Status: Hiatus :( Sorry guys I'm so writers blocked for this story.
My Heart Has Lost All Hope
I Just Want to Leave My Past Where it belongs.
I woke up what seemed like an eternity later , alone. No Ronnie by my side, I felt the bus in motion but there was no light coming from the windows . I guess we were on our way to their first show destination. But where was Ronnie now ?
I made my way out of the bed from the back room and made my way to the bathroom in the center of the bus, all the boys must be asleep or in the TV area. I make it to the bathroom and catch my reflection in the small mirror , my swelling in my eye was completely gone it was just a little black and blue around the socket and I could finally see my eye, the part that was normally white was filled with bright red blood , the bruises on my arm were fading and my lip was back to normal size with a small cut . I smiled , I felt better and I was feeling less insecure.
I made my way to the living area after I inspected myself. I made sure to be quiet in case anyone was in their bunks, but I heard loud laughter coming from the front, sounded like Ryan and Jacky. When I finally made it to the front of the bus Ronnie had a headset on playing a game on the Xbox and all the boys were around him egging him on or making fun of him.
"wow Vanessa your looking much better! " Jacky smiled as I say next to Ron to watch Ronnie play modern warfare 3.
"thank you! I feel a lot better " I gave him a warning smile in return.
"DAMMIT" Ronnie screamed at the TV as he was shot down by the enemy and gave his controller to Ryan, quitting the game and turning his attention to me.
"Oh Nessa , your eye" he said with a gasp and reached for my face.
"it's ok , it still stings a little but I'm sure the blood will leave it in a few days" I shrugged as he gave me a concerned look.
"what time is it ?" I asked , it seemed so late.
"it's only about 9 you were asleep for a couple hours we didn't want to wake you." Ron gleamed a toothy grin as he explained
"where are we headed to ? Shouldn't you all get a good nights sleep before the show?" derek chuckled at my tone
"we barely get any sleep the first night of a new tour ! We are always to excited" Derek replied
"Were heading to the first day of warped tour 2012 !" Jacky said excitedly.
"Really ?! I've always wanted to go!" this reply earned me everyone's attention
"what?! We have a warped tour virgin on our hands ?! " Ryan said leaving the attention of his video game
"yea... I could never afford to go as a teen and when I ever had the chance something always came up" I frowned as Ronnie smiled at me
"well we have a lot to show you ! Not only with the backstage life but with the crowd life" he was excited to teach me the ways of their lives. It was cute .
"Well I'm stoked! " I said as I heard my stomach release an awful loud growl.
"sounds like someone's hungry" Ron laughed
"were stopping soon to get some real food before we start living off microwaveables and cereal" Jacky pipped in.
"Ok that sounds good, but I haven't got any money.." I already felt bad enough as it is now I can't even provide for myself
"I told you not to worry about any of that" Ronnie gave me a stern tone with a sly smile
"I can't thank you guys enough really, I can't wait to get to know you all better , I have no idea how I can ever thank you all" I started twiddling my thumbs I felt like a child who needed everything handed to them, I felt horrible, helpless.
"Speaking of getting to know each other how old are you Vanessa" Derek asked genuinely curious I saw Ronnie's face tighten into a hard line.
"Oh, I'm twenty four." I smiled at him he looked amazed by my answer
"Really? You look a little younger , I would have guessed twenty one" Derek sputtered
"nah I'm getting old" I laughed along with everyone else.
"what brought you to Vegas Vanessa ?" Ronnie questioned. I didn't like this question . But I guess they all had to know sometime.
"well, it's not something I'm proud of, in from the middle of nowhere in north Carolina . I moved to Vegas after earning my degree in surgical technology I fell in love with Nevada after vacationing there ..... But I grew unhappy in my career, and gave it all up to follow my dreams. I didn't feel right not doing what I loved anymore. I wanted to be an artist, but there is no money without connections..." I lied a little not wanting to reveal it all to fast. I didn't want to scare them all with my past... My thoughts were interrupted by Ronnie's gasp
"Wow Nessa your really smart and brave" he said amazed , what's with the 'Nessa' nickname ?
"I'm not smart , I messed up my life . You guys saw where I Live , I should never have gave it up" I should never have got addicted...
"No you had to give it a shot ! " Ryan said
"everyone needs to take risks in their lives ." Ron explained motioning to their bus
"we all gave up something to get where We are today, we understand better then anyone" Ronnie said with a passion in his voice.
"why didn't you ever go back to your career though Vanessa ? " Jacky hit the nail on the head , I wanted to avoid this answer more then any of them.
"I'm sorry Jacky but I rather not talk about that now.." I trailed off fiddling with my shirt.
"Its fine I didn't mean to upset you" he said putting his hand on mine. jacky was one of the sweetest guys I've ever met.
The air turned slightly awkward as the bus came to a hault. All the boys looked out the window to see where we have stopped. It was a small dinner that said '24 hours' on the sign. They all smiled and high fived.
"I'm going to change before we eat I'll meet you Inside guys" I said as They all nodded and waves 'see you soon' to me. Ronnie stayed behind. What could he want ?
"Nessa... " he breathed
"no Romnie, I am not ready for this conversation, please leave it alone for now" he frowned but gave me a knowing nod and left the bus. I watched him stride to the diner.
I found my bag of clothes and brought out a pair of bright red Sophie shorts and a black tank top, this outfit revealed my left thigh tattoo of a camera and my ice cream cone on my hip, I placed on my Sandles which revealed my foot tattoos of jellyfish surrounding a giant squid and lyrics on the other. I have a considerable amount of tattoos. These were just half of them. I smiled at myself in the mirror in my pajamas and made my way to the diner.
