Facade

A rush of warm air greeted me as I stepped in, and instantly the chill of outside became a memory. Someone was moving around in the kitchen, and faint music was coming from upstairs.

“Beth?” I jumped, not realising how close Joey was behind me. He laughed at my reaction and clapped a hand on my shoulder, in what he probably thought was a comforting gesture. In reality I had to resist the urge to push it off by digging my nails into my palms. As always,the pain distracted me but I could still feel it there.

“I’m in here!” A woman's voice sounded from the kitchen, I guessed it was Beth. Her voice sounded annoyed, which made my mind wander back to my previous thoughts. What if she was annoyed at him, or me? I didn’t have time to ponder these questions as I was being steered down the hall. My trainers squeaked on the shiny wooden floor and I focused on the sound instead of the feeling of the hand on my back as much as I could.

The door opened to reveal a slightly pudgy woman of average height. She had ginger hair and small eyes green eyes. I guessed she would have been pretty when she was younger, but time had seemed to rob her of most of the looks she once possessed. Her back was to us as she was fiddling with the oven dials, though she straightened as she saw us enter.

“Rachel, this is Beth, my wife. Beth dear this is Rachel… My daughter.” Her mouth turned upwards as I was introduced but it didn’t reach her eyes. I knew straight away that I wouldn’t have to worry about getting hugs from her, and relief flooded through me briefly. She held out her hand and I shook it, trying to appear confident though I guessed she would be able to tell I was nervous as my palms were clammy. I'd wiped them secretly on my t-shirt as we were walking down the hall, but it hadn't helped much.

“Nice to meet you Rachel. Is there a name you’d like us to call you?” I retracted my hand and resisted the urge to wipe it on my jeans. Normally people would call me Rach, but I knew how weird that would feel coming from these strangers that were my family, so I just shook my head.

“Rachel’s good.” I murmured. Joey grinned at me, then glanced back into the hall, up the stairs.

“Shall I get Riley…?” Beth thought about it for a moment and I prayed her answer would be no. I didn’t want to meet Riley, but luck hadn’t been on my side lately.

“Yeah okay. They’re going to have to meet some time, it might as well be now. “ Joey left and an awkwardness descended over us. I knew she was thinking of something to say, but I wished she wouldn’t bother. “Once you’ve met Ri we’ll take you up to your room and let you get settled. Does that sound good?” I nodded, at least I would be alone in there. I needed some time to be away from people and think, though I doubted I’d get that much time. Silence descended again and I felt an overwhelming need to say something, anything, to break the silence. I wanted her to like me, I was going to be living with her after all.

“That food smells nice,” I managed to choke out. She smiled the first genuine smile I’d seen of hers, even if it was a small one.

“Thanks Rachel, it’ll be ready in about an hour. That’ll be enough time for you to get settled I’m sure.” I wasn’t but I really didn’t have any choice in the matter so I kept quiet. I was saved from the pressure of making conversation that second as Joey came through the door followed by a tall teenage boy. He had my blonde hair and eyes, with Joey’s jaw and a straight nose. I definitely saw the resemblance between us and I’m sure he did too as when he saw me he did a double take.

“Riley, this is Rachel, Rachel, Riley.” He rolled his eyes at his father’s overly cheery tone and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Hi,” I said monotonously , not expecting a cheery greeting in response as he didn’t exactly look like he was happy to see me. He nodded in response, and then looked to Joey as if to ask ‘can I leave now?’. Joey looked pointedly at him and he sighed.

“It’s nice to meet you.” He said in the least it’s-nice-to-meet-you voice I’d heard yet. I wondered why he had such a problem with me, then realised I didn’t care. It’s not like I would have been socialising with him much if he’d have been nice to me anyway. People my own age were the worst. I answered back in the same voice, deciding I could play the game just as good as him. It didn’t seem to bother him though, and Joey finally let him leave, making him show me to my room as he did though. He grabbed my bags in the hall angrily, and headed up the stairs. I followed behind him silently, deciding that I definitely didn’t like this family.

“Here,” he muttered, pushing a door open and placing my bags at the entrance, before heading down the hall to the source of his music – what I guessed was his room.

“Thanks, “ I called sarcastically, wondering if it would get a response from him but he didn’t look back. Angrily I kicked my bag to release some of the frustration that was building inside of me, but all it did was anger me further as I heard something break. I wasn't in the mood to find out what it was so I just stepped over the bags into the room and surveyed it. It was nice, if yellow was your thing. It was quite small, a single bed in one corner (yellow sheets), a wardrobe and chest of drawers, a book shelf in the corner and a desk and chair against the back wall, all in the same shiny dark wood. A mirror was hung on the yellow walls, but I avoided looking at myself. After six hours in a car I probably looked hideous. I definitely looked hideous.

Wanting to distract myself from the depressing nature of my thoughts, I figured I might as well start unpacking already. I dragged the first bag across the dark wooden floor and opened it to reveal the majority of the clothes I owned, mainly an assortment of skinny jeans and baggy t-shirts. I hung all of them in the wardrobe, along with the single dress I owned. It was black, halter neck, and reached my knees. I’d worn it to my mother’s funeral. Hanging it up as quickly as possible to try and avoid the memories that I knew would come flooding back didn’t work.

