Disenchanted

A week had passed since Gerard’s hospital stint and the hickies were almost gone, but now Will and I were kind of in an awkward place. I was trying for his sake to see if I could drum up some form of feelings for him, but I wasn’t sure if it was working. I felt terrible every time I looked at Will. Every time he smiled at me and I smiled back there was just this nagging voice telling me I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t doing a good enough job of trying. It made me want to avoid him.
“Bella?”
Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.
“Yeah, Will?” I asked.
“Are you busy?” he asked, hesitantly.
I looked around, I was just gathering some stuff together. I was taking Alex to a small fair with Pete. His band was doing some entertainment there and he invited me to go with. This would also be the first time he met Alex. I had pre-warned him that I would not tolerate any sort of foul language from him or his band mates and he understood.
“Um, not really, just getting ready for the fair,” I answered cheerfully.
“Right… When are you going, again?” he asked.
“I think we’ll be leaving in about fifteen. I wanna make sure I have food and drinks with us, because I know fair food costs a fortune,” I rambled.
“Of course… Um. Well, don’t worry about it then, I’ll talk to you after the fair,” he said reluctantly.
I wanted to talk to him now, get it over with, but at the same time… I was a little afraid of what he had to say.
“Okay, then… if you’re sure?” I asked, giving him a chance to talk to me.
He just smiled and nodded.
“Have fun at the fair,” he quietly and walked away.
I sighed and decided to leave early. I threw all of the stuff in the back of the car, the pram, the shade for the pram, the food, drinks, and my mommy bag.
“C’mon Alex! Time to go to the fair!” I called out.
I heard him squeal in delight and he came running down the stairs and waited patiently by the car for me. I laughed quietly to myself and opened the door. Alex clambered in and straight into his seat. His new thing was to buckle himself in.
“All aboard!” I called, climbing into the front seat.

I pulled into the car park of the fair and whistled. For a small fair they had some pretty top things here. I saw a Ferris Wheel, a Giant Slide, one of those swing rides, spinning tea cups and a couple of rides that sent you upside down.
I grabbed all of the stuff out of the back before getting Alex out. I didn’t want him to run off and get lost in the crowd.
“Okay, now you have to promise me to stick by my side at all times okay? If you want something, want to do something, want to see something, you ask me, okay?” I said very seriously to Alex.
He looked at me and nodded just as seriously.
“Okay, now, do you want to go in the pram or walk?” I asked him.
“Walk!” he declared.
I smiled and placed my purse in the folds of the shade on the pram and took Alex’s hand.
“Okay, now let’s go find Mommy’s friend,” I said to him.

We walked past a number of arcade games and big rides before coming up to the entertainment pavilion. I saw a stage set up and an indie band was currently playing. They weren’t too bad, but their rhythm guitarist was out of tune slightly, and their drummer and bassist were always about two beats away from harmonious. However, regardless of how many times they heard it, I was positive if you said any of that to them they’d just say, ‘But that’s the point.’
I spotted a mountain of gear next to the stage and I saw some guy with a big afro strumming an electric. A taller, chubbier man with pale skin and gentle eyes was walking around muttering to himself. I spotted their drummer he was playing and flipping his drumsticks. It was exactly what Bob would do and I couldn’t help but smile. I then noticed Pete. He was in a pair of tight jeans, with big sneakers and he had hoodie on over a plain black top. He was strutting around telling this person this and that person that, I smirked slightly and then looked down at Alex.
“Hey baby, Mommy’s friends are going to be playing on the stage soon, do you want to sit in the pram now while we wait?” I asked.
He thought for a moment and then nodded, climbing in. I pushed the shade out so that he would be protected from the sun and waited.

