My Heart Has Lost All Hope

I have had to walk around the last four shows with body guards at all times. Why, you may ask. Well, long story not so short.

"Nessa, don't be angry! Its just for a couple of shows!" Ronnie insisted for the fifth time this evening after our nights in Virginia that I have security at all times.

"Your over reacting Ronnie!" I pleaded, not wanting to feel like more of a burden.

"I'm reacting perfectly fine!" He shouted, he was worried since the Dylan incident, and another incident that happened the date after Virginia.

A crazy fan girl had ran up to me and shoved me, demanding why I was stealing her man away from her. It was absolutely ridiculous, but the girl started following me around the venue shouting horrible things at me, she never tired to get more physical than shoving me as I tried to get back stage away from her. Ronnie was not to happy about it and insisted I was watched in case someone did something more drastic.

"Ronnie, I can handle myself" I breathed as his entire body got tight and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"No Nessa, You can't. I wont allow another incident like Vegas happen again while i'm around and capable of taking precautions." He seethed through a hurt facial expression, he still blamed himself for Vegas.

"I'm sorry Ronnie, if it makes you feel better Ill agree, but just for a couple shows!" I demanded while I snaked my way into his arms hugging him, making him feel better. I felt him ease up and become more relaxed.

"Just a couple shows, i promise baby" He stroked my hair then kissed my forehead before bed.

Well that was four shows ago, and I was tired of these guards being on my trail every second, I needed some space. They always asked me ridiculous questions, and honestly they got in the way of me taking pictures.

I took my phone and unlocked it, smiling at the new picture of me and Ronnie kissing in the ocean on the Virginia coastline that Ron had taken with his phone. I started to furiously text Ronnie.

- I cant handle these guards anymore ronnie! I cant take any pictures they get in the way, you promised it would just be a couple of shows! and Im ready to punch one in the face!!!
To: Ronniekins < 3

- I'm sorry Nessa, but They are for your own good. What If I just had some other guys on the tour follow you? Like ryan, jacky or austin ? I just need you to have them around a couple more shows, Im so sorry. I miss you ;]
From: Ronniekins < 3

- FINE! just send a couple of the guys, these guards give me NO freedom, I just want to use my camera ronnnnniiiiieeeeeee!

PS: I miss you too you liar ;]
To: Ronniekins < 3

- I am not a liar! You only have to have the guys around for TWO more shows, Im sending austin and derek ok? Will you be more comfortable that way?

PS: You mean to much to me for you to get hurt again. :,[
From: Ronniekins < 3

- PLEASE, send austin and derek, I can use someone fun to hangout with! why dont you just come?

PS: your so over protective, its kinda sexy, dont give me the sad face!
To: Ronniekins < 3

- I just cant I have some stuff to take care of for the band, I have a few interviews today as well :/ I wish I could be with you right now.

PS: Im the sexiest man ALIVE baby doll ;P
From: Ronniekins< 3

I stopped texting him back as I felt the weight of Derek jump on my back and a grinning Austin Carlisle standing in front of me as i winced, Derek was heavy.

"Great the one time I needed those two guys to not let anyone near me!" I shouted to the two guards that were Now leaving because Austin told them Ronnie no longer needed their services.

"Oh hush Nessa! you LOOOOOVE me!" Derek shouted while winking at me. I rolled my eyes.

"of course Derek, Hey Austin!" I gave him a hug, me and Austin have become kind of close, since I've been to every show of theirs all tour. Just like Travis Clark and Kellin Quinn. I saw them everyday along with my Falling in Reverse boys, I was like everyone's little sister, and of course Ronnie's girl everyone knew that me and him were THE couple of warped tour this year, and that he would kill anyone who tried to get with me behind his back.

"Hey vanessa, where too?" Austin let go of me and asked with wide eyes.

"Im dying to photograph Pierce the Veil, can we go to thier set next, Then Miss May I?" I said excitedly jumping up and down.

"Of course we can! girlllllll I love Miss May I! They play before Pierce the veil, LETS GOOOO!" Austin cheered. using his fake 'gay' voice because I loved it when he acted girly with me.

"Hell yea they put on a great show!" Derek added as we made out way across the venue.

The guys both held me up together as I hovered over the crowd taking picture, after picture of Miss May I. They boys loved helping me get good shots, every band on tour was slowly starting to recognize me the more I came around their sets. It was indescribable how awesome it was for a band to WANT me to take their pictures.

"Pierce the veil next?" Derek asked raising an eyebrow at me. I nodded furiously. Austin and him were right on my trail as I started to run to their set that was already starting,

I could see Vic singing into the microphone. I started jumping up and down near the pit as he sang my favorite song of theirs. currents convulsive I sang along loudly as Austin took out his phone and started recording me singing the words back to vic, I gave him a 'go away look' still singing along.

"No Nessa your actually really good!" Austin complimented shutting the phone and sending the video to someone somewhere I'm sure.

"Liar, Now hold me up I want to take pictures of Vic's, gorgeousness" I teased as he and Derek Held me up on their shoulders. I was above everyone.

"Im telling Ronnie!" Derek shouted at my vic comment I ignored him and started taking photos of the crowd and the band.

Vic ended the song then looked up at me and pointed, I snapped a picture he was pointing at me, in the picture he had a smile and a wink on his face. He started to speak into the microphone.

"Its about time Ronnie's girl came to one of our sets" He said pointing at me as I gave him a huge thumbs up and their own photographer took a picture of me from the stage.

They continued with an amazing set, I loved every second of it. I got to go on stage and stand near Vic taking up close shots of him and the rest of his crew, They all thanked me at the end of their sets and asked me to come back around sometime before tour ended.

"So Nessa, is warped tour everything you ever dreamed it would be?" Derek asked shortly after Austin went his separate way for bus call.

"Its absolutely breathtaking, This is definetly something to live for, I understand why you all do it!" Derek smiled at me like he was watching his little sister for the first time.

"Well I'm glad you decided to come with us, I mean with complete strangers and all" He said putting his arm around my shoulders in a side hug.

"Well were not strangers anymore! I love all of you guys! This experience has been absolutely amazing,I cant thank you all enough for even welcoming me into your crazy sort of family. I don't know why you'd thank me!" I said shocked that HE thanked ME.

"Nessa, your more than just our little sister, your our friend and you have brought out the Ronnie that we have all missed, Hes been more careful lately and I just love that you have that effect on him, I was starting to worry about his abuse of drugs and alcohol, but hes seemed to slow down" Derek replied, maybe hes just doing more heroine, Derek, its a downer, and it relaxes the user I thought. But Im with Ronnie all the time, He has been slowing down it seems

"Thanks Derek, Im glad you approve" I smiled at him.

"Im serious Nessa, I've never seen or HEARD of Ronnie ever caring about a girl like he does you, I wouldn't be surprised if he was falling for you. the way he looks at you... like your theo nly one in the room." Derek said in a serious tone, Derek's never serious I smirked at the thought of Ronnie Radke Failing for ME. our conversation ended as we made our way up the bus steps, derek waved as he got into his bunk and I turned to the living room area.

Ronnie was waiting with open arms in the living room as I ran and jumped onto him kissing him immedietly.

I hope you are falling for me Ronnie, because I'm head over heels

Ronnie wrapped his arms around me and kissed back with amazing passion.

yup. Head. Over. Heels.