My Heart Has Lost All Hope

Ronnie picked me up the next day, and him and Ryan took my over to my apartment to pick up my things. I cant believe these boys were trusting a complete stranger to go with them across the country, but I'm just one girl with five guys, I'm sure they weren't scared of me as much as Id be scared of them.

Ryan and Ronnie helped me up to my apartment My arms hurt tremendously and to be honest I couldn't feel my face a bit. Besides that I was pretty ok without help but they insisted. We got to my apartment and I got slightly embarrassed, My apartment was probably nothing they've ever had to live in. It was small, one bedroom with practically no furniture and a joke for a kitchen that consisted of just a island small oven you couldn't fit a chicken into and a microwave with a run down fridge that I was taller than.

I opened the door and braced my self for their comments. We all walked in they looked around briefly, ryan was the first to speak.

"Do you need help packing? I know your arms must hurt to move to much" he asked smoothly.

"Actually if you both don't mind? I could really use some help." I walked into my room and into the closet, I only had one carry on bag as luggage, Its all I've ever needed, I had Ronnie grab it for me.

"Are you sure this is all youll need?" Ronnie gasped as he grabbed it and placed it on my bed for me.

"Yea it is, I don't Own many things and I only need the essentials." I stated as Ryan went through my clothes with me, holding up garments that i'd say yes or no to.

"Is there anything else besides clothes that you need?" Ryan asked me as we finished packing my clothes while Ronnie was walking around my apartment investigating I suppose. He was by my book shelf going through everything.

"You like to read don't you?" he asked as I was leading Ryan to my bathroom to grab my womanly products such as my razor, tampons, and makeup. I also grabbed my glasses, I was currently wearing my last pair of contacts I could afford and slipped them on my face after removing my contacts. Ryan snickered at me and my big Ray ban frames that were black on the outside and sky blue on the inside.

"don't laugh at me!" I laughed as I lightly hit Ryan in the shoulder.

"no, no, they're cute, I just didn't picture you owning those" he smiled ignoring Ronnies question momentarily I answered him.

"I do love to read, but nothings really caught my interest lately, all those books can stay here." I explained as Ronnie walked into he bathroom where me and Ryan were chatting, He smiled seeing my glasses.

"I love those on you." He said to me pointing at my frames, I smiled and started to leave the bathroom, both of them following closely behind, I was heading to the kitchen looking for my most prized possession. I couldn't get to it with out help though because my arms were useless.

"Ronnie could you get on that counter and slide that ceiling tile to the left?" I pointed at the island counter in the middle of the kitchen, he looked at me confused but obliged.

"Be careful please There should be a black bag and a Huge notebook, I really need them both" I said as he peeked his head in to the ceiling being tall enough to do so. He carefully handed them down to Ryan who placed the note book and Album underneath it into my carry on and put the second bag over his shoulder.

"Is this all you need?" They both asked in unison kind of amazed.

"Yeah that's all" Ronnie looked at me surprised as we started to leave my old dingy apartment behind and start living with these boys I barely knew, On a bus.

"If you don't mind me asking what is in that bag and those binders?" He asked, Ryan nodded his head agreeing he wanted to know as well.

"I don't mind, but I rather not talk about them right now, They just mean a lot to me, its nothing illegal or anything like that guys" I reassured them and they accepted my answer as we loaded into the car where Jacky waited patiently for us. He was watching me intently as I got into the car and he smiled at me as I sat down next to him and Ronnie to the drivers seat and Ryan took the passengers.

"Thank you all so much for the past few days." I explained shyly as Jacky put his hand on my shoulder.

"Its not problem at all Vanessa, We just want to help." He said with his dreamy British accent of his. I felt myself blush I was nervous, and not feeling to well from my lack of drug intake.

"Are you ready to be crammed in a bus with us though? that's the big question" Ryan asked and laughed as Ronnie looked at me through the rear view mirror.

"I don't know if i'm ready but I can definitely handle it!" I laughed with Ryan and Jacky, Ronnie didn't seem to amused.

We pulled into a secluded lot off somewhere deep in Las Vegas Where I saw the tour bus for the first time, It has a huge wolf's head screaming on the side and the words " falling in reverse" in huge jagged letters in pink coming out of its mouth. I smiled at the thought of living here. Always moving.

We all got out of the car, and Jacky grabbed my bags, Ronnie came up beside me and snaked his arm around my waist as we walked to the bus, Derek and Ron were inside putting their stuff into their bunks and stocking the fridge and cabinets with food.

"Hey Vanessa" they both said waving at me, Ron came bouncing over, and gave me a shy hug, scared to hurt me.

"wow you guys are being so welcoming" I smiled at them, Ronnie gave me an odd look, like a look of possession . What was going through his head?

" Look Vanessa these are our bunks, Mines up here Ronnie is below me and the bunk below his will be yours" Ryan explained, I stared at the beds that we built sideways into the walls like tiny cabins with little curtains you pull to hide yourself as you sleep. There were three holes to the left and three holes of these beds to the right. with little indents for you feet to get into the bunk without waking anyone up. I guess I'm lucky they Had six with only 5 members.

"Thank you so much you guys" I smiled placing my belongings into my bunk. Ronnie was watching my every move intently.

"Let me show you the rest of the bus" Ronnie said glancing at the rest of his band mates who continued loading up the bus with instruments and their belongings.

I followed Ronnie to the center of the bus where the tiny kitchen with its small microwave and fridge were sat with four small cabinets lining the wall. We walked into a living room area at the front of the bus, you could easily fit 8 people into this area where a hanging flat screen TV sat for everyone to see, Xbox, and a bunch of movies were stacked.

"This room we all hang out in a lot, Because we can look out from the front and side windows at fans and the road because being back by the bunks gets boring and cramped" Ronnie explained to me. He grabbed my hand and lead me all the way to the back of the bus passed the bunks to the rear were a small bedroom with a bed and workout equipment was inside it with two blacked out windows.

"This room is for if one of us gets injured and need a nice bed or one of us gets 'lucky' or wants to workout a bit" He explained and gave me a devilish smile, implying that he has some memories in this bus.

"well thank you for the tour, and letting me stay here with you guys, I know its already cramped as it is. I don't want to be in the way" I blushed as he walked over to me and cupped my face in his hands gently, My swelling had gone down significantly and it was easier to bare now and I felt less insecure.

"Its no trouble at all, I'm happy you decided to come along. I was surprised you didn't have more stuff." he smiled and laughed as I stuck my tongue out at him.

"lets have some real fun shall we?" Ronnie said as he took the familiar powder out of his pocket and tossed it to me.

"Really?" I smiled.

"I can see that look in you eyes, and i know your tired of feeling the withdrawal" He said as I dipped my finger into the bag and offered a bump to Ronnie, He gladly did the bump off my finger, he grabbed the bag and held a bump out for me in return.

We smiled at each other feeling the familiar buzz we both enjoyed from our powder. Ronnie eyed me up and down, and smiled pocketing the drugs once more and laying on the bed.

"lay with me?" he said patting the space next to him.

I climbed into the bed with him and started to drift off with my head on his chest and his left arm around me.