A Face to Call Home

Every single day these past month and a half have been awfully dreadful. School was my only distraction from Harry. Everything reminded me of Harry and I just couldn’t get away from him. Whenever I saw someone with dimples, his face would invade my mind. I see his emerald eyes every time I close mine and I still feel his lips on mine. I was stupid and I know that but I just couldn’t hurt my best friend.

Eleanor got tired of me moping around the apartment all the time and forced me to go out with her and Louis to find a puppy for our little home. She decided that I needed something to love. We spent an entire day going to puppy shops and Louis didn’t bring up Harry once; I was thankful for that. We ended up bringing home a tiny Papillion and named her Lilly, even after my many protests against the name. Lilly’s been the best puppy though.

Eleanor also encouraged me to make a change that will make me feel better as a person. I dyed my hair to a light brown color and chopped off my wavy locks to a short hairstyle. I honestly didn’t feel better but it was time for a change anyway.

I grabbed the leash off the counter, putting the small harness around her tiny body. I knew Eleanor was with Louis and the boys out in the city, getting ready for the premier of their new CD. It was being released tomorrow and they were going to have a small concert outside the music store today. I wanted to see the boys, even if Harry was going to be there, and listen to them sing. I debated whether or not I should go for a while but then decided that if I took Lilly with me, I’d feel better about going.

I could hear the screaming all the way from downtown outside my apartment. When I got closer, the screaming was piercing and my eardrums pounded. I saw Eleanor standing off the side by some security guards and headed over, waving at her. She smiled and waved back happily, telling the guards to let me through. “What are you doing here?” She asked, excitedly. I leaned over picking up Lilly, handing her to Eleanor.

“I wanted to support my boys,” I responded simply with a small smile. I turned to face the boys and my heart started pounding against my chest when Harry was looking right at me with a shocked look. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his green eyes, but he broke our gaze when Liam patted him on the back to get his attention. Eleanor took my hand in hers, squeezing it softly.

I never told her, Louis, or the other boys why I had bailed out on my relationship with Harry, but they didn’t seem to let that get between us. Liam has become my closest friend ever since Danielle broke up with him a month ago. He needed a friend and I was there for him. Niall became my food buddy ever since he brought over a tub of ice cream and cookies over a week after I dumped Harry. Zayn has become my friend as well, but we didn’t talk often. I will never understand how the boys of One Direction were so kind to me after everything especially since I avoided Harry like the plague. I tried not to talk about him and the others didn’t even bring him up. I hated how I’ve become so immature about this but I couldn’t help myself.

While they all performed for their devoted fans, I kept my eyes on everything but Harry even though he filled my thoughts. I thought back on all the times I spent with Harry, my stomach fluttering with butterflies when the memories of Harry kissing me for the first time. I thought about how detailed he had been on our little tour around London as he told me about the time he had spent there. I thought about the time we spent all morning talking about our lives growing up. I missed him making those stupid sexual innuendos or mocking me whenever he thought I was acting like a spoiled little brat. I missed being around him all the time and cuddling with him while we watched movies. I missed Harry.

After the boys performed their songs, they ran over to Eleanor and me and attacked us in hugs. Harry stayed back, drinking out of his water bottle. When Louis called for his friends to come over to him and Eleanor, I don’t know why I did but I stopped Harry. “Can we talk?” I asked quietly, avoiding his intense gaze.

“Why do you think I want to actually talk to you, Kaylin?” He asked harshly. I looked up into his dark green eyes. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head when I didn’t respond. He turned on his heel and ran to catch up with his friends. I held back tears that were threatening to fall. I deserved it though and I knew it.

* * *

“So what have you been up to lately?”Max’s soft voice said through the speaker of the computer. I could see his eyes scrutinizing my every move through the camera. “You’ve been so distant lately, and quiet.” I looked at his imperfect face, my eyes looking over the small blemishes that appear on the screen and his slightly pointy nose. His face seemed completely flawed compared to Harry’s soft, smooth features. “Kay?” My eyes flashed back up to his eyes and I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, just a lot on my mind,” I replied quietly.

