Status: new; active
Shield Me From the Storms
Josh-filled dreams
Walking back from the park, I continuously kicked myself. I’d had my chance, it would have been so easy, but I chickened out. Part of me was proud of myself for getting so close. But another part of me was terrified for the same reason. I’d never got so close to telling anyone before. I already knew it was a conversation that wouldn’t go well, I mean, hearing your boyfriend tell you that he has a pretty serious illness isn't exactly good news. I guess it could be worse, I suppose my illness isn't fatal, so I guess in that respect it’s better than, say, cancer. But still…it’s not a great illness. No illness is great, sure, but seizures can be pretty terrifying for everyone. And the last thing I wanted was to scare Josh off.
“You okay?” Josh asked, squeezing my hand and I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, just thinking,” I said. I could see my house just down the road, so I knew that in a few minutes I’d be able to go and hide in my room and think this through thoroughly.
“Looks like you’re thinking about something pretty serious,” he said and I shrugged.
“Not really,” I smiled, trying to make my face more relaxed. “I just have one of those faces…I always seem serious.” Josh nodded around a smile and let go of my hand to wrap his arm around my waist instead.
“I kinda like that about you, though,” Josh said and I glanced at him. “I like that you seem to think so deeply about everything.”
“Sometimes I wish I was spontaneous,” I told him and he smiled.
“I think there’s something to be said for being a careful person,” he said. “How about I’ll be the spontaneous one in our relationship and you be the thoughtful one.” I couldn’t help but smile at him.
“Sounds like a plan,” I said and he smiled, leaning down to quickly peck my lips.
When we got back to my house, I noted that my parents weren’t get back from work or wherever they’d gone in the evening. “Wanna come in?” I asked. “Watch a movie or something?”
“Sure,” he smiled and I unlocked the door and held it open for him. I then realised that despite having been together for over 2 months, Josh had never actually invited me to his house… I wanted to ask but at the same time I would feel way too nosy. I just had to hope that he eventually did want me at his house. In fact, I realised then that he very rarely talked about his home or his family. I wasn’t even sure what his family even consisted of. I mean, he’d mentioned his mum but I wasn’t sure if he had any siblings or if his dad was around. But I could sense that family was a touchy topic for him, so I didn’t push it. Even with Sophia, who was practically a sister to Josh, he didn’t talk about his family much. I really wanted him to let me in one day, but I understood that for now, family was something he didn’t like to discuss.
We went into the living room and I flicked on The Avengers, which was about 5 minutes in on a movies channel, and we settled down to watch that. Honestly, no matter how many times I watched The Avengers, I loved it every time.
“Puny God,” I murmured along with the Hulk and Josh turned to me and grinned. I blushed, embarrassed at having been caught, but he quickly kissed me, making me forget my embarrassment.
“You’re so cute,” he said and I just started blushing all over again.
“Shut up,” I muttered, wanting to turn away, but Josh’s fingers went to my chin to hold me still.
“You are,” he said, “I promise.” I rolled me eyes and focused on the small amount of sofa there was between our bodies.
“Thanks,” I said anyway and Josh chuckled. He raised my head once again and closed the gap between us once again.
“Tell me to stop,” Josh whispered before kissing me again but I really didn’t want him to stop. He was much more gentle than he had been last time, his touch more cautious, but I decided not to hold back. I’d had a seizure that morning so I knew chances were low that I’d have a second. And I couldn’t feel the onset of one like I normally could, so I knew I was able to push myself a little bit. My hands moved to his hair, burying in the soft strands of his afro and trying to encourage him to kiss me slightly more deeply. I loved it when Josh took control. Though I also loved that he still backed off when I needed him to. There was just so many things about Josh that I loved…
Our kiss/make-out session came to a natural end that time and I was proud of myself for not freaking out halfway through. I rested my forehead against Josh’s as we caught our breath, both us of at a loss for words. We both sensed that something important had happened, though only I knew just how important this was for me. I was relaxed enough with Josh, I trusted him enough, to totally let my guard down and enjoy the moment.
At just after 9, my parents returned with arms full of Tescos bags. Josh and I helped them bring everything inside, but then I started to feel tired and knew I needed to get to bed soon. “Tonight was nice,” I smiled as we stood at the front door. “You should come over more often to watch a film…and then not watch it.” Josh grinned, pulling me in for a final kiss.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said and I nodded. He pecked my lips once more before heading back out the door and to his house. I smiled softly and closed the door, taking a deep breath to calm myself down.
“Good evening?” dad asked me and I just grinned as I headed upstairs and to my bedroom. I pulled out my pills from the draw and quickly swallowed two of them. I slowly started getting ready for bed; brushed my teeth, changed, and then flopped back onto my bed, my eyes falling closed.
I’d never been able to kiss someone before, let alone make out with them like that. I trusted Josh so much. Sure, it had taken a while and more than a smidge of patience on his part, but I think it was finally paying off. I mean, sure, we might not be able to have sex any time soon like a normal couple would, but I think Josh would understand, even if I didn’t explain. He was just amazing. And yeah, I was pretty sure I’d fallen in love with him. No one had ever been so patient with me before, no one had been so understanding without even knowing what was going on. He was just so kind, so good hearted. And I knew that when the time came for me to tell him the truth, he would just take my hand, kiss me, and tell me that he loved me, that he didn’t care that I was ill. I smiled and my eyes slid closed as I drifted off into pleasant Josh-filled dreams.
