Chocolate Eyes

It was a teacher institute day when EJ was home from school on a Thursday. He’d spent the morning playing in his room and he and Michelle had eaten lunch and gone outside to swim. It was finally getting nice enough outside that the little boy didn’t mind be out all day and he and his step-mom spent hours out in the pool.

Michelle bobbed in the deep end of the water and EJ was standing along the edge. He’d made a habit of getting in and out and giving the woman a heart attack. He grinned at her from the tiled edge and stood so that his toes were hanging off.

“I’m gonna jump,” he said, grinning down at her. He’d been jumping in all afternoon, but it had been from the shallow side, where he’d sink down to the bottom and push himself back up.

Michelle shook her head immediately. “You can’t swim, EJ,” she told him, although he didn’t seem to mind, “If you jump, you won’t be able to make it back up.”

“You can catch me,” he answered, knowing that she would, “and I’m a good swimmer.” He crossed his arms over his bare chest and stood dripping in his navy and lime green trunks. He was an adventurer and he pushed himself forward slightly. “You won’t let me jump off the diving board,” he said, leaning against the side of it, “So I wanna jump from here.”

Michelle was smiling at the boy. “You’re getting awfully brave,” she answered, fanning the water to keep herself from sinking, “I remember when you wouldn’t even come in without your dad.”

EJ rolled his eyes at her. “I was little,” he complained, using it as an excuse to justify his actions, “I didn’t know that I could float.” He paused for a moment and then grinned at her. Michelle swam forward as quick as she could and the four year old threw himself into the pool. He went under and Michelle dropped down to get him.

When she brought him back up, he was laughing wildly, but her heart was pounding right out of her chest. She held him to her. “Don’t you ever do that again,” she reprimanded as he pushed his outgrown hair out of his eyes, “EJ, listen to me, don’t you ever jump in until I tell you to, you hear me?”

“Yeah,” he said while giggling. He stopped moving in her arms and looked at her, his own arms around her neck as she swam them over to place where she could touch. “Can we do that again?” he asked, holding on the edge of the pool rather than her.

Michelle didn’t have time to answer because the phone started ringing from the house. EJ pushed himself up and out of the pool before she could even tell him she’d get it, and she followed him quickly, adjusting her suit as he took off towards the sliding doors.

“It’s my dad!” he shouted before he even got inside. He hadn’t talked to Brian since the day before around lunch time. The guitarist had been traveling from Michigan into Wisconsin and spent almost an hour talking to his son. EJ mapped the tour venues while they spoke.

“Slow down!” Michelle called after him. She grabbed their towels off the pool chair and followed through the open doors. The floor was wet from where he went and she followed the path to the kitchen.

He was up on the counter with the house phone pressed to his ear. Michelle walked over and wrapped the orange beach towel around his little body. EJ shifted enough so that he could hold onto it and the phone, and then frowned at the voice on the other line.

”Hi, is this EJ?” the woman asked, the picture of the child coming to mind instantly, ”This is Victoria. Is Michelle there with you?”

EJ didn’t respond. He just held the phone out to the woman that was leaning against the island across from him. “It’s for you,” he said, begrudgingly handing over the machine.

Michelle took the phone from him, surprised that it wasn’t Brian, and spoke, “Hello?”

”Michelle? This is Victoria Rochotte, EJ’s social worker,” the other woman introduced quickly, ”I’m glad I got ahold of you.How are you and EJ?”

“We’re doing really good,” she said honestly, “How are you?”

Michelle listened to the woman’s answer, but her eyes and attention where trained on EJ. He stood up on his feet on the counter, his towel wrapped around his waist, and held his arms out for her. She moved forward and wrapped her free arm around him, lifting him over to the other counter top. He sat down at her side and pressed his ear to the phone.

”I’m well, thank you,” Victoria answered, ”I’m calling because there’s been some news regarding EJ’s case, actually. His maternal grandparents, James and Holly Kent, have filed for visitation rights and they’ve been approved. What this means is that the Kents are going to have visitation much like a parent would. They’ve recently purchased a home here in California which gave them standing to file as California citizens.”

Michelle didn’t know what to say to that. It was always Brian that took the news. She usually just reassured him that it would be okay and that he would get through it. “Have you contacted Brian?” Michelle asked, “I’m sure that he’d want to know about this.”

