I Will Hold You When No One's Around

I will hold you when no one’s around.
2-

So, it’s been a week since that happened, and she hasn’t answered to my calls or texts even once. I think she’s mad at me. But why? Why would she be the one who’s mad? I have to be mad, not her… Maybe I wasn’t as sweet as she would have liked to… Maybe she doesn’t like me that way after all… wow. I fell a little disappointed.

No, I can’t feel disappointed! Why should I even care if she did not like to kiss me as much as I liked to kiss her? It doesn’t matter! I didn’t really like it. Yes you did… OH MY GOD WHY AM I SO FREAKING PARANOIC? I can´t stand this anymore, I’m going to see her.

I finished arguing with myself and took the car keys and went out. Got inside of the car and started it. Drove the way out of the driveway and headed to her house. Every minute I passed on the road I asked myself if this was a good idea. And when I arrived there, what I saw convinced me that it wasn´t.

There she was, sitting in the grass, outside of her house. With a guy. They were freaking holding hands. Looking each other with so much fucking love. Goddammit, it made me sick.

“Wait… what?”-I heard her loud voice and noticed she was looking at my car. She got on her feet and ran to me.

“Who’s that?” –I asked, with a serious face, glaring at the dude who was now checking my best friend’s ass turned to him.

“He’s just a friend…” –She answered after a little silence.

“And why were you holding hands?”

“Why does that even matter to you?” –She raised her voice and looked angrily at me.

“Because you are my best friend! And why don’t you answer to my texts or my calls? You haven’t
had even a little chat since last week!”

“We really need to talk…”

“I know we do. Get in the fucking car and let’s clear these things.” –I said.

Without even hesitating, she opened the door and got herself in. The douche bag she was with had a very confused face, but by the time he started to scream we were already far away.

When we finally got there, we sat and looked at each other without saying a word. We stayed like that for a long time, until I broke the silence.

“That was weird…” –I said trying not to sound so serious.

“Yeah… that was weird and this is awkward.” –She stated.

“Maybe a little… But, I have to question why.” –I couldn’t look her in the eyes by that time.

“Because…” –She didn’t try to look to my eyes either.

“Because? That doesn’t make any sense. Please, talk.”

After a long time of hearing only stupid excuses, I just exploded.

“Why did you kiss me if then you were going to be hooking up with some other guy?”

“You didn’t like the kiss!”

“How can you say that?!”

“You were so weird for the rest of the night, and I thought you hated me…”

“Come on! I would NEVER hate you! I love you with all my heart!”

“And I love you too…”

“And… “–I tried to keep serious, but I could already feel my cheeks red and couldn’t keep myself
from smiling. “I did like the kiss.”

“Really?” –She asked, with a look full of hope.

“Yeah…”

“Would you tell me how you felt?

That question totally made my face burn red. “I… It was good…”

“Good? Just good?” –She pushed me, but I could feel the disappointment in her voice. It killed me.

“No… I wasn’t just good, it was amazing. In fact, it felt great. Please don’t hate me…” –I blurt out.

“I don´t hate you, actually, the feeling is mutual.”

And right away, she got up, took me by the neck and gave me the most passionate kiss I have ever been given. She took of my leather jacket and her wool scarf. I felt her skin rubbing with mine, her eyes locked with mine when they were not closed due to the pleasure we were giving to each other. My hands, I didn’t know where to place them, I wanted to touch her all over, but I wasn't fearless enough. She pulled my hair and I let a small moan come out of my mouth. We kissed and kissed, and I swear I didn’t want to stop. Her tongue and mine started fighting for power but now they were synchronized in a perfect dance. The heat her body was letting out, the feelings she made me feel, our breaths were totally flurried and I could feel the shivers go through my spine, my legs were shaking, and suddenly, with a quaver voice, she said: “I want you”.

I broke the kiss she had just started, and moved a little away from her, realizing of what just happened. This couldn’t go any further.

“No…” –I whispered. “I can’t, we can’t do this…”

“Why can’t we?” –She asked me, with the most hurtful face I have seen.

“It’s not natural.” –I cut, looking at her eyes full of tears.

“I’m sorry then. Goodbye.” –She seemed so broken, sad, angry… Loveless. She got out of my house and left me there, all alone. I didn't say a word.