Jeah, Whatever

[twenty one]

The spring came and went and it was now May. Work had picked up for both myself and Ryan and our time together became rare. He was off swimming in different cities and I was only able to see him race here and there due to the fact that business became overwhelming. My father found new investments to put money in while also having many new investments coming in on our company as well.

As my birthday approached, I hoped that Ryan and I could work out our schedules to at least spend a weekend together.

“So, what are we doing this weekend?” I asked Ryan through the phone, I had my desk phone on speaker as I went through files in my filing cabinet.

“I’m going to be in Portland for world trials,” he said. I stared at the phone on my desk, hoping he was joking.

“Natalie?” He asked, making sure I was still there.

“Great, so I’m turning 25 alone,” I sighed.

“Nat, don’t be like that,” he groaned. He too was growing frustrated that we never saw each other anymore.

“I mean, it is what it is, Ry, you have worlds in three months so you have to do this stupid stuff,” I said, I slammed my filing cabinet shut, knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus enough to find the final I needed.

“Well why don’t you just come with me to Portland?” He suggested.

“Because I have to work Friday and you’re probably leaving Friday morning,” I complained a little, getting upset at the whole situation.

I knew that I was being a brat but I didn’t care. It was, after all, my birthday and I could be a bitch if I wanted to..

“Then take off Friday, Natalie, come on, let’s do this together and celebrate your birthday, we can even invite your other friends to come out, make the most of it,” he tried to reason with me.

“fine, that actually sounds nice,” I sighed.

When the weekend came, Ryan and I left from Gainesville and made it to Portland in the early afternoon. Andrea and Nathan would be meeting us there later in the afternoon and my best friend Kate would be coming in the early evening. I knew Ryan tried hard to make this a good birthday for me.

Ryan got us the penthouse of a hotel that overlooked all of Portland. From it I could see the hipsters, walking around or riding their bikes, drinking coffee in their skinny jeans and too cool for anyone else sunglasses. I felt Ryan wrap his arms around my waist and kiss my cheek.

“I have press in an hour but your sister will be here before then and maybe after we could all go out and have some dinner, invite Kate as well,” he suggested. I turned around and faced Ryan.

“That sounds great, really,” I put on a smile.

In reality, it sucked. It sucked because all I truly wanted was time alone with Ryan. Time to really know what was going on with him. I knew Ryan was working his butt off to do everything he could to be the best at worlds and he was completely at fault because I was working long hours as well but it always felt as we got things right, we always ran into a bump to get things wrong.

Ryan left for his press conference with Nathan and Andrea and I decided to go out and have coffee together at a cafe.

I looked at my little sister and at how much she had matured in the last nine months. She was no longer the giggling little girl but a woman who was sure of herself. Granted, she still had some maturing to do as she now had a maroon stripe in her short blonde hair, but she was owning her own body and she was no longer allowing our mother dictate her life for her.

“We should look at wedding dresses,” Andrea smiled. I shook my thoughts to focus on what she just said.

“Andrea, we’re not going to get married anytime soon, it hasn’t even been a year,” I laughed at her.

“So? You can still look and y’all have been through enough mess already if you were going to break up, you would’ve done it by now, come on, just get over yourself,” she shook at my arm, I pulled away from her.

“Andy, I’ve been engaged before,” I tried to reason.

“And he was an ass, Ryan’s just a semi-ass and only when he’s boasting about how great he is in the water, come on, just look at dresses, you’re so sure about Ryan, it’s not like Andrew,” she said and I knew she was right.

“Okay but just to look,” I said,caving in. Andrea stood quickly to her feet as we jetted off to a bridal store.

Andrea stayed on her phone half the time, texting Kate where to meet us and she said she was texting Nathan though he was at a press conference. She said she likes to tell him everything.

Maybe she wasn’t all that grown up.

“Oh my gosh, try this one on!” Andrea said immediately, throwing me a simple, sleek gown.

“Dre, this is so plain,” I whined, not liking the complete simplicity. Andrea rolled her eyes and we browsed more.

