My Heart Has Lost All Hope

I watched from back stage as falling in reverse put on an amazing preformance. I was absolutly infatuated with the way Ronnie sang, danced, screamed. Everything was absolutly amazing, one of the best shows ive ever seen, kids were making circle pits and crowd surfing just to high five Ronnie, or touch him in anyway. I could watch them for hours... Listen to HIM for hours.

"my hands are always shakin, my bodies always aching." he sang with passion

His words hit me deep inside in a way I never thought I could understand, I never thought anyone felt the same as I did. The fact that it was this man, this famous man who felt this way like me, just amazed me.

"for goodness sakes where is my self control? if home is where my heart is then I have lost all hope!" self control, addicts like us dont have it...

The show comes to an end and ronnie stage dives into the crowd high fiving everyone in sight, hugging anyone he could grab, this was HIS sort of high, his escape for just a little while, I could tell by the look on his face that this made him happier then any high I could ever imagine, I wish I had that, That escape without the drugs....

Backstage Ronnie introduced me to his entire band, Jacky his lead guitarist, he was avery sweet man very shy - Ryan who was nice but probably jsut as concieted as ronnie, hell maybe even a little more, but drummers usually are - Dereck kept to himself but he seemed tired - and ron was amazingly hyper and ready for anything after the show they just put on.

"well boys, ready to show this beautiful woman a good time?" Ronnie smirked as the all yelled "hell yea" in unison.

"lets do this boys" I said as we all entered the limo waiting for us outside.

"Whats first ronnie?" jacky asked as he rummaged through the mini frigde, searching for something.

"Well..." ronnie said as he reached into wallet and produced to baggies of my drug of choice, cocaine. He did a bump then offered me one off his finger I snorted it and then kissed his hand he smiled at me then looked at jacky, jacky smiled and took a sip of his jack daniels he had been searching for.

"I know what we should do" I prompeted but Ronnie laughed.

"All you need to do is keep up hunny, because things are bound to get a little out of control tonight." He gave me a daring look that hinted he was playing a game with me, what sort of game is this?

"were here guys," ron said excitedly as he finnished off his drink and ran out of the limo in record time.

We had entered a huge club, there were women on stages stripping, making out with eachother, women in cages from the ceiling and on swings in sexy langerie doing acrobats and teasing men. A pit of men and women dancing together below a Dj stand is where ronnie immedietly lead me to. We started dancing to the music letting our highs take over our bodies, we were all over eachother, to me there was no one else in the room, but ronnie.... ronnie was on the hunt he was searching over countles women, until he found his fancy.

He walked up to a dark haired woman who was on stage and handed her some bills, she smiled cooley and grabbed his hand, and used it to under her bra so she was completely exposed. Sure she was hot, but I wanted his attention, and he told me to keep up. So I planned to.

I walked over tothem both and got on to the stage with her, she gave ronnie a strange look but he was focused on me, he had an eyebrow raised and amused toothy smile on his face, he raised his hand to cover his mouth and looked me up and down. I tossed my jacket off and into his direction, he caught it and tossed it in a nearby chair, I spun around the pole and extended my hand to the other dancer, who seemed to start getting as amused as ronnie. she took my hand , I placed it on my hip and grabbed her neck forcing her into a kiss, she was into it and started to pull up my dress revealing my lacey black bra that was almost see through. I offered her the pole, she got on and was hanging upside down staring at me, I ran my hands down her thighs and belly to her breasts and then started making out with her while she was upside down, I left her there wanting more and climbed off the stage in only my bra and electric blue leggings.

I swept passed ronnie who quickly followed after me, that got his attention alright. I started jumping around on the dance floor and moving my hips to the rap music coming from the sound system, ronnie grabbed my hips and dug his fingers in my sides rough, forcing me to move with him. I slipped my hand into his pocket and grabbed his stash, I rubbed some on my lips and his then grabbed him into a deep kiss, he loved every bit of it, he smoothly slipped is tongue into my mouth, my lips were numb, so were his we could only feel eachothers tongues as the drug spread to our gums.

Ronnie moved his hand to my ass still deep in the kiss and picked me up as I grabbed his neck and broke the kiss. He was looking at me with those dagger like eyes of his and he mouthed tsomething to me, I couldnt hear his words but I knew what he said.

"I want you" Left his lips, and I wondered why I didnt want this last night.

I smiled and kissed him again as he walked me twords a back room that had two large men outside of if, ronnie nodded and they let him in.

Tonight, I control YOU ronnie.