Finding Who You Are

"Slash." I heard a voice say as I groaned and rolled over. "Slash, wake the fuck up."

"Rayne? Rayne, you might wanna wake up before the ocean carries you both away." I felt a hand on my face as my eyes slowly opened revealing Izzy standing over me and Duff standing over Slash. We must have fallen asleep after dinner...

Wait, how in the fuck did they know where we were at? 'Slash'... I mentally growled in my head as I smiled at Izzy, taking his hand as he helped me to my feet.

"Slash darling. Wake up." I whispered into Slash's ear as I kneeled down beside him.

"Hey you guys! Any luck yet?" I heard a familiar female voice call out as Izzy and Duff looked at each other.

"Yeah! We got Rayne up and she's getting Saul up!" Duff shouted back as he began walking towards the girl. I can never explain what happened inside my head at that moment, but I think it exploded. It was my ex-girlfriend, Raven, from 3 years ago... We had only split up beacuse her parents refused to let her see me, and sent her to private school... We hadn't talked since..

Her hair was short. She was just as skinny as me and a little less muscular. Her jeans were tight for the most part, yet baggy in a way. She wore converse, a GnR t-shirt, and had a pair of shiny sunglasses covering her eyes. Her face seemed like it was just perfectly chisled, the way I remembered it.. My emotions were going to start playing with me again.. I can see that shit coming.

Izzy pointed up at the dyke who I knew all so well.... "That's Raven. Duff's little sister." Izzy smiled as Slash and I grabbed our bottles of alcohol and made our way to Duff, and Raven who were standing by the road.

"Rayne?" Raven choked out as her eyes widened.

"Wait, you two know each other?" Izzy asked curiously.

"Raven.." I whispered almost to myself as Raven threw herself into my arms as she started to cry.

"I missed you so much Rayne." Raven whispered in my ear before pulling away and looking at Duff, drying her cheeks. "Sorry guys. She's just... A, friend, that I haven't talked to in 3 years... Jeez, it's been forever." Raven covered up our past with a lie. Why? God it hurt so bad. I wanted her. Now.

"Oh, Slash, by the way... Axl kinda dropped us here, so we need a ride back with you." Duff smirked evily as Slash handed me the keys.

"Get in." Slash grumbled. He must still be tiered as Hell. I sighed to myself, letting Izzy and Duff in on my side of the car as Slash allowed Raven in on his side. I caught a glimpse of him staring her down... Hmph, this wasn't going to end well at all.

"So, Raven, you still going out with Samantha tonight?" Duff asked curiously as his sister punched his arm.

"Nah dick head. I'm not. She's kinda going off and seeing some chick named Chris now... She broke up with me after 2 years... Remember? Or did the drugs and alcohol just fuck you up that bad?" She kind of giggled in a painful way as I laughed to myself. I couldn't believe she had just said that to Duff. That was just fucking hilarious.

As I continued to drive I felt Slash's hand on mine. Something in my head wished that it was Raven, not Slash....

Why was I thinking like this? I had gotten past the whole liking girls stage... That isn't who I am! But Raven... She makes me question it, and I've only been around her for 20 minutes in the past 3 years... But our past, that's what makes us so connected... What makes us so complicated...

"So, I was thinking about having the wedding next week." Slash half whispered to me as I half smiled back.

"Next week?!" I choked out, making Slash look at me oddly before I smiled and nodded. "Next week. That sounds wonderful." I smiled as he squeezed my hand, leaning over to kiss my cheek as I drove.

I looked into the rearview to see Raven frowning to herself as she put in her earbuds and turned on her music. I felt so fucking horrible... So guilty like it was my fault... And it was. I was the one who told her I couldn't be with her the way her parents were acting.. Now look at us. In a car together with her brother, his boyfriend, my fiance, and us two.... I could cut the tension with a fucking knife.

"You two are getting married?!" Izzy screeched as my eyes got wide.

"Yeah." Slash chuckled as Izzy and Duff both held up their hands for high-fives.

"Congrats man! Bout time huh?" Duff laughed, Slash high-fiving the both of them.

'Yeah... about time.' I sighed in my head. If I felt this kind of attraction to Raven, that I have never felt for Slash, even after 3 years of Raven and I being apart, then something wasn't right here.

-1 week later, day before wedding-

"Oh my God I can't believe you're finally getting married!" Ashley squealed as she hugged me tightly and I half smiled back at her. "Wait.. Rayne... What was that smile thing you just did for?" She frowned.

Raven walked in the room wearing the tux that we just had sized for her. "Look like it fits good enough?" She chuckled, doing a little runway model spin for us.

"Looks like it fits great." I smiled warmly at her as she nodded and walked back out, making me frown again.

"Oh wait... I see it now. Rayne! Why didn't you tell me!" Ashley questioned me, making me a bit ashamed and nervous that I actually hadn't told anyone accept for my journal.

"Because... I don't know who I am anymore Ash." I frowned down as she straightened my tie. Yeah, I was wearing a tuxedo. I refused to wear a dress to my own wedding, which I didn't even want to happen.... I wanted it to be Raven instead of Slash... Raven...

"Rayne, I kinda saw this one coming since the day I met you... You've always had this attraction to women... More than a man. You just looked at them so differently. And now, you've found one that took your heart right from where you thought you'd put it." Ashley smiled lightly, grabbing my hands and pulling my chin up. "I'm telling you. Just do what you think is right."

Raven and I hadn't stopped hanging out since the day we met back up with Slash, Duff, and Izzy. She'd practically been living in my apartment, which I had decided to buy a few days ago since Slash and I needed time apart. We were actually fighting alot lately, and we seemed pretty distant. Maybe he thought that because I had accepted his proposal, that he didn't have to treat me the same. He probably thinks that I'm going to stay with him and marry him, regardless...

Back to Raven.. Honestly, I think Slash may be catching on... But I'm not sure. He didn't know Raven had been staying with me the past few days at my appartment. He thought it was just me. Or maybe he knew? Maybe Raven told Duff, and Duff told Slash. I'm not even sure anymore.