One Cold Winter Day

“I’m starting to think, that if I keep on giving you free coffee, you’ll start living here soon,” Jeremy smiled at James placing the cup on the table.

“What? I thought you liked having me around,” James grinned and sent Jeremy a wink, making the older guy blush lightly.

“No.” Jeremy answered turning around swiftly and walking away.

“Lies! I know you love me!” James yelled after him and laughed when he heard failed attempt to hide a choke.

James put a cup to his mouth and pretended to look out the window, but in reality kept watching his friend with a corner of his eye.

Jeremy’s face was still red while he tried to focus on taking an order and while he cleaned the tables and while he tried to take a cup of coffee with shaking hands and spilled it all over himself in the process. It stayed red as he angrily stomped back to James.

“That was sooo not funny!” He let out in an angry hiss.

“Relax, Jer,” James tried to hide his laughter.

Jeremy glared at the guy but said nothing as he turned away once again.

“Oh and, Jeremy,”

He stopped in his tracks and turned back to James.

“Red looks cute on you… Brings out your eyes,” James said with a sinister smirk present on his lips leaning back in his chair in a laid back manner

Jeremy’s mouth hung open as he stood frozen with his cheeks turning a darker shade of red than they were before.

“See,” James teased “Cute.”

Jeremy closed his mouth suddenly and frowned.

“Asshole!” He roared turning around and almost running away to hide behind the bar counter.

“You still love me!” James yelled at the older guy’s back and chuckled to himself now smiling softly.

He sat back quietly after that and watched Jeremy calmly with a content smile shining in his eyes. He watched as the guy ran around all flustered for a quite long period of time after James’ last comment. After a while, when Jeremy’s face finally returned to its natural color and things stopped falling from his hands, he started sneaking glances at James and after each time their eyes met turning away sharply.

James raised an eyebrow and decided that if he wanted free coffee he would probably need to stop teasing the poor guy. He promised himself to remember this next time, when he suddenly gets an urge to call Jeremy cute just to make him blush.

Feeling determined, James turned away, facing the window one more time.

It lasted a total of five seconds before his eyes were on Jeremy once again.

“Stop it!” Jeremy hissed while passing by.

James tried to turn away again, failing miserably and not even managing to break his first record.

After a few minutes Jeremy took a seat next to him looking very angry.

“Look, could you please stop staring at me, it’s distracting!”

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you chose to wear those pants and thought that no one would stare at you. It’s not me distracting you, but the other way around.” James said matter-of-factly.

“And what exactly am I distracting you from? It’s not like you have to… wait, what’s wrong with my pants?” Jeremy threw James a suspicious look.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They’re quite flattering actually. Really flattering… If you know what I mean.” James grinned at his friend.

Jeremy groaned frustrated and buried his head in his hands before his cheeks could heat up once again.

“Stop it! I beg you!” he let out a muffled cry.

“What? I’m not doing anything,” ‘Yet’ James let himself add in his mind “Besides I think those girls would agree with me.” He shot a wink at a giggling group of teenagers seated near the door making them swoon.

Jeremy raised his eyes to give the other guy an ice cold glare.

“Hmm… You look really good when you’re angry, did you know that?” James smiled innocently,
bending his head slightly to one side.

“I hate you sometimes.” Jeremy murmured hiding his flushed face in his hands again.

“Well that’s too bad.” James chuckled “Anyways… Ryan and Jenna are meeting me here in about ten minutes.”

“Oh?” Jeremy perked up suddenly. He looked calm, but you could clearly see that his eyes were alert.

“Yup. Ryan said they wanted to tell me something. Probably getting engaged… or at least that’s what I think. I mean, you don’t go round’ saying you knocked someone up and got them pregnant, do you? I’ve never quite understood that. Honestly, it’s like announcing that you had sex to everyone you know. Well not literally, but everyone is still thinking that. ” James grinned and shot Jeremy an amused glance.

“I guess. But then again, I’m quite glad to say, I have no experience in the field,” Jeremy responded with a smile, but it didn’t seem to reach his eyes somehow.

“Good point.” James nodded wisely, pretending to stroke his imaginary beard.

“James?” Jeremy started carefully.

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

James looked at Jeremy with serious eyes for the first time that day.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“I mean, you shouldn’t torture yourself if you’re still not comfortable around the two of them” Jeremy said and James smiled at the concern in the older guy’s voice.

“Jer, I’ve told you before, I’m over that. I’ve been over that for quite some time. I’m happy for them actually.”