The indie band finished and Pete’s band immediately jumped on stage. I was impressed by their dexterity and their smooth changeover. Everyone pitched in and within fifteen minutes they were ready to go.
“ALRIGHT CHICAGO! ARE YOU READYYY!” Pete screamed into the microphone.
I heard a bunch of screams and out of nowhere, all these teenagers came running out of nowhere.
“LET’S GO!” he screamed and he let go of the microphone.
They immediately jumped into a pop-punk song and the pale, chubbier guy stepped up to sing. I smiled as his rich voice rang out. The guy with the afro was strutting around the place and playing his heart out on his guitar and I was impressed. There were some fairly difficult chords in the song that even I struggled to do, but he shredded them out with no problem. Pete was going positively mental and I had to laugh as he jumped around on stage, fell over and completely let it rip on the bass. They kept in time with each other and they looked like they actually listened to each other. They were good.
“Okay! We are FALL! OUT! BOY! This next song is Chicago Is So Two Years Ago! Sing along if you know the words!” Pete yelled into the microphone.

The whole set worked together really well, they started off with their strong, upbeat songs, and finished with their best. I found their melodies strong and their lyrics catchy, and the boys were born performers.
“So one last time, we are FALL OUT BOY! We’ll be sticking around the show for a bit, so if you wanna come up and say hi, we promise not to bite,” Pete said, farewelling the crowd.
I chuckled as girls screamed. Teenies always amused me.
I pushed Alex around to the side and l walked over to wait by their stuff.
“Hey! You just missed the show! It was awesome!” Pete said, noticing me and walking over.
He had a big grin on his face and he was sweating like crazy. I just smiled at him.
“I’ll have you know, I was here to watch the indie band before you,” I teased.
“Pff. Them? They were terrible! Couldn’t you hear how out of tune his guitar was?!” Pete exclaimed.
“How about the bassist and drummer always being out? I thought that was the worst part,” I disagreed.
There was no point in trying to defend the indie band. Pete did look suitably impressed though.
“Nice, didn’t know you had such an ear,” he complimented.
I shrugged dismissively.
“What can I say? I’m a woman of many talents,” I smirked.
He grinned.
“Can you play?” he asked, curiously.
“Yeah, but nowhere near as good as your lead guitarist, he’s a fucking demon,” I exclaimed.
“Joe Trohman, at your service,” the lead guitarist bowed, after hearing my words.
“Nice to meet you Joe, I’m Belladonna. I’m a friend of Pete’s, and this little terror is Alex, my son,” I introduced, ruffling Alex’s hair fondly.
“Nice to meet you Alex, you gonna become a champion guitar player like me?” Joe asked giving Alex the ‘rock on’ symbol.
Alex giggled and imitated Joe’s hand, making us laugh, before looking up at me.
“Mommy! I want!” he declared, raising his arms.
I chuckled and unclipped him, hoisting him out and setting him on my hip.
“Hey, I’m Pete. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Pete said to Alex.
Alex looked at Pete and didn’t say anything. Pete looked at me slightly worried.
“Baby, this is Mommy’s friend, he was the one jumping on the stage,” I encouraged him.
“You jump high,” Alex finally said.
“Yep, that’s because I eat all my Lucky Charms. One day a leprechaun jumped out of my box and said I had three wishes! First, I wished for extremely good looks. Second, I wished for lots of money. Third, I wished for the power to jump really high! Unfortunately, the leprechaun was a trickster, and said the only wish that would come true, was my third wish,” Pete rattled on.
Alex gasped.
“What a mean leprechaun!” Alex exclaimed.
“Yep, but that’s the Irish for you, tricky little bast-erm… tricksters,” Pete said, quickly correcting himself before he said a bad word.
Alex wiggled in my arms and before I dropped him I placed him on the ground.
“Don’t walk off,” I warned him.
“I won’t Mommy,” Alex said and then raised his hand up to Pete’s.
Pete looked at me hesitantly, and I beamed at him. Pete looked back down at Alex and then took Alex’s hand gently. I felt a swell of pride at my boy bonding with Pete.

