Disenchanted

“Gerard?!” I exclaimed in horror.
I swivelled in my chair to look up at Chester in the recording box. He frowned at me and I looked back at him with a panicked expression.
I heard more heart breaking sobs and crying and I felt… helpless.
“I’m gonna do it Bells… There’s nothing left for me anymore… Everyone deserves better,” he cried
“I-I…” I was completely lost for words.
I pulled out my phone and saw that it had been Gerard who called me just before.
“Gerard… Give me two minutes okay… This isn’t the right method…” I begged with him.
”I don’t give a fuck who hears! You said so yourself! I’m not a fucking hero and everyone should fucking know it! I’M GERARD WAY AND A FUCKED UP PIECE OF LOW LIFE SHIT!” he yelled.
I felt something drip onto my shirt and I touched my face to feel tears.
“Gee, please…” I pleaded.
“Bella, out. Take it.”
I looked up and saw Chester in front of me. I tried to keep my face from screwing up from my fear but I don’t think it turned out too well.
“Gee, I’m going to call you back right now, I promise. Please, please don’t do anything!” I cried.
I hit the end call button and immediately yanked my phone out and hit redial on Gerard’s missed call. I gave Chester a hug as I touched my phone to my ear.
“Thank you,” I said before running out of the room.

“Gerard! Pick up your fucking phone!” I screamed as it rang out.
I redialled again and on the last ring Gerard answered.
“Gee… talk to me…” I pleaded.
“I can’t do this any longer… I’m not who they think I am… I can’t be that person…” he sounded completely shattered, defeated.
“Who do you think you have to be, Gee?” I asked him softly.
I was sitting in my car and my hands were shaking.
“I have to be the hero… I have to be the confident guy… The one who has all the answers…” he cried back to me.
“No one expects you to be tha—”
“YES THEY DO! The amount of times we’ve gone back to the fans and heard them say we saved their life! I’m their fucking idol! I have to do this! I have to do that! I have to be fucking perfect!” he yelled at me. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m in California. I’ll just… off myself. Too fucking easy.”
“Gee…” I whispered.
“Just throw myself down. Won’t even fucking see… Everyone will be happier…” he was back to crying.
“Gee, why did you call me?” I asked him.
I couldn’t believe he was so unspeakably cruel as to force me to listen to him kill himself.
“Because you don’t care. You’re honest. You still talk to me…” Gerard trailed off to the end.
I closed my eyes and slammed my head into the steering wheel, trying not to break down.
“How could you think I didn’t care?” I whispered.
“I have debts Bells. I’m in so deep… I can’t… I can’t get out… Please… This is the only way…” Gerard was begging with me to understand.
“Do you want my permission to let you off yourself?” I cried.
“Please… I-I c-can’t…” he whimpered.
“No! I will not let you off yourself! I didn’t stop you from getting your ass handed to you just so you could do it yourself. No. I’m coming over,” I said firmly.
I had made my decision in a split second and I wiped the tears from my eyes as I turned my car on.
“W-what?” he asked.
“You saved me once, it’s my turn to save you,” I said softly.
The answer I got was Gerard breaking down into full blown sobs.

“Gee… have you been drinking?” I asked him.
“Y-yes…”
“Why don’t you just wait for the alcohol to wear off before you do anything,” I tried to soothe him as I sped along the Chicago streets, going 20 over the limit.
“It’s not just alcohol…” he whispered.
I took a deep breath.
“What are you doing, Gee?” I asked in an encouraging voice.
I figured he didn’t need to hear me yelling at him about his decisions.
“I started with weed… but… I’m doing blow…” he said quietly.
His voice sounded so ashamed, so defeated, that my heart went out to him.
“That’s okay,” I reassured him. “Thank you for telling me.”
He just cried some more.
“Now Gee, I’m going to have to call you back. I won’t be more than ten minutes. I promise. Can you hold on that long?” I asked him.
“I-I can do that…” he agreed.
I smiled.
“Thank you. I will call you back in ten minutes. You can even time me,” I reassured him as I came tearing into my driveway, nearly hitting Will’s car.
“Okay, b—” he started.
“No. Don’t say that word. I will talk to you in ten minutes,” I said firmly.
“Okay. Talk to you soon,” he said quietly, like a chastised child.
“Soon,” I said and I hung up.

