I Need a Home Sweet Home, to Call My Own
Seven
Ben Bruce? Just asked ME to be his? The butterflies in my stomach are fireflies at this point. What was I supposed to say? He's not exactly the most dedicated to the girls he meets. I don't want to go through what i already have. I believe I just lost my BEST FRIEND. Ben was one of the next closest things I had to a friend. I didn't want to fuck everything up.
"Ben, I- I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I just lost my best friend. I think I still need to work on things with Danny." I replied.
"No, no. It's okay. I understand." He looked at our feet.
I sighed. I couldn't stand to see him like this. I couldn't stand to see ANYONE like this. But one of my best friends? How is it even possible that I always mess everything up?
"Ben. Look at me. Please?" I pleaded. I didn't want to do anything along the lines of relationships just yet, but if it would make one of my best friends (Not to mention my crush on him) happy, I was going to do anything. I want to fix this.
"In all honesty, I have feelings for you too."
He looked up. Hope in his eyes. I sighed once more. Why does it have to be like this?
"But, I don't think I'm ready for another relationship. And if I'm being completely honest right now, I might as well tell you that I'm a bit scared of what you would do if we DID get together. Because My best friend just broke my heart. You, too, are on of my best friends. Do you get the point?" I asked, putting the statement in the best possible way I could think of.
He nodded. " I just, I don't know. I feel like complete shit because your nervous of being with me, even when your NOT." He chuckled. "I just feel like your...perfe-"
I cut him off. "I swear, if you say I'm perfect, I'm going to murder you." We both laughed.
"Why are you offended when I say that?" He asked.
"Because I'm FAR, VERY FAR from perfect. I don't need anyone to lie to me just to make me feel better about myself." I answered truthfully, and a little insecurely.
"It's not a lie though...I don't understand, Any other girl would be honored to take that role. But you? You wouldn't take it proudly if your life depended on it."
I chuckled. "Actually, perfection isn't what everyone thinks it is. Perfection is when you can be comfortable wearing your own skin. When you are okay with writing your life story the way YOU want, not what others want you to do, or want to see." I corrected him.
He gave me his cute little boy smile, once again. "Your such a nerd. You know that?" He asked.
We both laughed again.
"But it's just another thing that makes me like you." He continued.
I felt myself blush a deep red. As much as I hated to admit it, i do wish he had said he loved me, rather than he liked me. Although, I hadn't known him for long. I pulled him into an embrace, and he held me. It was the best feeling ever. I felt...loved, wanted, needed. Something I hadn't felt In a while.
"Ryan? Can I tell you something?" He asked, out of random.
"Sure, anything. You know that." I answered.
"I love you."
I pulled away to look at him.
"I'm sorry, but It's the truth. I do."
I tried processing this through my head before I made any actions, or attempts to say anything, for the fact that I KNEW I was going to fuck everything up. I couldn't help myself any longer.
I crushed my lips to his. He deepened the kiss the second he could. I quickly pulled back, knowing that it would go further if I didn't. And that was something I didn't want to happen yet.
"I love you too." I replied. He gave me a toothy grin, that made me giggle.
"Cuddle with me?" He asked.
I laughed. "Who's the nerd now?" I asked.
He chuckled.
"I've never seen you like this before. Your always so cocky and shit."I stated.
He nodded. "We all are. But, I don't know, We kind of have to be serious right now. We're recording our new album, while on tour." He commented.
I knew this, but I mean, It's ASKING ALEXANDRIA. From what I have seen, there not exactly the calmest kids on the block.
"And, I know Danny's really sorry, and he cares about you. He acts different around you. He knows that your something special. And your the only girl, at this point, that I want to commit to." He added. That made me blush again. Did he REALLY just say that? I mean, BEN BRUCE...Wanting to commit to someone? Was this a dream? I silently giggled at myself. Who knows, they might not be what everyone makes them out to be....
