry her bags to check-in and she does everything else.

Abby quietly turns to me and slowly looks up at me.

“I guess this is goodbye” she says quietly.

“I guess so” I sigh sadly and look down to my feet. Abby moves closer and wraps her arms around my waist tightly.

“I meant it when I said I love you” she whispers as she pulls away. She grabs her carry on and with her hand on her belly, she makes her way to her terminal.

I stand there watching her. I don’t go after her because honestly I don’t know what to say or even do. But I don’t walk away either.

I hear her plane get called to board and I watch the schedule and see it take off too. I finally leave after standing there for over an hour.

I go home and plop right on the couch. Sadie walks over whining and nudges my arm.

“She’s gone, girl” I sigh sadly and turn on my side facing the cushions.

Sadie whimpers and goes over to the front door. She lays down there feeling just as depressed as I am.



“Wow. I’m surprised you actually cleaned” Heather says as she walks in the door. Sadie sits up and instantly growls at her.

“Shut up, mutt” she snarls and rolls her eyes. “I really think we need to get the dog euthanized” she says as she turns to me.

“It’s never going to happen, Heather” I reply, already annoyed with her. I take her bags upstairs and drop them on the ground in our room.

I go back downstairs and into the kitchen to make myself something to eat.

“You’re not even going to ask how my trip was?” she asks snottily as she stands right across from me.

“Sorry. How was your trip?” I mumble with a mouthful. She starts going on and on about her family and old friends and lists off the same things she does every single time she goes home.

“I’m glad you had fun” I say simply once she finishes talking.

“What’s wrong with you? Did you get fired or something? You’re acting miserable” she says rudely and crosses her arms at me.

“I’m fine” I mumble. “I’m going to work out.”



We have a road trip game in Buffalo this weekend. It’s good to get away. I feel like I’m suffocating at home with Heather. She’s always there and bugging me about everything. I live for road trips.

We get to the hotel and a bunch of the guys decide to go out but I stay in. I order some room service for lunch and take my nap early. When I wake up I get into my suit and make my bed head look decent before heading down to the bus. Eric sits next to me but we don’t say much.

We get to the arena and I head to the showers. When I get out I just have this gut feeling to check my phone and when I do I see multiple new messages.

“Jordan, the baby is coming. I really want you here with me. I can’t do this on my own.”

“Abby’s having the baby!”

“Jordan, please answer me.”

“Abby keeps asking for you. Just call her!”

My eyes widen and I start getting dressed as fast as I can.

“What are you doing?” Eric asks confused.

“Abby’s going into labor” I say frantically.

“So what? Jordan, what the hell are you doing? We have a game! Her boyfriend is with her” he says firmly.

“It’s my daughter, Eric” I say quietly before rushing out of the locker room. I dial Abby’s number and Vero answers the phone.

“Jordan! Are you coming?” she asks quickly.

“Yeah! I’m leaving now! I-it’s just gonna take a while!” I say frantically.

“Jordan, I need you here” Abby cries into the phone after snatching it from Vero.

“I’m coming, baby. I’ll be there in no time. Just relax, okay? I’m gonna be there” I assure her as I jump in a taxi.

He takes me to a rental service and I fill everything out in minutes. I speed the whole way there and in about three and a half hours I’m finally pulling into the hospital parking lot.

I run inside and dial Vero’s number. She meets me at the elevator and I run into Abby’s room.

“I’m here, baby. I’m here” I say breathlessly as I take her out stretched hand. I wipe her tears and kiss her forehead repeatedly.

“The doctor gave her an epidural an hour ago. She was seven centimeters then.” Vero tells me. I nod in response.

“What does that mean?” I whisper embarrassed.

“When she gets to ten it means she’s ready to push. You should have read some baby books, daddy” Vero laughs.

“You know?” I whisper and look between her and Abby.

“I kind of figured when Abby kept asking for you” she admits. “I’ll keep it a secret.”

I quietly nod and turn to Abby.

“I want to be with you, Abs.” I admit in a whisper. I don’t love Heather. I love you.” I blurt out.

She looks at me shocked and bursts into tears as she wraps her arms around my neck.

I hold her tight and soothingly rub her back. “Shh. Don’t cry” I whisper and wipe her eyes again.

