Lost in This Hell

“She left without a hole in her face, so why the fuck did you bring her back here with a hole in her face, Jonathan.”

“She-“

“No Jonathan, what is gonna happen when her father comes here and sees his 17 year old daughter walking around with metal in her lip?”

“She wan-“

“He is going to take her away from us. From me!” Leana breaks down crying.

I didn’t realize that I mean so much to her.

“She looks at you like you are our daughter, Sweetheart. Just like I do.”

Oh shit. I jump outta my bed and run as fast as I can down the stairs. I throw my small body into Leana’s arms and hug her to me.

“Im sorry, I just wanted to change my look some more. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“Oh sweetie you didn’t upset me, it just that if you father sees you with the hoop in your lip, he might take you away.”

I look at Johnny and he nods his head. I watch as Johnny and the rest of the Guys leave the house.

“But my dad wouldn’t care. He just wants me to be happy, just like my really father.”

“What do you mean, sweetie?” I looked up at Leana and smiled.

“My father in New York would want me to be happy here. And my father here told me to get the hoop, not the stud.”

“Are you saying that Jimmy is your dad here?”

I smiled and nodded.

“Just like you’re the mom I always wanted.”

“You really think of me as your mom?” I looked down and nodded thinking she won’t be happy that I said that.

But again I was proven wrong when she crushes me to her and kisses my temple. I hug her back and we both cry together.

“Aw Family moment.”

Leana leans away from me and laughs.

“And you make it complete Jimmy.”

“Damn Right I do.”

I look up at Jimmy and smile while l laid my head on Leana’s shoulder.

“You know you can call us mom and dad now, right Sweetheart?”

“I can?”

“I would love it if you call me mom.” I smile and snuggle deeper in my new mom’s arms. I yawn and close my eyes.

“Aw Lea-Lea it looks like our little girl is tired.”

I nod my head and yawn again.

“Come on, sweetie let’s get you to bed.”

“Remember you need to tell you mother something.”

Shit Johnny didn’t tell her about the tattoo?

“Hell no, short shit is pissed scared of your mother.”

Damn it, is she gonna be mad, daddy?

“Na, I mean she was with me with a devil pin-up girl on my back.”

I shake my head at my father’s logic while my mom opens my bedroom door. I walk into my closet and pick out my favorite pjs. I get change, clean my tattoo and my piercing. I walk out slowly to see my mother sitting on my bed with her hands in her lap.

“Let me see it.”

I turn around and she lifts my shirt so she can see it all. She gasps and covers my back again.

“It’s beautiful, sweetie. If you need any help taking care of it just tell me. I had to help your father out with his tattoos.”

I smile tiredly and yawn again. Momma walks me to my bed and pulls back the covers. She leans down and kisses my forehead before handing me my stuffed dog. I curl my body around my dog and watch as Rocky jumps up on the bed with me and curl up by my feet. I hear Sinbad plop down on his doggy bed. I shut my eyes and just when I was about to fall into the wonderful world of dreams, I felt a light kiss on my temple.

“I love you, daddy.” I whispered into the darkness.

“As I love you, sweetheart.”



I wake up the next morning to the wonderful smells of momma’s cooking. I walk downstairs with my stuffed dog in my arms. Rocky comes running up to me and paws at my leg. I reach down and pat his head.

“Morning Sweetie.” I smile up at my mom and grab the glass of apple juice from her outreached hand.

“Morning Momma.” I drink my juice while momma keeps cooking. She turns around and places a plate full off chocolate pancakes and bacon. I smile my thanks and dig in to the delicious food. I looked up when our front door opens and the kitchen doorway is filled by Matt’s hulking frame. I smile up at him and kept on eating.

“What’s up Matt?” Momma looks up at Matt before going back to her newspaper.

“I just wanted to see if you have any food for me.”

“You and Val fighting?” Momma doesn’t even look up to see that Matt nodded; she only pointed to the food in the pans and kept reading.

Matt sits across from me and smiles down at me. I wave and cuddle my stuffed dog. I run up to my room when I hear my phone ringing. I answered it and smiled when I heard my birth father’s gruff voice.

“Hello baby-girl, how is California?”

“It’s great, dad. I met so many nice people.”

“Is something wrong, you sound a little weird.” I smiled knowing I could not get my piercing pass him now.

“I got my lip pierced yesterday.”

“Anything else?” I could picture my father standing outside smoking a cigarette with an eyebrow raised.

“I got a tattoo.”

“You used the fake id I had made for you?”

Oh yea my ‘friend’ who knew a guy was my father.

“Yea daddy and my friend Johnny looked so shocked when I told him it said that I was 18.”

I heard my father laugh and it made me remember all the fun times I had growing up. It made tears come to my eyes. I really miss my dad.

“I miss you, daddy.”

“I miss you too baby girl but you have a better life out there then you had here.”

“Daddy remember that band I always talked about?”

“Yea avenged something right?”

“Avenged sevenfold, daddy.”

“Yea what’s up, did you finally meet them?”

“Yea im also living with The Rev’s girlfriend. But daddy that’s not the best part.”

“Then what is Baby-girl?”

“Leana, the woman im living with, told me that she looks at me like im her daughter. Oh and im now calling her mom.”

“That’s great baby, you finally have the mom you always wanted. But you haven’t replaced me right?”

Oh yea dad I replaced you with my dead hero.

Yea like that would go over well.

“No daddy I didn’t.” I hate lying to him but I have to. He won’t believe me about Jimmy.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. He knows that all you want is happiness. I also would never want to replace your father. It is okay to think about 2 men as your dads.”

Thanks daddy.

“Anytime Sweetheart.”

“I love you, daddy.” I said into the phone. You could hear the roughness of my voice while I was trying to fight the tears back.

“I love you too, Baby-girl.”

I looked up to see Momma in the doorway of my room.

“I have to go now daddy.”

“Ok I will call you later, Baby-girl.”

I say my goodbyes and hang up the phone. I look down at the phone in my hand and start crying. I felt Momma sit down and hung me to her. She runs a hand threw my purple hair and rocks me.

“It’s okay to miss him, sweetie.” I nod my head and clutch my stuffed dog closer to my chest.

“I love you Momma.”

“As me and your father loves you.”

“And I do love you, my daughter.”