How The Hell Did You Ever Pick Me?

I woke up to Kellin’s arms wrapped tightly around me. Yesterday when I came home from work, Kellin made me a huge dinner to make up for the fight we had earlier that day. We cuddled and “fooled around” the rest of the night. It was nice. It almost made everything okay…almost. I carefully tried to slide out of bed without waking up Kellin. “Don’t go to work. It’s your birthday and I want to cuddle.” Kellin mumbled. I smiled and said “I have to Kellin, but I’ll be home before you know it.” I kissed him on the cheek before looking in the dresser for an outfit to wear today. Kellin walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Happy birthday, Babe.” He whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek. I turned around and wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you, Kells.” I smiled. “My baby’s nineteen! You’re going up so fast.” Kellin fake pouted. I laughed and replied “Very funny.” “So, are you ready for your birthday dinner tonight?” Kellin smiled. “Hell yes! All the people I’m closest to will be all in one place. What more could I ask for?” I giggled.

While at work I got so many “Happy Birthday” text messages. Mike, Vic, Tony, Jaime, Josh, Emmie, Austin Carlile, and Phil Manansala being only a fraction of them. At one, my dad came into my office. “Happy birthday, Sweetie!” he smiled at me. I looked up from typing up reports to smile and thank him. “You know what? You’ve done enough work. It’s your birthday…have the rest of the day off.” My dad announced. I looked up from my laptop. “Really?” I replied. He nodded and chuckled. “Go hangout with Kellin and get ready for your birthday dinner.” He smiled. I got up and walked around my desk to hug him and thank him. Within twenty minutes I was pulling up to the apartment.

As I walked up to the front door I got this sick, uneasy feeling in my stomach like something just wasn’t right. I shrugged it off and opened the front door quietly so I could surprise Kellin. My face turned white as I heard muffled moans coming from the living room. Hopefully, he’s just watching porn. I closed the door just as quietly as I had when I opened it. I walked shakily to the living room. I dropped my keys and cell phone when I saw that my worst fear has been confirmed.

Straddling Kellin on the sofa was Joclyn, Gabe’s bitch of an ex. “Well, excuse the fuck out of me.” I shouted. Their heads both violently turned to my direction. Kellin pushed Joclyn off of him. “I…I can explain, Babe.” I shook my head. “Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House. Slut.” I snarled at Joclyn. Rage filled my whole body. Rage quickly turned to hurt when tears filled my eyes and I started to feel like I was going to be sick. She quickly grabbed her shirt and ran out of the apartment. I turned to look at Kellin to see he had tears in his eyes. I clenched my jaw. “So, that is who you are cheating on me with? Your FRIEND’S ex-girlfriend!” I shouted. He started walking towards me but I backed away. “Stephanie, it didn’t mean anything…I swear. I don’t even know what I was fucking thinking. I love you…you know that. I’m so sorry, Babe.” He croaked out. “Don’t say you love me when you cheated on me. How could you fucking do this to me Kellin? Are you fucking crazy?! I pay the rent in this apartment, I pay the bills, I even buy groceries because you can’t even afford it half the time. How could you do this to me?” I choked out. It’s true, I really do pay a lot of the bills. Being a traveling musician doesn’t really bring as much money in as you would think. I brushed past him not even wanting to hear his answer.

I took out two of my suitcases and started filling them with clothes and other things I will need for a few days. I will come back for everything once I have time to cool down. “Babe please don’t leave me.” Kellin begged from the bedroom door. I zipped up one suitcase and started filling the other. “It’s too late Kellin.” I sobbed. Kellin kept begging from the doorway but I didn’t want to pay too much attention. I’m just trying to focus on packing my suitcases and leaving. I pushed past Kellin while carrying my suitcases. “Babe…don’t do this.” He begged from behind me.

I set my suitcases down in the living room and picked up my keys and cell phone off the floor. I turned to look at him. Tears were streaming down both of our faces. I looked down at my feet. “I’m sorry, Kellin. It’s over. These past eleven months have been pretty amazing, but I made a promise to myself that I will never stay with a guy that cheats on me ever again. I love you, Kellin. I thought that we had a future together. I wanted to get married to you and have little Kellin’s and Stephanie’s running around. But, I guess our time together is over.” I croaked out. Kellin grabbed my hands in his. “Please Stephanie. We can work this out. I’m so sorry. We can still have a future together.” Kellin pleaded. I pulled my hands out of his and shook my head. “I’m sorry, Kellin.” I reached around my neck and unclasped the diamond heart necklace he gave me for Christmas and slid the promise ring off of my finger. I reached for his hand and placed the two items carefully in his palm. He closed his fingers tightly around the expensive gifts. I looked up at him and stood on my tippy toes to give him one final kiss. “Goodbye Kellin.” I whispered. I swiftly turned around and grabbed my bags. I left him standing there without looking back.

The whole way to my parents’ house I cried. I pulled over on the side of the road in fear that I may crash since I could barely see through the tears. I killed the ignition and sobbed into the steering wheel. “What the fuck?” I yelled. I punched the steering wheel in anger. “Love isn’t supposed to be like this.” I sobbed. I cried and cried for what felt like hours. I finally calmed myself down before turning the car back on and driving the rest of the way to my parents’ house. After, an hour of being questioned by my mom, I jumped into my old bed and sobbed into the covers. I eventually cried myself to sleep. Some nineteenth birthday this is.

