Leaping for Your Dreams

We’d survived Nik leaving 4 days ago but tonight, while watching the Pens again lose to the Flyers, Anna began throwing a fit. Not a little ‘I hate that we’re losing’ fit, but a full blown screaming fit. Nothing could calm her down so I sent her to her room until she could behave. We all breathed a little easier when checked that she was in there a few minutes later.

“отродье. (Brat.)” Denis said quietly as I sat down. I couldn’t argue with him, Anna was used to getting her own way that was positive. We watched as the guys lost in Philly. We were now on the edge of elimination; that would not be a good thing… As Denis refilled the glasses we had, I heard a crash upstairs. I looked over at him and we locked eyes. I got up and headed upstairs.

I got to the top of the stairs and heard another crash. Oh this was a fine fit she was throwing. I moved to the doorway and watched as she trashed the room she had been in with her dad. The dresser had all the drawers pulled out and then tipped over. She’s also managed to tip the bed off of the frame and it was upside down.

I watched her fit as she scattered her clothing all over the place along with the few toys she had with her. “You know that _you_ are the one who will have to clean this up.” I said simply. Her glare was daggers as she swung around and began working on further destroying the room. Oh did I know that temper, I had grown up with it myself.

Mama came up behind me clucking at the destruction. Anna ignored us both and reveled in the chaos that the room was in now. I shook my head and closed the door. The best way to handle this was to ignore it until she was ready to ask for help in fixing it. That might be tomorrow or it might be weeks from now but it _would happen.

“Она нуждается в шлепки. (She needs a spanking.)” Mama said as we went back downstairs.

“Я согласен, что это большое изменение для нее. В комнате остается, как оно есть, пока она просит помощи в очистке. (I agree that this is a big change for her. The room remains as it is, until she asks for help in cleaning.)” I was firm on this.

“Будет ли это работать? Вы уверены? (Will this work? Are you sure?)” Mama was concerned, with good reason, but I knew what I was facing.

Nodding and smiling I spoke. “Он работал, когда я делал то же самое, как ребенок. Когда она будет готова, мы ее найти что-то, чтобы сосредоточить что. (It worked when I did the same thing as a child. When she is ready, we will find something to focus that.)” Mama nodded and went downstairs where she couldn’t hear the fit as well.

Denis looked over. His English was even more broken that Geno’s but at least he tried. “Maybe need room, not feel like home.” He rubbed his face a bit and tried again. “Может быть, она не чувствую, что это ее дома нет. Может быть, имеющие свою комнату, что она берет поможет ей чувствовать себя как дома. В комнате я в был бы хорошим для нее, я думаю. Я буду двигаться вниз для нее. Мы идем собирать свою комнату завтра. Евгений не будет возражать. (Maybe she did not feel that it is not her house. Maybe having his own room, which she takes to help her feel at home. In the room I would be good for her, I think. I'll move down to her. We're going to collect my room tomorrow. Evgeni will not mind.)”

I sat there thinking for a moment. “Вы правы, Денис, у нее нет своей комнаты, что она помогла украсить. Нет гордости в ее доме. Завтра будет достаточно скоро, чтобы с этим справиться. Это не повредит ее спать в разрушенных комнату сегодня вечером. (You're right, Denis, she does not have her room, she helped decorate. No pride in her home. Tomorrow will be soon enough to deal with that. It will not hurt her to sleep in the ruined room tonight.)” He gave me a short kiss and headed upstairs. I, on the other hand began looking at kids room ideas. If this was going to happen it would have to happen soon. I went looking through several sites for kids furniture I thought would do well for her. Turns out Wal Mart had everything we would need, including paint if we wanted to go that far. I closed my laptop down and yawned. It was time for bed.

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When I woke the next day, something in the house felt wrong. Geno wasn’t home and wouldn’t be for a few days, so that wasn’t it. Before showering I went downstairs and found Papa cleaning a deep cut on Anna’s arm. “Что случилось? (What happened?)” I asked casually, trying hard not to freak out.

Anna sniffled and looked at me. “Я повредил себе на кровать. Дедушка Владимир помогает. (I hurt myself on the bed. Grandpa Vladimir is helping me.)” She was crying but not having hysterics like a normal 4 year old would. I thanked God that I had insisted on having Anna’s medical records.

“Папа, я думаю, что необходимо стежков. Мы должны отвезти ее в больницу. (Papa, I think that needs stitches. We need to take her to the hospital.)” Fortunately I had put her on my Pens Insurance with all the paperwork we had done. He nodded and took out an old, but clean, towel from the drawer. Carefully he put gauze over the wound and then the towel. He went to get Mama so I could get dressed. “So, feel better today other than this?”