“I know you say that, but…”

“James!” They heard Ryan’s voice coming from the entrance.

“Ryan!” James turned around and smile at the guy coming towards him with a cute blonde girl by his side,

“I’m gonna go…” Jeremy murmured unhappily, standing up and walking away before James could’ve said anything to stop him.

“Hello, Jenna,” Once the couple were seated next to him James gave the girl a flirtatious smile.

“Hello, James,” The girl responded amusedly.

“Stop that, James,” Ryan said, mocking James’ flirty low tone.

“You’re no fun.” James smiled and looked around to spot Jeremy, who disappeared from the sight.

“God, it’s cold outside.” Ryan complained rubbing his hand for warmth.

“It’s winter, what do you expect?” James asked with a playful smirk.

“I don’t know. I was actually planning on never leaving the house, but Jenna keeps dragging me everywhere she goes.” He replied eyeing his girlfriend carefully.

“I so do not!” Jenna exclaimed and hit his arm lightly “I swear, he keeps following me like a lost puppy and still manages to keep on complaining about that!” She said to James.

“I know, love, he’s a handful sometimes.” James agreed with a pretend serious look on his face.

“Hey! He’s sitting right here, you know!” Ryan protested.

“Oh! Ryan! When did you get here?” James joked earning a glare from his friend.

“Hello. Would you like to order?”

They all raised their eyes to Jeremy who was standing there with a polite smile on his lips, though something in his eyes told James that he was annoyed. James raised an unbelieving eyebrow at the guy.

“Seriously, Jeremy?” He said

“What? I still work here, remember?” Jeremy shot James a quick glare before returning to the polite smile.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Ryan asked glancing between them

“Uh-huh, Jeremy here, is my personal waiter slash slave, who makes me coffee, whenever I like and whatever way I like it.” James said lowly, making it sound like something really dirty.

Jeremy fidgeted uneasily before frowning and giving James a cold stare.

“Oh?” Ryan chuckled, while Jenna was choking on her own laughter.

“Oh yeah.” James smirked giving Jeremy his best sexy look.

“Ouch! What was that for?!” James whined rubbing his head after being hit with a notebook.

“Take that as a resignation note from my job as your ‘waiter slash slave’.” Jeremy said calmly, though his face was beet red.

“Whatever, you still love me.” James grinned.

“Seriously, what’s up with you today?” Jeremy let out a hushed groan.

“Don’t mind him. You know how they say that when boys tease you and pull on your hair that means they really like you? Well, let’s just say that James’ never really learned any other ways to express his attraction.” Ryan shot James a knowing glance, but the latter just stuck his tongue out.

“So is there anything you I could get you?” Jeremy asked looking at Jenna and Ryan, trying to pretend he hadn’t heard the last comment.

“Hot chocolate sounds nice,” Jenna said with a friendly smile

“Yeah, make that two,” Ryan nodded in agreement

Jeremy smiled at them and turned around to leave

“Another one of these, pretty please… oh hey, it rhymed!” James called after Jeremy holding up his empty cup.

Jeremy turned around to give him a sarcastic look.

“James,” He said with a warning in his voice

“I know, I know… I’ll have hot chocolate too.” James murmured dejectedly giving the cup to Jeremy.

“Good boy,” The older guy said mockingly and patted James on the head before leaving.

“Okay, what the hell was that? And when did it happen?” Ryan asked once Jeremy was out of sight.

“Hm?” James turned his eyes which were observing Jeremy walk away, back to the couple.

“Don’t you ‘hm’ me!” Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Oh, you mean Jeremy? We’ve been friends for like a year now.” James shrugged simply.

“Friends? I was under a different impression,” Jenna giggled

James raised an eyebrow at her.

“She has a point.” Ryan agreed.

“I don’t know what you mean.” James grunted and looked down hiding his eyes behind his hair.

“You know perfectly well, what we mean.” Ryan pressed his friend giving him a hard stare.

“Nope. Not a clue.”

“Seriously?” Ryan sighed “Okay. Whatever. I’ll get it out of him, if you’re like that.”

“No!” James perked up.

“So? You’re going to speak now?” Ryan teased.

James sighed and glared at the couple.

“Not much to tell, really. I do like him a lot though.” He murmured giving up.

“Awww, our little Jamey has a crush!” Jenna cooed.

“Shut up.” James grumbled annoyed

“No need to bite” Ryan laughed “Anyways, I’m so inviting him to sit with us and telling him every little embarrassing detail of your life not even you know about.”

“I dare you to try,” James challenged raising an eyebrow at his friend.

