Don't Let This Memory Fade Away

So, as I heard Alex promise, at Friday’s show he “proved” his new found “love” for Amy. He called her up on stage before the end of their set, announced her as his girlfriend, and serenaded her with blink’s “Always”. Holly, Kara, I gagged and mocked her from a table in the back of the club. I couldn’t lie, Amy was beautiful, but the way her an Alex hung all over each other following the show, the attitude she shot at the girl’s and I, it was all enough to make us dislike her and have no desire to get to know her.

It had been a week since the show and we were coming up on our next weekend of festivities. The girls and I were having a slumber party and discussing the details at lunch. Amy had joined the table and was listening in the entire time. I saw her lean closer to Alex and whisper something in his ear. He whispered something back and turned to us, proceeding to interrupt our conversation.

“Hey ladies, do you think that Amy might be able to join you this weekend? She’d love to get to know you guys.”

Holly scoffed, “Okay, one, does the bitch not have a voice? Two, she’s given us attitude this entire time, so no, she can’t. We’re not interested in knowing her.”

“Holly!” Kara exclaimed, hitting her on her shoulder.

“Oh, shut up, Kara, I know damn well you’re thinking the same thing. I'm just not afraid to say it.”

I tried to muffle my laughter. That was one of the best things about Holly, she didn’t hold back her feelings, no matter what.

Amy was red with what looked like a mix of embarrassment and anger. She whispered something again to Alex, and they both stood up to leave. Holly rolled her eyes so hard I thought they were going to roll back into her head. “Bye! See ya! Fuck off!”

Kara hit her again and I burst out laughing. Zack told her that she needed to be nicer. Jack looked uncomfortable, and the rest of the guys were oblivious.

“Like damn, who the hell is that bitch? She can take her piss-ass attitude elsewhere. No ones got time for that. Hopefully Alex dumps her ass soon enough. I’d rather deal with Lisa.” Holly ranted.

“Hey, be nice, I love Lisa. She’s my best friend.” Kara interjected.

“Don’t get me wrong, girl, I love her too, she’s just a little too catty at times.”

I didn’t bother saying anything. Clearly Lisa and I didn’t get along too well, and she had shown me no side of her worth liking. The conversations carried on, and soon the bell rang, alerting us it was time for our next period of class. I trudged through the rest of the day, wondering how long Amy and Alex’s romance would last.

***

Two weeks had passed and tension was growing between the friend group. No one, I mean no one, liked Amy. The guys tried their best for Alex’s sake, but try as they might, she just wasn’t a likable person. She was rude, demanding, and extremely condescending. She ordered Alex around like a dog. Band practices kept getting canceled because she claimed Alex didn’t spend enough time with her. We saw him less and less, and when we did see him, he looked drained. He didn’t speak to me, let alone look at me. They had been together for a month and they already fought like a old married couple. It was sad to watch, but a part of me was satisfied seeing him so miserable.

Since band practices were canceled and neither Jack or I saw Alex much, he and I started to hang out almost daily. I could see his feelings getting stronger, but mine were at a standstill, not progressing past anything other than friends. I did my best not to string him on, but I felt anything i did would at this point. He doted on me, and I let him, since I was upset and lonely at my own loss of a chance with Alex. The more he did for me, the worse I felt, and the more I saw him fall in love. I was a terrible person, but Jack gave me happiness even though I didn’t reciprocate his feelings.

Saturday morning, just as I finished getting ready, the doorbell rang. I started walking towards my bedroom door when Marian called.

“Farah! Jack’s here!”

I smiled and slid down the banister.

“Hey!” I said as I walked up to him.

“Hey,” he said with a smile “I brought food.”

I just looked at him. “You ate it already, didn’t you.”

“Uh… well… I was hungry… and… well I saved you some fries!” he pulled out a container of fries and handed them to me.

“Jack, there’s like five left.”

“I’m sorry! Okay? I get hungry!”

“I know that…” I mumbled and turned and started walking to the in-home movie theater. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Yeah! Sure!” he said and followed me excitedly.

“How about Spiderman?” I asked.

“Yeah!”

Jack’s enthusiasm never surprised me. He didn’t try to make too many advances on me anymore, but being alone in a dimmed room with him, it wouldn’t surprise me if he took a chance.

The previews started, and I went to go make some popcorn. In the kitchen, I ran into Elliot.

“So Farah,” He started, “what’s up with you and Barakat?”

“Nothing, why?”

At this, he raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been hanging out a lot more lately. I thought there was something with you and Alex…”

“Alex has a girlfriend.” A answered sharply, putting the popcorn in the microwave. “Jack and I are just friends, either way.”

