These Days

I could feel Jack's eyes on me as I packed my bag. Had I done something wrong? Had Rian told him what I confessed to him this morning? No. I'm positive that Rian isnt that type of guy. He hadn't figured it out he had he? No i don't think he had. Jack's the type of guy that says whats on his mind. He'd talk to me about it. And then I can deny everything before things get akward. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

I grabbed my now fully packed bag and left the room. I couldn't face him. I was disgusting and by now Rian had probably told Alex . . . who knows how much longer they wanted me in the band for. Who wants a gay guy living with you in a bus full of guys?

I left the building and started down the road, carrying my bag. If I left now then they wouldn't have to kick me out of the band. I was sure that they would easily be able to find someone to fill in for me.

"Zack!" I heard Rian call out from behind me but I kept walking
"Zack!" he called again, much closer this time but I still didn't reply

I felt a hand on my shoulder pull me so that I was facing him. "Where are you going man? The bus is that way" he pointed back in the direction of the hotel and I shrugged
"Don't be like that Rian" I said "Don't lie"
"Lie about what?" he asked, confused. I never knew he was such a good actor
"Still wanting me in the band" I said "No one wants a gay guy in a band made up of only guys, let alone one in love with another member of the band!"

Rian looked at me shocked "You love him?"
"I think I've made that pretty clear" I said before turning and continuing to walk but he grbbed my arm again
"You can't leave" he persisted
I shrugged him off "You can replace me"
"You can't be replaced"
"Why not? I bet loads of others can play bass, probably a lot better than me too"

"It's not just that Zack" said Rian "You're our best friend and we love you. That's not going to change"
I looked up at him uncertain and he chuckled at me "As long as you don't try to feel me up we're ok"
"You're not really my type" I said relazing slightly and he smiled brightly
"I know, thank god I look nothing like Jack" said Rian "I don't think I'd be able to pull off his nose"
I just laughed at the mental image and headed back towards the bus. Maybe he didn't hate me.

We got back to the bus but before I would let him get on I grabbed his arm "You can't tell anyone Rian" I said and he nodded
"I've got your back" he said before climbing onto the bus.

I followed him slowly, dumping my bag near the bunks before climbing into mine. Spotting Alex and Jack in the back lounge of the bus talking quietly.

"Everyone on board?" called Matt loundly
"YES!" Alex called back
I heard Matt storm down the bus "Then where is Zack?"
I stuck my hand out of my bunk and heard Matt sigh "Ok we're ready to go!"

I felt the bus start and pull away from the curb. Now I just had to think of better ways to hide my feelings. Maybe I could start with staying away from him? well as much as I can while were living together on the bus anyway. Then while we are in cities I can go out more.

Maybe I need to meet someone else? Yeah. Someone might be able to help me get over him. I pulled out my phone and scrolled though my contacts. But who?

I stopped as I got to his name. He was perfect.

John O'Callaghan