She nodded. “I was bad last night. Why didn’t you spank me?”

I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her head. “Anna, spanking you wouldn’t have helped. You were upset over some things and took it out on what you could take it out on, I understand much more than you think. I used to do the same thing when I was little.” Mama came up then clucking at the injury. “Я хочу, чтобы одеться, а затем взять ее в больницу. Это выглядит достаточно глубоко для стежки ". (I’m going to get dressed and then take her to the hospital. It looks deep enough for stitches.)”

Mama nodded and I raced up the stairs. Never have I thrown on clothing so quickly. I also threw my hair up into a ponytail; there was no time to be too careful right now. Anna was able to walk to the car with Mama helping her. I got in and made sure I had all the paperwork I needed for her.

Once at the hospital we had to wait a few minutes before we were taken into an exam room. The doctor came in a few minutes later and carefully removed the towel and gauze. He looked at the arm, cleaning it more carefully that Papa had been. He then was looking at the medical records. “Mrs. Krejci can I speak to you outside while I find someone to stitch up her arm?”

I rubbed Anna’s back a second, to reassure both her and that things were ok, and followed him out. “It’s Mrs. Malkin. Krejci is my maiden name.” We went a little bit away from the room Anna was in and he then turned and asked me something.

“How old is Anna? According to the records she’s older than 4. She’s closer to 6 or 7 by her medical records.” His blunt manner took me back a little bit.

“My brother, her father, told me she was 4 almost 5. Could the records be wrong?” He handed them to me.

As I began looking through them, he sighed. “Ma’am we need to do a few tests on Anna to see how old she is and if there are any nutritional deficiencies we need to know of and try to correct. How long has Anna been in your care?”

I looked up, still trying to make sense of the information I had been reading. “Only a few days. She destroyed the room she’s been in last night during a fit. I’m pretty sure it’s separation anxiety and maybe a touch of depression.”

He nodded. “It’s probably a good thing if you go and talk to her about this. She needs to know that she’s going to have tests; x rays, a blood draw and a few other things to check her health. Results will take a few days but we will call you as soon as they are in.”

I nodded and went back to Anna, records in hand. We were alone so I felt that if I was going to ask her questions, now was the time. “Anna, honey, how old are you?” Starting with something simple I thought would be best.

Her head whipped up and her eyes got wide. “Don’t let them take me.” She cried. My heart broke, that told me she had been trained to lie.

I moved over and cradled her carefully. “Sunshine, you aren’t going anywhere. No one can take you away from me, your dad made sure of that.” She was shaking in my embrace. “Why do you think we did all that paperwork? So that no one could take you from us. You can tell me the truth sunshine. I won’t be mad.”

In a small voice she sighed. “Daddy said you would hate me if you knew I was 6. My birthday is in July.” She looked up at me nearly in tears. “You don’t hate me do you? Because I lied cause daddy told me to?”

I brushed a lock of her hair back from her face. “Anna, why would I hate you for doing what you were told? I _should_ be mad at your daddy for making you lie in the first place.”

She relaxed a little bit. “You won’t let anyone take me right?” She burrowed closer to me.

“You aren’t going anywhere.” The nurse came in then and checked on her wound. She numbed up the arm and carefully tested when it was numb enough. “This won’t take too long sunshine. If it bothers you don’t look.” It only took a few minutes and then the nurse was putting a bandage on her arm to keep it clean.

A psychologist came in next and asked to speak to Anna alone. That made me nervous but I knew that it was probably best if the hard questions were asked and answered soon. I wait outside without listening in, I texted Geno instead. <Anna is 6 not 4 and cut her arm on the bed frame after a HUGE fit last night. Doctors doing some test to check her health. I’ll call when I have more info. <3>

The psychologist came out after a few minutes, maybe 15, and pulled me aside. “After talking with Anna we’re adding a DNA test to double check if your brother truly was her father. We’ll be checking with Canada for an official birth certificate as well.”

“If he really is her father, then there will be no issues with myself and my husband having her while he’s gone. Anna doesn’t want to be taken away from us.” I was now getting concerned. What had Nik brought us all into?

“Seeing that you and your husband knew nothing about what is going on, there should be no issues with you keeping custody of her. Once they are done with the tests they will be doing on her, I’ve asked that you be shown to my office so we can speak some more. I had a few contacts with Vital Statistics in Toronto I’ll be calling to check something Anna said.” She shook my hand and walked away.

