All of Me

I felt like absolute shit.

I grabbed my phone that was sitting on my night stand and attempted to call her, no answer. I stared into the pitch darkness of my room and sighed. I didn’t mean to be as rude as I did, I was just acting on impulse. I unlocked my phone once more to call her again, no answer. Looks like I really fucked up. I decided to give her some time, I shut my phone off and shut my eyes.

“Wake up honey” I heard my Mother say, “We’re going to the hospital” She sat on my bed and stroked my hair, my eyes fluttered open and I said Good morning to my mom, “Are you doing alright?” She asked.

I looked at the time, morning came quicker than I expected, I shook my head. “I really messed up Mom, I went off on Joe and D and now they hate me.”

My Mom stood up and opened my curtains to let some light in, “I’m sure they don’t hate you Nicholas, try apologizing, maybe they’ll understand considering the circumstances.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I mumbled.

“No matter what Nick, they will still love you.” She said with a smile. “Yeah I don’t know about that.”

My Mom shook her head and placed a kiss on my forehead, she told me to hurry up and get ready and left the room.

I heard another knock at my door.

“Hey, are you going to shower? Or can I?” Joe asked softly.

“No, you can go ahead.”

Joe nodded his head and began to leave, “Joe, can I talk to you for a sec?” I swallowed my pride.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Nick, there’s no point. We’re brothers and I’ll always love you, I understand why you reacted the way you did last night, but it’s no excuse. You should be talking to D, not me.”

I sighed, “I’ve been trying to get a hold of her, she wants nothing to do with me.”

Joe shrugged, “Honestly, I can’t blame her.” He left without saying another word to me.

I finally got out of bed and put on the first shirt I could find and slipped on some jeans, before I exited my room I looked at myself in the mirror and was disgusted.

“Hey Mom, I’m going to take my car to the hospital, I need to see D afterwards.” I said as I grabbed my keys off the hook in the kitchen.

“Nick,” She paused, I turned to face her, “Please be careful.” I could see the pain and fear in her eyes. Kevin’s accident really took a toll on her and she couldn’t bare to see another one of her children go through that.

“Mom, I’ll be fine I promise.” I assured her and she gave me a soft smile and kissed my forehead.

The ride to the hospital felt like a long one, maybe it was because I just wanted to go and fix things with D, but I knew Kevin needed me and that’s where I would be. I spent an hour or so by myself with Kevin before my family arrived. I looked at my watch, twelve thirty it read. I should go I thought.

“Mom I’m gonna head home, have a few things I need to do.” I stated, she nodded in agreement, told me to be careful and I left the hospital.

I sat in my car for what felt like hours before I gathered the courage to knock on her door, it felt like years as I waited for her to open the door.

“Hi” I said softly, “Can we talk?”

She shook her head as she tried to shut the door, I placed my foot in the doorway to prevent the door from shutting.

“Please?” I begged, she again said nothing and tried to shut the door once more.

“Baby,” Her eyes instantly met mine, “I’m sorry.”

She pulled me inside and she pushed my against the wall and kissed me more passionately than she ever had before, this excited me. I pulled her closer to me, making our kiss deeper. “Nick,” she whispered, “I need you.”

Those words. I’ve been longing for those words. I picked her up and kissed her again.

“You do?” I asked. She nodded and I began kissing her again as I led her up the stairs. Our lips never parted as I laid her on her bed , I got on top of her and I began leaving a trail of kisses down her neck, she gasped.

“Are you sure?” I breathed.

She nodded and pulled my shirt off. She stared at me longingly, “I’m sure.”

I smiled at her and pulled her shirt off and I ran my hands along her bra until I unclasped it. I bit my lip as I stared at her, “You’re beautiful.”

She smiled and unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off, along with my boxers.

I kissed her breasts and down her stomach. “Nick, I need you.”

I groaned, “Tell me again.”

“I need you.” She whispered into my ear.

I frantically pulled her pants and underwear off, placed the condom I had been saving for her in my wallet on and finally pushed myself inside of her. She gasped loudly and dug her fingers into my back. I pulled her close to me and whispered ‘I love you’ in her ear.

We laid side by side breathing heavily. “I’m sorry baby.” I said.

She looked at me, “For what?”

“Being an asshole yesterday. You didn’t deserve it. Joe… Joe didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s alright Nick, I forgive you” I sighed after hearing those words. D and I never fought much growing up, so if we ever fought it was hard going on with something wrong between us.

“Have you apologized to Joe yet?” She asked.

“No.”

“You should.”

“I will, in time.”

I still blame Joe, I couldn’t apologize to him for last night. I meant everything I said to him, but if apologizing to Joe, even if I don’t mean it, will keep me with D. I’ll do it.

The real challenge here is pretending that I’m okay with Joe.