Accept Me or Except Me

I spent the whole day with Lee and it was fantastic. It was weird how easy it was for me to come out, since everyone just assumed it anyway. I mean, it had time to sink in. It wasn’t a complete surprise, like Lee’s. When people didn’t know and asked us, our simple answer was:

“Yeah, we’re gay, bitch.”

We would then walk away.

After repeating these steps about fifteen times, the school day was over, so Lee and I decided just to go to the park and chat. His hands found mine as we walked down to the playground area, to the quiet, untouched swings. We sat together, silent for a moment. We couldn’t find anything to say, which was odd, especially for Lee. I finally piped up. I’d been wondering about it before, but I never had the chance to say anything.

“Lee, if I’m gay, does that mean I need to be, like, flaming?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, will I need to wear tight netted shirts and listen to Lady Gaga?”

“Not if you don’t want to. I love you, not the guy you’re trying to be,” he smiled.

Those words again. Eight letters and three words. I didn’t hide away from it now. I pulled him over so he could sit on my lap and hugged his waist. I buried my face in the back of his neck and kissed him.

“I love you too.”

My phone rang loudly and I jumped, making Lee fall from my lap. I took the call. He looked over at me with “What the hell?” in his eyes. I laughed at his expression and helped him up. He sat back on my lap as I heard a voice on the other end.

“Danny, is that you?”

“Alice!?” What the fuck? Why was she calling me? Was it an apology? If it was I didn’t want it. What else could it be, a fucking prank call? Does she think she’s in seventh grade or something?

“Party at my place, you’re invited.”

“Why would you invite me?”

“You broke off with me, not the other way around. I still want to know you, Danny. Bring whoever or whatever you want – preferably booze – and be at mine at nine.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Shit. How could I get so wrapped up in myself! I had no excuse for dropping her like that. I assumed she hated me. I guess not. My sexuality has been discovered, hasn’t it? I shouldn’t have been such a fucking douche!

“What is it?” Lee leaned back so his head was by my ear.

“Party tonight at Alice’s.”

“I thought she dropped you?”

“I guess I jumped to conclusions. Come with me. Bring whoever you want as well. I think it’s pretty much an open party.”

“Great! Matt would love it…” His face fell.

He knew something about Matt. He wouldn’t share it. I don’t know whether it was for his or Matt’s sake. I sighed and got up. Lee had already jumped off of me and was already walking down the path.

Alice… No. I couldn’t face it. It would never work. I thought about her differently before, but did I want to be straight or did I want her? I needed time to think and a few hours is not enough time. Not good enough at all. I stopped at the park gates. Lee looked at me questioningly.

“Lee, go to the party without me. I can’t face it.”

“But –”

“I just want to be alone tonight, ‘K? Tomorrow you’re all mine, remember that.”

“Believe me,” he said. “I will.”

* * *

Alice’s house was pretty far away from mine. It was a good forty five minute drive without traffic, so I was pretty worried when Lee called me. I still hadn’t made up my mind about Alice, but I guess she was alright. I took the call. He was definitely more than drunk.

“Dan…yyy!” he slurred down the phone.

“What do you want? Do you need me?” I asked.

“YEAH! I don’t trust myself, you know? I mean… Woah man, look at that. I have a hand! That is fucking awesome!”

“You haven’t been doing drugs?”

“I don’t do drugs, man! But bring a breathalyzer in case. Seriously though, my hand. You need to get yourself one of these.”

He may have been insane, but even drunk Lee had sense. I hung up and ran down to my car and started to drive, cursing at each red light. A faint smell of cigarette smoke hit my nostrils when I neared the house. I saw the lights and smoke and coolers that would be outside any teen party. I walked inside and the strong smell of smoke, drugs, alcohol and sex hit me all at one. I’m not gonna lie. In that split second I was slightly high from all that.

I looked around for Lee, trying to avoid everyone, especially Alice. I looked in the living room, where all the dancing was happening. Everyone kept bashing into one another. The kitchen was the same, but with more food. I mean, two people were doing it on the dining room table. Oh wait, four. I found another couple underneath.

The back porch held the kissers and the smokers, most smoked tobacco or pot. I got out of there quickly. I braced myself. Everyone knows that sex happens upstairs, and Lee sure as hell wasn’t downstairs. I climbed the stairs. More kissers and druggies.

I didn’t bother with the bathroom and was about to pass one of the bedrooms when I stopped. I tried finding all the pieces and putting them together. I stared at the bed. Matt. Lee. In bed. Together. Naked.
Shit.