Memento Mori
II
I gripped tighter on the bouquet in my hands, searching the rows of headstones. Moments before Penny had offered to walk me to it, but I wanted to surprise her like I’d promised I would. A passed many stones, etched with many phrases that must have meant something to someone. In the corner of the grave yard was a rounded tombstone, crowded with flowers and bears.
I bowed my head and walked to it, kneeling to read: Katie Grace Partrich. Beloved Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Mother. January 13th 1979 – February 28th 2012. How joyful you were, and will always be.
I swallowed sobs, my fingers tracing over the engraved letters. Spinning circles around her name wishing, dying to bring her back. I braced both of my hands against the fresh dirt, dropping the roses. Tears rolled down my face, falling to the ground above her.
“Katie,” I swallowed, sobbing. “Surprise!” I yelled jokingly, smiling helplessly as tears found their way into my open mouth leaving a salty taste on my tongue. “My sweet Katie. I wish so much I could be with you. I wish I could have surprised you like you’d always wanted. I thought about how I would do it every night I was there. I thought of a lot of different ways to surprise you, and god this just was never one of them.”
“I got to tell you Kate, you put me in hell. I can’t handle this, this not having you. And I know if Haydenne wasn’t here, I’d do anything I could to be with you. I know you’re in heaven and maybe you’re listening to me. I love you Katie. I miss you Katie. I wish I could be with you Katie. I got you some flowers, but I don’t know what use those are.”
I wiped some tears from my eyes, trying to compose myself. I pulled a note from my pocket.
“Katie do you remember when you wrote me that last note? I wrote back, but I didn’t have time to send it before I got your sister note. I’m going to read it to you since you never got to hear it, okay? It says:
Katie,
God I miss you too. Iran is nothing without my Katie. I’ve got a big surprise planned for you, but I still have no clue when exactly I’m coming home. I hope you feel better my love, and I wish I could care for you.
My beautiful Katie you’re what carries me through the night and day here in this wretched place. The thought of holding you in my arms again. I can’t wait to see you.
All the love I have,
Trevor.”
I repositioned myself, holding the note carefully.
“Want to know what’s funny about that Katie; I did know when I was coming back. Today. I’ve known the whole time I was coming back today. I had this whole grand surprise planned just for you. I hired a flash mob, because I remember you used to spend hours watching them on the internet. I hired one for you. I miss you Katie. I miss you so much. It still feels like some kind of cruel joke. “
“I’ll take good care of Haydenne for you, I promise. And I’ll visit you every week until the day I die.” I choked down a whimper, kissing the note in my hand and placing it neatly in front of her tombstone. “That was meant for you love. God Katie, I’m so sorry. I love you.”
I stood, crying like a child who lost something precious. I came home to my Katie.
I bowed my head and walked to it, kneeling to read: Katie Grace Partrich. Beloved Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Mother. January 13th 1979 – February 28th 2012. How joyful you were, and will always be.
I swallowed sobs, my fingers tracing over the engraved letters. Spinning circles around her name wishing, dying to bring her back. I braced both of my hands against the fresh dirt, dropping the roses. Tears rolled down my face, falling to the ground above her.
“Katie,” I swallowed, sobbing. “Surprise!” I yelled jokingly, smiling helplessly as tears found their way into my open mouth leaving a salty taste on my tongue. “My sweet Katie. I wish so much I could be with you. I wish I could have surprised you like you’d always wanted. I thought about how I would do it every night I was there. I thought of a lot of different ways to surprise you, and god this just was never one of them.”
“I got to tell you Kate, you put me in hell. I can’t handle this, this not having you. And I know if Haydenne wasn’t here, I’d do anything I could to be with you. I know you’re in heaven and maybe you’re listening to me. I love you Katie. I miss you Katie. I wish I could be with you Katie. I got you some flowers, but I don’t know what use those are.”
I wiped some tears from my eyes, trying to compose myself. I pulled a note from my pocket.
“Katie do you remember when you wrote me that last note? I wrote back, but I didn’t have time to send it before I got your sister note. I’m going to read it to you since you never got to hear it, okay? It says:
Katie,
God I miss you too. Iran is nothing without my Katie. I’ve got a big surprise planned for you, but I still have no clue when exactly I’m coming home. I hope you feel better my love, and I wish I could care for you.
My beautiful Katie you’re what carries me through the night and day here in this wretched place. The thought of holding you in my arms again. I can’t wait to see you.
All the love I have,
Trevor.”
I repositioned myself, holding the note carefully.
“Want to know what’s funny about that Katie; I did know when I was coming back. Today. I’ve known the whole time I was coming back today. I had this whole grand surprise planned just for you. I hired a flash mob, because I remember you used to spend hours watching them on the internet. I hired one for you. I miss you Katie. I miss you so much. It still feels like some kind of cruel joke. “
“I’ll take good care of Haydenne for you, I promise. And I’ll visit you every week until the day I die.” I choked down a whimper, kissing the note in my hand and placing it neatly in front of her tombstone. “That was meant for you love. God Katie, I’m so sorry. I love you.”
I stood, crying like a child who lost something precious. I came home to my Katie.