Lost in This Hell

I slowly step out of my charger and let my dog out of the car again. I pick Rocky up and slowly walk towards Brian.

“You are really making him think that you don’t want to be here. Stop acting so scared. They aint gonna eat you.”

I smile softly at the Rev’s words and stand in front of Brian’s tall frame. He smiles down at me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I follow by his side into the building and pat my leg for Sinbad to follow us.

We walk into the building and I look at everything. I see pictures of the whole band but mostly Jimmy on the walls. I smile at the one of Jimmy sitting on Brian’s lap and the two of them hugging.

“I wanted that picture to be up there so much that I almost begged management to let me put it up.” I giggle at his words and follow him to where the rest of the band was.

“Ok good Syn is finally here.”

“Shut up Fred.” I laugh softly at Brian’s words. But I guess it wasn’t quietly enough since ever one in the room looked down at me. I blush and hid my face in Rocky’s fur while Sinbad sits in front of me watching everyone in the room.

“Who is she, Syn?” I heard M.Shadows deep gruff voice ask. I push myself into Brian’s side some more and whimper softly at the attention. Brian wraps an arm around my shoulders and pull me and Rocky closer to him.

“She is Alexa.” Brian runs a hand threw my hair trying to relax me.

“How did you meet?” I peek up at Zacky Vengeances’ soft emerald green eyes. But when they look directly into my brown ones and hide my face back into Brian’s jacket.

“We met when I went to Jimmy’s grave.”

It was silent after Brian said that and I was scared someone was going to yell at me.

“No one is going to hurt you Sweetheart; Brian would never let a man hurt a female. Not that anyone in the band would ever hurt a female like that.”

I relax a little bit when I heard Jimmy’s voice.

“Well let’s not keep scaring the poor girl. Hi im Leana.” I looked up shocked to see Jimmy’s girlfriend here. But I guess she isn’t his girlfriend anymore now. Damn I just confused myself. “Its okay sweetie, no one is going to hurt you.” I walk into her arms and lay my head on her shoulder. What she said and how she said it really reminded me of Jimmy, especially when she called me sweetie.

“Im Johnny.” I looked up at Johnny Christ’s brown eyes.

“Damn Sweetheart you gotta be small if you have to look up to look at short shit.”

I softly shake my head at Jimmy’s comment.

But I smile a little bit up at Johnny and lay my head back onto Leana shoulder. She doesn’t complain, she only leads me over to one of the couches. We sit next each other and I cuddle into her side.

“Hey Alexa, im Zacky.” I look back up into those emerald green eyes and nod my head a little bit.

“Hey Johnny, Zacky wanna back up a little bit. She doesn’t seem to like the attention to be all on her.” I smile up at M.Shadows and I get a huge dimpled grin in return. “You can call me Matt okay?” I nod my head and close my eyes.

It was quiet for a while till Zacky opened his mouth.

“Hey what’s up with the dogs?”

“Oh they belong to Alexa. The pit-bull is Sinbad while the yorkie is Rocky.” I smile a little when I heard Brian remember my dogs’ names. That means he listened to me. Someone actually listened to me when I talked. Only my father did that and only sometimes would he listen to everything I have to say.

“They are cute.” I look up at Leana’s brown eyes and quietly say thank you.

“Hey! You can talk!” I jumped when I heard Johnny yell. I whimper quietly again and curl myself into a ball.

“Hey stop she doesn’t handle yelling very well.” Brian growls out at Johnny and I whimper louder at the harsh voice.

“Stop the both of you are scaring her.” I whimper even louder when Zacky yelled at the two of them.
I flinched when I felt a man’s hand touch my shoulder. I peek between the curtain of hair that is covering my face only to see Matt concerned face. I lean my head on his chest and whimper again. Everything get quiet when Sinbad growls loudly. The 3 guys look at Sinbad then at me who is whimpering into Matt chest while he and Leana glares at them.

“Holy shit, kitten. Im so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you like that.” I look up at Brian’s sad face with my tear stained one. Brian brings me into his lap and softly kisses my head and rocks me back and forth while singing Lost in my ear. I snuggle into his chest and breathe in the scent of cigarettes, cologne and leather. “Wanna go do something fun?” Brian whispers in my ear once I stopped crying. I nodded my head yes and giggled a little when Brian stood up with me in his arms. He walks through the studio with everyone following.

“Why did you bring her here, Bri?” Leana’s soft voice broke the silence.

“Because Lea, Jimmy is Alexa’s hero.”

He places my feet on the ground and I stand next to him in front of Jimmy’s drum set. I look up at everyone in the room and they all nod even Leana. But I don’t know if I could touch Jimmy’s drums. He didn’t even let Matt touch them.

“Do it Sweetheart. I want to hear you play.”

I nod my head and walk over to the drums. I sit down on the stool and look down at the drums in front of me. I sigh deeply and grab Jimmy’s drumsticks. I don’t play anything, I just sit there with my eyes close thinking off all the videos on YouTube I watch with Jimmy doing something amazing on the drums.

I open my eyes and start to play Afterlife on Jimmy’s drums. I closed my eyes when tears started falling from my eyes again. I stop playing when I felt arms go around me and someone hugging me from behind.

“It’s okay sweetie, he would be proud of you.” I turn around and lean my head on Leana’s shoulder again and hug her tightly.

“And I am proud of you, Sweetheart.”