Haunted

The front door flew open and I jumped, quickly wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Baby, are you okay?” Xander asked, his voice full of concern.
“I’m fine,” I lied, looking down at the ground, trying not to let him see my tearstained face.
“You’re not fine. Tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded, wiping my tears with his thumb. I tried to slip from his grasp but he wasn’t letting me off that easily. I wanted to hide. I wanted to leave. I wanted to disappear and never come back. It had been just three months since the wedding, three months of perfect happiness and as usual, something had to come up. Just when I finally thought things were getting better, my world was thrown upside down.
“Tell me,” he persisted. I couldn’t tell him. There had to be another way to deal with this. He wasn’t ready; I knew he didn’t want this. I wasn’t ready; I couldn’t do this again.
“Seriously, I’m fine.”
“You’ve cried yourself to sleep every night recently, you haven’t left the house in days, I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong.” My heart was racing, and I felt lightheaded, the fear and the terror taking over not just my mind, but my body too.
“Look, I’m sorry. I’ll change. We’ll go out tonight, do something fun,” I suggested, trying to sound enthusiastic.
“Honey, I don’t want you to change,” he laughed, “I want you to be happy.” I sighed, going into the kitchen and putting on the kettle. He followed me, wrapping his arms around me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder. I felt so safe and content with him, I didn’t want that to be thrown away because of one stupid mistake. “I am happy,” I lied.
“You’re not, please just tell me, what’s the worst that could happen?” Tears formed in my eyes. He wouldn’t quit until he had an answer. He wouldn’t leave me alone. Of course, he had to find out eventually. Better to get the inevitable over with instead of stressing over it for god knows how long.
“I’m pregnant,” I said quickly, before I changed my mind. His face fell, and he stepped away from me, a cold and distant look in his eyes. “Please say something,” I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek. He didn’t answer. I knew I’d lost him. Now I’d have to do this alone, all alone. I was terrified. I couldn’t do this; I’d vowed I’d never get pregnant again. I couldn’t risk it. The thought of what happened last time was enough to put me off for life. Why, why, why? Painful minutes of silence passed, each one making me feel worse. Both of us remained completely frozen still.
“How long have you known?” he asked.
“Three weeks,” I mumbled.
“Oh God, please tell me your kidding.” I shook my head. “Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe it’s something else.”
“I took four tests, I’m pretty sure it’s not something else.”
“I don’t understand. This can’t be happening. Are you going to keep it?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. I’m not sure.” Of course, I’d love nothing more than to have a child, but I couldn’t go through nine months of pregnancy, only to find out my baby died. I couldn’t do that again. All I wanted was to wake up and realise this was just another dark twisted nightmare.
“I’m so sorry,” I said quietly.
“Why?” he asked in surprise.
“This isn’t what you wanted. I’ve ruined everything. Just leave, find someone else, I understand,” I cried, closing my eyes to hold back the tears.
“Honey look at me,” he sighed. I opened my eyes and looked straight at him.
“I’ll never leave you,” he whispered, “It’s your choice whether you keep it or not. But whatever you do, you’re not doing it alone.”