Find Your Own Way

Hearing the new addition to the family cry out for the tenth time Ari screamed. Could she not have one silent moment? Did he always have to cry?

Storming into the nursery Ari stomped over to the crib holding her little brother. “Will you shut the fuck up already? You stupid little maggot,” she screamed shaking the crib. “Goddamn I wish you had been stillborn!”

“Arianna Maxine Haner,” Brian’s voice boomed softly. “Step away from the crib right now.”

Looking up to her father she narrowed her eyes. “Shut the fucking thing up then.” Feeling her father’s hand hit her face she froze. Tears quickly welled up in her eyes before she rushed out of the room and out of the house.

He slapped her. He lost his temper and slapped her. And now she was going God knows where. Could the night get any worse?



Tugging his hair Brian watched the spot his daughter had run from. Did he really just smack her? She had been so horrible though. James was just a baby, it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t fend for himself.

Hearing his phone go off he realized he had been standing in the same spot for over half an hour. Picking it up he realized it was Johnny. “Hey,” he said looking down at James. “What’s up?”

“Ari’s here,” Johnny spoke. “You need to get over her man, she’s a wreck.”

Sighing Brian told him he’d be there in a bit. Going in and waking Michelle he told her what was going on. Nodding she rolled out of bed and gave him a tight hug. “It’s time Honey, we can’t subject James to this.”

“I know,” Brian whispered giving her a kiss before leaving the room.

Jumping in his car he drove the short distance to the bassist’s house. Why Arianna had gone there and not to Zacky’s, who’s house was closer, he didn’t know. She and Johnny had gotten close though. She never yelled at him or anything when he was trying to get her to open up while she was high.

Taking a deep breath Brian walked into the house. The first thing that met his ears were Arianna’s deep sobs. He shouldn’t have hit her. He should’ve…

Crouching down next to her head he brushed the hair out of her face. “I’m so sorry Sweets,” he spoke.

Leaving the two in the living room Johnny went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. Arianna had woken everyone in the house up pounding on the door relentlessly. She was so shaken up she couldn’t even tell him what happened.

Turning back and leaning against the door jam Johnny sighed. They had come so far and now Arianna was at rock bottom.

“I’m so sorry Daddy, I’m sorry,” she cried. “He just wouldn’t stop crying and it was driving me mad.”

“I know,” Brian said. “Ari, you can’t keep doing this. Your mother and I, we can’t continue to watch you deteriorate into nothing.”

Staring into her fathers eyes Arianna nodded sadly. She couldn‘t remember the last time she had had anything. Jamie was refusing to give her anything. And she didn’t know anyone else.

“You need to go to rehab Sweets,” Brian said. “You need help and we can’t give it to you.”

Biting her lip Arianna continued to cry watching her dad closely. His hair was a mess, he hadn’t bothered to change his shirt that had throw up on it, and he didn’t even change out of his pajama pants.

“If you don’t go to rehab,” Brian paused and squeezed the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to say this. He didn’t want to do this, but he had to. “If you don’t go to rehab Arianna you aren’t welcome in the house any longer.”

Nodding Arianna watched as Brian’s own tears started to fall.

“You’ll go to rehab?”

“Yeah,” she whispered her voice hoarse.

Picking her up Brian sat down on the couch hugging her to him. Rocking her back and forth as she cried Brian decided to ask the one question that had been bugging him since she started down this path. “Why couldn’t you stop Sweets? Why did it have to come so far?”

Looking up at him she let him wipe away her tears. “It’s my destiny,” she whispered.

“What makes you say that?” Brian questioned looking into her eyes.

“You named me after her,” she said. And she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Holding her until she passed out Brian sighed. Looking up he found his friends all gathered around the doorway watching them. Setting her down he got up and followed them into the kitchen.

“She’s gonna go?” Zacky asked watching his friend.

“Yeah,” Brian said his voice just above a whisper. “She is.”

Looking up from the floor Johnny shot back the rest of his drink. “When we were up at Big Bear,” he said his voice cracking. “I, we, me and Ari,” he stopped and looked at Brian straight in the eyes. “That day you and Michelle were going at it like rabbits, we smoked pot together.”

Clenching his teeth shut Brian glared at the short man. “You what?” he seethed. “You fucking didn’t.”

“She needed a friend,” Johnny said trying to defend himself. “I figured since -” Feeling a fist fly into his mouth Johnny stumbled to the floor.

Jumping on top of him Brian continued to punch him until Matt pulled him off. “You need to calm down,” he said sternly. “Go get your daughter, bring her home, and cool off.”

Turning to the man restricting him Brian glared. “Fuck you,” he said punching him in the face as well.

Storming into the living room Brian took a deep breath before picking up his daughter. He couldn’t believe Johnny. How could he?

