Find Your Own Way

Two weeks passed and Ari had opened up a bit more about her problems. She still hadn’t read any more of the letters. Her counselor was proud of her for opening just one.

Today was the day he’d be meeting with her parents. Ari really wanted to see them but she couldn’t until next week. She wondered what David would tell them.

Feeling tears crawl down her cheeks Ari grabbed one of the letters from her parents, the newest one. They had written a four more that had been added to the pile.

Tearing it open she let out a choked sob. Accompanying the letter, the first thing she saw, was a picture of James. He was so cute, sucking lightly on his thumb. And she had yelled at him…

Not realizing the door opened she jumped when the person laid a hand on her shoulder. Looking up she realized it was David.

Neither of them said anything as Ari stared at the picture. Ari didn’t know what to say.

“Your parents will be here in half an hour,” David said finally breaking the silence. “You won’t be able to say anything to them personally but if there is something you want me to tell them.” he let the rest of the sentence hang in the air.

Wiping away her tears Ari just shook her head. “I… There’s nothing I can say. I just want to hug them. And I can’t.”

“Next week you will be able to though, hold on to that,” David said getting up off the bed. “I’m glad you’ve opened up another letter. I’ll see you later Ari.”

Nodding Ari continued to stare at the picture. She didn’t even care about the letter. The picture said it all. When she got out her family would welcome her back with open arms. Even if she felt like she didn’t deserve it.



“Mr. Haner, Mrs. Haner, pleasure to meet with you,” David said smiling behind his desk. “How are you doing?”

“We’re good,” Brian said taking a seat. “How’s Arianna?”

“She’s doing good actually,” David replied. “She still has a long way to go but she’s opening up and sharing things.”

“That’s good,” Michelle said looking at her husband and smiling. They were both so worried that Ari would lash out, give the staff a hard time, and even though he didn’t say it Brian was worried that she’d do the same thing Max did.

“Has she gotten our letters?” Brian asked. “You said she’d be allowed to respond but she hasn’t.”

Nodding David turned to Brian. “She has gotten them, she’s only opened two of them so far. When I saw her earlier she had just opened the one that held a picture in it.”

“Her little brother, James,” Brian said explaining the picture.

“How come she hasn’t opened the letters?” Michelle asked holding Brian’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

“She feels guilty, she’s afraid of what the letters are going to say,” David explained. “I can’t force her to read them. It has to be something she wants to do.”

The couple nodded and sat there quietly. What were they suppose to say? What could they ask?

Hearing commotion from outside the door everyone let out a collective sigh. Someone was giving the staff trouble.

“Please Peggy, you don’t understand, I need to see them,” Ari’s voice filtered into the room, muffled by the door. “Please!” She was pleading, her voice hoarse and full of her tears.

“Ari, you have group, and you know you can’t see them until next week, please don’t make this a struggle,” an older woman’s voice said.

Hearing a quiet sob the couple turned to the doctor who was watching them. The doorknob jiggled a little with Ari’s attempts to see her parents.

“Ari please don’t make me have to get Jack, we don’t want to sedate you,” the woman’s voice came again. “Come on, you have to the count of five before I get Jack down here.”

“Can we just say something to her through the door?” Michelle asked quietly, hopefully.

David shook his head watching as Brian got up out of the chair and stood next to the door and looking at the handle that was still jiggling.

“Please give me a minute,” David said getting up and going to the door. “I’m sorry,” he said before quickly squeezing through the door and shutting it again. “Arianna,” David said calmly.

“Are they in there? How are they? Please David, I need to see them, you understand, I know you do,” she begged collapsing to the floor. “I just want to see them!”

Fighting back their own tears Brian and Michelle hugged each other as they listened to Ari’s pleas. If Michelle wasn’t there with him he’d have opened the door and hugged her to him, but he couldn’t. And he was sure if he did they wouldn’t be allowed back next week.

“Ari, Peggy is going to bring you back to group, okay? Please cooperate with us,” David said looking up to see Jack walking towards them. “You can go to group or you can go to your room. If you continue to fight we’ll sedate you and you know it.”

“I just want to see them,” Ari cried hugging onto David. “Just a peak and I’ll go to group. I’ll talk in group, just let me see them!”

“No Arianna,” David said. “Jack.”

Hearing Ari’s cries start to subside they knew what happened and they couldn’t help the tears that ran down their faces.

Going back into the office David apologized and handed them both a box of tissues. “Besides that moment Ari has been good. She hasn’t talked much in group, she hasn’t gotten into any fights, her appetite is slowly coming back,” David explained cutting to the chase. “She’s really confused at the moment. Her cravings are still there and will be for a while. She’s learning how to cope with everything.”

“Has she told you why she started doing it all?” Brian asked quietly.

Sighing David nodded. “She scanned the surface. She still has a long way to go. There are things that she doesn’t want to admit or feel. Next week will be better.”

Nodding Brian looked to Michelle who was still wiping her eyes.

“How many people can see her at once next week? We’re a pretty big family,” Brian asked looking back to the doctor.

“I don’t want to overwhelm her so I’d say just you two, maybe bring in your son,” David said. “Through out the day she’ll be allowed to accept guests. It’s my understanding she has a lot of people that care about her.”

The couple nodded and thanked David for seeing them. They felt a little better but they’d feel more at ease next week when they’d be allowed to see her.



Opening the door David smiled seeing Ari awake. “Your parents are lovely people,” he commented taking a seat on the bed next to her. “I’m sorry you couldn’t see them today Ari.”

Nodding Ari just stared at the ceiling. She hated being sedated. It left you stiff afterwards.

“They were very concerned hearing you outside the door today,” David said watching her. “How are you feeling?”

“Horrible, upset, I want my drugs,” Ari stated not taking her eyes off the ceiling.

“Have you read anymore of the letters?”

“What do you think?” Ari asked rolling her eyes.

“Well there are quite a few more opened ones,” David said.

“I just wanted to see if there’d be pictures,” she muttered. Nodding David quietly asked if there were any. “No.”

Sighing David got up and headed towards her door. “It’s going to be okay Ari. Next week you can see them and whoever else you want.”

Ari nodded and closed her eyes. She wondered who would come and visit her. Her parents of course, maybe they’d bring her brother. Johnny would probably come. She wondered about Matt and Zacky though. Would they come? They had their own families to look after.

Sighing Ari turned to her side and let sleep find her. Maybe no one would come and see her. Maybe they stopped caring. Maybe she didn’t care. But she knew she did, she cared even when she was too doped up to realize it.