“So, you liked our set?” the singer asked shyly.
“Yeah, I did. I thought you guys were very catchy and easy to listen to. You all worked in sync with each other and you listened,” I complimented.
He smiled big before toning it down.
“Thanks. It’s nice to get a real opinion other than, ‘Pete can I have your babies?’” He laughed.
I laughed with him too. He seemed like a really sweet guy.
“I bet that would make it difficult to expand as a music group,” I agreed.
“Somewhat, but at least we get heard that way… No one ever seems to want to play us,” he sighed.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, we try to get our name out into the radio but only a few stations ever want to play us,” he said a note of frustration in his voice.
I looked at him carefully and thought back over their set before I smiled.
“Give me a copy of your best album,” I said.
“What?” he asked, confused.
I smiled at him.
“Belladonna Bryar, late night radio presenter for Sea Fm,” I introduced sticking my hand out.
He just looked at it dumbstruck.
“Well, it’s not gonna shake itself,” I teased.
He grabbed my hand and shook it, dumbly.
“Patrick Stumph. Lead singer and rhythm guitarist for Fall Out Boy,” he replied in kind, still a bit surprised.
“So get me your best album. I’m not promising anything, but I can show it to my boss and see where we go from there,” I explained to him.
He nodded and then rushed off.

“So, you’re putting us on radio?” Pete asked.
Alex still had a good grip on his hand and they were kneeling in the dirt, Alex drawing random stuff.
“I’m gonna try,” I shrugged.
“I love you,” he said in an adoring tone.
I giggled and flipped my hair.
“I know,” I teased.
Alex looked up at us and then to Pete.
“Are you going to be my Daddy?” he asked.
Both mine and Pete’s faces turned white. Pete turned to me alarmed and I felt the same way.
“No, sweetie. Pete’s not going to be your Daddy. What made you think that?” I asked.
“He said he loved you, the only other person who says that is Daddy,” Alex explained in his simple way.
Pete looked up to me inquiringly as Alex went back to doodling in dirt. As for me, I just realised how alone I really was. Amazing what a four year old can do.
“Hey, are you okay?” Pete asked me softly.
I looked at him and forced a smile.
“Yeah, no, I’m alright. Just kinda took me by surprise, that’s all,” I brushed it off with a laugh.
Pete gave me a disbelieving look but shrugged.
“I won’t push it, but I am here for you,” he said quietly before turning back to my son.
“I think this is our best album…”

Two hours later, Pete, Alex and I were walking around the fair. So far I had managed to win Alex a toy fish that blew bubbles in the bath and motored around. While Pete had managed to win him a big stuffed snake, a giant puppy dog and a massive blow up bat, which Alex proceeded to hit strangers with. Pete thought it was hilarious, while I had to say sorry to nearly fifteen families as I chased after Alex. I deflated the bat, which caused Alex to go into a screaming fit, which Pete fixed by getting him fairy floss. Cavities on a cone. I just shook my head at how whipped my child had made him.
“TEACUPS!” Alex screamed, making me jump.
I looked over and saw the spinning teacups and groaned. Alex loved spinning in circles, I would never be able to get him off.
“Okay honey, but only one ride okay?” I spoke to deaf ears.
“Tw-”
“Three tickets, please,” Pete said, cutting me off and throwing money to the attendant.
She looked flustered as she tried to grab at the money floating around her.
“Keep the change,” he said lazily as she passed over three tickets.
“Pete, I can pay for my own tickets,” I grumbled.
“I know, but I wanted to pay this time. You work so hard yet I think you earn the least out of everyone I know,” he said simply.
I frowned. He made it sound like I couldn’t afford to do nice things for my son.
“I can pay for my son,” I said lowly.
Pete frowned and grabbed my elbow.
“Hey, I just wanted to do something nice. You’ve had a tough life, so far as I can tell,” he said, a bit annoyed.
I sighed and looked down.
“I know you meant well, but I can do this, I have been waiting years to be able to spend my own money on my son,” I tried to explain.
He looked at me searchingly, then something clicked.
“You like to be the hero,” he murmured.
I looked at him confused.
“Nevermind,” he shrugged it off and then whispered in my ear, “No one wants to steal your thunder, but you will have to learn to share at some point.”
I looked at him utterly bewildered, but he just smiled at me.
“C’mon, we need to go get a cup,” Pete grinned.

