You're Leaving Me Just When I Thought You Were Mine

"So what did Mikey mean about needing to talk to me again?" Jaime asked as we were walking across the street to his house.
I was mad at Michael again, even though he wasn't with us, but I actually didn't want to have this conversation with him again. Or have to pick one.
I sound selfish right now and ignorant but I just want to see how far I'll go with Jaime and if he's good enough to leave Shane.

Yeah, I sound like a complete asshole.

We got up to his porch step and I just look at him. He smiled immediately and I just cupped his cheeks and kissed him. I didn't want to have this conversation so I'll just kiss him and what not?
He puts his arms around my waist and kisses back passionately. We stay there for a good few minutes and I put my hands on his shoulders and lift myself up on him and wrap my legs around his waist. I felt him smile as we kissed and he placed his hands on my thighs, holding me up. He started opening the front door of his place and when he got it open, he walked in, and pushed me against the back of the door, closing it. He put his hands under my shirt and started rubbing my sides. I tangled my fingers on his soft silky hair as our breathing got heavier. He started lifting up my shirt and I put my hands up so he can take it off. When he removed it completely, he tossed it away and continued kissing me.
He started heading to his room and I unclasp my bra and throw it to the side.
We got to his room and he gently puts me down on his bed and removes his shirt and starts heading to my shoulder, kissing it gently and makes his way to my neck.
He's very careful and gentle which I actually like. I wasn't used to it, but I just continue to enjoy myself.

Moments later, we're completely bare and he starts to position himself in me, while looking into my eyes. As he goes in, he stops.
And I look back at his eyes. The looked sad and I could pain in them.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't continue this knowing you're still with Shane and you end up being with him at night." My heart increases as he continues talking. "I thought I could ignore it but I can't. I really can't. I don't want to share a beautiful woman with another guy. I want you all to myself, and I can't have that. That's not me. I'm a serious relationship type of guy and take feelings seriously."
I couldn't talk, I just looked into his dark brown eyes and stay still.
"If you can't let him go, then he's meant to be with you. It's just my opinion."
I continue looking at his and finally open my mouth to speak, "I understand."
It kinda hurt me even though it hurts him more. I shouldn't have done this to him. He didn't deserve it.

I'm such a dick.

"I'm sorry," I say as he got off me and hands me my clothes. He didn't talk. I could tell he was more hurt and it made me sad.

I shouldn't even be in an open relationship with Shane. It was all a mistake. Jaime could be the one, for all I know, and I'm still messing around with Shane.
I'm 21, I want to get married in the future someday. I don't want to be in this situation anymore, I need to choose already. I can't continue to be with Shane if we're not even being committed to each other anymore.
I need to choose.

We walked back to the living room in awkward silence and after a few minutes, Vic and Mike come in from the front. Jaime was drinking his beer and watching late night sitcoms on his couch. I just looked down at my knees and played with the small yarn that was sticking out of my shirt.
"Hi Denise." Mike stared at me while he went to invade Jaime's fridge. Vic walked slowly to the living room and sat next to me. He looked a bit upset.

"So?" I ask and shift myself in the couch to look at Vic. He plays with his fingers and slowly lifts his head up and stare at Jaime. He was just looking straight at the television still upset from our little situation we had a couple of minutes ago.
"I apologized. It was difficult but she heard me out, hopefully." He turned his head to me and grinned. "I told her she didn't had to forgive me. At least not until she wanted to." He licks his bottom lip while looking at Mike playing with his phone.
"Is she still mad at you?" I ask, I was anxious.
"I wouldn't blame her. I hate myself making her go through that." He looks back down at his fingers and I scoot over to him and give him a hug. I felt him smile and he hugs me back. "I better go check on her. I left my closet key on my jacket." I got up off the couch and smooth out my shirt.
Vic gets up and gives me a goodnight hug.
"Thanks for apologizing." I said through his hair. "Shorty."
I smile when we pull away. He smiles too. "I missed you guys. It's good to see you guys again. You have no idea."
I smile and say bye to Jaime, but he just waves goodbye to me.
No smile.
It kinda made my heart sink to my stomach. That feeling of rejection. I pressed my lips together, look down and walk to the kitchen in shane while Mikey keeps his eyes at me. "So you made a decision?" He said in a low voice.
I look at his eyes for a moment and walk out the door before I cry.
He follows behind. "Hold up." He said grabbing my wrist gently and pulling me back.
"Mike, Jaime made the decision, not me." My voiced cracked. I hate being such a sensitive baby.
"What do you mean?" He asks with curious eyes.
I clear my throat and look away from him, "He said I'm hurting him and he can't continue doing this. I just didn't think this would hurt me too." I look down at the ground and try to fight the tears forming in my eyes.
He takes a step closer to lift up my chin and stare into my eyes. "Baby girl, he plays for keeps. He takes relationships serious."
"I know," I start to cry, and he pulls me in to hug me. I cry into his chest and grip on his sweater from the back. "I actually like him." I said, through my sobbing, "But I love Shane, Mikey."
He kisses my head, "You can't continue to be in the relationship with Shane. It's not healthy. And I don't want to see you like this. Jaime's a really nice guy and I know for a fact he won't hurt you. I don't really know Shane. Vic does, but if you love him, like you say you do, you should talk to him about your relationship."
I remain quiet, trying to stop myself from crying more.
After a few minutes of silence, we break away from the hug and he smiles at me. "Go check on Bekah. I'm a phone call away and a few minutes down the city." He touches my cheek and I smile back.
"Thank you, Michael." I hold on to his hand that's on my cheek. "You're the best."
I let go and start walking to my house, wiping away my tears.
I hope Bekah is okay.