I found a Vera Wang dress that caught my eye. It was made of chiffon lace and flowed from the waist down, making a beautiful a-line. On the bodice, the fabric was criss-crossing until the waist where there was a pale pink bow separate the torso from the waist. The back had a built in train.

There was also pockets.

“Natalie, that’s gorgeous,” Andrea beamed. I shrugged grabbing it and looking at other options as well.

Kate made her way through the door as I was looking, giggling already.

“If you’re playing bride dress up, we’re playing bridesmaid dress up,” she said, shifting through dresses.

“What colors do you want?” Andrea asked.

“Same, pale pink and blue,” I said. Andrea was only half listening as she messed with her phone.

“Andrea, get off your phone, Nathan can wait,” I sighed. She looked up at me with a mad face.

“Just go try on the dresses,” Andrea pushed me into the fitting room where a sales lady helped me into the dress.

I put on the Vera Wang. A tear came down my eye as the woman put on a veil the covered just below my chin.

I never understood what women said when you would just “know” what dress to wear until now. When I was engaged to Andrew, nothing felt right it just felt like motions that I needed to go through. With my almost wedding with Ryan, I was in a princess gown to hide any baby bump that might have been there.

But this was my choice. No motions. I found the dress.

I came out and saw Andrea and Kate were both in adorable knee length dresses that were pale pink. Their dresses had pockets and were v-neck esque, with nothing being revealed but making them look grown and mature.

“Oh my gosh,” Andrea grinned.

“Shit, Natalie, you look amazing,” Kate said stunned. I smiled at them both.

“I love these dresses you picked out, they would look so darling with a pale blue flat or something,” I said, gushing over what they picked out.

“We have to get them,” Andrea said, motioning the sales lady to ring it all up.

“What? No, I mean, I don’t have a date set or anything,” I tried to stop Andrea from handing the lady our father’s credit card.

“Natalie, get serious, we just found the most perfect dresses in like fifteen minutes and you KNOW that dress was like taylored for you, we can’t just not buy them because you don’t have a date yet,” Kate said as if she were pointing out the obvious.

I knew they were right. And everything truly was perfect but I just felt a little dumb buying it all without even knowing what season I would be getting married in.

“Great, we’re on such a roll, we have to buy shoes!” Andrea said excitedly, still playing with her phone. I rolled my eyes and agreed, I did after all have a huge love for shoes.

Kate led us a few blocks away to a shoe store she found on an app and began sifting through the heels that I would potentially want. Andrea was lost in the flats, looking for a pale blue pair that I had envisioned.

“Got em! These go perfectly with your theme and it’s your something blue and they match Ryan’s eyes,” Kate handed me a pale blue color heel, nothing of much elegance but it was the Tiffany blue color that I loved and the same color I envisioned for their shoes, which Andrea found around the same time Kate found my shoes.

“Guys, this is ridiculous and when Ryan sees all this in our room, not only will he want to see it all but he’s going to freak out,” I explained. Andrea just ignored me as she was STILL on her phone and Kate carried everything, shrugging.

“If he didn’t want to marry you, he would have taken it back a long time ago so I call bull shit on the scared card. Why are you being so insecure about this?” Kate questioned. I put my head down.

I knew I was being insecure. I knew I wasn’t being the Natalie that Kate was use to in college. But it was because my failure with Andrew began playing in my mind the less time Ryan and I spent together.

When we got back to the hotel, Andrea was talking really loudly all the way up to the penthouse in the elevator about how exciting all of this was, she was talking about different hair and make up possibilites as I quietly nodded. Inside, I was excited on the idea of getting married soon but I didn’t want to show that to anyone else because if I was to get hurt again, I didn’t want anyone to know about it like last time, I wanted to look much stronger.

The elevator dropped us off at the penthouse and when the doors opened to the penthouse, I gasped at what I saw.

The entire penthouse was lit by candlelight, I almost thought I was in the wrong room but I knew it was the right place as we were definitely in the penthouse suite. Rose petals were laid throughout the entire space and gerber daisies (my favorite flower) were sitting on the tables, in bouquets of pink and blue, waiting for all of us. I looked at Andrea and Kate who were grinning.

