Good Love

Three hours later, Annie was pulling a drunk Jared through Tim’s house. The party had died down, and the only people left were either passed out, or close friends. Tim had told them earlier they were welcome to stay the night, but Jared was insisting they go home. God, where the hell was Tessa, to worry over Jared instead of making Annie do it?

“Jared, I swear to god if you don’t go straight to the car right now, I’m going to leave your ass here. Got it?”

Her brother laughed but nodded, headed towards the front door. One down, one to go. Where was John?

She walked through the living room, smiling as she saw Austin lying on the floor. She grabbed a pillow and blanket off of the couch, covering him up and pushing the pillow under his head.

She moved on to the kitchen, grabbing a couple of water bottles for her boys. Through the window, she could see Tim, Eric, John, and Kennedy talking and laughing on the porch. She slipped out the door, hearing their shouts as she joined them.

“Annie! How’s it going, baby!” Halvo called, grinning.

“Oh, you know, I’m just playing babysitter again for all of you reckless assholes,” she said. She didn’t enjoy taking care of drunk boys, but they had taken care of her countless times, right? “John, are you coming home or staying here?”

“Are you going home?” he asked, a lazy smile on his face. His original plan hadn’t been to drink this much, but once Halvo found him and brought up the incident in Chicago again, he couldn’t get enough alcohol.

Yet through his intoxicated stupor, he could still Annie’s promise of talking in the morning ringing through his head.

“Yes, silly, I am going home. Right now. Are you coming or not?”

“Yes ma’am!” he said excitedly, jumping up from his chair. “I wanna be there when you wake up. ‘Cause then we get to talk.” The other boys, oblivious to what he was saying, laughed and continued on with their conversation.

“Then let’s go. Jared’s waiting,” she said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him through Tim’s backyard, towards the car. “Bye, guys!”

“Yeah, bye! What a bitchin’ party, Tim!” John yelled, hiccuping mid-sentence. Annie rolled her eyes, pulling on John’s arm again. She just wanted to go home. They finally reached the car, John managing to stumble only a few times. Annie laughed as they found Jared lying on the ground next to the car.

After five minutes of kicking and pulling at Jared, he was finally loaded into the backseat of the car as John sat in the passenger seat.

“You two better not pass out, ‘cause I’m not carrying your asses up three flights of stairs,” she said as they drove home, though the only response she got was a couple of unintelligible noises and laughs.

Finally they reached their apartment complex, and to her luck, neither of the boys were passed out.

“Come on, you drunk bastards,” she laughed, feeling like a mother as she held both of their hands on the elevator ride up to their floor. She walked them to their door and pulled out her key, unlocking the dark, empty apartment.

Jared immediately headed down the hallway towards his room, shutting the door behind him. John, on the other hand, collapsed on the couch, talking away. He was never tired.

“Annie, can we make cookies?”

“How about in the morning, okay?” she laughed, flicking on the light in the kitchen and pouring two glasses of water.

“But it is morning!”

“After you sleep off the hangover, John. Then you can make cookies. Now come on, you need to drink water,” she said, handing him the cup.

“How come you’re not drunk?”

“Well, someone has to take care of you,” she said softly, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. He was quiet after she said that, taking small drinks of the glass of water in his hand. “Now are you ready to go to bed?”

“You sound like my mom, Ann!”

“Yeah, and do you make out with your mom, too?” she murmured, keeping her voice even but narrowing her eyes. He didn’t answer, he just stared at her. “I’m going to bed, John. I’m tired.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go to bed too,” he said, jumping up from the couch, swaying as he stood. He stumbled as he tried to walk, and Annie automatically grabbed his arm to steady him, leading him towards his room.

“Wait, I have to pee,” he said sheepishly, turning to go into the bathroom. She rolled her eyes as she leaned against the wall, waiting for him to come out; he hadn’t even shut the door.

“Look, I washed my hands!” he said excitedly when he came out, holding them up for her to see.

“Good job,” she giggled. “Your mom would be very proud. Now come on, let’s get you to bed. You have band practice tomorrow.”