“Is it school? Are you stressing about that?”I shook my head and he looked confused before his features softened. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he sighed and ran a hand through his tousled blonde hair. “Is it that boy, Harry?” My eyes widened slightly before he gave me a soft smile. “It is, I can tell.” He observed me through the small camera. I let my eyes fall to the keyboard and used a finger to wipe away some dust forming on the keys.

“I need to be honest with you…” I paused before looking back at him through the camera. “Harry and I dated briefly after I had told nothing was going on between us. I lied and I feel absolutely terrible about it. We had been hanging out a lot when I first got here and he had become my friend over the short period of time. He comforted me when I felt homesick. The night before I sent you that email about denying our relationship… He kissed me.” I bit my lip when I noticed him fidget a little but continued, “the day after, we became official I guess.” He was quiet for a moment as everything sunk in.

“You talk about him as if he’s not in your life anymore… What happened?”

“After about a week, he took me out on a date to a small restaurant outside of London and then we went to Big Ben at nine… He talked to me about how he brought me there because that’s where we spent our first night together and it was the moment that he knew he had to make me his. He then kissed me and I freaked out because I just couldn’t let go of the guilt that was tearing me apart inside. So I pushed him away and told him it wasn’t going to work and then I ran away.”

“Kaylin, why did you feel guilty?” He asked slowly.

“Because I had made a promise to you,” I whispered, looking away from his eyes. I heard him let out a soft sigh, I almost didn’t hear it.

“Kay, look at me,” he demanded and I did while he hesitated. “Do you still care about Harry?” I nodded immediately with a quiet sigh. “Do you have feelings for him that you never had for…” He took a deep breath before continuing, “feelings you never had for me.”

“Yes,” I squeaked out quietly. I waited for him to continue. “Max?” He shook his head.

“Kay, I may love you and I know I asked you to make that promise but listen, okay? I knew you would never share the same feelings for me as I do for you but I didn’t want to admit it that day at the airport. You haven’t been yourself lately and I can tell through the messages you have been sending me. Harry makes you happy, I know that now and I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t be happy because you didn’t want to hurt me. I know you and I know you thought you made the right decision but I have a feeling when you told Harry it wasn’t going to work, he was heart broken. He probably felt the way I did when you told me you didn’t have feelings for me.” He raised his hand to the camera when he saw me start to protest.

“Don’t let me stop you. I love you but I love you enough to let you go and be happy. I just want you to be happy, Kay.” He gave me a small smile. “I hope you know what you need to do now.”

I stared at Max for a moment and felt my bottom lip quiver slightly before nodding.

“Oh, thank you so much Max. I’m so sorry for hurting you, but you know I love you and we’ll always be friends no matter what happens. Thank you for making me see my mistake and helping me feel better. You have always been such a great friend,” I rambled as he laughed softly. I stopped and gave him a small, embarrassed smile.

“Promise me now, that you’ll go to Harry’s and you’ll beg him to take you back.”

“I will not beg… But I promise I will ask for him to forgive me for my stupidity.” He let out a laugh and nodded.

“Okay, well I’ll let you go, Kay. Good luck. I love you,” he said with a smile. I smiled back.

“Thanks and I love you too. Bye Max,” I replied before ending the chat and shutting the computer. I stood up and grabbed my sweater, pulling it over my long sleeve shirt and pulled on other winter materials to keep me from freezing in the harsh cold wind blowing outside. I rushed out the door and headed the long street walking until I noticed the familiar building ten minutes later. I couldn’t wait for the elevator to come down to the first floor so I sprinted to the emergency door and bounded up the stairs as quickly as I could. I busted through the door to Harry and Louis’s floor and stopped right when I reached wooden door. I stood in front of the door for what felt like years before I lifted my fist to knock on the door.