“Natalie, look forward,” Kate whispered. I turned my head and gasped. I saw Ryan in a black tuxedo with a white vest and tie. His hair was combed to the side and his shoes were proper tuxedo shoes. He had no fancy jewelry on and no weird necklaces.

It was Ryan being pure gorgeous.

“Ryan,” I breathed out in a whisper. He took my hands in his.

“Sh, Natalie, listen. I’m not a man of romance but for you, I will try. Especially after my poor proposal. Because I love you, and I would try anything and everything for you. Even if that means pissing you off for days to cover up my schemes with Andrea and lie to you about what I needed to do this weekend. I would do it to show you how much I love you and how much I want to marry you. Natalie Crenshaw, will you please become my wife, tonight, in front of all our friends in family?” He asked. Ryan didn’t get on his knee, he looked at me in the eyes the whole time, I knew I was crying, I saw the nervousness but certainty in his eyes. I looked around at everything he did for me today.

All my fearful thoughts were no longer there.

“Ryan, yes!” I smiled. He crashed his lips on mine and pulled me into his warm embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he had his tightly around my waist. I didn’t want to leave his arms.

“Great! Our lies worked! Now you have to leave Ryan, we have a bride to prep!” My sister said excitedly. Kate opened the door to show Ryan the way out. Ryan kissed me one more time.

“I love you,” he smiled from the doorway and walked out. I wiped my eyes as Kate and my sister pulled me into a hug.

“Stop crying, we have a lot to do and only two hours to do it,” Andrea said looking at her phone. It was a little after 5.

“So you planned all of this?” I asked them both as we sat, getting our hair done.

“Duh! How do you think we found everything? We met up two weeks ago to figure out your style and put things together strategically. Ryan didn’t really have a meet two weeks ago either, he was with us here, picking everything out. And three weeks ago, we conspired in New York and got the families in on it,” Andrea explained.

“But why Portland?” I asked.

“Because, Andrea knew you think swimming finals happen in Portland when it’s really Omaha and because we know you love the Portland hipster vibe secretly. And it’s easier for Andrea,” Kate laughed. They were right, I always thought Ryan was in Portland swimming for team trials when he was really in Omaha. Well played.

“Guys, you’re amazing, this is all amazing,” I grinned in the mirror. My hair was done, and intricate side braid that braided all the way to the nape of my neck before it was curled. My make up was done in a way that made my skin look like it was glowing, I was truly a blushing bride.

Kate and Andrea had shorter hair so theirs was curled and braided midway back on top. They grabbed their boquets and Andrea handed me mine and we looked at each other one last time.

“This is our last few minutes together before you become a Lochte, and I want you to know, I love you, and you’ll always be my big sister I turn to,” Andrea said, giving me a hug.

“And if Ryan ever hurts you, I’m here to kill him,” Kate laughed, hugging me.

I was about to tell them how thankful I was for all their love and care for me when our parents walked in. My mother was crying and pulled me into a warm hug, telling me how beautiful I was. She handed me the locket that had been passed down in her family as my something old and my father gave me diamond bracelet as my something new. Ryan’s mother and his sister, Kristin were also in the room, his sister gave me a ring that she was given on her wedding day from her grandmother for my right hand. It was a single pearl ring, I wanted to cry by how beautiful of a gesture this was, especially from her.

“And I want you to have this, nothing you can wear right now but it’s a big deal to Ryan,” she said handing me a box. Andrea and Kate helped me sit down and I opened the box.

“It’s Ryan’s first gold medal he got at eleven years old. It’s the medal that made him love swimming,” she explained as I opened and saw an older looking gold medal in the box with a pair of goggles and a swimming cap. There was also a picture of Ryan at age eleven, wearing his medal proudly, with his goggles on top of his head.

“Ike, this is wonderful, thank you, all of you,” I smiled and hugged his mother and sister.

“We have to go see Ryan now but we will see you out there,” Kirstin smiled before leaving me with my family and Kate (who was family.)

“Come on, let’s get you married,” my dad said, helping me stand up. I took a deep breath.

Here we go.