I'm Looking for Something More Than This

I walked back to the BTR bus, sniffling and trying to wipe the tears from my eyes. I didn’t want to go inside and have everyone ask me what was wrong so I texted my brother and asked him to come outside.

“What’s wrong Kirstie?” He asked as he stepped out of the door, seeing my tears.

I couldn’t even push out anything, all that came was more tears. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against his chest.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Logan cooed, rocking me back and forth.

“I can’t do it Logie, I just can’t,” I sobbed.

“Do what?” He asked.

“Take this. He’s breaking my heart,” I kept crying.

“Kendall?” Logan asked. “How is he breaking your heart?”

“He keeps teasing me. I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose but he keeps pretending and making me think he might like me then pulling away and it hurts so much. I just can’t forget about him if he keeps giving me hope but then he rips it away,” I bawled.

“I’ll talk to him,” Logan told him.

“No, I don’t want you to be mad at him,” I replied.

“Kirstie, this has you all torn up,” He said.

“But I know he wouldn’t do it on purpose,” I sniffled.

“I think you should talk to him,” Logan prodded.

“No!” I quickly shot. “I can’t do that.”

He stood there holding me in a comforting hug for a while before I told him I kind of just wanted to be alone for a minute. Logan was hesitant but he nodded and headed back in the bus. I walked over to a grassy area near the buses and just sat down, pulling my knees up against my chest and just crying. I can be pretty emotional and sometimes it just makes me feel better if I just can let it out and so I did.

As I sat there, letting my emotions out and hiding my face in my knees, I was oblivious to the world around me. I suddenly became aware as I felt an arm wrap around me. My head shot up and I saw some familiar dark blonde hair and green eyes looking at me.

“Kendall, seriously, I can’t do this right now,” I said, turning my face away from him.

“I can’t stand to see you cry though, you know that always kills me when I see you crying and it hurts even more knowing I did it,” He softly told me.

“We don’t need to get into this Kendall, I’ll be fine, just…leave me alone,” I sighed.

“We need to talk about this though,” Kendall gently said.

“I just don’t understand why you do this,” I groaned. “Do you…know how I feel about you?”

Kendall nodded his head saying, “I know you have feelings for me.”

“Then why do you tease me like that. Do you just like stringing girls along?” I shot at him, letting my anger get the best of me as I stood up, but immediately feeling bad I snapped at him.

“Of course I don’t, you know I wouldn’t do,” He said, his tall frame standing up as well.

“Well you did it to me,” I cried. “And you’re breaking my heart pretending that you might care for me and then pulling it away again.”

“I didn’t mean to Kirstie,” Kendall showed pain in those gorgeous green eyes.

He took a step closer and put his hands on the sides of my face, sweeping his thumbs under my eyes and wiping the tears away.

“I’m just scared,” He softly whispered.

“Why are you scared?” I asked.

He dropped his hands from my face and lifted the sleeve of his shirt up, showing me his tattoo of the heart that is stitched up. I remember when Kendall got that tattoo a few years back, it was right after he went through a bad break up. I kind of understood it now, why he’s scared. Kendall has been in a couple bad relationships but the one where he got the tattoo was the worst.

Kendall had been seriously dating this girl and he really cared about her, but she never cared for him, only what he could give her and she just wanted to use him. She broke his heart and after that he got the tattoo.

“I just don’t want to have people not care about me anymore and have my heart broken again,” Kendall softly mumbled.

“There are a lot of things that I can’t promise, but I can promise you I will always care for you Kendall, no matter what our relationship is like,” I honestly said, putting my hand on his arm.

“I know I broke your heart,” He took a deep breath. “But I really want to do everything I can to fix it.”

My lips curled into the biggest smile that matched the grin he had on his face. His warm hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his chest. My arms came to tangle around his neck and he leaned in, for real this time, connecting our lips in the most amazing kiss I’ve ever had in my life. I have a feeling this is the start of something amazing.