“Kaylin?” I heard a deep, raspy voice ask from a little ways down the hall by the elevators. I turned my head, dropping my hand, my piercing blue eyes meeting a pair of emerald ones. His feet carried him down the narrow hall to his door, my eyes never leaving his once. “What are you doing here?” He asked softly, looking down at me once he reached me. I could not form the words I wanted to say, as I got lost in his green orbs. They were brighter than normal, almost the color of the green grass in the small park by Big Ben.

“I wanted to talk to you,” I finally answered with a small voice.

“Oh,” he simply said before nodding. “Let’s go for a walk then? Louis is inside.” I nodded and followed him down the hall to the elevator. He let me on first before getting on and pressing the button to the lobby. We stood in silence as the elevator moved slowly down to the main floor. I stepped off the elevator and Harry then pressed a hand to the small of my back urging me to move forward. Even through the thick material of my clothing, I could feel the heat radiating off his hand and body. He dropped his hand once we started making our way downtown, tucking it inside the pockets of his trench coat.

We made our way silently walking to his car and he opened his door. I got in, buckling my seatbelt as he shut the door. It was like a repeat of our first date as I watched him jog around the front and get in himself. He started the car, immediately turning on the heat. “Harry, where ar-“ He shot me a look, making me stop mid-question. He began driving and I just watched the city fly past us as he made his way out of the city and into the outskirts of town. He slowed down when the car neared a small forest. I looked over at him confused but he didn’t see since he was already out of the car. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and got out, shutting the door.

Harry was already a few feet ahead of me when I started after him. “Harry,” I called out after him. He didn’t stop though, he just continued to weave his way through the trees and I just stumbled after him. “Harry!” I shouted after him for the fifth time and he spun around looking at me with cold eyes. I finally reached him and I was breathing heavily, irritated that he didn’t stop to begin with. “What are we doing here, Harry? I told you I just wanted to talk!” I practically yelled at him, throwing my hands up in frustration.

“Okay, then talk Kaylin! No one’s stopping you now, so talk!” I pulled on my beanie, tugging it further down onto my head to cover my now frozen ears.

“I’m sorry!” I blurted out, looking up at him. “I’m sorry I was so stupid and decided to end things before we even started. I’m sorry I’m such a coward and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you why I ended things. I just don’t understand how you’ve been so cold towards me! But I’m sorry for doing what I did!”

“You’re sorry?” He let out a humorless laugh. “Do you know how much pain you put me through?” He paused, running his hand through his unruly curls. “I thought everything was going great. I thought you wanted to be with me! You seemed to be happy the entire time we were together, I had no idea that you would end things so quickly. I was so confused, I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong! I’ve gone completely mad! I’ve spent these last few weeks wondering and asking myself what I did to make you run away like you did. I replay that night in my head over and over again and I cannot find one detail or hint telling me you were going to run like you did.

“I’ve never felt so confused and hurt in my life. So you can’t expect me to be all happy and thrill to see that you’re talking to me after you completely cut me out!” He pulled at his curls with his hands frustrated. “Just explain to me why you ran out like you did, please,” he begged, his hard features softening immediately as tears pooled in his eyes. My heart tore itself apart slowly as I saw a tear fall down his cheek.

“I got scared. I didn’t want to go through the things Eleanor goes through. I’ve seen her cry so many times over the hurtful things that were said about her.” I stared up at him. “I also felt guilty for being with you when I had a promise to keep. I couldn’t handle the guilt so when we were out in public, I knew Max would find out and be heart broken. I couldn’t do that to him; I couldn’t let him find out that way so I ran. I know it’s all stupid and doesn’t make sense but it does to me.” I looked at his smooth features thinking back to the video chat I had with Max. “But I miss you so much Harry. More than I thought I would and I can’t handle not being friends with you anymore. I miss talking to you whenever I want to or watching movies with you when one of us has had a bad day.”

“Kaylin,” Harry started but I continued.

“I miss us. I miss kissing you and I miss the way you make me feel. I miss being yours.” I watched him as he turned to look up at the moon shining through the trees.

Standing there, watching Harry I knew right at that moment I felt more than just the want to be with him. I needed to be with him. I felt like myself around him and he made me feel whole. Max was right when he said he knew I was happy when I was with Harry, I just needed someone to tell me that.

