Try to Scream

Everything hurts. My face, my arms, my body, my legs. It all hurt. I felt dizzy. When I tried to open my eyes, nothing happened. I thought it was just me being the half asleep dope I tend to be sometimes, but when I managed to open them, even slightly, I knew I was wrong.

I couldn’t move. My body ached so much, that I was stuck in the spot I woke in. My back was flat to the bed, the sheets covered me slightly, but they seemed carelessly thrown on. I felt really warm and it took a lot of effort to move my foot enough to pull the blankets down enough to feel cool.

There was no sound coming from anywhere. Silence. If anything, silence was my least favorite kind of noise. It was boring, lonely and completely creepy. The eeriness next to the throbbing pain I felt didn’t make me feel very good about anything.

For a while, I couldn’t remember what was going on. Little by little the events of the last few weeks played in my head. The tour, the house, Trent, the kitten…my almost escape. I felt the tears slowly creep from my swollen eyes. Because of me, a man was dead. Trent killed the hunter.

My last thoughts before I woke were, “I hope he just kills me.” And that wish was not fulfilled. I guess it was slightly; here I was, unable to move, swollen and bruised, possibly with broken bones, laying in a bed waiting for something to happen.

There was nothing in me that wanted to fight anymore. I was down to the end of my rope. My fingers were slipping from the cliff one by one, soon, I’d be holding on with one finger and then I’d fall.

Trent scared me, I knew, when I ran, that he was dangerous. I knew, he would come after me and probably kill me if he caught me. I begged I hit him hard enough to keep him out until I was safe. But the lack of hitting was my downfall. I should have killed him. I should have beat his brains in and took the keys to his car and left.

I cursed myself, though I knew there was no time for me to think when it happened. I have a split second and made a rushed decision. It was a mistake. Now I was stuck in this bed.

Would he feed me still, give me water? Would he mend me back to health?

The questions playing through my head were quickly cut off. Of course he wouldn’t feed me or keep me hydrated. He had problems, he would kill me. Let me suffer and rid himself of me. I was trouble. He wouldn’t want me. He had no reason to want me anymore. Without trust, he had nothing to keep him. I ended all hope of ever going home. That stupid run in the woods will kill me.

I longed for the ability to write a note. If by some chance, they found me after I was gone; I wanted my family and friends to know I thought of them. My only choice was to mentally write it. They would never see it, but at least I could get my feelings out, feel something more than scared and pain before I died.

I started thinking of my mom and dad. They gave me everything. Never did I feel embarrassed of them, never did I hate them. I loved them more than I could ever dream. I wouldn’t change my parents for the world.

I wanted to go back to the nights I would sit up with my dad, drinking hot cocoa and watching Nick at Nite. I wanted to paint him more pictures to put up in his office. I wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him

My mom was so quiet, but when we talked, she could go on for hours. We would talk about everything. Boys, clothes, food…. For an old lady (she was only 46) she had a pretty amazing style. I loved wearing her necklaces and trying on her fancy dresses. She taught me how to put my makeup on, dressed me for prom and picked me up from the hotel when Cora dragged me to the party there.

Cora….She was the best friend anyone could ask for. Yeah, she would do some stupid things, but we were together. I realize, with me gone, she didn’t have many close friends. I was happy she had Zayn now, he would help her through this. Cora needed to do something big with her life. She was bright, pretty, kind. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how we managed to become friends. But I was glad we were.

Ellie. Sweet, innocent, EL. I may have complained about her, but she was amazing. Best little sister. I used her for projects all the time and she would never say no. The only thing she ever asked me to do was go on this trip for her. I wanted to see her become the famous dancer I knew she’d become. I just wanted to see her dance one last time dance and laugh and joke. I wanted her to steal my clothes and stain them like she used to. I wanted my perfect baby sister to know how much I loved her and how I would never change what happened.

Zayn, Liam and Louis. I never got too close to these guys. I would talk to them and such, but they were usually doing something else.

Louis and I had some good times. We’d pull pranks on the other boys and joke around. He was the troublemaker, always looking for something “exciting” to do. And I love that quality about him.

Liam. The trip started with him. He greeted us and that night on the bus when he was upset, I never felt as close to someone as I did them. If you didn’t count Niall, that is. I felt for him and I think after that, he was afraid to get close to me. Because I’d seen him so far into the abyss. I didn’t blame him, I did barge into his life.

Zayn. Quiet, romantic and outgoing Zayn. I’m glad he was there for Cora. He’s her rock. We’d game sometimes, usually more than the other guys would game with me. He was growing to be a great competitor. I loved that he always had something insightful to say. He’d probably slap me if he knew what I was thinking now.

El and Danielle. El and I became fast friends. After the slight incident, of course. She’s so sweet and her and Louis are perfect. I’m glad to have been able to spent time with her. Danielle and Liam. I hated her at first, the way she hurt Liam. But when I gave her a chance, she turned out to be amazing. One day, I hope she and Ellie can meet up and just dance together. Niall knew I always thought that, maybe he’d set it up.

Harry. My other best friend. We grew really close. Of course, there were rumors about us dating and we’d always laugh about those. I loved going out and shopping with him or having lunch. He would, more than the others, sing to me. He always had the right song to sing. He would know my mood and instantly start softly singing a song to pick me up or make me laugh. I’d miss him so much. I just want to sit and play with his curly hair again and talk about everything under the sun.

And lastly, Niall. I didn’t want to admit it, being so early into our relationship, but I love him. He’s so sweet and gentle. He was humorous and never did he put himself first. When it all started, I didn’t know how I’d feel when the tour ended. But as we grew closer and closer and the night he showed up at my house, I knew we’d last. Somehow, we’d make it. If I were to ever pick someone to be the last person I would ever love so deeply, he would be my choice. I couldn’t imagine a life with anyone else. That kiss in the airport always fell back into my mind. It was a huge moment for me, for us. It was when I finally said to myself, “Love is worth the battle.” And each day, as the hate piled in, Niall was there, reminding me that it was us against the world, I’d never need to worry about what other people were saying because he cared for me. The only thing I wanted most of all was to tell him that I loved him. I never got the chance before, because it wasn’t right them. But the longer I was away, the more I became aware of it.

I stopped thinking right there and just let myself cry. None of them would hear what I felt about them. Ellie would think I hated her and Danielle and Eleanor won’t know how much I really did care for them. Liam, Louis and Zayn won’t know how much I regret not being around them more. Harry won’t know how much I love him and care for him. My parents wouldn’t know how highly I thought of them and how much I truly love them. And Niall would be the most clueless of all….