“Or maybe not” Ryan murmured looking slightly scared. No one knew better than him, just how vicious James could really be, when you got on his bad side.

“Good choice.” James grinned.

“Anyways, where do you even know him from?” Ryan asked turning to eye Jeremy, who was waiting for their drinks by the bar.

“I like this place, I come here every day so I guess we just started talking at some point and well… yeah…” James said deciding to leave out certain unnecessary details.

“I see,” Jenna said with a mysterious glint in her eyes.

“Nu-uh, don’t you give me that look” James looked at her suspiciously.

“What look? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She smiled innocently.

“Here’s your hot chocolate,” Jeremy appeared next to their table with a tray in his hands.

“Oh thanks, would you mind joining us?” Ryan said motioning to the empty seat next to James and gave his friend a quick evil glance.

“Umm…. I guess so…” Jeremy hesitated, shooting James a questioning look, but sitting down nonetheless.

“So, Jeremy, been working here for a long time?” Jenna asked smiling.

“Yeah, actually. It pays well, I know the owner so I get a comfortable schedule and of course the rent is not going to pay itself.” Jeremy collaborated with Jenna’s poor attempt at starting a conversation.

“College?” Jenna’s eyes bore into Jeremy’s making James feel as if she was starting an interrogation.

“Final year. Creative writing major.” Jeremy smiled slightly glancing at James.

“You write?” Ryan asked

“He does and he’s amazing. I wish you would read some of his stuff. I mean, there’s that thingy where you can’t stop reading until you’re finished. It’s mostly sci-fi and fantasy, you would love it! And I keep telling him that most of the stuff he has written could easily be published, but he just doesn’t listen…” James interjected excitedly, babbling on like a kid, asked about his favorite action hero.

Ryan watched carefully as a gentle smile appeared on Jeremy’s lips as he watched James go into his hyper mode.

“They get it, James.” Jeremy laughed and reached out a hand to ruffle the younger guy’s hair
James tried to duck away.

“Don’t. Mess. With. My. Hair.” James grunted now fighting both of Jeremy’s hands.

Jeremy finally got his way leaving a chaos of James’ usually tamed-to-perfection hair.

“Jerk.” James hissed trying to bring his hair back to its original state.

“Whatever, you still love me,” Jeremy mocked James’ tone smugly, repeating the words said earlier
James just stuck his tongue out and turned back to the couple who were looking between the two guys amusedly.

“Oh, by the way, guys, you said there’s something you wanted to tell me?”He asked out of the blue.
Suddenly the atmosphere changed as an awkward pause took place.

Jeremy and James exchanged uncomfortable glances, confirming that they both felt the sudden change in the mood

“Oh right,” Ryan said and looked at Jenna as if encouraging her to talk.

She hesitated a bit but smiled, slowly turning to James.

“Um… we’re having a baby” Jenna said, blushing a shade of pink.

Jeremy and James looked at each other. After five seconds of awkward silence they both burst out laughing uncontrollably.

“Oh god!” James tried to breathe in between chuckles.

“Um, guys?” Ryan murmured confused.

“So-so-sorry!” Jeremy managed to say, gasping.

“Seriously, what’s so funny?” Jenna asked a bit sourly.

“It’s just- just,” James stuttered out.

“You… James said…”Jeremy tried to help him, but failed miserably, a tear of laughter running down his cheek.

“Um...” Ryan threw Jenna a sideways glance.

“Sorry,” Jeremy murmured breathlessly after calming down “It’s just James said something earlier and then you…and…” He started chuckling again.

“It’s nothing.” James stopped laughing, but his eyes were shining and his cheeks were still flushed as if he had been running a mile.

“Okay…” Jenna mumbled looking at them weirdly.

“Anyway, congrats! I mean it.” James said all serious suddenly.

And so, all of them spent at least two hours chatting and joking. Ryan observed Jeremy and James quietly, feeling unease creeping up his spine. He was jealous in a way he could hardly explain. It was the type of jealousy you get when you realize your best friend has inside jokes with someone else. The type of panicked jealousy you feel when you see that your friendship is now being surpassed by something bigger and lighter and all in all just more incredible. The type of fearsome jealousy, when you just know that you’re not the most important person in someone’s life anymore. The type of jealousy that that vanishes as if it was never there, when you see the smile on that someone’s face.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ryan and Jenna had left some time ago and James was currently waiting for Jeremy who had to close the café tonight. The last customer had finally walked out and after finishing the chores Jeremy was free to go.