Now I was borderline freaking out. Anna may not be who we thought she was, that’s what a DNA test told me. Before I could completely lose it my phone rang, it said it was Geno. After I answered it I knew it wasn’t. “Mari, why is Geno nearly freaked out?”

“I’m not far behind him Cookie. Anna hurt herself after a huge fit she had last night, we just got her stitches done. Turns out she’s 6, not 4 and she may not be my brother’s child after all. They are doing some tests and such to find out just what might be wrong with her.” He sounded stunned over the phone as he relayed this to Geno, who then took his phone back.

“She 6, you sure?” He asked, this changed a lot of what we could and could not do with her. It would change her passport as well.

“She says Nik told her to lie and that her birthday is in July.” He cursed quietly in Russian. “My feelings exactly. Fortunately we didn’t know until today so that will look good for keeping her if everything clears.”

The psychologist was back with a worried look on her face. “Hold on hon, the Psychologist is back already.” I looked at her, “Do you mind if I put you on speaker so I don’t have to relay it all?”

“No, not at all. In fact why don’t we include Anna in on this.” We went back into the room Anna was in. Once we were situated, I was holding Anna’s hand. “I have some news and I’m not sure what you might want to do from here. It turns out that Anna _is_ you brother’s child, so that’s good news. The not so good news is that her mother wants absolutely nothing to do with her. She gave up her parental rights at birth.” I was nodding; I knew this.

“Yes Nik had told me that. We’ve got adoption papers all ready just in case my brother does not come back from his deployment. “ That’s when she sighed.

“We have a couple people from the Canadian Government on the way here to speak to you.” The door opened and two men in suits stepped in. “You’re here already.”

“Yes Doctor and we need you to step into the hallway while we speak to these people.” Anna scooted closer to me, trying to plaster herself to my side like glue. The doctor didn’t look happy about leaving the room but you didn’t argue with the government. Once she was gone, they looked a lot friendlier but still unhappy. “Mrs. Malkin, it is our unfortunate duty to inform you…” He choked up a bit. Clearing his throat he continued. “To inform you that your brother Army Lieutenant Nikolai Krecji, and his unit, was blown up while on route to their mission. In accordance with his wishes your adoption of his daughter Anna is now under review and should be completed within 48 hours.”

I could hear Geno breathing on the phone, feel myself doing the same, but I couldn’t speak. I could not find the words for a reaction. Anna however thought of someone they should tell. “Have you told Babushka and Dedushka?”

The second man knelt down to Anna’s eye level. “We did tell them. They told us to come and tell you.” He pulled out a letter and handed it to Anna. “Your daddy always wrote you a letter before he went away just in case. Until now I’ve always watched him burn them when he came back.”

Anna was tearing up but she tore into the letter anyway.

Sunshine, I know you’re probably very mad at me right now for not being there. If you’re reading this then you probably know I won’t be coming back from this deployment. I _know_ Mari and Geno will take wonderful care of you and love you no matter what. Hand the other note to Mari please so she can read what I wrote to her. I love you sunshine, I always will.

Anna handed me my note and I read it.

Sis, I’m sorry. I knew there was a chance I wouldn’t come back from this one and I’m thanking God that you and Geno agreed to be her parents not that I can not be. I lied to you sis, Anna is turning 7 this summer, July 26th is her birthday. Make her your own Sis, don’t ever worry that I wouldn’t want you to care for her and have her call you mama. She may not want to call Geno ‘Daddy’ like she did with me, but I hope one day she will call him papa, I hope he would be honored by that. Teach her everything she needs to know to grow up to be a wonderful person like you, oh and if you haven’t noticed her temper is so Yours!

I looked up with tears running down my face. “So,” I cleared my throat, “Where do we go from here?”

They looked at me and smiled a bit. “From here we government finalizes your adoption as quickly as possible and you begin life as a new family. We are _truly_ sorry for your loss.” They left after that and as I looked down I saw Anna reading the letter Nik wrote to me.

With tears shining in her eyes she asked me that fateful question. “Are you my mama now?”

I pulled the letters out of her hand and cuddled her close. “Yes sunshine. I’m your mama now.” I picked up the phone and spoke to Geno. “Если мы сейчас мама и папа, это значит мы просто дали ваши родители их первого внука? (If we are now mama and papa, that means we just gave your parents their first grandchild?)”

“Мы будем говорить им после того как я вернулся домой. Я люблю тебя. (We'll talk to them after I got home. I love you.)” He quietly hung up the phone while Anna and I began to _try_ and process what had just happened.