A Face to Call Home

My shaky hands ran over my dress, smoothing out any wrinkles that had appeared over the last two seconds. I observed myself in the mirror of my bathroom and undid my French braid for the tenth time. I was nervous for my date with Harry, I don’t know why. It’s not like I haven’t been around him for the last month or so, but this felt different. Maybe it was because we were finally going out in public for the first since we became official five days ago or maybe because I knew that Max would soon find out that I am, in fact, dating Harry Styles.

It shouldn’t matter though, should it? I didn’t lie to him; I wasn’t dating Harry when I had sent him that message but I also didn’t tell him that Harry had kissed me the night before. I couldn’t tell Max about Harry and me. There’s no way that’ll go over smoothly. He’ll hate me and worse, he’ll be broken.

I sighed as I braided my hair to the side, once again, and tied it with a hair tie. I haven’t seen Harry in days because he’s been off with the boys, doing promotions for the new single and album. He’s been texting me nonstop though, letting me know that he’s only been thinking about me. He’s so cute sometimes. But it’s already been almost a week since we’ve been together and I’ve only seen him once out of the five days. I knew this is how it is going to be when he went on tour, but I will only get to see him only twice during the whole tour. It scared me, to be honest. My life out here in London has been so focused on him and school that I don’t know what it is going to be like when he leaves.

Maybe this isn’t going to work out like I had hoped. Maybe agreeing to be in a relationship was a bad idea. His fans are going to hate me and I don’t know if I can handle that. His career is going to have to come first before me and I don’t want that in a relationship. I want to be his number one priority and I can’t be when he’s traveling around the world. Plus, Max will hate my guts for lying to him. I haven’t broken his promise though so he would have no reason to be upset with me except for, you know, not telling him the truth.

I applied some cherry chap stick to my lips before walking out of the bathroom and into the main room of the apartment. Eleanor smiled when she saw me. “Awe, you look absolutely stunning babe. Harry’s not going to be able to control himself around you,” she gushed giving me a hug when I got close enough to her. I just smiled weakly when she pulled away. She gave me a confused look. “What’s wrong, Kay?”

“Nothing,” I sighed. “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

“Oh! There’s no reason to be nervous. You’ll be fine!” I just nodded before my head quickly turned to the door when a knock came through. “Coming!” Eleanor shouted before running to the door and pulling it wide open to reveal a handsome Harry. I gulped quietly as I took in his flawless features. He was dressed in a simple pair of black trousers and a light pink button up with his signature bowtie to match. A grin was plastered on his face as he walked over to me.

“You look… Wow,” he breathed out. “You’re absolutely beautiful.” He leaned down and pecked my lips softly. I felt my cheeks burn as he intertwined out fingers together, looking down at me. “Are you ready, love?” I simply nodded.

Harry pulled me into a small fancy restaurant outside of the city. He explained to me in the car how he wanted us to have privacy during our dinner, no disruptions whatsoever. I appreciated this more than anything.

When we were seated he leaned onto the table, staring straight at me, making my cheeks flush red. “What?” I muttered out softly with a small smile playing on my lips, looking right back at him. Butterflies erupted through my stomach when he let out a soft chuckle.

“I just can’t get over how lovely you look,” he simply stated as his eyes roamed over my face. I let out a small laugh.

“You’re so cheesy.”

“You love it though,” he said quickly with a big grin on his face.

“Of course,” I replied poking his left dimple with my index finger. He bit at my finger right as I snatched it back. “No, bad boy. You’re not supposed to bite people.”

“Only pretty ladies like you,” he said, winking. I just rolled my eyes with a smile.

“Always a charmer,” I stated taking the menu from the waiter.

“You know it.”

Harry paid for the dinner but not without a fight first, of course. He just simply told me that ladies are not supposed to pay for dinner on a date and stuck money into the small folder before handing it to the waiter. He led me out to the car, opening my door and then closed it after I got in. I watched him jog around the front of the car before getting in himself. It was quiet on the drive back to the city except for the smooth voice of Ed Sheeran playing quietly in the background. I watched the lights flash by while Harry’s thumb softly rubbed the back of my hand that was laced with his. He pulled up in front of Big Ben, parking across the street and I looked over at him confused. He just smiled and let go of my hand, getting out of the car.

I followed him across the street as he walked quickly. “Harry, wait up. You’re walking to fast!” I shouted after him. He stopped in the middle of the road and I crashed into him. He let out a laugh and grasped my hand tightly, walking again as I stumbled behind him. When the clock struck nine o’clock, the bells chimed and right when we got to the small grassy area, Harry spun around and pulled me into his chest. What was he doing? “Remember when I took you here on my little tour, yeah?” I nodded, looking up at him. Please don’t kiss me right now, Harry. Not in public. “Well, I thought I’d make this our official place… Since that was the night I knew I had to make you mine,” he said softly, slowly leaning down. He placed a soft kiss on my lips and I froze. He soft lips moved against my still ones and I finally snapped back into reality. I pushed him away gently allowing space to build between us. Hurt and confusion was evident on his face as I took a step back from him. “Ka-“

“I can’t do this, Harry. I’m sorry,” I said frantically and turned on my heel, starting to take off but fingers wrapped around my wrist, turning me back around.

“What do you mean you can’t do this, Kaylin?” He asked me, his frantic eyes searching mine for answers. I shook my head and avoided his hurt eyes, pulling my wrist free from his grasp.

“I just can’t, Harry. It’s just not going to work,” I explained, pleading him to let me go. I quickly turned and my feet took off running on their own. I ignored Harry’s pleas to come back and ran quickly down the street far away from the tower, from him.

Tears poured out of my eyes as I walked quietly down the streets, keeping my head down. My mind was racing and my heart was ripping every step I took further away from Harry. I wiped my eyes, getting self-conscious when I felt people staring at me. I had wanted to kiss him back, I wanted to melt into him and give him all of me, but I couldn’t. My brain kept nagging me about that stupid promise and I just couldn’t handle the guilt.

The door slammed close behind me when I walked into the apartment. Eleanor jumped up, looking at me. “Kaylin, is ev¬-“ I slammed my bedroom door shut before she could finish, jumping onto my bed. I buried my face into my pillow, sobbing.

I must have fallen asleep sometime during the last few hours because around two in the morning, Eleanor came in and sat down on the bed next to my sleeping figure. She shook my body softly and my eyes squinted from the hallway light. “Kaylin, do you want to tell me what happened?” She asked softly. “Louis called me, asking what happened because Harry came home upset.” My eyes teared up at the mention of Harry’s name. I just shook my head, turning my head to face away from her. I heard her let out a soft sigh. “Okay, well let’s just at least get you in some comfortable clothing, yeah?” I felt the bed shift upward and my shoes being pulled off my feet. I heard some shuffling and her rummaging through my drawers before she came over, helping me sit up.

Eleanor helped me change into my new clothing and pulled back the covers. I lied back down and she pulled the covers back over my body. I felt her place a soft kiss on my head and heard her mumble something. She closed the door and I lied still in the small bed.

I will never understand why I told Harry that I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew why, of course, but I don’t know why I had let it affect me that much. But, I’ve known Max for most of my high school career and he has been there for me even if he isn’t the best at making conversation. He had helped me through the worst years of my life. He was in love with me and I couldn’t break Max’s heart since I knew he would never break mine.