We walked onto the platform and let Alex choose the cup. He picked one that was bright green with blue stripes. Pete went in first, Alex next and I followed in, last. The ride operator came around and locked us in our cups and Pete looked at Alex mischievously.
“Ready to spin?” he asked him and Alex nodded ecstatically.
Pete put his hands on the spin wheel in the middle and began to haul on it. We started off spinning slowly but soon we were spinning so fast everything was a blur. I heard Alex screaming in delight and Pete was laughing as he kept us spinning. I tried to focus on one point to settle myself but we were spinning too much.
“You look a little uncomfortable,” Pete said to me.
“I should have known you’d be crazy on the cups!” I called back to him.
“Just relax, lean back and enjoy it,” Pete advised.
I sighed and proceeded to do as he said. I closed my eyes, leaned back and let the wind flow through me. Before long, I was laughing with Alex and Pete and I began to help him spin us faster.
Too soon the buzzer rang, telling us to slow our cups.
“PETEY!” I yelled out.
“WHAT?” he called back.
“SLOW DOWN!” I squealed at him.
“SLOW IS FOR THE WEAK!” he boomed.
I however, had other ideas. I grabbed onto the spin wheel and tried to turn us the other way, to slow us down. The cup started to slow and once it finally stopped, the attendant unlocked our cup. I stepped out and tripped, falling into the fence around the ride, giggling profusely. Alex was staggering along as if he were drunk, but Pete seemed to be mostly okay, the occasional odd step but fine.
“Thank you, Petey,” I laughed, throwing my arms around him in a hug.
“Any time, Bella,” he laughed as he helped me stay upright. I put Alex back into his pram and we continued on our day.

By the time we were done, night was falling and Alex was asleep in the pram, all worn out. We were just ambling around, taking in the sights.
“I’ve had a good day, thank you,” I said to Pete, sincerely.
“Me too, Alex is… one of a kind…” Pete said, looking down fondly.
I looked at Alex and smiled.
“He really is,” I agreed.
“Part of me almost wishes that I was ready for kids,” Pete admitted.
I looked over at him and he had the most forlorn look on his face.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I asked.
Pete chewed on his lip for a moment and then looked at me.
“The reason I’m not ready for kids or a relationship is because… I just… kinda recently lost both,” he said quietly.
I gasped and immediately gave him a hug.
“I had a girlfriend, my high school sweetheart, actually, and… I accidentally knocked her up, but, we were gonna go through with it. But… about eight months ago, when she was about six months along, she was driving and… some, stupid! Stupid! STUPID! Fucking asshole just drove through a red light. T boned her and k-killed her. The baby was t-too underdeveloped to survive so I l-lost her too…” Pete was crying now, and he looked so distraught.
“Oh, Petey, I’m so sorry…” I breathed as I held him tight.
“I’m sorry, I just… Being with Alex today… It just…” Pete couldn’t finish, but I understood.
“Hey, it’s okay, I understand…” I soothed.
We stood there for close to five minutes; him trying to get a lid on his emotions and me trying to comfort him. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose the person you loved most and your kid. When he pulled away he was breathing hard but then he reached into his pocket and popped a cap on an orange bottle and swallowed a pill. I looked at him surprised and he looked at me.
“Xanax… I was prescribed Ativan, but I tried to kill myself on it after Sarah,” Pete explained.
I looked at him with sympathy and I gave him a small smile.
“I’m not judging,” I murmured.
He gave me a smile.
“Thanks…” he said.
We were walking past the Ferris Wheel when he stopped.
“Wanna go on?” he asked.
I looked at it and I immediately thought back to when Aaron proposed to me.
“I can’t… My husband proposed to me on a Ferris Wheel,” I said sadly.
Pete’s head snapped back to me in shock.
“You have a husband?” he asked.
“Technically… but I left him when he started to become possessive and controlling,” I sighed.
Pete looked at me cautiously.
“Is he Alex’s father?” he asked.
I nodded wistfully.
“Yeah. He was great to begin with, but he changed…” I said, regretfully.
“Do you still love him?” Pete asked, we had started walking now, but back to my car instead of through the fair.
“Yes. I always will. He helped save me when I didn’t want to be saved. I will always love him… in a way. I mean, he brought me Alex and Alex brings me joy every breath I take,” I answered.
“He is a pretty awesome kid,” Pete agreed.
I swelled with pride.