“God, I’m tired.” Jeremy murmured stepping outside with James ahead of him.

“It’s freezing!” James whined puffing out a white cloud of air and turning around to look at Jeremy.

“Where is your scarf, may I ask?” the guy frowned like a mother scolding a careless child.

“I left it at home.” James replied smiling guiltily.

“Honestly,” Jeremy sighed and stepped closer taking his own scarf off and wrapping it tightly around
James’ neck. The younger boy blushed brightly.

“Thanks,” He murmured with his eyes downcast.

“You’re welcome.” Jeremy shrugged “Where to, Scarfless boy?” he asked.

“How about just going to the park?” James suggested cheerfully.

“To the park? At night? Doesn’t sound suspicious at all! Let’s go!” Jeremy exclaimed grinning and wondering if James remembered saying that to him the very first night and took off leaving the stunned boy behind him.

“Hey, wait up!” He heard a shout in the distance.

By the time they reached the bridge by the park, they both were completely out of breath.

“How the hell do you manage to run in those pants?” James chuckled loudly

“It’s a talent. Besides, what is it with you and my pants today?” Jeremy shook his head disapprovingly.

“I just like them a lot,” James shrugged innocently trying to resist the urge of adding ‘though I think you would look better without them’.

“Okay, I guess it’s some weird fetish thingy, isn’t it?” The older guy teased pushing James playfully.

“Uh-huh! Don’t even get me started on those sexy-ass shoes you have on!” James laughed.

All of a sudden Jeremy’s smile was gone.

“James?” He said in a quiet murmur, looking at the ground.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Not getting what the he meant, James looked at the guy, who was staring at the ground as if the mixture of snow and dirt was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

“Jer?”

No answer.

“Jer, what’s up?”

Jeremy looked up hesitantly.

“I just don’t want you to be sad ‘is all,” He shrugged.

“Is this about Ryan again?” James asked and couldn’t help the edge of annoyance in his voice.

“Yeah,” The older guy nodded and his usually calm eyes were now filled with some emotion, James couldn’t really recognize.

“Oh… well you know, you ought to listen to me better sometimes. If I say I’m over it, then I’m over it. You’re the one, who seems to be so hung up on that lately.” There wasn’t really any anger in his voice, he was careful not sound that way, but somehow he still managed to make Jeremy flinch.

“I just worry about you…” Jeremy looked to his right avoiding James’ eyes.

“You shouldn’t, I’m a big boy, you know?” the latter joked “And just so you know, I’m really happy for them!”

“I honestly can’t tell the difference between you being happy and you pretending to be happy,”
Jeremy grunted somewhat angrily.

“Jer, seriously, what’s up?” James’ mood dropped and he looked at his friend concerned. Jeremy was almost never angry. He just didn’t have it in him, so when he actually got angry, you knew that something must’ve gone really wrong.

“Nothing.” Jeremy frowned and turned to lean on the railings, viewing the frozen lake below

“Jeremy?” James’ voice faltered a little.

“I’m fine, James,”

“Just so you know… I really hate it when you hide stuff from me. I always feel useless, when you’re like this. We’re supposed to be friends, right? And someone told me some time ago, friendship is never a one sided thing. You complain, about not being able to tell if I’m happy, when most of the time I can’t even tell if you’re alright.” James muttered coldly.

Jeremy turned to James quickly and looked at him surprised.

“James, I…”

“It’s okay, I’m just a bit…” The younger guy looked at the ground and sighed quietly.

“James really, I’m just worried. People don’t just fall out of love like that.”

“Sometimes they do. I mean, it’s been a year! People move on, you can’t be in love with the very first love in your life forever. Can you imagine that? That would be like living in a psychiatric ward up in here!” James laughed.

Jeremy was standing still, with his eyes portraying some kind of chaotic emotion, which made James regret even opening his mouth.

“Just like a psychiatric ward, huh?” Jeremy whispered.

“Jer?”

“Leave it, James,” He said turning his eyes back to the lake.

“Well, I’m certainly not going to leave it now.” James said determined.

“Well what do you want to hear?” Jeremy chuckled humorlessly.

“I just want to know what’s wrong!” James yelled losing his patience little by little.

“And I can’t tell you, okay!” Jeremy’s back straightened and he stood there glaring at James.

“Okay, then don’t. Just don’t pretend to be fine.” James pleaded.

“Then what do you want me to do?!” Jeremy lost the little control of his tone he had.

And that was exactly what James wanted. He wanted for Jeremy to yell, to argue, to fight, just anything really. He knew there was something bothering for a really long time and he just wanted to get it all out of the older guy’s system.