I ran into my house and up to my room. I grabbed a backpack and opened my drawers grabbing whatever clothes were on top that would last me a couple of days in California. I went to my handbag and pulled out my wallet and finally I pulled a floor board up and yanked out some of the money I had saved while with Aaron. I checked the time. I had been approximately three minutes.
“Bella? What are you doing?” Will asked groggily from the door.
I looked up and his whole expression changed when he saw my face.
“I have to go to Cali for a couple of days. It’s serious. I need you to watch Alex for me,” I rushed out as I zipped up the bag and threw it over my shoulder.
“What?!” he exclaimed quietly.
I checked the time, another two minutes had passed and I began to fret.
“Will, I can’t go into detail, I don’t have enough time, just please! Please trust me! I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t an emergency! I don’t trust Alex with anyone but you,” I begged him to understand, grabbing his hands.
His worried eyes took in my face which I’m sure was a mess.
“Okay. Just, be back soon… and be careful,” he relented.
I threw my arms around him and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth.
“Thank you. I’m sorry. I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later. Thank you!” I said to him and then rushed off.

I climbed back into my car and pulled out while dialling Gerard.
“Gee!” I called breathlessly into the phone as it picked up.
“You… called back,” he murmured.
“Of course, I called back!” I replied.
“Fuck!” I hissed as I accidentally sped through a stop sign.
I thanked my lucky stars that there had been no cars or cops.
“So Gee, how are you feeling now?” I asked him as I turned a corner.
“Ten minutes hasn’t changed anything Bells. I need the cocaine. I need the alcohol,” he started to get frustrated. “I need it… so I can be Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance…”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head.
“Gee, have you spoken to anyone else about this?” I asked.
“…I… tried. I tried to speak to Brian about it, but he… he was busy…” Gerard said, sounding dejected.
“Have you tried Mikey? He’s your brother and he loves you…” I pressed.
I pulled off my current road onto the slipway that lead straight to the airport.
“I’ve already fucked him over enough… You should see how he looks at me, Bells. It’s like I’m not his brother anymore…” Gerard started to cry again.
Things must have been bad for a long time for things to get so bad that Mikey wouldn’t even talk to Gerard.
“Go and wake up your tour manager. I’m nearly at the airport. I promise, I am coming. I’m coming, Gee,” I promised.
“I can’t… he’s so fucking straight edge he’d cane me,” he refused.
I drove into the airport parking and took a parking ticket. I sighed. That was going to be one big ass fee.
“Gee, I need you to. My flight is going to be a long one, and I can’t use my phone. You need the alcohol? I need you to do this for me,” I tried to make him understand as I grabbed my stuff and ran into the airport.
“I… I can’t… I’ve wasted too much of everyone’s time already,” he muttered.
“Hey Gee, put me onto the phone with him, if you’re that worried, let me talk to him first,” I soothed.

I ran up to the counter and the lady behind the desk looked at me surprised.
“Gee, I’m booking my flight. I’ll talk to you in a sec,” I quickly said to him and put my phone down.
“Hi. I need a flight to California. Any airport will do. It’s an emergency,” I rushed out and as she stared at me I went into my bag and pulled out one of the stacks of money I had and dropped it in front of her. She looked at me shocked and typed on her computer.
“I have one leaving in forty minutes… You have ten minutes to check in and board,” she offered.
“Perfect,” I said.
She nodded and typed some more.
“Here’s my license and my bank card. Do you need anything else?” I asked, grabbing her two cards and pushing them over.
“No, that’s fine,” she hummed as she took the cards and entered in my details.
I quickly picked up the phone.
“Two more minutes Gee. She’s booking it now. I’ve already given her the money. I’m coming,” I said to him.
“Any luggage to check in?” she asked.
I put the phone back down and shook my head.
“No luggage,” I said.
She nodded and typed away then I heard a buzzing sound and she smiled widely at me.
“There’s your cards, that will cost you five hundred and seventy-three dollars,” she said cheerfully.
I grabbed the stack of money and counted out six hundred dollars.
“Keep the change, just please give me my pass,” I said urgently.
She looked at me surprised and gave my boarding pass.
“Good luck!” she called as I snatched my stuff away and ran to where my plane was.

“Gee, I’m going to get there at seven-twenty. Please, hold on until then,” I begged with him.
I think he was coming down off his high as he was back to crying.
“Why! WHY are you coming! You’re a stupid idiot! Risk everything for a stupid fuckhead!” he yelled at me.
“Go on, yell at me. Scream, I don’t care,” I said as I settled onto my seat in the plane.
For a solid three minutes he called me every name under the sun. He said every hurtful thing he could think of. All it did was remind me of me… and how Aaron had been my ear while I screamed.
“FUUUUUUCK!” Gerard finished up with.
“Okay. I’ve boarded my plane. I’m not kidding now, wake up your tour manager. I need someone to be with you while I’m on the plane. Please. I’ll call you as soon as I get off the plane, but they’re going to be asking us to turn off our phones at any minute,” I explained, trying to get through to him.
The woman sitting next to me gave me an annoyed look so I glared at her and she turned away.
“Bells… I… I’m scared,” he whispered.
“I know… but I’ll be there soon. Just a few hours. Please,” I murmured to him.
“Okay…” he relented.
I felt tears of relief well up and I had to force them back before he heard me cry.
“I’ll talk to you soon,” he said.
“I promise. Text me your address so I know where to go,” I told him.
“Okay… See you soon,” he whispered then hung up.
I sighed and leaned my head back against the head rest.

“Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling dick. You should leave him,” the woman next to me said off handedly.
“What?” I snarled at her.
“Please… Having to talk to you every second of the day? Pathetic, you can do better,” she scoffed.
I glared at her.
“For your information, not that it’s any of your business, I was actually trying to convince my friend not to kill himself. So no, I am not going to ‘leave him’,” I snapped.
Her eyes widened in shock and then she looked remorseful.
“I-I I’m so sorry… I didn’t realise…” she stuttered.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t listen to half a story,” I said back to her and turned away.
Now that I was on the plane, I felt drained. I felt completely exhausted. I sighed as I closed my eyes. I figured I may as well get some sleep while I had nothing else to do. I settled into my chair and waited. Thankfully I was rewarded with a deep sleep not long later.

“Hey, time to wake up, we’re starting our descent.”
I looked around groggily and I got confused. I wasn’t in bed at home, so where was I? I looked out of the window and saw bright light piercing my eyes.
“Ugh,” I muttered.
“Yeah, waking up on planes is a bitch,” the woman said with a laugh.
Plane? Why was I… GERARD!
I bolted upright and the woman next to me jumped.
“What?” she asked.
“I’m just worried is all,” I said finally.
She looked at my sympathetically.
“Because of your friend?” she asked.
I nodded.
“You’re a good friend, you know. I don’t know if too many of my friends would fly across the country to see me if I was suicidal…” the woman frowned.
I gave her a shrug.
“He saved my life once, time for me to return the favour,” I said simply.
The woman nodded and I nervously began to tap my foot.
“Do you live in California?” she asked me.
“No, I live in Chicago, but my friend’s in Cali for a bit,” I answered her.
“So, you don’t know where you’re going?” she asked.
“No, but my cabbie will,” I replied.
She snorted.
“Don’t trust the cabbies in Cali. They’ll take the longest, touristy route possible,” she warned.
“Well, what the fuck else am I going to take? A horse and cart?” I responded sarcastically.
“I’ll drive you… Kinda my way of making up for being a bitch,” she offered with a slightly apologetic smile.
I looked at her surprised and sized her up. She was about my height, a little bit smaller. She was a bit smaller than me so that would help if she were to abduct me, I could just use my weight against her.
“Really?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I know all the back streets in Cali and I can get you there much faster than any cabbie, I promise,” she said with a smile.
I looked at her again for a second. I saw no trace of a lie in her face and so I relented.
“Okay… But first, what’s your name?” I asked.
“Oh, my name’s Kaitlyn,” she laughed.
“I’m Bella,” I introduced, finally smiling.

The moment it was safe for me to stand up I was up, I stepped into the aisle and waited for Kaitlyn.
“Thank you,” she said with a surprised tone.
I just nodded and rushed her along. I turned my phone back on and waited for it to start up.
“Okay, my car’s just out here,” Kaitlyn said gesturing to the left car park.
I nodded and at a fast walk we made our way over.
“He’s at the Recreational Centre, do you know where that is?” I asked her.
“Do I ever,” she muttered.
I just nodded as she unlocked her car, a sporty MX-5. I stepped into the passenger’s seat and put my bag on my lap.
I dialled Gerard and Kaitlyn pulled out as he answered.
“Hey! How’s it going?”
I sighed in relief, he was still alive.
“Hahaha, tricked you, fucker. Leave a message or don’t. I’ll call you when I can! Adios, motherfuckers!”
I got his voicemail.
My grip tightened on the door handle and I felt a tide of tears swell up.
“No answer?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Voicemail,” I confirmed tightly, my voice starting to crack.
All the images of what might lay ahead of me tormented my mind and I couldn’t help the tear that fell.
“Please hurry,” I begged Kaitlyn softly.
She looked over at me and responded by speeding up a fraction.

She dodged and weaved in between cars and pushed herself to the limit, and I appreciated it.
Ten minutes later and we turned up at a big stadium hall. I threw myself out of the car and sprinted around to the car park. I could see a figure slumped on the far side in a small alcove that looked like it usually held bins.
“Gerard!” I shouted as I ran.
The figure made no movement and I pushed myself faster. I watched as his figure grew larger until he was right there. I fell to my knees next to him and looked frantically over his body.
“Gerard!” I cried, putting my hands on his pale face and tilting his head up.
“Gee… Gee, please!” I whimpered.
He had big, dark purple bags under his eyes and his skin looked sallow. His lips were dryer than I had ever seen them and he had big, long tear tracks running down his cheeks. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed for weeks, and he smelled just about the same.
“Gee…” I whispered sadly at the state of him.
I saw an empty orange bottle, the label reading ‘Xanax’ in his hand and I started to cry.
“Fuck you, Gee! I flew across the country for you! You couldn’t even fucking wait!” I yelled in anguish at him, tears blurring my vision.
“FUCK!” I screamed, pulling on my hair.
That was when I heard it. It was faint… but I heard it.
“Bells?”

