My Heart Has Lost All Hope

(BACK TO VANESSA'S POINT OF VIEW IT'S ALWAYS IN HER POINT OF VIEW UNLESS I SAY IT'S IN RONNIE'S FIRST UP HERE)
 
I woke to the sun coming through the windows hitting me right in the eyes. I fluttered them open to see Ronnie's owl tattoo holding the severed head of a woman, I smiled as I glanced up to see him stating at me while stroking my hair lightly. 

"I told you I'd be here when you woke up" he gave me a huge smile as I went to rub my eyes but he grabbed my hands 

"Be careful Nessa, you don't want to hurt your black eye" he reminded me as I gave him a thankful look. 

"Are we stopped ?" I asked not feeling the bumpiness of the road that I fell asleep to

" We are , we've been here for awhile I think, the drive from Vegas to Salt lake city Utah isn't very long." Ronnie said with a  look on his face that said he was thinking about it.

"this is the first place on your tour ?" I asked 

"Yea, it is. Im so nervous" he blushed as I sat up and looked out the window to see other tour busses all around us. 

"don't be nervous you guys put on an amazing show from what I've seen." I smiled at him as he sat up as well scratching his head. 

" I haven't played a Warped tour in years" he sighed looking out the window
 
"There seems to be a lot of bands this year" I commented as he started getting out of bed

"definitely ! We should start getting dressed so I can show you around, and what being on tours going to be like for you" he smiled leaving the room. 

I got up and went to my bunk following him and grabbed my clothes, it looked like it was going to be a very hot day. I rummaged through my clothes not knowing what to wear. I felt someone's hand on my back and I turned around to be face to face with Ryan.

"Goodmorning Vanessa" he smiled a shy smile 

"Goodmorning Ryan, how are you?" I smiled in return as he awkwardly scratched his forehead

" I have a present for you" he said handing me a shirt I held it up it was all black with a huge pair of lips with a blue tongue and some gold teeth dripping saliva and it said 'falling in reverse' below it

"I figured everyone should know what band your with your first day and I remember that you didn't have many T-shirts when I was helping you pack and it gets pretty hot at these shows" he smiled as I looked at the shirt. 

"I love it Ryan thank you!" I gave him a huge hug that he was surprised by as he slowly hugged me back.

"your welcome" he smiled as Ronnie came out from the 'living room' fully dressed, he noticed the shirt in my hands. 

"Thats awesome, I hope your wearing that today" he smiled at me and looked at Ryan

"I am! No doubt! Ryan thought everyone should know what band I was with today" I laughed as ronnie gave Ryan a high five for his idea. 

"great idea Ryan! Hey Nessa I'll be just outside when your ready to go." he pointed to a building outside the busses. 

"ok Ronnie I'll be out soon !" I beamed as he walked away in his cheetah print pants, a black v neck shirt, and his 'falling in reverse' Denim jacked. He looked like he was ready for anything.

I went into the bathroom with my new shirt and an, orange pair of denim shorts I had cut from pants, and my black pair of vans.  I put them all on and it looked adorable together. My hair was in perfect curls this morning so I just put it up into a side ponytail opposite of my bangs and looked at myself in the mirror. My face still had bruising, and my eye was still very dark with blood in it. I didn't want to cover it up incase it caused an infection so I just put some black lipstick on and brushed my teeth. Ready for the day. 

I walked over to the building Ronnie had pointed to. He was talking with a short brown haired man with all black on. 

" hey Ronnie " I said smoothly as he averted his attention to me 

"You look amazing in that" he pointed to my outfit and I felt my face get hot from my blushing

"wonderful this is the girl you were telling me about" the man said extending his hand to me 

"my names Steven and I'm Falling in Reverse's tour manager" he said as I shook his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Vanessa." I replied as he handed me a laminated square with a 'vans' lanyard it was neon pink, and the card hanging from it said 'VIP all access falling in reverse: MEMBER ' 

"just wear this everywhere you go sweetheart and no one will give you any trouble" Steven smiled as I put it around my neck, Ronnie's eyes shot daggers as Steven called me 'sweetheart' was he jealous?

"thank you so much" I said as Ronnie put his arm around my waist and gave my side a small squeeze right near my hip tattoo 

"Bus call is at 11 tonight so be back here by then" Steven said as he walked away

"your going to need this as well" Ronnie handed me an iPhone with a bright purple case. 

" oh my god Ronnie I can't accept this it must have cost a fortune!" I explained as he smiled that toothy grin of his at me

" I programmed my number Stevens and the rest of the boys in case you need anything or can't find one of us, and so I can check on you- some venues can get confusing, and I'd worry of I couldn't contact you" he smiled I couldn't believe how amazing he was being.

"this is awesome Ronnie thank you! I'll check in with you if we haven't seen each other in awhile" I promised him as he took my hand in his, and we walked to a bench not far from the stage we were on. Ronnie sat down and lit a cigarette 

"Want one Nessa" he offered me the one he had just lit and I took it happily. 

"Thank you Ronnie, for this whole oportunity" I smiled taking a drag and placing my hand on his thigh as he lit another Newport for himself 

"Nessa you don't have to keep thanking me I'm happy to help you" he smiled, and reached into his pocket sliding me a small baggy of cocaine discretely. 

"Ronnie.." I pleaded as he gave me a stern look as to say ' don't argue' with his dagger like eyes. I can't say no to this man

" We play at 3 on this stage, I hope you'll be right up there with me" He pointed to the large auditorium and I gawked. 

"what you do is amazing, I could never do that" I laughed taking another drag and looking up at him smoking his cigarette as well. 

"Nessa, can I ask you something?" he adjusted his weight to be facing me more on the bench he seemed a little nervous.

"of course you can Ronnie" I was worried what he might ask me.

"What was in that bag, and those binders I got for you the other day?" he question with a genuine look of Interest in his eyes

I looked to the ground breathing in a long drag of my cigarette finishing it off, and putting it out on the ground, he placed his hand on my back running his hand up and down it. 

"I promise I'll show you it tonight, if your ok with waiting . It's kind of hard for me to talk about." I looked to the bus and frowned, I didn't know if I was ready to show him, but I owed him an explanation. 

"I don't want to upset you, but I want to know more about you, and those things seemed really important to you" he said grabbing my jaw lightly and turning my face Towards him forcing me to see his eyes. 

"It's ok, Ronnie I'm not upset. I've just never showed many people" the only people I've ever shown are no longer in my life... 

"I understand" he leaned towards me and placed a soft kiss on my lips , his kiss was short but it gave me countless butterfly's, I smiled into the kiss before it ended. He smiled too. 

Ronnie got up and walked towards Jacky who he noticed was exiting the bus . 

I stayed there on the bench for a moment , the kiss still lingering on my lips, I smiled at the thought. 

I shook away my thoughts and made my way towards them, ready to start my first warped tour.