John groaned loudly, making her laugh again. They finally reached his room, and John started peeling off his clothes and throwing them on the floor.

Annie took that as he cue to leave. “Goodnight, John,” she said from the doorway.

“No, don’t go!” he whined. “I don’t wanna sleep alone. Will you stay? Please?”

She bit her lip; was that really a good idea, after their make out session earlier? After their multiple makeout sessions, the knowledge that she wanted John almost as much as he wanted her? She thought about it, but she could feel her resolve crumbling as she looked at him. “Do you promise not to throw up?” she asked. He nodded eagerly. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

She slipped out of his room and into hers, turning on the light as she headed for her dresser. She stripped off her jeans and shirt, letting them fall to the floor. There was a growing pile of dirty clothes on her floors, meaning she’d probably have to do laundry tomorrow.

After putting on pajamas, she walked back into John’s room and shut the door behind her. He was flopped onto the bed, shirtless and wearing a pair of sweatpants, causing her heart to flutter. It’d be a lie if she said she wasn’t attracted to him.

“Hey, you came back!” he grinned as she crawled onto the bed next to him, turning off the lamp on his nightstand.

“I told you I would.”

“I know, but I was afraid you wouldn’t,” he whispered. “You’re so pretty, Ann,” he added randomly.

She laughed. “And you’re so drunk, John.”

“I might be drunk, but when I sober up in the morning you’ll still be pretty.”

“Thank you, prince charming. Now quiet, I want to sleep.”

“Wait! Ann, what are you afraid of?” he asked. Where was he getting these questions?

“Um, spiders,” she lied.

“Nuh uh,” he said. “I saw you kill one last week. What are you really afraid of?”

She sighed. “I’m afraid of you, John. You.”

It was dark, but she could see him frown. “Why?”

“Because I’m scared that you’re going to break my heart. I’m scared to like you,” she admitted. She knew she only had this courage because he was drunk and might not remember in the morning, but she didn’t care.

“That’s silly. I would never break your heart, you’re too perfect.”

She felt her heart jump again, but didn’t say anything. Instead she lay there, listening to his shallow breathing. Annie jumped as she felt his arm wrap around her waist, a knee-jerk reaction, but forced herself to relax and lean into him, putting her head on his chest. She was next to John, so everything had to be okay. Right?

No.

***

When Annie woke up, the bed was empty. She stretched and curled into the blankets, the smell of John surrounding her. There was a hint of whiskey on his pillow, like always.

She lay in bed for a while until she heard banging noises coming from the kitchen. She left the room, her feet padding on the hardwood floors as she walked towards the noise.

She found John standing in the kitchen, still shirtless and wearing his sweatpants, standing over the stove. There was a vase of roses sitting on the table, along with a stack of burnt waffles.

John raised the pan in his hand, attempting to flip a pancake. Annie giggled when it flew right off the pan and onto the floor, making him jump in surprise.

“Good god, Ann, don’t sneak up on me like that!” he said, letting out a breathy laugh.

She smiled and farther into the kitchen. “What are you doing, O’Callaghan? What’s all this?”

“I’m, uh, I’m trying to make you breakfast,” he stuttered.

“And the flowers?”

“Um, they’re f-for you,” he answered, blushing and looking away.

Annie giggled again; shy John was adorable. “And is there any reason for the breakfast and the flowers?”

“Well, yeah sorta, but it’s a surprise,” he smiled, knowing she would try to force the surprise out of him like she always did.

“I’m already pretty surprised,” she commented, walking over to the table and smelling the red roses. They were beautiful.

“Yeah, the uh, waffles got a little burnt,” he said, bringing over a plate of pancakes. “If you don’t wanna eat this shit, I’ll take you out, or something.”

“No, John, this is great. Really,” she said, smiling at him. How sweet of him to do all of this for her. What else did he have up his sleeve? “Come on, let’s eat.”

They sat down opposite of each other at the small table. Annie moved the vase of flowers to the end of the table so she could look at him, slathering his food in butter and syrup.

“Thank you, John,” she said softly, taking a bite of a waffle. Not bad. Burnt, but not bad.