My eyes looked over his face as he observed the moon. His eyebrows were furrowed, causing a little wrinkle to form between them and his eyes were squinting slightly as he stood there thinking. I loved how I knew when he was thinking. He was so readable sometimes and I loved that about him. I loved how he didn’t have to do a thing to hair and it still looked good. I loved the way his eyes shined whenever he smiled and I loved his dimples. His dimples were the reason I fell for him in the first place along with his bright emerald eyes.

I loved how carefree he was; he made me feel calm and relax whenever he was around. I loved the way he would tell me that I was beautiful randomly or tell me that he was thinking about me while he was working.

I loved Harry Styles.

Harry turned back to me and looked down at me with a small smile. I felt the corners of my lips rise slightly. “Do you think you could give me another chance to make this work?” I asked softly. He pursed his lips, thinking about my question.

“Yes,” he answered finally after a couple minutes. Now I had to tell him everything I felt. The nerves filled my stomach and my heart pounded heavily against my chest. I fidgeted with the small band tied around my waist to hold the coat closed.

Every thought of my best friend had dissipated from my mind and the curly-haired boy invaded my every thought without warning. It was as if my best friend from Florida never even existed and he was just a figment of my imagination. It was as if my mind was telling me to forget everything I have ever known, my morals, my life back home and just be with this boy: the one I have known to be the one I couldn’t live without. I didn’t know what I had gotten myself into right then and there. There I was, standing in front of the green-eyed boy I have fallen in love with, trying to tell him every emotion I was possibly feeling at that exact moment: fear, love, confusion, nervousness. My attempt was failing miserably. He intimidated me with his intense stare; he made it hard to say what I wanted needed to say. His unruly curls flipped around carelessly in the wind and his long sleeved shirt clutched tightly onto his body, making his muscles more evident. I have only known him for three months and I couldn’t get him out of my thoughts anymore.

His face was graced with a small smile and his dimples appeared, but it was barely evident in the dark forest where the only light was the dim moonlight that was shining through the trees. “What are you thinking about?” He asked in a slow, quiet voice. My wide eyes met his when he slid his lightly calloused fingers down my bare arm. I reverted my eyes to his lips and a small smirk slowly formed on his soft pink lips. His tongue darted over his lips to lick them and the blood rushed to my cheeks. I shrugged softly, dropping my eyes to his chest, admiring the way his shirt clanged onto his body.

“Kaylin…” He whispered softly. I could barely hear it over the wind, but I looked up at him, my heart pounding in my chest by now. He slowly ran his hand down further my arm and to my hand, sliding his fingers in between mine. He leaned his body down to match his eyes with mine, looking into them with intensity. He was so close, my breathing became uneven and quick, and it was embarrassing. His hot breath fanned over my lips as he leaned in closer, keeping his light green eyes on my bright blue eyes.

My eyes fluttered closed, images of my best friend coming into my mind and I can hear his words chanting in my brain over and over again as the curly-haired boy’s lips touched mine. But I ignored that voice and did what my heart told me to do: kiss Harry. And I did. I melted into his arms and my lips moved against his almost eagerly. He pulled away too soon but kept his arms around me. “Can you tell me what has you so quiet at the moment?” He whispered, looking into my eyes. I kept silent in his arms, the wind rustling around us making his curls flop around.

“I love you Harry,” I finally said quietly, I didn’t think he heard me over the wind. A grin slowly appeared on his face as he took in what I said.

“You do?” He almost sounded like a little child. My face broke out in a grin and I nodded.

“Yeah,” I whispered. “Yeah I do,” I said a little louder. He crashed his lips onto mine kissing me furiously, putting his hand on the back of my neck. He pulled my body flushed against his as our lips moved together in sync. The kisses slowed to a stop but we kept our parted lips connected as we tried to catch our breath. His thumb brushed my neck softly, sending chills down my spine.

“I love you too,” he mumbled against my lips before kissing my lips again.