I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Alex's P.O.V.

19 missed calls, 23 unread text messages. Alex's phone was on the other side of the room underneath a pillow, as Alex sat fuming on the edge of the sofa.

Rian had obviously given Jack his number, and Alex felt annoyed and betrayed at his actions. Now that Rian and Alex were on speaking terms again Rian was meant to be on Alex's side!

Alex groaned and pulled at his hair as his phone buzzed again, loudly and obnoxiously, for the 30th time that day. And it was only 11am.

It suddenly occurred to Alex that he could easily just turn off his phone to avoid the annoying buzzing coming from his mobile, but for some reason he didn't want to turn it off.

There was part of him that liked the way Jack wouldn't stop pestering him, he liked that Jack would stop at nothing to try and get hold of him.

Alex had been to starved of Jack attention for the past 5 years, and he wasn't about to give up an opportunity this quickly.

Luckily for himself though Alex had some common sense, and he knew that answering that phone or even seeing Jack again would end badly.

So summoning what little will power he had left in his body, Alex pulled his mobile out and switched it off, cutting the incoming call from an unrecognized number off.

Feeling slightly stir crazy due to having not left the house for two days, Alex grabbed his keys and slammed the door behind him as he walked outdoors, hoping more than anything that a walk could get his mind off Jack.

Jack's P.O.V.

After the 26th call and 30th text message to Alex's mobile, Jack finally put down Rian's land line telephone, feeling slightly bad about the fact that he might have a hefty bill.

Letting out a noise of frustration Jack stood up and started pacing, his brain racing like it had been for the past two days. The nights had been even more sleepless than usual, but not because of nightmares.

Every time Jack closed his eyes he had flashbacks of him and Alex in that tree house, and flashbacks of Alex running away.

But that didn't matter to Jack, the fact that he ran away. Because he knew that the feeling he got as soon as their lips touched couldn't have been felt by only himself. Alex must have felt it too, there was no way he couldn't have.

He understood that Alex might have been scared, but surely avoiding Jack wouldn't make things any better? Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all, Jack knew that first hand.

...............................................................................................................

Jack rapped his knuckles on the front door of Alex apartment for the second time in his life, huffing when he didn't answer the door after 5 minutes. He could hear the sound of the television from inside, and if he put his ear to the door he heard things being moved around in the kitchen.

Feeling slightly annoyed at Alex's rudeness, Jack hammered his fist on the wood relentlessly, knocking even harder when he didn't hear any footsteps approaching.

"I know you're in there Alex! Be a man and open the door will you?!"

A feeling of accomplishment washed over Jack as he heard him stomping down the hall, a long slew of curse words pouring from his mouth as he unlocked the door.

When it eventually swung open though however, it wasn't Alex on the other side. It was a rather pissed off looking Craig.

Jack took this opportunity to give Craig a proper look, since he hadn't really had the chance at the hospital, and his heart sunk when he saw just how attractive Craig really was. All his facial features were totally in proportion and perfect, his ivory skin contrasting nicely with his dark jaw length hair. He was a couple of inches shorter than Jack, and skinny but toned at the same time.

Giving Jack a funny look, Craig leant against the door frame and folded his arms, as if he were waiting for Jack to explain himself.

"I uh... I was just... Is Alex there?"

Jack felt extremely awkward as Alex's boyfriend stood there, still not saying anything to Jack.

Eventually Craig shook his head, and sighed as though Jack was wasting his precious time. Judging by the look on Craig's face, he wasn't exactly pleased to see Jack at Alex's front door.

"No he's not, I came round looking for him... What do you want anyway?"

"Nothing important really, I just needed a quick word."

Jack felt kinda bad for blatantly lying to the man stood in front of him, especially as he had been the reason Alex had cheated on Craig. But what else could he have said? That he had just popped round to pronounce his undying love for Alex? He had a feeling that might not go down well with Craig.

"Well you should probably be thankful he's not here, he's been in a pretty weird mood for the past two days or so."

Jack's heart raced and he tried not to let it show how much Craig's words affected him just then.

"Oh? Well anyway, if you could tell him that i dropped by that would be good."

Jack ruffled the hair on the back of his head awkwardly, and Craig stood up straighter starting to close the door slightly.

"Yeah okay, Jack right?"

Jack nodded and smiled at Craig, a smile that wasn't returned. Jack turned and walked down the hall with disappointment pooling in his stomach as he made his way down the staircase of the apartment building slowly.

He took each step excruciatingly slowly, because he knew that he would have nothing better to do than wallow when he got home. He wanted to waste as much time here as possible.

He found himself wondering why Alex had been in a "weird mood" for the past two days. Was he angry at Jack? Or did he just feel guilty for cheating on his boyfriend?

His thought process was interrupted however, when he found himself walking smack into another body as he turned a corner in the never ending staircase.

Alex gasped when he locked eyes on Jack, and turned to try and bolt out of the door he had just come through, making Jack grab his wrist to stop him.

His arm was cold in Jacks grip due to the slightly chilly air outside and that he wasn't wearing a jacket, and he shivered when Jack pulled him slightly closer.

"Can you get off me please? I just wanna go home."

He sounded exhausted, and Jack briefly wondered how much sleep he had been getting recently, the bags under his eyes confirming Jack's suspicions.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"Why wont you fucking leave me alone?!"

Jack flinched at his words and harsh words, and Alex obviously noticed because he looked like he felt slightly guilty. He sighed, pulling his arm gently out of Jacks grip before speaking again while running his hands through his hair.