I looked up at Gerard and wiped the tears from my eyes. His eyes were barely open and he looked completely wrecked.
I started to cry even harder and I gathered him up in my arms.
“I’m here now, Gee. I’m here for you,” I whispered, over and over, into his ear.
His arms went loosely around my body and his head was leaning on my shoulder, but then I felt his body convulse and I felt something hit my back.
“Fuck… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Gerard mumbled.
The putrid, acrid smell of bile permeated my nose and I knew he had thrown up on me. I didn’t care though, I was just glad he was alive.
“I am so glad you’re alive,” I whispered, ignoring his apologies.
“I just fucking puked on you and that’s all you fucking care about?” Gerard asked in disbelief.
“I’ve got a kid. Nothing’s worse than a kid,” I laughed softly.
“Ugh, why are you here,” he grumbled.
“To support you,” I said, as if there were no other explanation.
“But… You were meant to yell at me. You screwed it all up again. You were meant to make me angry,” he groaned at me, moving away.
I shook my head.
“You kinda threw that plan out of the window when you said you wanted to kill yourself,” I said gently.
He just scoffed at me. I stood up and reached down a hand to him.
“What?” he groaned.
“Get up. We’re going to get your tour manager,” I said.
“Fuck off,” he muttered.
“No. I just flew across the country to help you. Get up. I’m keeping my promise,” I said firmly to him.

He glared up at me but then took my hand. I nearly stumbled with all the weight Gerard put on me to help him get up. He then leaned against me and it was then I realised just how much he’d had last night. I was practically his crutch as he stumbled along next to me.
“Gee, where’s the manager sleep?” I asked him.
“On the bus… first bed to the left,” he muttered.
“Okay,” I said softly.
I looked around for the bus and Gerard pointed me in the right direction. I helped Gerard over and stepped on the button to make the door open. I made Gerard sit on the step and his head lolled back to look at me and his hazel eyes looked up at me with a surprising sense of clarity and sincerity.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
I smiled at him and kissed his forehead.
“Anytime, Gee,” I assured him.

I climbed onto the bus and wrinkled my nose. It smelled like stale sweat and cat pee. I had no idea how it got that bad, but it was nasty. I proceeded to hold my nose as I made my way to where the snoring was coming from. I looked to the row of bunks to my left and carefully peeled back the curtain on the middle bunk. I was rewarded with the sight of a man I didn’t recognise. I pushed back the curtain further and gently shook the man.
“Excuse me… Excuse me,” I whispered, trying not to wake the others.
The man’s eyelids fluttered and he groaned, before his eyes focused on me.
“Who are you?” he asked, jerking upright.
“Shh!” I warned him, looking at the others.
“I’m Bob’s sister, Bells. Gerard called me last night… He needs your help,” I whispered.
He frowned at me and then sighed.
“I figured something like this was going to happen,” he admitted.
“Just please… Be gentle. It’s taken him a lot to agree to talk to you,” I warned him as he got out of the bunk.
“I understand,” he said.
I lead him to the front of the bus and Gerard looked back up at me.
“You’re back!” he declared and I smiled.
“I am, and I’m back with your tour manager,” I said to him.
“Joe,” he introduced himself. “Did you know you’ve got puke all down the back of your shirt?”
“Shhh! It was an accident,” Gerard told him.
I just looked at Joe and shrugged.
“Alright. Bells, you can have a shower, I’m going to take Gerard for some coffee,” Joe instructed.
I nodded and Gerard grunted.
“Why can’t she come?” he whined.
I was shocked at him wanting me to spend any more time with me.
“Because you puked on her Gerard,” he said firmly before looking up at me. “You can join us once you’ve showered, if you want.”
I looked at Gerard and he gave me such a pleading look that I had to agree.
“Sure. If that’s what you want, Gee?” I asked him.
He nodded back.
“Okay, well. There should be a towel in there, probably unused because these guys are animals,” Joe said, pointing me to the shower.
“I can certainly see that,” I muttered, looking at the mess sprawled everywhere.
“See you soon,” Joe said and helped Gerard up.
“Bye!” I waved before Gerard glared at me.
“It’s not a good bye, it’s a talk to you later,” he reminded me.
I smiled and nodded, touched.
“Sorry, Gee. I’ll talk to you soon,” I promised.
Gerard nodded and then walked off with Joe.