“You okay?” Josh asked, squeezing my hand and I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, just thinking,” I said. I could see my house just down the road, so I knew that in a few minutes I’d be able to go and hide in my room and think this through thoroughly.
“Looks like you’re thinking about something pretty serious,” he said and I shrugged.
“Not really,” I smiled, trying to make my face more relaxed. “I just have one of those faces…I always seem serious.” Josh nodded around a smile and let go of my hand to wrap his arm around my waist instead.
“I kinda like that about you, though,” Josh said and I glanced at him. “I like that you seem to think so deeply about everything.”
“Sometimes I wish I was spontaneous,” I told him and he smiled.
“I think there’s something to be said for being a careful person,” he said. “How about I’ll be the spontaneous one in our relationship and you be the thoughtful one.” I couldn’t help but smile at him.
“Sounds like a plan,” I said and he smiled, leaning down to quickly peck my lips.
When we got back to my house, I noted that my parents weren’t get back from work or wherever they’d gone in the evening. “Wanna come in?” I asked. “Watch a movie or something?”
“Sure,” he smiled and I unlocked the door and held it open for him. I then realised that despite having been together for over 2 months, Josh had never actually invited me to his house… I wanted to ask but at the same time I would feel way too nosy. I just had to hope that he eventually did want me at his house. In fact, I realised then that he very rarely talked about his home or his family. I wasn’t even sure what his family even consisted of. I mean, he’d mentioned his mum but I wasn’t sure if he had any siblings or if his dad was around. But I could sense that family was a touchy topic for him, so I didn’t push it. Even with Sophia, who was practically a sister to Josh, he didn’t talk about his family much. I really wanted him to let me in one day, but I understood that for now, family was something he didn’t like to discuss.
We went into the living room and I flicked on The Avengers, which was about 5 minutes in on a movies channel, and we settled down to watch that. Honestly, no matter how many times I watched The Avengers, I loved it every time.
“Puny God,” I murmured along with the Hulk and Josh turned to me and grinned. I blushed, embarrassed at having been caught, but he quickly kissed me, making me forget my embarrassment.
“You’re so cute,” he said and I just started blushing all over again.
“Shut up,” I muttered, wanting to turn away, but Josh’s fingers went to my chin to hold me still.
“You are,” he said, “I promise.” I rolled me eyes and focused on the small amount of sofa there was between our bodies.
“Thanks,” I said anyway and Josh chuckled. He raised my head once again and closed the gap between us once again.
“Tell me to stop,” Josh whispered before kissing me again but I really didn’t want him to stop. He was much more gentle than he had been last time, his touch more cautious, but I decided not to hold back. I’d had a seizure that morning so I knew chances were low that I’d have a second. And I couldn’t feel the onset of one like I normally could, so I knew I was able to push myself a little bit. My hands moved to his hair, burying in the soft strands of his afro and trying to encourage him to kiss me slightly more deeply. I loved it when Josh took control. Though I also loved that he still backed off when I needed him to. There was just so many things about Josh that I loved…
Our kiss/make-out session came to a natural end that time and I was proud of myself for not freaking out halfway through. I rested my forehead against Josh’s as we caught our breath, both us of at a loss for words. We both sensed that something important had happened, though only I knew just how important this was for me. I was relaxed enough with Josh, I trusted him enough, to totally let my guard down and enjoy the moment.
At just after 9, my parents returned with arms full of Tescos bags. Josh and I helped them bring everything inside, but then I started to feel tired and knew I needed to get to bed soon. “Tonight was nice,” I smiled as we stood at the front door. “You should come over more often to watch a film…and then not watch it.” Josh grinned, pulling me in for a final kiss.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said and I nodded. He pecked my lips once more before heading back out the door and to his house. I smiled softly and closed the door, taking a deep breath to calm myself down.
“Good evening?” dad asked me and I just grinned as I headed upstairs and to my bedroom. I pulled out my pills from the draw and quickly swallowed two of them. I slowly started getting ready for bed; brushed my teeth, changed, and then flopped back onto my bed, my eyes falling closed.
I’d never been able to kiss someone before, let alone make out with them like that. I trusted Josh so much. Sure, it had taken a while and more than a smidge of patience on his part, but I think it was finally paying off. I mean, sure, we might not be able to have sex any time soon like a normal couple would, but I think Josh would understand, even if I didn’t explain. He was just amazing. And yeah, I was pretty sure I’d fallen in love with him. No one had ever been so patient with me before, no one had been so understanding without even knowing what was going on. He was just so kind, so good hearted. And I knew that when the time came for me to tell him the truth, he would just take my hand, kiss me, and tell me that he loved me, that he didn’t care that I was ill. I smiled and my eyes slid closed as I drifted off into pleasant Josh-filled dreams.