Status: enjoy.
Postcards and Polaroids
Chapter 28.
I was woken up again by Kellin climbing over me. He hadn’t noticed. He quietly went over and put his semi-damp clothes back on.
“What are you doing?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. He looked over at me and sighed.
“Go back to sleep, I’m gonna head home. I have to make sure Celine is doing okay.”
“Don’t go.” I said. He stopped and looked at me. He sighed and gently kissed my forehead.
“I’ll come back later, okay?” He softly said. He knelt down next to my bed so he was eye level with me. I stared into his beautiful eyes.
“Please, just.. don’t..” He didn’t say anything. He gently pushed my hair to the side. I grabbed his hand.
“I’ll call you, okay?” He finally said. My body got cold. Something just didn’t feel right. I bit my lip, and nodded.
“Okay” He sighed, then gently kissed my cheek.
“Kellin..” I said “Don’t go. I.. I wa-” He cut me off.
“We’ll talk about it when I come back, okay?” He said. I nodded. I watched him swiftly climb out the window, and walk down the road.
Kellin’s P.O.V
It was colder out than usual. I blame my wet clothes. I shoved my hands hard into my pockets. The last thing I wanted to do was to leave. I practically had to force myself out the window, that and I didn’t want Jess’ mom catching us together. That wouldn’t of ended well.
And I hate when Jess gives me that face. Because I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave when I’m with her. She’s the only one who’s ever been there for me, who’s ever believed in me, who actually cares about me.
I walked faster. Finally I made it home. I could already hear my mom yelling inside. I quickly went in.
“And where have you been?” She shrieked. I didn’t look at her.
“I was out.” She came over to where I was, her face now inches from mine.
“Out with that bitch.” She said. I glared. She laughed in my face. I could spell the alcohol. “When are you just gonna give up? She obviously doesn’t want you.” She said. I clenched my fists. What made me angry was the possibility of her being right. Jess wasn’t mine. She laughed again.
“What, you finally realized that I’m right?” I felt tears come to my eyes, and my cheeks start to burn. I moved away, and started going upstairs.
“Sure!” She yelled after me “Sure, just run away. Run away from your problems. You’re just like your father. Just take off.”
The tears started pouring out now. I quickly ran into my bedroom, slamming the door. I sat down against the door and hid my face in my knees. It wasn’t fair. What did I ever do to deserve this?
The questions that always ate me up just starting coming.
Why didn’t my father want me? What was wrong with me? What don’t I see? Is it the same reason why Jess doesn’t want me? What’s so bad about me? Why did my mother hate me? What did I ever do. I got up and started pacing, gripping my hair, violently rubbing my eyes. Finally, I snapped, throwing my fist into the wall, leaving a solid hole through the sheetrock. My fist was throbbing. I looked down to see it was bleeding as well. Great. Something else I’d have to ask Jess to fix. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to hear this story.
I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to be anywhere. All I had was Jess, and I didn’t even know if she felt the same way as I did. I mean, how could she? I’m nothing. Why would she ever want someone like me?
I went into the bathroom. Like the rest of the house, it was a mess. I kicked out the clothes on the floor, and pushed everything off the sink counter. I stared at my self in the mirror. Long hair, black and blue, bloodshot eyes. I was pale, scrawny, and worthless; exactly how everyone saw me. Worthless.
I went under the sink, reaching to the back, digging out the razor blades I had hidden. I hadn’t touched them since my father left. I never thought I’d ever want to. I took one out and examined it. Fresh. Sharp.
I saw my arm already had scratches from where the shards of bottle had scratched me. I sighed. I had promised Jess years ago. I bit my lip and put the razor down. I felt the tears coming back. I leaned against the tub and cried again. I’m surprised no one heard me and the loud sobs. I made sure to turn on the bathroom fan to prevent an unwanted interruption.
I got up and looked in the mirror again. It replayed in my head.
Worthless, worthless, worthless..
The tears were coming back.
I picked up the razor again.
“What are you doing?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. He looked over at me and sighed.
“Go back to sleep, I’m gonna head home. I have to make sure Celine is doing okay.”
“Don’t go.” I said. He stopped and looked at me. He sighed and gently kissed my forehead.
“I’ll come back later, okay?” He softly said. He knelt down next to my bed so he was eye level with me. I stared into his beautiful eyes.
“Please, just.. don’t..” He didn’t say anything. He gently pushed my hair to the side. I grabbed his hand.
“I’ll call you, okay?” He finally said. My body got cold. Something just didn’t feel right. I bit my lip, and nodded.
“Okay” He sighed, then gently kissed my cheek.
“Kellin..” I said “Don’t go. I.. I wa-” He cut me off.
“We’ll talk about it when I come back, okay?” He said. I nodded. I watched him swiftly climb out the window, and walk down the road.
Kellin’s P.O.V
It was colder out than usual. I blame my wet clothes. I shoved my hands hard into my pockets. The last thing I wanted to do was to leave. I practically had to force myself out the window, that and I didn’t want Jess’ mom catching us together. That wouldn’t of ended well.
And I hate when Jess gives me that face. Because I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave when I’m with her. She’s the only one who’s ever been there for me, who’s ever believed in me, who actually cares about me.
I walked faster. Finally I made it home. I could already hear my mom yelling inside. I quickly went in.
“And where have you been?” She shrieked. I didn’t look at her.
“I was out.” She came over to where I was, her face now inches from mine.
“Out with that bitch.” She said. I glared. She laughed in my face. I could spell the alcohol. “When are you just gonna give up? She obviously doesn’t want you.” She said. I clenched my fists. What made me angry was the possibility of her being right. Jess wasn’t mine. She laughed again.
“What, you finally realized that I’m right?” I felt tears come to my eyes, and my cheeks start to burn. I moved away, and started going upstairs.
“Sure!” She yelled after me “Sure, just run away. Run away from your problems. You’re just like your father. Just take off.”
The tears started pouring out now. I quickly ran into my bedroom, slamming the door. I sat down against the door and hid my face in my knees. It wasn’t fair. What did I ever do to deserve this?
The questions that always ate me up just starting coming.
Why didn’t my father want me? What was wrong with me? What don’t I see? Is it the same reason why Jess doesn’t want me? What’s so bad about me? Why did my mother hate me? What did I ever do. I got up and started pacing, gripping my hair, violently rubbing my eyes. Finally, I snapped, throwing my fist into the wall, leaving a solid hole through the sheetrock. My fist was throbbing. I looked down to see it was bleeding as well. Great. Something else I’d have to ask Jess to fix. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to hear this story.
I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to be anywhere. All I had was Jess, and I didn’t even know if she felt the same way as I did. I mean, how could she? I’m nothing. Why would she ever want someone like me?
I went into the bathroom. Like the rest of the house, it was a mess. I kicked out the clothes on the floor, and pushed everything off the sink counter. I stared at my self in the mirror. Long hair, black and blue, bloodshot eyes. I was pale, scrawny, and worthless; exactly how everyone saw me. Worthless.
I went under the sink, reaching to the back, digging out the razor blades I had hidden. I hadn’t touched them since my father left. I never thought I’d ever want to. I took one out and examined it. Fresh. Sharp.
I saw my arm already had scratches from where the shards of bottle had scratched me. I sighed. I had promised Jess years ago. I bit my lip and put the razor down. I felt the tears coming back. I leaned against the tub and cried again. I’m surprised no one heard me and the loud sobs. I made sure to turn on the bathroom fan to prevent an unwanted interruption.
I got up and looked in the mirror again. It replayed in my head.
Worthless, worthless, worthless..
The tears were coming back.
I picked up the razor again.