”I left him a message a day ago, but I haven’t heard back. I decided to call you at home because of the Kents. They’re very eager to visit with their grandson and want to get their visitation set up, and since EJ is in your custody, I believed that it’s your time they’ll be taking.”

“What do you mean they got a house here?” Michelle questioned, doubling back to the woman’s other words, “Are they expecting EJ to stay with them? He has soccer and school. He can’t be expected to miss those things.”

”No, of course not, but by law, the Kents have visitation rights, which means that they’ll be able to spend time with him one night a week and two weekends a month, if they please.”

Michelle moved away from the boy and left him sitting on the island by himself. He’d heard what she said but hadn’t reacted yet and Michelle was hoping that he’d hold off. “So, how does that work?” she questioned, “Am I in charge of getting him to them? I’ve never had to deal with this before.”

”James and Holly will come pick them up. I tried to contact Brian a few weeks ago, when they filed for visitation, but he seems to be slightly off the grid nowadays. I assure you that it’s nothing to worry about. If anything, it’ll be good for EJ to branch out and be with family. EJ is still very much in yours and Brian’s custody, but the Kents just wanted to assure themselves that they’ll have access to their grandson.”

Michelle could already see this putting a dent in their plans. Michelle and EJ were set to fly out to Florida next weekend to meet with Brian. He had planned a whole mini-vacation for them and EJ was thrilled at the idea of it. This would be the first time he’d get to see his father since they left almost a month ago. They’d chatted on the phone and Skyped every night before Brian’s show and EJ’s bed time, but they hadn’t been together in over three weeks.

Brian was planning Disney World for his son’s fifth birthday.

Between soccer and Brian, EJ didn’t have much free weekend time. The days he did have were spent with Michelle and Valary, who were constantly preparing for the baby. EJ was going to become a cousin and he took on the roll like a proud big brother. His other time was spent on homework and normal child activities. He was falling easily into this version of his life and now James and Holly were going to come through and disrupt him again.

”The Kents were very upset that they haven’t seen or hardly spoken to Evander since Thanksgiving,” Victoria tried to rationalize, ”They’re renting a small summer home not too far from you and EJ. They haven’t seen him in six months and have made it clear that they want to be there for him.”

“I understand,” Michelle answered the woman, “But I would’ve liked to know this ahead of time. I wish that someone had tried harder to inform us so that I could’ve informed Brian. He’s not against them seeing Evander, he just wants them to abide by the way that he’s trying to raise his son.”

Victoria apologized for it being such late notice, but also made it known that Brian was the one who was becoming increasingly unreachable. The woman explained to Michelle about how the Kents visitation would work and said that she wanted to arrange a meeting between all of them to work out the kinks in the system.

EJ sat quietly on the counter while his step-mother spoke about his grandparents with the woman who had taken him from Jake after his mom died. He was old enough to catch onto what they were saying, but originally had though that Ms. Victoria had called to tell him that his name had been changed, despite everyone telling him that it would take months to be official.

EJ had wanted to change his name because he was the only Kent. His mother had gotten married and become a Taylor like Jake and Crispen and his father was Haner like the rest of his family. His grandparents were the other Kents and he didn’t want to be one of them. He wanted to be what his dad was. He wanted to be EJ Haner.

Michelle hung up the phone after a few more minuets and she stood quietly looking at EJ, who was looking at her. He knew what was talked about and she knew they didn’t have a choice in it. She just wasn’t sure how to convey that to a four year old.

“EJ, we’re going to see your grandparents on Saturday,” she said, just deciding to put it out there all at once.

EJ instantly shook his head. “No, they’re mad at me,” he answered, holding onto the edge of the countertops at his sides.

Michelle set the phone down and walked over to him. She stood in front of him so that he’d have to look at her and she asked, “Why would you think that they’re made at you?”

The blonde’s hair was pushed back because of the swimming and his he shirtless and sitting on a drenched towel. He didn’t want to meet her eyes or answer her - he thought the answer was pretty obvious - but he did anyway. “Because I changed my name,” he said, “They want me to stay like them.”

Michelle loosely wrapped her arms around his waist. “They’re not mad at you, EJ,” she rebutted, “I don’t think they’d ever really be mad at you. They’re upset about the situation. They just love you so much and want to keep you a part of them.”

“But I’m not,” he said in typical stubborn four year old fashion, “I don’t wanna be.”