“I love you too” she sniffles. I smile and softly kiss her lips. I pull away when the doctor comes in and introduce myself.

He comes over to Abby and starts checking the machine before checking… down there.

“It’s time” he smiles as he takes his glove off.

I look over at Abby and see her eyes widen. She grips onto my hand and Vero goes over to her other side and moves her hair out of her face.

“Don’t worry. You’re gonna do fine” she smiles. Abby just nods but I can tell she’s scared to death.

“I’m gonna be right here the whole time. You can do this, baby” I whisper and look her into her eyes.

She nods and a few minutes later she’s squeezing my hand so hard that it turns completely white and I have no feeling left. I fight back the urge to whine because I know she’s going throw thirty times more pain than I am in right now.

The doctor makes her push for ten seconds each, about five times. Suddenly he smiles widely and holds up my little girl. He calls me over and hands me a pair of medical scissors.

“Cut right here” he smiles, pointing to a spot between two clamps. I nod and with shaky hands, I cut my baby’s umbilical cord.

I go back over to Abby and kiss her forehead with a big smile.

“You did amazing” I whisper and wipe her face. She smiles at me and lays her head against my chest. The nurses clean up our baby girl and wrap her up in a blanket before setting her in Abby’s arms.

She’s absolutely beautiful. She almost looks bald to be honest. Her hair is so blond that you can barely even see it. She has the cutest little nose and the softest cheeks I’ve ever touched. She’s perfect. She’s an angel. She’s mine.

I can’t even help it. I have tears pouring out of my eyes because I’m just that happy.

“Do you want to hold her?” Abby whispers. I look over at her and quickly nod. She smiles at me and carefully sets her in my arms. She’s so small and fragile. I’m so scared I’m gonna hurt her but at the same time I just want to hold her tight and never let go.

“She needs a name” I whisper with a sniffle.

“I like Emma” Abby admits. “Emma Rose Staal” she whispers.

I smile widely and nod. “Hi Emma. It’s daddy” I smile and place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Abby smiles and rests her head on my shoulder as we both look down to our little girl.

I let Vero hold her before she leaves and the nurses take Emma for the night. Abby moves over and I lay next to her with my arms around her tightly. She falls asleep immediately and I lay there with a smile on my face as I drift off for the night too.

Abby is released the next morning and I stay with her for two days before I have to go back to Carolina. I promise to work everything out and I’m gonna drive up sometime next week to bring them both down.

I get home and go straight to a law office. I get divorce papers and I honestly feel fucking amazing.

I go home and hand the papers to Heather as soon as I walk into the door.

“What the hell is this?” she asks completely dumbfounded.

“We’re getting divorced.” I smile. “I’m still madly in love with Abby.”

“Excuse me?” she asks shocked. “You’re leaving me for that whore? She probably has a fucking STD now and you’re gonna run back to her?”

“Why would she have an STD?” I laugh.

“From her one night stand that knocked her up!” she snaps.

“That “one night stand” was me, Heather. I slept with her after Marc’s wedding. It’s my baby. My daughter. And I’m gonna be with them. Can you pay the bills for this house or should we sell it?” I ask as I go up the stairs to start packing.

She lets out a frustrated scream and throws the papers down. I can’t help but chuckle as I get all my clothes packed and then work on boxing up my stuff. I leave most of the house décor there because frankly, I hated everything heather picked out.

I head to a hotel and drop my stuff off before meeting with my realtor. She shows me a few houses and I find one Abby will love. I buy it right on the spot and go to the furniture store right after. I splurge on everything I know Abby likes and order it for the weekend.

The next few days I head right to the house after practices and workouts. I paint the rooms and get everything set up. I go through and baby proof all the rooms and work on getting the nursery to be perfect. I want the best for my family.

I get no sleep the next night. I stay up perfecting everything and I leave at 4am the next morning. I spend my day driving and after eight or so hours I finally arrive at Abby’s. I walk in exhausted and see her sitting in the rocking chair with Emma. She smiles up at me and stands up.

“There’s daddy” she whispers to Emma. Her little eyes open and look up at me. I smile widely and take her hand with my finger.

“Hi baby girl. Ready to come home?” I smile.

“We’ve been ready” Abby smiles and leans up to kiss me. I smile to myself and take Emma from her. This is my family. This is my new life. This is what happiness feels like.