I woke up to a knock on the door. I sat up and mumbled “Come in.” My dad came in and closed the door behind him awkwardly. He sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me sympathetically. “Your mom filled me in on what happened when I came home from work.” He stated. I just simply nodded my head. “Well, we still have that birthday dinner reservation in an hour and a half…are you still up for it?” He asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat before replying “Yeah…I don’t want to let it go to waste.” He smiled at me before saying “If you ever want to talk about anything, your mom’s here for you, your two brothers are here for you, and so am I.” “Thanks Dad.” I replied weakly.

After, talking to my dad for about fifteen minutes I decided to get ready for dinner. As I was reapplying make-up I couldn’t help but wonder if Jesse, Gabe, Justin, and Jack would show up. Jesse might because Emmie would force him too, but I doubt Gabe, Jack, and Justin would just because they would have no reason to. After all, I am no longer dating Kellin. As soon as I was done getting ready I walked downstairs to see that my family was already waiting for me. “Ready?” my dad asked. I responded by simply nodding. My dad gave me a reassuring smile before opening the front door and ushering us out.

By the time we got to our table, Josh, Emmie, Jesse, and Gabe were already there. Jesse, Emmie, and Gabe politely introduced themselves to my parents. “Thank you guys for coming. I know it must be kind of awkward since you probably heard about what happened.” My mom smiled at Jesse and Gabe. “It’s no problem at all Mrs. Smalley. Stephanie and I got close during Warped, so she’s my friend too.” Gabe replied referring to the time I helped him with the break up with Joclyn. My face went white as I remembered it was Joclyn whom Kellin cheated on me with. I hope Gabe never finds out…that would tear the band apart. I cleared my throat before asking “Are Jack and Justin coming?” Jesse looked down at the table. “I don’t think so…I’m sorry.” Jesse replied.

Dinner actually took my mind off the break up for a while. The table was full of smiles and laughter. My two brothers, Michael and David, were even holding conversations with Jesse and Gabe which made me smile. As we were all leaving, Gabe took me aside. “Do you mind if I drive you home? I want to talk to you.” He asked. “No, not at all. Let me just tell my parents.” I replied.

After telling my parents that I was going to ride with Gabe back to the house, I walked over to where Gabe had his car parked. He opened the passenger’s door for me before walking around and getting in. As he followed behind my parents, he broke the silence by asking “So what really happened between you and Kellin? I mean I saw Kellin tweet that he lost you, but he didn’t say why. I called to ask him what went down and all he said was that you guys broke up and then he hung up on me. I thought you guys were doing great. What happened?” I broke down as I listened to what Gabe had to say. “Gabe, he’s been cheating on me. It all started when he started coming home late randomly and then I came home early from work today and I fucking caught him and the bitch on my couch. I packed my suitcases and left.” I sobbed. Gabe’s hands tightened around the steering wheel. “How could he cheat on you?! Do you know who she was?” he asked, clearly pissed. “No.” I lied.

He turned off the car once he turned into my parents’ driveway. He turned to look at me. “Stephanie, I know the guys and I have picked on you in the past, but we do care about you. If you ever need anyone to talk to or a friend to hang out with to cheer you up, we’ll be here.” Gabe stated. I wiped my eyes and gave him a weak smile. “Thank you, Gabe. It really means a lot.” I sniffled. “No problem.” Gabe smiled at me. I stepped out of the car and waved him “goodbye” before he put the car in reverse and drove away. As I approached the front door I noticed a bouquet of roses on the front steps. I picked the flowers up and saw there was a notecard tied around the flowers with a ribbon. I opened up the notecard and squinted to see what the note said since the porch light was kind of dim.

Stephanie,

I am so sorry. I’m not going to give you up that easily. I’m going to fight for you.

Love Always,
Kellin

I shook my head at the note. Why can’t he just let me go? I opened the door and walked inside. “Did you see what Kellin left you?” my Mom asked. “Yes…and I’m not impressed.” I replied before going upstairs to my bedroom.

I turned on the light and set the flowers on my dresser. I looked around the room I slept in all my life up until I turned eighteen. I looked at all the band posters I had on my walls. I laughed at the fact that I now am friends with some of these bands. Pierce The Veil, Of Mice & Men, Confide, Breathe Carolina, and many more bands in that kind of genre were taped up on my wall. My eyes landed on the one and only Sleeping With Sirens poster I had hanging up. I looked at Kellin’s face with disgust. Who knew that the vocalist I looked up to the most would end up breaking my heart?

I took a long shower to attempt to wash away all the pain of today. I ended up changing into a shirt I “accidently” stole from Tony over the summer and some comfortable shorts. I laid down in bed and grabbed my phone to check it. I had five missed calls from Kellin, two texts from Kellin, three missed calls from Mike, three texts from Mike, and one text from Emmie. I deleted Kellin’s texts without even reading them. I will call Mike back tomorrow. I’m really not in the mood to talk to him at the moment. He’s going to be happy to hear he was right about Kellin. I decided to read the text from Emmie.

“Josh and I are coming over with booze and ice cream tomorrow night! We can have a drunken sleepover! XOXO” It read.

I laughed at the text from Emmie.

“Okay,sounds good :) I really need a drunken sleepover. xo” I replied.

I set my phone on the night stand and decided to try to get some sleep. Loneliness hit me instantly and tears streamed down my face. I ended up slowly crying myself to sleep.