Find Your Own Way

Looking in the mirror at himself Brian tried hard not to let his emotions get the best of him. In a few weeks Michelle would have their little boy. Would this little boy have his older sister? Would he have the healthy environment he’d need to grow up in?

Taking a deep breath Brian exited the bathroom and made his way over to his pregnant wife.

“Going out looking again?” Michelle whispered bringing her hand up and caressing his cheek.

Brian only nodded. The image of Arianna’s deteriorating body haunted him. He should have never let her out of his sight. He remembered Johnny running up the stairs, his eyes wide, tears racing down his cheeks, telling them that Ari had ran. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything that day.

“We’ll find her,” Michelle reassured him giving him a soft kiss.

Dead or alive was the question and neither of them had to say it aloud to understand that.

“I love you,” Brian whispered giving her his own kiss.

Leaving the house Brian got on his Harley and raced off. He had to find her. He had to know what had become of her. He needed his little girl to be alive and he wasn’t sure if there was any hope of that.

Stopping at the cemetery Brian got off his bike and made his way to his friend’s grave. The necklace he had attained so long ago hanging around his neck.

Swallowing the lump in his throat Brian squeezed his eyes tight. What he would do to hear his voice, to hear his laugh, to feel his company.

Kneeling down he noticed a ring laying over his death date. Picking it up Brian gasped. Ari had been here. He didn’t know how long ago, but this was her ring. He remembered giving it to her when she had turned thirteen.

It wasn’t a promise ring or anything like that, it was only a token on his love. Why had she left it here?

Pocketing it Brian stood up again and shook his head. “If she’s with you man, hug her tight,” the words left him breathless. And the pain that coursed through him was relentless.

Hopping back on his bike Brian took one more look and sighed. He could only pray that he wouldn’t have to bury his daughter.



Walking into the house he was greeted by the familiar music he had created with Jimmy. The lyrics that blared through the house shaking him.

Going into the living room he noticed everyone sitting there looking glum. “She’s here isn’t she?” he whispered looking directly as his wife.

She nodded and the tears that she had been fighting finally fell. “Oh Brian,” she whispered hugging her to him.

“What?” he asked afraid of the answer. Looking around at his friends, his family, he realized there was no relief in their eyes, but pain, pure pain.

Hugging him tighter Michelle just shook her head. She couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. No one could.

“How long has she been here?”

“About an hour now,” Johnny whispered his voice cracking.

“How,” Brian paused and didn’t finish his sentence.

“Bad,” Matt said quietly looking straight into Brian’s eyes.

He couldn’t ask anymore, he couldn’t bare the answers. Turning he made his way to the stairs and took one more look at everybody. Their tears were his only warning.

Hesitantly knocking on her door he listened carefully but no answer was given. Slowly opening it he peered in and saw his little girl in the corner preparing a needle.

“No,” he said quickly making his way to her. “Ari, Sweets,” he whispered looking down at her. Nothing could have prepared him for this.

Staring wide eyed up to her father she whipped her head back down and focused once again on her drugs. She was skin and bones, barely there. Her skin was a sick grayish color, he eyes were so sunken Brian wasn’t sure if he was seeing a ghost or not.

And he stood there paralyzed as she searched desperately for a vein. And when she finally found one he watched horrified as she pushed the needle in, pulled back the plunger, and pushed the drugs into her system.

He couldn’t believe this. Was this happening? He prayed for it to be a dream.

But he knew in his heart that he was awake and this was his nightmare.

Watching as she nodded in and out Brian looked carefully over her body. Track marks scattered her arm, she had a few bruises, and it seemed like she hadn’t showered in months. She probably hadn’t.

“Oh Ari,” Brian said his voice cracking. “What’s happened to you?” he asked but he wasn’t fishing for an answer.

Picking up her fragile body he carried her into the bathroom. She was here now and he could take care of her, and he would. Setting her beside the tub he turned the tap and waited for it to heat up before putting the plug in.

Taking a deep breath Brian carefully removed her clothes leaving her in her underwear. More bruises and scars came into view and he bit back a sob. How could he have let this happen?

Picking her up once more he set her in the tub full of warm water. Filling it only a little so she wouldn’t drown if she slid down he bit his lip. Would she be okay if he went and fetched a cup? Calling downstairs for someone to come up he looked back at his daughter.

A faint smile played across her lips as the drugs made their course.

Looking up he noticed everyone standing outside the door looking in at the scene.

“I need a cup,” he said looking back to his daughter. She was watching him as he grabbed a wash cloth from the rack beside the toilet.

Grabbing some soap Brian wet the wash cloth and set to work. The water turning slightly brown as scrubbed the grime off her.

Cautiously walking into the bathroom Johnny handed Brian a plastic cup before walking back out.

Everyone continued to watch the scene unfold before them. Ari in her drug induced stupor and Brian broken heartedly washing her. The months of worry, fear, desperation slowly washed away as he cleaned his daughter.

Filling the cup up with water he carefully poured it over her head. Ari closed her eyes and a small genuine smile appeared on her lips.

“There will always he hope Ari,” Brian whispered as he shampooed her hair. “And if you can’t hold it, I’ll hold it for you.”



Quietly making his way back downstairs Brian ran a hand through his hair. After weeks of searching for her she came home herself. He didn’t ask her why, he didn’t say much at all, he just set her in bed and left her to rest.

Sitting down heavily in the living room Brian took another deep breath.

“How is she?” Michelle asked getting up and sitting beside him.

“She’s sleeping,” he said quietly looking up at her. “How’re you?”

“Better,” she told him.

Looking around at all the guys he gave them a weak smile. They would never know how thankful he was for them. They had their own families, but they would always help him with his.

“You’re a great father man,” Zacky assured finally speaking for the first time that night. “You’ve always been a great father.”

“Thanks,” Brian said. And before he could do anything to stop them quiet tears tracked down his face. “I mean it, you guys, you,” he paused and took a shaky breath. “I love you guys.”

“We know,” Matt said getting up. “We’ll always be here for ya man.”

Nodding Brian turned to his wife who was sifting uncomfortably, “You okay?”

Looking up wide eyed Michelle’s mouth formed a small ‘O’. “I think my water just broke,” she said, her eyes shining.

Jumping up Brian turned to the guys who were all just as shocked as Michelle. “I, what, we need to go,” Brian said running upstairs and grabbing the bag they had prepared a couple nights ago. Sending a hurried look at Ari’s door he almost shouted. “Can one of you stay here with her?”

“I’ll do it,” Zacky offered. “Go.”

Nodding Brian ran out the door and into the car starting it. Running back into the house he grabbed Michelle and quickly moved her to the car. “You ready baby?” he asked giving her a quick kiss before jumping back into the drivers seat.

“I’m ready,” Michelle said smiling at him through the rear view mirror. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” he whispered turning to see Matt jump in the car along with Johnny. “I’m ready.”

Parking hastily outside the emergency doors Brian tossed the keys to Matt. Johnny was on the phone with Lacey telling her the news, and telling her to call the other girls.

Making their way in to the room Brian’s face broke into a grin. Holding his wife’s hand he watched her face the entire time through the birth. And once again he was the happiest man alive.

“A beautiful baby boy,” the doctor said smiling and handing him to Michelle. “Do you have a name picked out?”

Michelle nodded and looked up to her husband who smiled brightly. “James Alexander,” she whispered looking down at his small face. “Welcome to the world little one.”