“I wanted to do this for you for Valentine’s Day, but..”

“But what?”

He shrugged, scratching the stubble growing on his chin. “I didn’t think you’d like it. Or want it.” And he was right; she wouldn’t have wanted it.

She didn’t have a reply for him, so she smiled and sat up, walking towards the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. Before she could open the fridge door, she noticed a note tacked onto it with a magnet.

Morning guys, I went to Tessa’s, today is the day she leaves for Ohio and I wanted to see her before she left.

Also, I walked in on you two sleeping in the same bed. There’s gonna be some major explaining as to why the hell JohnO was in a bed with my sister when I get home.

-Jared

“John, did you see this note from Jared?” she called, peeking around the corner to look at him.

His head shot up and he looked at her, his mouth full of food. “Huh? What note?”

Annie pulled it off the fridge and walked over to him, letting him read it. “This note. I think we’re in trouble.” As he read it, she slid onto the chair next to him and pulled her legs up to her chest. On the outside, she looked fine. But on the inside, she was freaking the fuck out. First, her and John’s countless kisses since the night he confessed his feelings to her. And now the waffles and roses. What was going on?

“You alright, Ann?”

“Um, not sure. I’m gonna go smoke,” she whispered, grabbing her pack and lighter off of the counter and walking out the door that led to their balcony.

She could feel the anxiety creeping up on her. What was she doing? What was John doing?

She knew it’d only be a matter of time before she had to face him. And sure enough, ten minutes later, she heard the door open and then shut, but she didn’t bother to look.

“I’m sorry, if I’m freaking you out. I just wanted to do something nice for you, especially after you took care of me when I was piss drunk,” he said, his voice scratchy.

Damn it, now she felt bad. Here she was, running away when he was just doing something nice. “It’s alright. I just, um. What’s the point of all this?”

“Of what?” he asked, wrinkling his eyebrows. God, it was cute.

“Of- I don’t know. Are you sure there’s no ulterior motive to making me breakfast and getting me flowers? I mean, you said you wanted to do that for Valentine’s Day,” she said, taking a final drag of her cigarette and dropping the butt in the ashtray next to her.

She looked over at John, who had his face in his hands now. “Do I really need to say it out loud? Isn’t it pretty fucking obvious?” he asked finally, a tinge of bitterness in his voice, as if he already knew what Annie would say.

“I.. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. Where is all of this coming from? Did you just decide like, last week, that you liked me or wanted to screw me or whatever?”

He raised his head and let out a sharp laugh. “Seriously? You think this is just about me wanting to screw you? How could you even think something like that? Do you really think so little of me?” he growled.

Annie’s fingers instinctively reached up to her white-blonde hair and pulled it in front of her shoulders, letting strands fall in front of her eyes. Hiding her. “I don’t know what to think, anymore,” she whispered, talking more to herself than to John. “You make me feel all these things and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.”

He looked at her, seeing her reaction. She had to have known this was coming. “You said we could talk in the morning. It’s morning, Annie.”

“Well, what do you want me to say, John?” she snapped.

“Say you’ll go out with me,” he answered automatically, throwing his pride out the window.

She was quiet for a few moments. She wanted to bolt. She wanted to run far, far away from John O’Callaghan and the feelings he was giving her. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she said, biting her lip.

“And why not? Because Jared doesn’t want you to, or because you don’t want to?” The hurt in his voice was obvious.

“I never said that, John-”

“You’ve never needed to! It’s obvious. I’m not good enough, whatever,” he growled, standing up abruptly, walking back inside the house and slamming the door behind him.

Feeling the rage bubble in her chest, she stormed after him and yanked on his arm as he strode down the hallway, his footsteps loudly echoing in the empty apartment. “Stop. Walking. Away,” she snarled.

John whipped his head around. “Why? Why shouldn’t I, Annie? You know you don’t care either way.”

“Don’t you dare say that about me! I do too care about you, John, and you know that. You’re one of my best friends.”

He let out another sour laugh. “Is that all I am? One of your friends? After all the times of holding your hand, kissing, sleeping in the same bed? Did that mean nothing to you?”