I hope the boys don't dwell on my past as much as I think they will... Will I ever be ready to tell them ?
I made my way out of the bed from the back room and made my way to the bathroom in the center of the bus, all the boys must be asleep or in the TV area. I make it to the bathroom and catch my reflection in the small mirror , my swelling in my eye was completely gone it was just a little black and blue around the socket and I could finally see my eye, the part that was normally white was filled with bright red blood , the bruises on my arm were fading and my lip was back to normal size with a small cut . I smiled , I felt better and I was feeling less insecure.
I made my way to the living area after I inspected myself. I made sure to be quiet in case anyone was in their bunks, but I heard loud laughter coming from the front, sounded like Ryan and Jacky. When I finally made it to the front of the bus Ronnie had a headset on playing a game on the Xbox and all the boys were around him egging him on or making fun of him.
"wow Vanessa your looking much better! " Jacky smiled as I say next to Ron to watch Ronnie play modern warfare 3.
"thank you! I feel a lot better " I gave him a warning smile in return.
"DAMMIT" Ronnie screamed at the TV as he was shot down by the enemy and gave his controller to Ryan, quitting the game and turning his attention to me.
"Oh Nessa , your eye" he said with a gasp and reached for my face.
"it's ok , it still stings a little but I'm sure the blood will leave it in a few days" I shrugged as he gave me a concerned look.
"what time is it ?" I asked , it seemed so late.
"it's only about 9 you were asleep for a couple hours we didn't want to wake you." Ron gleamed a toothy grin as he explained
"where are we headed to ? Shouldn't you all get a good nights sleep before the show?" derek chuckled at my tone
"we barely get any sleep the first night of a new tour ! We are always to excited" Derek replied
"Were heading to the first day of warped tour 2012 !" Jacky said excitedly.
"Really ?! I've always wanted to go!" this reply earned me everyone's attention
"what?! We have a warped tour virgin on our hands ?! " Ryan said leaving the attention of his video game
"yea... I could never afford to go as a teen and when I ever had the chance something always came up" I frowned as Ronnie smiled at me
"well we have a lot to show you ! Not only with the backstage life but with the crowd life" he was excited to teach me the ways of their lives. It was cute .
"Well I'm stoked! " I said as I heard my stomach release an awful loud growl.
"sounds like someone's hungry" Ron laughed
"were stopping soon to get some real food before we start living off microwaveables and cereal" Jacky pipped in.
"Ok that sounds good, but I haven't got any money.." I already felt bad enough as it is now I can't even provide for myself
"I told you not to worry about any of that" Ronnie gave me a stern tone with a sly smile
"I can't thank you guys enough really, I can't wait to get to know you all better , I have no idea how I can ever thank you all" I started twiddling my thumbs I felt like a child who needed everything handed to them, I felt horrible, helpless.
"Speaking of getting to know each other how old are you Vanessa" Derek asked genuinely curious I saw Ronnie's face tighten into a hard line.
"Oh, I'm twenty four." I smiled at him he looked amazed by my answer
"Really? You look a little younger , I would have guessed twenty one" Derek sputtered
"nah I'm getting old" I laughed along with everyone else.
"what brought you to Vegas Vanessa ?" Ronnie questioned. I didn't like this question . But I guess they all had to know sometime.
"well, it's not something I'm proud of, in from the middle of nowhere in north Carolina . I moved to Vegas after earning my degree in surgical technology I fell in love with Nevada after vacationing there ..... But I grew unhappy in my career, and gave it all up to follow my dreams. I didn't feel right not doing what I loved anymore. I wanted to be an artist, but there is no money without connections..." I lied a little not wanting to reveal it all to fast. I didn't want to scare them all with my past... My thoughts were interrupted by Ronnie's gasp
"Wow Nessa your really smart and brave" he said amazed , what's with the 'Nessa' nickname ?
"I'm not smart , I messed up my life . You guys saw where I Live , I should never have gave it up" I should never have got addicted...
"No you had to give it a shot ! " Ryan said
"everyone needs to take risks in their lives ." Ron explained motioning to their bus
"we all gave up something to get where We are today, we understand better then anyone" Ronnie said with a passion in his voice.
"why didn't you ever go back to your career though Vanessa ? " Jacky hit the nail on the head , I wanted to avoid this answer more then any of them.
"I'm sorry Jacky but I rather not talk about that now.." I trailed off fiddling with my shirt.
"Its fine I didn't mean to upset you" he said putting his hand on mine. jacky was one of the sweetest guys I've ever met.
The air turned slightly awkward as the bus came to a hault. All the boys looked out the window to see where we have stopped. It was a small dinner that said '24 hours' on the sign. They all smiled and high fived.
"I'm going to change before we eat I'll meet you Inside guys" I said as They all nodded and waves 'see you soon' to me. Ronnie stayed behind. What could he want ?
"Nessa... " he breathed
"no Romnie, I am not ready for this conversation, please leave it alone for now" he frowned but gave me a knowing nod and left the bus. I watched him stride to the diner.
I found my bag of clothes and brought out a pair of bright red Sophie shorts and a black tank top, this outfit revealed my left thigh tattoo of a camera and my ice cream cone on my hip, I placed on my Sandles which revealed my foot tattoos of jellyfish surrounding a giant squid and lyrics on the other. I have a considerable amount of tattoos. These were just half of them. I smiled at myself in the mirror in my pajamas and made my way to the diner.
I hope the boys don't dwell on my past as much as I think they will... Will I ever be ready to tell them ?
♠ ♠ ♠
I had to write this chapter from my iPhone I apologies of its short or miss spelled . I would love some more feedback <3 things are about to get wild for NESSA at her first warped tour date.!