My Heart Has Lost All Hope

(Vanessa's point of view) 

I coughed I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt smothered. I went to lift my hand feeling weight in it. I turned my head to see a sleeping Ronnie gripping my left hand like he'd never let go. I winced as I raised my right hand and moved my mask off my face. I felt that I no longer needed to help to breathe. I squeezed Ronnie's hand his face was against my left leg and I smiled as his eyes fluttered open slowly. 

"your awake" he smiled broadly. 

"Hey baby" I smiled back at him as he sat up in his wheel chair. 

"I was so scared, I couldn't sleep knowing you were in here alone like this" He had a loving look in his beautiful chocolate eyes. 

"I'm glad you stayed with me" I said roughly, I sounded awful. I felt awful. But I was glad Ronnie was safe and in good hands. 

"they couldn't keep me away baby doll." he raised my left hand to his lips and pissed it gently. My heart monitor raced. I missed him. 

The door opened and in stepped a doctor with a chart. His eyes widened when he saw Ronnie and they calmed seeing I way awake and alert.

"So this is where our missing patient ran off to" the doctor smiled at Ronnie as he laughed.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't leave her alone in here, I needed to be with her doc" Ronnie stated squeezing my hand once more. 

"I understand son. It's fine, but I need to get you back to your room to monitor your swelling." the doctor smiled, he was an older gentleman and he had very kind eyes and features. 

"Can I stay for just a bit longer, I want to know how she's doing" Ronnie please with the doctor who took out his chart and came over to me resting two fingers on my neck. Taking my pulse. 

"is that of with you Miss Wolfe?" the doctor asked as he removed his hand 

"it's fine with me doctor" I smiled turning my head towards Ronnie who was looking around nervously. Frightened about what the doctor might say. 

"Well miss Wolfe your pulse seems normal, I can tell you don't need the ventilator anymore and your core temperature is back to normal according to the machines. Your wounds aren't bleeding anymore and your stitches seem fine. I can take you out of ICU'" he smiled at me and Ronnie perked up hearing the amazing news.

"Can we be in the same room?" Ronnie pleaded with the doctor who let out a sigh.

"well I guess that would be ok, I need to check up on you still as well Mr. Radke, I assume you'll both be leaving together?" the doctor looked to Ronnie then me, we both nodded vigorously and grabbed each others hands. 

"well then let's get you checked up and you into your new room with Mr. Radke here." the doctor wheeled Ronnie away as he reached his hand to me and mouthed 'see you soon' as they shut the door behind them. Ronnie was a sight to see in a hospital gown, he looked out of place it was adorable. I drifted Into a light sleep. 

I woke up once again, it felt like an eternity later, but it wasn't long. I was in a different room, I smiled knowing Ronnie was next to me. I glanced over to him and he was reading an AP magazine. 

"Hey sexy. Anything interesting in there today?" I questioned as he set his magazine down and gave me his loving stare and flashed his perfect teeth my way. 

"I love you Nessa, do you know that?" he said softly and I felt my heart melt. 

"Of course I know that baby! I love you too" His eyes flashed with a bit of sadness at my words. why is he upset?  

"I tried so hard to protect you Nessa , I'm so sorry I put you in here again" I saw hurt in his facial expression.

"Ronnie none of this is because of you, that guy was a psycho path and should have let the past stay in the past. I'm just happy I didn't lose you that night" I felt a few tears come to my eyes.

"You lose me !? Never Nessa, I was more worried about you! When he plunged that knife into you I felt blind hot fury overcome me, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to carry you away, hold you and make you feel better, but I couldn't" he said sadly I reached my hand out to his and rested it on his castes right hand.

"I'm ok now Baby, no more worries ok? I'm not going anywhere anytime soon" I said as he smiled at me and passed me the magazine.

"Were on page 24" he said smiling as I opened the article

The headline read 'The wild Ronnie Radke is finally tamed' I laughed and read his interview it was about the band and towards the end it was about me and him. I turned the page at the end and saw a beautiful picture of me and Ronnie when he asked me to be his girlfriend on stage. It warmed my heart. The interviewer asked Ronnie who I was to him and his answer made butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

Ronnie - She's the only person that makes me want to be a better me, she's the only person who understand me for my past, my present and my future. She accepts all sides of me with a open heart and I'm thrilled that she's let me into her heart in return. She's everything I'll ever need 

I smiled and Ronnie looked over to me

"I meant every word Vanessa, you make me want to be a better Ronnie" He said with a heavy heart. 

"your already the perfect Ronnie" I replied happily as our door opened revealing all the boys. 

"oh my god Nessa your ok! " jacky beamed and ran over to me hugging me gently 

All the guys followed with hugs and kind words, then they did the same for Ronnie.

"they say you can both leave tomorrow" Derek said happily as Ron sat In-between Ronnie and me while Ryan and jacky stood at our beds. 

"Really?! " Ronnie said eagerly, he probably had cabin fever in this while room. 

"yea but poor Vanessa will have to be in a wheelchair and crutches, your thigh muscle is pretty messed up, they want you to do some physically therapy until you can walk comfortably again" I frowned. I knew I would need it but I hated being a burden on everyone. 

"Can I do the therapy in California?" I questioned hoping the move was going on as scheduled. 

"You sure you still want to leave so soon?" Ronnie questioned with raises eyebrows 

"I want to be as far away from Vegas as possible." they all laughed at me comment.

"Good because we finished pack yours and Ronnie's things yesterday, we knew you guys wouldn't want to deal with it" Ryan stated as Ronnie thanks him with a 'bro' hug.

"well I guess we have a flight to catch tomorrow then don't We Nessa?" Ronnie questioned 

"I guess we do" I smiled wide.

I can't wait to leave this desert in the filthy dust it's covered in forever never looking.back, with the man I loved more than life itself.