“Of course not!” she screamed. “Of course it meant something to me! How shallow do you think I am, asshole?”

“Oh, so now I’m an asshole? How does that work, Annabelle? Let’s see. First, we’re on tour and I take you out for lunch. Then I take you to the beach. I took you to 8123 and let you get drunk, and I took care of you the next morning, didn’t I? And then I took you to the art district downtown, hoping -no, praying- that you would feel any kind of emotion for me, too. And now this morning, I made you breakfast, and had someone deliver fucking flowers for you, but I’m an asshole?” He shook his head. “And after all of that, I’m still not good enough for you.”

It took all of her willpower not to punch him straight in the face. What god had decided to put the two most stubborn, strongest-willed people in Arizona in the same room? “Did you ever think that maybe, I’m the one who’s not good enough? Or that I’m trying to save you the trouble that I am?” she said through gritted teeth, before turning on her heels and heading straight out the front door.

She ran. She was just doing what she did best, after all.

She flew down the stairs, not having enough patience to wait for the elevator. When she reached the lobby, she was out the front door in a matter of seconds.

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to leave the house wearing only short pajama shorts and old t-shirt, but she couldn’t give a fuck. She didn’t even have her phone. The less contact with the world, the better, she thought.

For the first time, as she walked down the street, she wanted to leave Arizona. She didn’t particularly want Chicago, but she wanted to leave. If she had any money or clothes with her, she’d be on a plane to California.

Instead she settled on walking to Austin’s house, which was an unfortunate three miles away, knowing he could cheer her up. It’d probably take an hour, maybe longer, to get there on foot, but she didn’t care. If she got sunburnt from the already-blistering sun on the way there, she didn’t care. The only thing she cared about was getting the hell out of there.

Fifteen minutes later and halfway to Austin’s, that fucking white truck pulled up next to her on the curb, but she refused to look at him. Even when he was calling after her and getting out of the truck, she refused.

“Damn it, Annie! I’m sorry, really! I was just angry, I didn’t mean anything I said-”

“Leave me alone, John. I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m not going to leave you alone until you stop walking and listen to me.”

She groaned, knowing he meant it. She stopped and stared at him, not having enough energy anymore to fight back. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Can we please go home and talk? We’re in our pajamas. I don’t even have a shirt on, and I don’t want anyone looking at you in those shorts.”

“No one except you, right?” she snarked, walking around him and getting into the passenger seat of the truck. He followed quickly after, starting the car and driving them home.

After a silent car ride, as soon as the car stopped she was out, though John was running around the front of the car to open her door for her. She ignored him, walking back inside the lobby and hitting the button to call the elevator. He stood next to her, not saying a word. He mimicked her actions all the way to their apartment, following her inside. She threw open the door and plopped down on the couch, the anger burning behind her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Annie, I really am. I was just butthurt because you rejected me, but it’s no excuse,” he said, sitting down in the armchair, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

“I never rejected you. You just wouldn’t listen to me,” she whispered.

“I’m listening now, Ann.” John looked up, those dazzling hazel-green eyes staring at her. He looked messy and tired, but somehow, he was still the most handsome man Annie had ever seen. Looking at him like this, vulnerable and dirty, was the realest thing she could imagine; this wasn’t John O’Callaghan, singer of a rock n’ roll band. Right then, he was just John, still a boy trying to figure out the world.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to date because it could screw everything up. Your best friend is my big brother, not to mention bandmate. I don’t want to mess up the band for you,” Annie replied, hating every word she said.

He shook his head. “I wouldn’t let that happen, and neither would Jared.”

“Okay, reason number two. You’re such a good guy, John. You don’t want to tie yourself down to a girl like me. I’m an anchor, and I’m going to drown you.”

He shook his head harder this time. “I don’t believe that. I don’t care if I drown.”

“But John-”

“No buts! God, Annie, what do I have to do for you to go on a date with me? I really, really like you. Okay? There, I said it. I like you. I think you’re fuckin’ great,” he said, and at that she softened, smiling a little. “I thought we had something, Ann,” he said, reaching for her hand and pulling on it.