Nameless face after face pressing their hand into mine, telling me how sorry they were, bullshitting about how much they loved my mother and how much of a wonderful person she was. I didn’t know why they bothered, we all knew that she wasn't so great. The sickly smell of the food at the wake and forcing myself to eat a few bites because caterers were expensive but nothing seeming to go down. The feel of the casket as I ran my finger along it-

I shook my head in an attempt to rid myself of thoughts like that. I needed to focus if I wanted to be unpacked before dinner and I really wanted to get it out of the way. As quick as I could, I shoved my shoes into the bottom of my wardrobe and emptied my underwear and night clothes into the top drawer of the chest of drawers. The rest of my belongings – a few books and magazines, a faded photo in a frame of me and my mother, then one of me and my gran, jewellery, makeup and crappy laptop were unpacked quickly and I shoved the bags under the bed.

I had a few minutes on the bed to relax, thinking things through in the privacy of my own room with peace and quiet before I was disturbed. Riley was knocking on my door to tell me dinner was ready. For a brief second I considered staying up in my room, I was feeling too tired to deal with people and I was sure I would be asked hundreds of questions over the meal.

“Suck it up you fucking weirdo,” I whispered whilst running a hand through my hair. It felt horrible and greasy. I winced. I made my way downstairs and the others were already seated, there was one seat free. For a second, I thought how strange it was. A table with four seats, and just one space, perfect for me. I kind of just fit into their lives, though looking at Beth and Riley’s expressions I wasn’t sure they were happy about it. I realised that I’d just been standing there like an idiot and that they were starting to stare at me so I quickly sat down and picked up my fork.

The food was nice, some sort of stew, but I wasn't really focusing on the food. You could almost cut the tension in the air with a knife, it was that thick. Beth and Riley did not seem happy at all, but Joey didn’t seem to notice. Or if he did, he was definitely ignoring it. The awkward silence seemed to stretch for months before Joey broke the silence with the only thing he could think of – questioning me.

“So, Rachel. What was it like back where you used to live? Do you think you’ll miss it?” Riley rolled his eyes at the question but didn’t comment. Beth’s face was still firmly downwards facing her plate. I tried to think of something interesting in ways of an answer but came up blank.

“It was… very dull. Not much really happened there. There was nothing much to do either. I don’t really care about leaving there,” Joey nodded, looking as if the answer I’d just given him was one of the most interesting things he’d heard all day.

“Oh…But I’m sure you were sad to say goodbye to your friends?” I resisted the urge to snort and instead took another bite of the stew, chewing slowly so I could think of my answer. I’d never been really social even as a child but as I grew up I’d began to slowly hate social interaction because most of the time people pissed me off and in the end I didn’t really have anyone. I’d made friends during the phase of endless partying, but they weren’t people I’d care to remember, some of them I couldn't even put names to. I never even said good bye to them. For a moment I wondered about how much Joey had been told about me and why I needed a fresh start, but I doubted Gran would have told him about anything other than Mum. If she had it wouldn’t really be a fresh start.

“Eh, I guess. I’ll be fine though,” I answered after the pause, deciding to keep him in the dark about how much of an antisocial freak his daughter was for as long as possible. Otherwise it could hinder our father daughter ‘bonding’.

“Yeah you can always keep in touch with them over the internet and things, can’t you?” I nodded. “Technology nowadays is amazing, really… Anyway tell me about yourself, I feel like we’re still complete strangers”. We were complete strangers. Considering we’d known each other for about two hours, it wasn't really that bad. I guess he just needed an excuse to be nosy, but I still resented his question. I hated talking about myself, whenever I was asked that question it just seemed as if I forgot who I was.

“Erm… What do you want to know?” I hoped he would narrow it down a little but in my past experiences normally the person asking would say ‘anything’ or even worse ‘everything’.

“Hm, what are some of your likes and dislikes?” I glanced nervously over at Riley to see him smirking into his plate. Smug git.

“I like… Personal space, horror movies and uh….mint choc chip ice cream. I don’t like…when people don’t respect my personal space,” I was hoping he’d pick up on the hint, “ coke and science fiction”.

“You don’t like coke? What kind of person doesn’t like coke? It’s like…Nectar of the Gods.” Riley stared at me like I’d just announced that my favourite hobby was eating dead babies.

“Me, obviously. And they must be some pretty dodgy Gods, because it’s gross. Plus did you know it like dissolves yours insides? Google image it, it’s nasty.” He made a face at me, which I childishly returned, but didn’t say anything else.

“I like horror movies too, maybe we would watch one together sometime.” Normally I’d refuse but Joey was staring at me with such a stupid grin on his face that I couldn’t say no. Plus, I didn’t want him to hate me already, before he actually got to know me. Instead I nodded, hoping he was the type of person to make plans then promptly forget about them ten minutes later. I was, so I was thinking I could have inherited that from him.

He continued to question me like that for the rest of dinner. Grilling me on how I did in school (average but I lied: really it was rubbish), what things I did in my spare time (sleep, eat, swim, draw though I hadn't been doing much swimming or drawing for years), and things like that. I answered them all as quickly as possible with the shortest answers I could think of without speaking in monosyllables. Time passed painfully slowly but finally dinner was finished and I was allowed to go upstairs, shower and then rest as I must have been ‘very tired from the journey’.

It was a long time before I got to sleep that night. This was meant to be a fresh start, somewhere for me to start new and to finally be happy but the reality seemed much different. I wasn't sure how much of this family I could take and I’d been around them for less than a day. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but this definitely wasn’t it. This family was not mine. It wasn’t my mother with her messy hair and bright green eyes, her love of old music and the games we used to play. This was something else entirely, with people that couldn’t even seem to look at each other and awkward silences and tension. I was a stranger in that house, and I absolutely hated it.