“Well, it just seems to me like you like each other. And to be honest, I would rather see you with him. Alex will just break your heart. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times before. He’ll bring one over one week and brag about dumping her the next. It’s good he’s with some other girl, you deserve better.”

“Jack does like me, but I can assure you those feelings aren’t mutual.” I huffed, “As for Alex, he doesn’t have time for even the band anymore, the thing that was supposedly the most important thing to him, so he can just go have fun with his beautiful girl Amy.” I heard how bitter I sounded and immediately regretting saying anything.

“Don’t be too upset, sweetheart. You deserve the world. You’re 15, don’t worry about boys. Please.” He laughed a little.

I smiled “You’re right. I’ll do my best.”

I grabbed the popcorn out of the microwave at the first beep and inhaled the sweet scent. I headed back to Jack with Elliot’s words ringing through my head. Did it really seem as though I had feelings for Jack? Was I giving him too much of the wrong impression?

I sat down next to Jack, and he grabbed the popcorn from my hands and started inhaling it like it was the only food he’s seen in years, yet still managed to stay focused on the movie. I wasn’t that hungry, so i let him have at it.

As we watched, it got to the part where Peter Parker, as Spiderman, was about to kiss Mary Jane. Jack put his arm around me, but I shrugged it off. They kissed, and that’s when Jack turned to me.
“I would love to kiss someone like that.” He said.

“Well, once you develop superhuman spider powers and can hang upside-down, we’ll see what we can do.” I responded, not looking at him.

“Farah,” He whispered. I felt his warm breath against my neck. His lips were warm as he placed them there, moving his hand to my lap. “I would like to kiss you that way.” He said.

“Jack,” I didn’t know what to do. He continued kissing my neck, and I shut my eyes, allowing him to continue. Did I want this?

His lips moved up to my jaw, my cheek, my chin, and then my lips. My heart was racing. I was so conflicted. But I let him do it anyway.

He started kissing me harder, pulling me onto his lap. I wrapped my fingers in his hair and groaned as his hand caressed my breasts. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I started to feel like I liked it. He bit my lip and grabbed my hips, pulling me into him. I moved away from his lips and began to kiss his neck as he moaned softly.

“Farah!” I heard Elliot’s voice yell. I leaped off of Jack and felt my face turn beat red. Jack scrambled to stand up, hiding behind me. Elliot looked completely mortified and embarrassed, holding a bag of popcorn. At least we were all in the same boat.

“I think I should leave…” Jack mumbled, but I wouldn’t let him pass.

“I’m just going to… yeah I’m just going to go.” Elliot said, turning around quickly and placing the popcorn on an empty seat by the door. Once he left, I began to laugh, my nervous reaction to these kind of situations.

I turned to Jack, who still had a look of complete horror on his face. He looked down at me, shook his head, and leaned down to kiss me again.

“Jack, I’m sorry, but I need to sort my feelings out. I really don’t know what just happened.”

“We made out, that’s what just happened…”

“No shit, I just don’t know what’s going on in my head. Please. I just need some time.”

A look of disappointment replaced the mortification that was moments ago surrounding him. “Am I really that bad, Farah?” He asked.

“Jack, you’re not bad, you’re wonderful. Too wonderful. But I just am all over the place emotionally right now. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I’ve just confused both of us even more.”

He sighed. “You still want Alex.”

“What?”

“Farah, I’m not stupid, you still want Alex. I know you were trying to hold off with him, and I also know he doesn’t do well with waiting. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. I, you. You, him. I shouldn’t have bothered. I shouldn’t keep bothering. But I can’t help it, because you’re this wonderful girl that I love to be around and that never fails to make me happy even on the shittiest day ever. You’re seriously so awesome. I don’t know why Alex didn’t want to wait for you, and he’s a fucking moron for not. But Farah, as pathetic as it sounds, I’ll always be here if you ever want to give me a chance.” He pecked me on the cheek, “Call me pathetic, but you’re worth it.”

I bit my lip and looked at my feet. I didn’t know what to say.

“He has no idea what he’s missing out on.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

“No problem, girlfriend.” He said in a joking manner. “But listen, I’m gonna go. I think I screwed this day up enough.” He half laughed.

“You didn’t screw anything up.” I whispered.

“Oh, be quiet.” He nudged my shoulder, “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

He walked by me and out of the theater, and I just stood there, taking it all in. I sighed and turned off the movie, making my way to my bed to sleep the confusion away, at least for a little while.