She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply and slowly. “John,” she whispered, letting his name sit on her tongue and savoring the moment of it before she ruined it. “I am temporary. I am nothing but temporary. I’m not reliable, I’m not stable, and I am definitely not girlfriend material. You don’t want to date a girl like me.”

John stared at her for a moment, his green eyes piercing hers. “That’s bullshit. I know what you are, and I want you anyways. I have for a while now, and it’s not going to change any time soon.”

“John, you don’t understand. I’m going to hurt you. Back out now while you can.”

“You know damn well I’d never do that. Just let me understand, please,” he said, gripping her hand. When she didn’t protest, he continued. “Give yourself over, Annabelle. Let your emotions win for once.”

She let out a harsh laugh. “You want to know what I’m feeling, John? What I’m feeling is this: I’m fucking scared. This -whatever the hell it is- is the closest I’ve had to a real relationship and it scares me. But you know what the worst part is? The thing that causes problems is me. It’s always been me. I can’t be anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t want to depend on anyone and I don’t want them to depend on me. I can’t handle that. Hell, I don’t ever want to be that cute, happy, giggling girly-girl you show off to all your friends. I’ll let you down somehow. Something bad will happen and I’ll hop on the soonest flight out of here, and you’ll never see me again.”

Her speech surprised him, but he wasn’t giving up. Annie couldn’t be the girl who got away. He’d go crazy if she was just the ghost in his head. He’d never wanted anything more in his life than her. “If you ran away, I would come find you. I’m willing to try. Please, Annie, will you try? Please. I want this so bad,” he said, his eyes pleading. “Don’t you think I’m scared too? Because I’m scared shitless. Having such strong feelings for someone is my biggest nightmare. But you know what? You’re the only thing I can think about, all day and all night, and it drives me crazy. If you tell me that you have no feelings for me whatsoever, that everything leading up to this point was nothing, then I’ll leave you alone. But I honest to god don’t believe that’s true.” Even when he felt heartbroken, he was as stubborn as ever.

She bit her lip, skeptical. Maybe this time it actually would be different. Like she’d said, she’d never had anything like this before. She’d never met a guy like John before, either. He was witty and funny and talented, but he was sincere and kind. Annie would be lying if she said she didn’t feel anything around John. Truthfully, she felt electric but comforted, like she was on an adrenaline high that never went down. She wanted to try, but she was scared it would end, just like everything else had.

Annie thought about it, letting the words sink in. You’re the only thing I can think about, all day and all night. “You’re pretty adamant for a hungover twenty-four year old,” she said finally, not knowing what else to say.

John cracked a smile, but she could tell it was partially forced. “I promise, if we get into a fight, I won’t write a song about you.” He grinned shyly.

For the first time in what felt like forever, she laughed. “Isn’t it bad to date your brother’s best friend?”

John beamed. “Is that a yes?”

“Depends,” she said, teasing him.

“On?”

“How good of kisser you are.”

John laughed, pulling her from her spot on the couch and onto his lap. “Darlin’, don’t you already know how great of a kisser I am?”

“I guess you’re taking me on a date then, O’Callaghan. But don’t get mad when I say I told you so.”

John chuckled, unable to contain his pure happiness from the way things had turned out. She was his. He was selfish, and she was his.

It didn’t matter that Jared would probably be mad. It didn’t matter that everything could possibly end fucked up for everyone. It didn’t matter that sometimes Annie still flinched when he touched her.

“I just have one thing I want to say,” he said quietly, his face just centimeters from hers. His favorite place to be.

“What?”

“Well, you said something earlier. You said that maybe I just wanted, to uh, screw you. And I want you to know that it’d never be like that, to me. It wouldn’t be screwing,” John admitted, swallowing. Annie watched the rise and fall of his adam’s apple on his throat. “It’d be real. It would be love.”

Annie’s heart swelled and pumped in twisted ways. Love.

The word sounded scary and crazy in her head, but coming out of John’s mouth, it seemed.. right. Like there were no ifs about it, just whens.

She ached to kiss him, and so she did. Giving in had never felt this good before.