We reached my car and I opened the door so I could put Alex in first. Then with Pete’s help, I packed up the rest of my gear. I paused and then looked at Pete.
“Hey Pete, can I ask you something?” I asked.
“You just did,” he teased.
I gave him a look before rolling my eyes.
“Will likes me and I think he wants a relationship, but… I don’t… I don’t know if I’m okay with one? But, he crosses all my criteria… and I’ve been trying to bring up these feelings for him so that we can try it but, I don’t know if it’s working…” I tried to describe my issue.
Pete waited patiently and then looked at me.
“Why not just try it? As you said, he crosses off all your criteria, so theoretically he’s perfect for you, but you’ll never be able to feel the full extent of anything until you let him in. People are different in relationship than they are in friendships. You may find you like him more when you’re dating or vice versa,” Pete advised me.
I nodded and mulled over his words.
“That make sense,” I hummed.
“Well, my advice is pretty awesome,” Pete bluffed.
“Whatever, stay in touch!” I said as I started the car.
Pete nodded and waved. I gave him a quick toot of the horn and drove off home.

When I got back, I decided I would get all the stuff out tomorrow so I just grabbed Alex. He didn’t stir at all the entire time I carried him to his room. I laid him on the bed and kissed his forehead.
“Good night my love,” I whispered, before walking out.
I then went to the room next to his and knocked quietly.
“Bella?” Will’s voice called.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Come in,” he called back.
I opened the door and stepped through into Will’s room. Some stuff was still in boxes as Will was too lazy to put everything away but majority of his stuff was out.
“Hey, I was just wondering what you wanted to talk about?” I asked him nervously.
He looked at me and then sighed, slightly agitated. He closed his book and took off his glasses.
“What the hell is going on, Bella?” he came out bluntly.
“I-I… I don’t know. I’m sorry…” I answered nervously.
Will just gave another sigh.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” he muttered.
I was too afraid to ask.
“At that party, I had seven girls who tried to get me to go home with them. And I turned them all down. One had brown hair, one had a funny nose, another’s voice was too high… but it all basically boiled down to one thing. They weren’t you. I’m sorry, Bella. I really am, I tried get rid of all these feelings, especially as I know you don’t reciprocate. But they just keep on coming back. Every single goddamn time!” he growled in frustration and hit the wall.
“Will… I…” I started.
“You never knew? Sure. But would it have made a difference if you did? You still would have gone off and fucked Pete,” he sighed.
I felt worse than I did before, because he was right… I probably still would have gone and slept with Pete.
“I’m sorry, Will. I really and truly am,” I said softly.
“Yeah. That’s all anyone ever is,” he grumbled.
“I try so goddamn hard for you, and you don’t even realise. I love Alex, I honestly do, and I try to make him happy because that’s when you’re at your happiest. That’s when your eyes really shine. Everything is second to Alex, I know that… I just… I wouldn’t mind being second… or third… not… fifth or sixth, like I currently am,” Will said softly.
I felt like now would be the time to speak up.
“Will, I was talking about you and me to Pete today and—”
“I bet he had a tonne of helpful advice,” Will muttered.
“Let me finish, Will,” I said firmly to him and he had the decency to look chastised.
“And he thinks I should try,” I finished.
“What?” Will asked, looking at me.
I smiled at him.
“I want to give this a go… Now, I… I’m not promising anything, but, I think we should at least explore this before we—well, I,--dismiss it,” I said with a smile.
Will’s eyes nearly popped out of his head and a big grin lit up his face. It was strangely cute.
He sat up in bed and faced me. He moved my hair out from my face and lightly kissed my shoulder. He looked up at me, and I don’t think I’d ever seen Will happier.
I smiled and then leaned in closer to Will, he met me halfway and my eyes fluttered shut as his lips collided with mine. His kiss was very different to both Gerard’s and Pete’s. While theirs had all been fire and intensity. His was tender and soft. His hand cradled my face as his lips moved harmoniously with mine. I felt a small flutter of butterflies in my stomach and I smiled. That’s the kind of sign I had been waiting for, in regards to Will.
He pulled back from me, not even pushing for tongue, and rested his forehead on mine.
“Thank you,” he murmured.
I just smiled and shook my head.
“Thank you” I emphasised to him.
He lay back down on his bed and I smiled.
“Mind if I lay with you?” I asked.
“I was hoping you would,” Will responded.
I smiled and lay next to him, his arms circled around me and that’s how we stayed.