I open the front door and I didn't hear anything. No loud music or her in the kitchen with a bottle.
My lips form a smile.
Maybe this ends her addiction to alcohol?
I close the door behind her and walk slowly to her room. I knock softly and I don't hear anything.
She's probably asleep since she had to deal with all this in one night.
I turn the door knob and slowly open her door a bit to check on her.
My smile escapes from my face as I see her passed out in her bed with a bottle hanging from her hand.
I rub my temples and enter her room. I yank the bottle from her and it startles her.
"Bekah! What wrong? He apologized!" I shout at her and she sits up.
"Calm the fuck down. I'm not drunk. I just took a sip and I felt guilty. I didn't want to continue being like this. So I poured the rest in the sink and laid back down." She rubbed her eyes so she can see me clearly.
"I'm sorry," I look at her brown eyes filled with sadness. "You okay?"
"I would be lying if I said yes. So no," She said briefly and laid back down. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to forgive him, but I love him. And he loves me." She stares at the ceiling that had a few bottle caps stuck up there. Her hands are on her stomach and she's still frowning. There's tear stains on her cheeks.
I sit down next to her. "He said that?" I smile.
She just nods her head yes and grabs her pillow and shoves it in her face and makes a frustrated noise.
I try not to laugh.
"He fucking loves me. But I'm still mad that he left! I don't know what to do. It's all I wanted. Him to be back and to apologize. But I don't even know what's going to happen next." She sighs, and sat up again, holding on to his beanie that I just noticed. She looks down at it and plays with it. "He said if I wanted to continue what we had in college, to go to his show in a few weeks here in Soma."
"Are you going to go?"
"I want to. It's been three years and I wasn't over him. I'm still not over him, but maybe that apology was some closure for me?" She finally looks up at me.
"What do I do, Den?" She looks like she wants to cry. I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her towards me for comfort.
"You have to decide. Return with the guy you love, or finally move on and get on with your life. Let your heart decide."
She grins at me. "It's going to be hard, but I'll just give it some time. I still have a few days. Thanks, Dee. I love you."
"I love you too, Bekah."

She puts her hands down on her face and pulls it down, making her faces look weird. She began to wipe her eyes from the tears that are just beginning to form up. She puts both of her hands on the back of her neck, and looks up at me, and takes a breath through her nose, "He kissed me, too."
"He what?!" A smile escaped my lips while I shouted.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and chuckled softly, "Victor kissed me, on my lips, with his mouth."
"I know what kissing is!" I shouted again and shook her shoulders, "What kind of kiss was it?!"
She rolls her eyes and put her forehead on the palm of her hand, "Just a kiss. Like 10 seconds to say the most." she laughs softly again, "It was nice kissing him again, I mean, even though I was crying through it."
"You were crying?"
"Well, yeah. We were shouting at each other. I'm surprised you guys didn't hear us."
"Is that all?"
"I wasn't listening to him so he pretty much held me against the wall so he could talk."
"Ooooh, I get it now." I said to myself out loud.
"Get what now?" She looks up at me while her eyebrows creased.
I lie down next to her while she is sitting up, "Vic was saying how hard it was to get through to you."
"Oh." She says softly and lies down next to me staring at the ceiling.

She has so many bottle caps, alcohol caps, whiskey, and tequila caps up on the ceiling. It was kinda sad, seeing all the drinks she had downed.

She started talking again, "He said he was in the same spot that I'm in." She trailed off, "Mike had to help him, like you do to me." She turns her head to me, "Was I really that bad?"
I sigh and nod, "You were. There was times when I get scared because of you. You aren't the same when you're hammered. Sometimes I lose you, then have to drive around and find you."
"I'm sorry, Dee. I really am." She flops one of her arms around me and gives me a squeeze, "I love you, man."
"I love you, too." I chuckle and begin to hug her back.

She sighs and brings her arm back to herself, "I heard Mike talking to you through the door, did you talk to Jaime?"
My heart skipped, "Sort of." I said softly.
"Sorta? Explain homie g."
I chuckled, "I sorta avoided that conversation by having sex with him....?" I show her a fake smile where all my teeth are being shown.
"WHAT!?" She yells at me, slapping my arm.
"Ow?"
"Sorry, it's a habit."
"I wouldn't even consider it sex! It wasn't even a minute." I frown and look down
"In my opinion, Dee." She says as she turns on her side to face me, "I really think you should go for Jaime, and just end what you have with Shane. I mean I love Shane like a brother, but look at Jaime. He's perfect for you."
"How?"
She laughs at me, "You should see the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you. Call it cheesy as fuck, but I want you guys together," She laughs again, "I'll kill Shane if I have to." She laughs harder, "I'm kidding I won't kill him."
I laugh and look back up at the ceiling. "I guess we both have some tough decisions to make."
"Yeah."