"Trust me, It's not easy for myself to commit to anything either. I wan to commit to someone I know won't break my heart. And someone that loves me for who i am."
"I do love you. For everything you are. I wouldn't want you to change for anyone. I promise, I won't ever love you any less."
"Ben, I- I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I just lost my best friend. I think I still need to work on things with Danny." I replied.
"No, no. It's okay. I understand." He looked at our feet.
I sighed. I couldn't stand to see him like this. I couldn't stand to see ANYONE like this. But one of my best friends? How is it even possible that I always mess everything up?
"Ben. Look at me. Please?" I pleaded. I didn't want to do anything along the lines of relationships just yet, but if it would make one of my best friends (Not to mention my crush on him) happy, I was going to do anything. I want to fix this.
"In all honesty, I have feelings for you too."
He looked up. Hope in his eyes. I sighed once more. Why does it have to be like this?
"But, I don't think I'm ready for another relationship. And if I'm being completely honest right now, I might as well tell you that I'm a bit scared of what you would do if we DID get together. Because My best friend just broke my heart. You, too, are on of my best friends. Do you get the point?" I asked, putting the statement in the best possible way I could think of.
He nodded. " I just, I don't know. I feel like complete shit because your nervous of being with me, even when your NOT." He chuckled. "I just feel like your...perfe-"
I cut him off. "I swear, if you say I'm perfect, I'm going to murder you." We both laughed.
"Why are you offended when I say that?" He asked.
"Because I'm FAR, VERY FAR from perfect. I don't need anyone to lie to me just to make me feel better about myself." I answered truthfully, and a little insecurely.
"It's not a lie though...I don't understand, Any other girl would be honored to take that role. But you? You wouldn't take it proudly if your life depended on it."
I chuckled. "Actually, perfection isn't what everyone thinks it is. Perfection is when you can be comfortable wearing your own skin. When you are okay with writing your life story the way YOU want, not what others want you to do, or want to see." I corrected him.
He gave me his cute little boy smile, once again. "Your such a nerd. You know that?" He asked.
We both laughed again.
"But it's just another thing that makes me like you." He continued.
I felt myself blush a deep red. As much as I hated to admit it, i do wish he had said he loved me, rather than he liked me. Although, I hadn't known him for long. I pulled him into an embrace, and he held me. It was the best feeling ever. I felt...loved, wanted, needed. Something I hadn't felt In a while.
"Ryan? Can I tell you something?" He asked, out of random.
"Sure, anything. You know that." I answered.
"I love you."
I pulled away to look at him.
"I'm sorry, but It's the truth. I do."
I tried processing this through my head before I made any actions, or attempts to say anything, for the fact that I KNEW I was going to fuck everything up. I couldn't help myself any longer.
I crushed my lips to his. He deepened the kiss the second he could. I quickly pulled back, knowing that it would go further if I didn't. And that was something I didn't want to happen yet.
"I love you too." I replied. He gave me a toothy grin, that made me giggle.
"Cuddle with me?" He asked.
I laughed. "Who's the nerd now?" I asked.
He chuckled.
"I've never seen you like this before. Your always so cocky and shit."I stated.
He nodded. "We all are. But, I don't know, We kind of have to be serious right now. We're recording our new album, while on tour." He commented.
I knew this, but I mean, It's ASKING ALEXANDRIA. From what I have seen, there not exactly the calmest kids on the block.
"And, I know Danny's really sorry, and he cares about you. He acts different around you. He knows that your something special. And your the only girl, at this point, that I want to commit to." He added. That made me blush again. Did he REALLY just say that? I mean, BEN BRUCE...Wanting to commit to someone? Was this a dream? I silently giggled at myself. Who knows, they might not be what everyone makes them out to be....
"Trust me, It's not easy for myself to commit to anything either. I wan to commit to someone I know won't break my heart. And someone that loves me for who i am."
"I do love you. For everything you are. I wouldn't want you to change for anyone. I promise, I won't ever love you any less."