He took the scarf of his neck and placed it around Jeremy’s, pulling on it and making the guy come closer, eventually bringing his head to James’ shoulder.

“I just want you to trust me.” James murmured into that mess-of-a-hair.

They stood there like that for a few seconds, before James felt a pair of hands wrap around him tightly, making his heart beat faster.

“I…” Came Jeremy’s muffled voice.

“It doesn’t matter.” James shushed him quickly.

“But it does,” Jeremy pulled away to look at James “What if you can’t move on? What if you’re stuck being in love with someone forever? Someone who doesn’t love you back?”

There was so much fear in Jeremy’s eyes that the only thing, stopping James from cringing was the horrific sinking sensation in his stomach at the thought of Jeremy being in love with someone.

Therefore he didn’t cringe, but his eyes filled with the very same fear like that in Jeremy’s.

“Is that it? You’re in love with someone?” James murmured not being able to completely hide the terror in his trembling voice. All this time he thought that Jeremy’s worries had at least something to do with him, when in reality Jeremy probably just saw himself in James and Ryan’s situation.

He felt the arms releasing him from their grip and the sudden wave of cold made him let go of the scarf, leaving it hang on Jeremy’s neck.

“I-” Jeremy looked scared out of his mind, but it was only a little part of what was going on inside James’ head “Well shit…”

“Jeremy?”

“I am, I’ve been in love with someone for over a year and a half” Jeremy confessed his arms shaking violently, as much as he tried to hide it, by putting his hands in his pockets.

“Oh.” James forced out, staring at the ground wide-eyed.

“Yeah.”

James knew he should ask who it was. How it happened. What was so amazing about them. But he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t make himself speak.

“James?”

“Give me a second, please,” James replied softly, trying to gather his shattered thoughts.

He wanted to scream at Jeremy, to hit him, to shake him out of it. He wanted to run and pretend this never happened. He wanted to drop dead. But most of all he wanted to stop the tears forming in his eyes. Traitor tears, which were there thanks to his lightweight heart.

“I can’t do this,” He murmured burying his face in his hands “I can’t, please,”

“J-J-James?” He heard Jeremy stutter and as bad as he wanted to look up he didn’t.

“Don’t make me do this,” He begged quietly, not even knowing whom he was referring to. It could’ve been Jeremy, but it was more likely that he was speaking to himself.

“James?” This time the voice was stronger “Look at me.”

James shook his head.

“James,” it was not a request it was a plea.

James looked up slowly to meet Jeremy’s panicked eyes.

“I can’t do this, Jer. You don’t get it.” Words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. “It’s different. You’re not Ryan and I can’t just tell you to go.”

“James, what are you-?”

And just like that James’ lips landed on Jeremy’s, while his grand curled into the older guy’s hair, this way preventing him from pulling away. And somewhere in the back of his mind James knew he was crazy for doing this and that it was stupid, but that very moment Jeremy’s lips felt way to good, for him to listen to anything, even his own mind.

Jeremy stood with his eyes wide and his heart racing a thousand beats per hour. He tried, and believe me when I say that, to understand what in the world was happening, but his brain refused to cooperate. Finally the gentle pressure against his mouth became too much to bear. He shut is eyes, letting go of everything that was holding him back and pressed himself against James as closely as possible moving his lips against his with every single piled up emotion he had.

James pulled away abruptly.

“Wait. What the hell is going on? I thought you’re in love with someone.” He said hesitantly looking at Jeremy, who was panting, flushed and disheveled, and shivered uncontrollably.

“You. I’m in love with you.” Jeremy said shakily clinging to James’ coat and looking at him with desperation. “Why…Why did you kiss me?” He forced out.

“Because,” James said distractedly, still trying to comprehend Jeremy’s words “Because I’m in love with you and… and you said… and you said… and then…”

Jeremy brought his lips back on James’ mouth shutting him up.

After half an hour they were both shaking with cold, but still standing in the very same place, clinging onto each other for dear life.

“You should’ve told me.” Jeremy muttered happily

“I actually thought I was pretty obvious.” James replied sneaking his fingers through the loops of Jeremy’s pants.

“I thought you were just playing around.”

“Yeah. Sure, I was just doing it for the free coffee,” James laughed

“Well come on then, I’ll buy you some more.”

“But, I’ve already had coffee today.”

“I know.”

And they didn’t say much. To be honest, they hardly said anything at all, but it was still more than enough. They both understood each other perfectly.