Would You Bargain With Hell?

“Rayder.” A muted voice whispered. “Rayder.” It repeated.

“Hmm?” I mumbled, my legs caught up in the comforter.

He chuckled and the blanket was torn off of me. My eyes sprang open. Patrick was smiling and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“Dinner is in twenty minutes, I figured you might want time to get ready.” He folded the blanket up.

“Well yeah!” My stomach twisted into a knot, I was going to meet my boyfriend’s whole family-foreign family-at their loved grandmother’s funeral. I had no idea how to make a good impression.

“Don’t stress babe, you’re beautiful.” He smiled, and his eyes bore into mine like they so often did. I smiled.

“What should I wear then?” I asked running my finger through my hair.

“Not my forte, come to the dining room when you’re ready, okay?”

I nodded and he left, closing the dark wood door behind him. I slugged out of bed and tore off my blouse. I headed into the connected bathroom. No expense had been spared. There was an extravagant ivory Jacuzzi tub adjacent to a walk in shower-steamer. The sink was large and had elaborate lines molded into it. Behind the door was the full length mirror. I looked at myself. I ate when instructed, and didn’t make any efforts to ‘exercise’ but I was getting thinner and thinner.
However, that’s not what caught my eye. The bruise, it hadn’t faded even a little.

It was a menacing blue-black with brownish purple edges. I touched it, it was no longer tender. I closed my eyes, feeling one liquid drop fall from my eye. I took a deep breath and ran my hand over it. I had to forget, all of it. I lied to myself, telling myself how easy it was to forget everything. But as my hand covered the past I fell to the ground. I shook my head, snapshots flashed across my eye line.

I jumped-He saved me. My father, my friend, dead. Grace, kicking me like a defenseless dog. Him, taking me to the hospital. Him, asking me to be his girlfriend. Me, avoiding Patrick. But, wouldn’t he want me to be happy, yes, and even if I wasn’t he would want me to be safe. And I was safe now, with Patrick.

I wiped tears from my weeping eyes and stood again grabbing a dress from my luggage and slipping it on. It was knee-length and blue, ruched along the sides. I wiped the excess mascara from under my eyes and threw a quick braid in my hair. I was unsure about the needs for shoes at this dinner so I threw on some navy flats.

I walked through the kitchen where Janice stopped me, placing her arms on my shoulders. “You look lovely!”

“Thank you, so do you!” I smiled.

“Oh, Dear, don’t be so nervous.” Her teeth looked stark compared to her tan skin.

“How many people are in there?”

“I think twenty. Don’t even worry about it, Here, I’ll walk with you.” She smiled linking our elbows, making me look ghastly.

She led me around a corner. A long oval table was full with guests, some of whom I recognized. Benny, Patrick, Mrs. Howell. Patrick stood immediately and jogged over to me.

He wore a blue button-up shirt, only a few shades darker than my own. He thanked Janice and then held my hand in his. All eyes were on us, me first, then him.

“Everyone, this is Rayder, Rayder this is everyone.”

In unison the party chanted, “It’s a pleasure Rayder.”

Everyone watched carefully as I took my seat besides Patrick. He continued to hold my hand under the table, and then, while the food was still being prepared the introductions began. He showed me clockwise around the table to distant relatives, and then at the head of the table he coughed.

“And – Rayder, this is my father, Daniel Howell.” Patrick looked down at his plate.
Daniel wore a tuxedo, his hair was gelled back and his face was stern. Nary had a smile crossed his face, he stared at me, examining every inch. He nodded his head, and I nodded in return.

Janice walked out with a platter of finger sandwiches, a turkey roast, mashed potatoes, salad, salmon, and scallops. Everyone was fairly chatty, keeping up conversation with me about the states, my family, and of course the state of mine and Patrick’s relationship. Every once in a while I made note of Daniel, silent, still like a statue.

By dessert half of the table had left, but Patrick told me to stay, that someone else would be here soon. Me and Patrick shared a piece of banana cheesecake and then only Benny and his mother stayed with us.

“So, who’s still not here?” I asked putting my fork down for the last time.

“My brother.”

“I told you, he won’t show up.” His mother crooned excusing herself.

Benny looked over his shoulder; once Mrs. Howell had left he spoke, “What’s the deal with your brother?”

Pat looked at me, then back at Benny. “He’s kind of intimidated, you know? He’s my half-brother. My mum’s son, he was never really ‘accepted’ and so he doesn’t often show up.”

“Because of your dad?”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah.”

After twenty minutes of learning of his mother’s infidelity, Benny left and Patrick saw how tired I was.

“Hey, let’s just go to bed. Okay?” He smiled.

“No, I’ll stay up with you.”

“He wasn’t going to come anyway.” He looked down, disappointment changing his face.

“Were you guys close?”

“Kind of, he was my…escape, from this whole bourgeois world. My mum shipped him off to a third cousin, and he was raised like a regular citizen, so sometimes, I would go visit him, and we would do the fun stuff my mum wouldn’t oversee.”

“You don’t like this life?”

“I do, but sometimes, it’s dull, you know?”

“Yeah.” I knew, I knew better than most. “What’s his name?”

“Henry.”

So after another twenty minutes, Patrick had to practically carry me to bed, and he tucked me in kissing my forehead. I noted he didn’t immediately get in, but instead left the room. I closed my eyes and drifted again into sleep.

When I awoke suddenly everything was hectic, everyone was running around the hallway. Patrick wasn’t beside me, and I couldn’t find a clock for the life of me. I rolled off the bed and grabbed my phone off the floor. It was eleven AM; Gran’s service was in only two hours. And I had no idea how far away we had to go. I ran into the hall, looking for a familiar face. I saw dark tan skin.

“Janice!” I pulled her back.

“Rayder, you aren’t dressed!”

“I just woke up? When do we have to leave? Where’s Patrick?” In my perioral vision I saw people jogging around.

“We have to leave in like twenty minute baby girl, Patrick is with his Dad, he’s been up there a while. Hurry, sugar.”

I ran back into my room and struggled to zip myself into the conservative black number Grace had bought for me. I pulled on my black kitten heels and jogged out to the foyer, crossing my arms and standing off to the side for direction.

Eventually a young girl walked over, her hair curled and long. “You look awfully nice; you must be Patty’s girlfriend.” Her voice was small and childish.

“Yes, and thank you, what’s your name? I’m Rayder.” I squatted so I was at her height.

“I’m Lana.” She smiled, her two front teeth missing.”

Benny came and apologized, guiding the child away.

The funeral was your typical sad affair, Patrick was a pallbearer, and I sat by myself between two cousins.

After the funeral he pulled me aside, guiding me to his familiar Cadillac. He kissed me quickly, putting his hand on my face.

“Rayder, I’ve got to ask you something okay.”

I nodded, tracing his facial features with his eyes.

“So, I know this is crazy, and fast, but you’re different, and god, I hope you feel the same way about me.”

Being a girl, of course I figured what he would ask, but expected something more rational, especially at his grandmother burial.

“I’m kind of crazy about you. And I loved waking up beside you, and that’s all I needed to know. You’re perfect.” He blushed, and watched my reaction.

“Patrick-,” I tried to stop him.

“Rayder-, Will you please, do me the honour of being my bride?” He smiled, pulling a diamond out of his pocket, but I didn’t need to even see the ring to know my answer.