"Look Jack I just think I should go okay? I can't be around you right now."

"Why not? You're the only person I want to be around right now! I've been going out of my mind, my mind hasn't stopped racing since that kiss."

Jack wasn't lying when he said that, and he knew that he couldn't have been the only one who had felt the butterflies. There was so much emotion in that kiss, there was no way that Alex couldn't have felt it.

"I moved on Jack, after you left. You can't just plonk me right back onto square one again and expect me to be happy about it. Besides I'm with Craig now aren't I?"

"Oh yeah he's in your apartment by the way."

Alex groaned and stopped dead in his tracks when he had started to walk up the stairs, and Jack raised an eyebrow at him in accomplishment.

"You and Craig seem like a very happy couple."

This seemed to anger Alex, because his entire body stiffened and he walked back towards Jack, poking him harshly in the chest with every word that he spoke.

"I. Am. Happy."

"I wasn't suggesting anything otherwise Alex."
Jack responded smoothly, which only seemed to make Alex angrier as he stepped even closer.

"You know the difference between you and Craig? Craig would never hurt me, not in a million years. Plus he actually loves me, he doesn't just claim to after 5 years of no contact whatsoever."

That stung Jack a little, he would have thought that the kiss the other night would have been enough to convince Alex that Jack still was madly in love with him. Maybe he would have to jog Alex's memory a little.

Without even thinking about it, Jack hit the call button on the elevator next to them in the hallway, watching as Alex's facial expression turned from anger to confusion.

"Jack what the fuck, why are you calling the el-"

He was cut off by the doors sliding open and Jack yanking him inside by his skinny upper arm. Jack hit the button for the top floor to buy them as much time as possible, and pressed Alex against the mirrored wall inside.

To his surprise, Alex didn't resist. It was like he knew that even if he did, Jack would have overpowered him eventually.

The second the doors had shut, Alex had his hands twined in Jack's hair tightly, bringing their faces together until their lips were millimeters apart. Jack pressed against him harder as their bodies molded together perfectly, making Jack whine because Alex still wouldn't let their lips meet.

"You've got some fucking cheek Barakat, coming back here and throwing about your opinions on whether you think I'm happy or not. And even if I wasn't happy, it wouldn't be Craig's fault, and it certainly wouldn't be mine. It would be all yours. My life was fine before you came back here, and it will be fine when you leave again."

Alex's hands tightened in Jacks hair, pulling harder with every word out of pure anger towards the older man. The feel of Alex's warm breath on Jack's mouth was driving him crazy, and Alex seemed to know what kind of effect he was having on him because he was smiling sadistically.

The bell in the elevator dinged and Alex flipped them around so that he was no longer trapped between Jack and the wall, pressing three or four buttons to give them more time.

It was kind of a turn on seeing Alex so angry like this, and the way he was pulling Jacks hair previously was almost enough to make him moan. Angry Alex wasn't something Jack had ever experienced before, as the Alex that he went to high school with never got angry. It was just another example of how much five years could change someone.

Alex sauntered back over to where Jack was still stood flustered against the wall, swinging his hips in his tight jeans as he walked. He had a dark look in his eyes, and his facial expression showed just how pissed off he really was.

"How fucking dare you accuse me of not being happy with my boyfriend?! How dare you?!"

But Jack was convinced that he was right on this one. There was no passion between them, no chemistry. How defensive he was getting only confirmed that.

Alex was stood a couple of inches away from Jack now, clearly waiting for an answer from the older man. Jack said nothing, just waiting for the anger to fade. If there was one thing that Jack knew about Alex, it was that he had always found it difficult to stay angry at Jack for any length of time.

As if on cue, Alex sighed and looked at Jack exasperatedly. Though he knew he was pushing his luck a little, Jack pulled Alex closer by both of his wrists, and pressed their bodies together in a tight hug.

Alex seemed to relax in his arms, and Jack just kept his arms around the younger boy securely, hoping to offer some sort of comfort.

"If you think that this is gonna end in us making out then you can fuck right off."

Alex's words were muffled by Jacks shoulder, and Jack chuckled before rubbing Alex's back affectionately.

"The thought hadn't even crossed my mind, though it clearly crossed yours."

Punching Jacks back lightly, Alex pulled away from him with red cheeks and a scowl. Jack just smirked knowingly at him, knowing how much he was getting to the brown haired boy in front of him.

"I have a boyfriend, therefore I'm not interested. Sorry."

"Do you love him Alex?"

Alex opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, seeming to not know how to answer the question Jack had just asked him. The fact that he had to hesitate planted a tiny seed of hope in Jacks body, spurring him on to ask Alex more questions that he didn't want to answer.

"Does he make you shiver every time he touches you? Do you get butterflies when his name appears on your phone screen? Does he plague your every thought? Would you spend the rest of your life with him?"

By this point Alex looked like he was about to cry. He refused to meet Jacks stare, and his mouth was still opening and closing like he didn't know what to say.

Still not having said anything, Alex pressed the button for the 3rd floor on the elevator, while Jack waited for his answer.

The lift started to travel downwards and Jack waited even longer, growing more and more impatient with each passing second.

The doors slid open once they reached the 3rd floor, and just as Jack thought Alex was going to leave without answering, he spoke.

"I may not be in love with him Jack, but I like it like that. I've been in love before, and that left me feeling like shit. At least if I don't love Craig he can never hurt me as much as you did."

With that he turned and walked out of the elevator and down the hall, not looking back once.