Michelle brushed a strand of his drying hair back and nodded. “I know you’re not and your dad knows that too, but they’re your mom’s parents and they love you both so much.”

“I don’t love them,” he answered bluntly, wrapping his arms around Michelle’s shoulders, “I love you and my dad and Papa and Suzy and McKenna and Zacky and Brian and Johnny and Val and the baby-“

Michelle cut him off before he could think of any other names to ramble off. “It’s possible to love them too, E. You don’t have to chose between us and them. You’re always going to be here with me and your dad, but you can spend time with James and Holly too.”

Instead of answering, the child tightened his grip around her so that he was hugging her with his head on her shoulder. The motion caused him to slid to the edge of the counter and Michelle held him up so he wouldn’t fall to the ground. This was hard on him. It was obviously so, and she wished she could make it easier on the child and Brian. The two of them were supposed to be together, anyone could see that, and she hated seeing them upset over the thought that they might not always be.

EJ wanted his dad to come home and make his grandparents go away. He wanted his dad to come home and rescue him and hide him away so that no one could find him. He was scared that he might go with his grandparents and never make it back home again. James and Holly could take him away to their house and never bring him back. EJ knew his dad and family would look for him, but he wasn’t sure if they’d find him.

Michelle carried EJ upstairs and deposited him in a bath to wash the chlorine from his hair and skin. Then she got him into some comfy PJs and left him in his room to play while she showered. She checked in on him after she was dressed and he was laying on the floor on his stomach crashing some of his cars together.

She went downstairs to make dinner. She hadn’t spoken to Brian in the last as much as she thought she would. Whenever he called, she got about five minutes with him before EJ was tearing the phone out of her hand. But she was okay with the tradeoff. Everyday that she spent with the child got easier and she started to feel like his mother. Sometimes she felt guilty for wanting him to think of her as one, because she remembered the woman who had really brought him into the world.

Michelle had seen pictures and heard stories about Claudia, but she didn’t really know much about the woman. Everyone had ideas of who Claudia was, but it seemed that no one really knew how she wanted to raise her son. Michelle didn’t know if Claudia would be proud of her and Brian for helping EJ become the vibrant boy he had, but she figured that their lives were too different to even exist on the same plane. That’s why Claudia got EJ first, separate from Brain, and then the child came home, finally.

Sometimes, Michelle still saw aspects of his mother’s lifestyle in EJ. Sometimes, he’d be too shy to speak up or answer questions. And while his stubborn side was undeniably Brian, there was a scared side that came from his mother. Michelle couldn’t imagine the type of life that Claudia provided for her son in the early days. All he ever spoke about it was that he was too hungry and little to remember. Brian had gotten more out of the boy, but what he said made him feel terrible for letting the woman walk off with his child, and he didn’t ask again.

There were days that EJ seemed to forget Claudia completely. And days were he wanted to. The Kents were making it harder for him to move on from his old life, and while it hurt him, Michelle wondered if she should be working harder to make him remember his mother, despite the fact that she was slowly taking her place in EJ’s mind.

It had been almost a year since Claudia died and EJ came to live with them. It had been late summer and Michelle almost lost her mind when Brian confessed that he had a child with someone else. She loved him enough that she wanted to love his son, but she had always wondered if she’d actually be able to raise someone else’s child. But when she saw him, when she saw the change he made in Brian, she knew that she already loved him. And that she would love him for the rest of her life.

There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t wish that he was hers. That she didn’t wish that he’d been created in her and come from her and Brian rather than a stranger. But she realized that while Claudia got a part in creating him, she would be the one to help raise him.

She felt connected to the other woman, somehow, and the more she thought about it, and the more time passed, the more she realized that the Kents were just trying to hold onto their daughter. They were going about it the wrong way and pressing their ideals onto Brian and EJ, but they were desperate for her to be remembered, for her to continue on in EJ. It was too much to put on a child, but they’d lost everything else.

EJ went to school on Friday and Michelle picked him up like she did every week. She knew his teacher well now and had listened to her say wonderful things about EJ just a couple weeks before. Friday night they watched movies in the basement and talked to Brian for over an hour, and Michelle spoke to him alone once EJ ran out of things to say.

She told him about James and Holly and he was upset that he couldn’t be there. She promised him that she could handle it and that he shouldn’t worry. She and Brian never intended to steal EJ away from them, but they weren’t going to let him go either. She knew that, and she knew that the Kents would see it eventually.