Setting her gently into the backseat Brian fought back the urge to punch the side of his car. How fucking dare Johnny do that, the stupid fucking prick.

Speeding off down the street Brian glanced back to Ari. Her sleep was fitful. He wondered when the last time she had anything was. Tomorrow though would be better. He would admit her to rehab and she would get the help she so desperately needed.



“You ready Sweets?” Brian asked quietly.

Picking her head up from the counter Ari just nodded. Truthfully she wanted a bump or two for the ride but she knew that was never going to happen.

“I’m proud of you Honey,” Michelle said quietly giving Ari a tight hug.

“Thanks Mom,” Ari mumbled quietly. The withdrawals were getting worse and if she didn’t get in the car soon she knew she’d run. “We going?”

“Yeah, just gotta wait for Matt and Zacky to get here,” Brian told her handing James back to Michelle.

“What about Johnny?”

“Johnny isn’t going to be around anymore,” Brian stated and in his tone Ari knew there’d be no more discussion.

Hearing the door open Ari looked up to see Matt and Zacky. Giving them a small nod Ari turned back to her mom. “Love you,” she said quietly before making a quick exit and climbing into the car.

“How’re you feeling?” Zacky asked climbing in beside her.

“Let’s just get me there,” Ari mumbled squeezing her eyes shut.

Patting her back Zacky looked up front to Matt and Brian who were watching Ari.

No one said anything the entire way to the facility. And when they got there Ari felt the realization of the agreement setting. She was really doing this.

“Just take a deep breath,” Zacky suggested waiting for the other guys to get out of the car. “We really are proud of you.”

Ari nodded looking at the facility in fear. No more drugs, no more long nights filled with laughter, no more fun, just withdrawals and cravings.

“Come on,” Brian said opening her door for her. “They’ll give you some methadone.”

Taking a deep breath Ari climbed out of the car. This was it.

Walking through the doors Matt hurried over to the receptionist and quietly explained the situation. Nodding the receptionist called one of the doctors and assured them that they’d be seen to shortly.

“How you holding up?” Matt asked joining them.

Giving her uncle a pointed look Ari stared at the pale yellow walls. She hated yellow. “How was Jimmy when you guys brought him in?” she asked quietly squeezing her eyes shut again.

“A little like you are now,” Zacky said. “Not as panicky.”

Ari let out a stiff laugh, “Thanks, that helps a bunch.”

“Sorry,” Zacky said his tone light. It was true though, all those years ago with Jimmy, he knew what to expect. Ari never detoxed before, she was walking into hell. “Doctor’s coming.”

Looking up Ari eyed the doctor. His stupid white coat hanging off him, a clipboard in his hand, she wondered if he had anything in his deep pockets. Maybe that methadone her dad was talking about?

“Hello, I’m Doctor Prescott, you must be Arianna,” the doctor introduced. “How’re you feeling?”

“My dad said you’d give me methadone,” she said cutting to the chase.

“Yes, we can give you some, how long have you been using?” The doctor asked sitting in one of the chairs adjacent to the small group.

“How long have I been using what? Coke? Heroin? Morphine? I don’t keep track of time,” Ari said scratching at her arm. Thinking about the drugs were tempting her to get up and run. She knew that she’d get caught though.

“I see,” Doctor Prescott said writing something on his clipboard. “Merriam? Can you go get Peggy?” He called to the receptionist.

Nodding Merriam wandered off a small sympathetic smile on her face.

“So, which one of you is her dad?”

“I am,” Brian said his voice tight. He could feel the tears bubbling up but he wouldn’t cry, not in front of Ari.

“Do you know how long she’s been using?”

“I’d say about a year now, I’m not sure how long she’s been using what because she’s not been living with me the last few months,” Brian said looking down at his daughter.

Doctor Prescott nodded looking up when a woman came over. “Ah Peggy, this here is Arianna, would you take her to the exam room and give her some methadone?”

Peggy nodded and held out her hand for Ari.

Sighing Ari got up ignoring the woman’s hand. “Just fix me up,” she said following the woman. She didn’t look back at her dad or uncles or Dr. Prescott. She was glad to be away from those questions for now.

“Don’t worry dear, we’ll take good care of you,” Peggy said opening a door.

Walking in Ari sat down and eyed the woman as she busied herself around. Finally she saw the drugs and relaxed. At least for a little while she wouldn’t have to deal with her body. As soon as she swallowed the pills she realized the tears falling down her face.

She was finally here, finally getting help. And somewhere in the building her father and uncles were listening to her treatment plan. In a month they’d be allowed to see her, a month after that she’d be getting ready to go home, and after three months she’d be done with the program. Hopefully everything would go smoothly, and hopefully she would be able to complete it.