My Heart Has Lost All Hope

Heres the strange man I just met, Ronnie, dangling my stash in front of me, why? but Its irritating me beyond belief, I risked everything for that tonight.

"Where are my manners? you know my name, but I dont know yours, let me formally introduce myself, My name is Ronnie Radke, and your name miss?" He extends his hand with my stash in it tucked between his thumb and fore finger, I look at my stash desperately. His eyes watching mine dart from the stash to his eyes, he smiles.

"Im Vanessa Wolfe, and I didnt feel you take that from me" I admitted as I shook his hand and he slipped my drugs back into mine In one swift motion.

"Well Vanessa, like I said, Girls as pretty as you shouldn't be involved in such things. I assume, you were running from cops when I saw you barge in?" Wow... hes good, how did he figure all of that out, I've barely said a word to him.

"Well you arent wrong Mr. Radke, but it is my own business, and to be perfectly honest I don't appreciate it much." I scoffed and turned to leave his private room.

"Hold on there miss Wolfe, I wasn't trying to offend you, I wasn't lying when I said you peeked my interest, see I'm from here, and I've played this game many times, and I know that 'business' better then you think." I turned around to face him, he was close, he had the look that im sure mirrored mine, we needed a fix, but that's not all he could be after.

"What would you know? your a rock-star and I'm sure your drugs come hand delivered in a pretty little box no problem, surely your not after mine?" I asked him, as I stuck my finger into the little bag filled with the white powder I worked so hard to get away with tonight, I filled my nail with a bump and snorted it right in front of his face.

"Well, Vanessa, you really are a beautiful girl, and smart I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing, and clearly I was wrong to assume you needed my advice." He motioned for me to have a seat on the couch near him, and I obliged.

I dipped my finger into the baggie again and held a bump out to him, he smiled and grabbed my hand, he put my hand to his mouth and ran my finger across his gums. for some reason I was getting turned on by his arrogance and boldness, as strange as this whole day has been, Ronnie Radke was a pleasant surprise.

"You know Vanessa You really are a beautiful girl" He whispered in my ear, I could feel his lips, his breath. his hand was running through my hair as he kissed my neck. Hes the typical rockstar, he wants what he wants, and he wants it fast.

"Ronnie, I'm not a groupie, I don't do these things, I appreciate that your concert saved me from getting arrested..." A knock sounded from the door, and I could feel Ronnie lips form a smirk into my neck, He set his whiskey down and pointed to my baggie, I put it back in its hiding place.

He walked briskly to the door and swiftly opened it, His security guard was standing there talking to him in hushed tones, I couldn't make out what them were saying and i was starting to feel my bump, take me from reality to that desperate high I was searching for all night, but it wasn't enough and I wanted more, and for some reason I was enjoying Ronnies company, the drugs start taking me to a state where my body isn't controlled by my mind anymore.

"Thank you" Ronnie says and shuts his door once again and saunters back over to where I'm sat. I start to sweat and I want more. more of this powder that makes everything a better reality.

"Ronnie..." I breathe as he puts his finger to my lips and tells me to "shhh"

"I promised that's not what this was about, I'm actually staying at my home here for awhile while the tour is on break, I wont lie I thought about getting you into my bed tonight, but I can see your interest lays elsewhere, and Id like to offer you a place to stay and sleep it off." He pointed at my pocket where the baggie was sticking out and his eyes looked over my clothes where he could see the countless tares in my jeans they may as well be shorts, and my shirt that is tared so radically my entire bra is exposed on the right side, the sleeve hanging off my elbow, and Im sure I looked like a charity case.

"Im not a charity case! and if you dont mind I will be going now!" I screamed and started for the door but he grabbed my arm.

"I understand Vanessa, I'm sorry, Ive disrespected you tonight, look, we are playing another show tomorrow night and Id love to see you there, the whole night will be on me, as an apology and for these weird circumstances." He let go and grabbed VIP passes off his counter for me to take with me.

"Im not making any promises, goodnight Ronnie." I yelled as I grabbed the passes and slammed the door, hastily making my way out of the club.

I don't know what is more haunting , That this man is arrogant enough to ask a complete stranger to stay with him, Or that he asked a druggie like me.

All I know is, I MUST see more of Ronnie Radke.. That man had me feeling without drugs for the first time in a long time... He fuels me in a way I cant explain and I only just met him.

All these thought race through my mind as I Finnish of my baggie, already wanting more.... I rub the last of it on my gums like Ronnie had done earlier, in that moment I decided,

Ill see you tomorrow night, Ronnie.