Lost in This Hell

I opened my eyes and screamed when I saw an ugly furry thing staring at me.

“Shh Sweetheart, you’re gonna wake your mother and Matt up.”

I heard heavy footsteps running towards my room.

“Well Matt’s up now.”

Matt barged into my room looking down at me confused.

“I saw a spider, sorry for waking you up.” I blush and looking down at my blanket embarrassed. Matt let out a deep breath and sat on my bed. He grabbed my hand I look up at him.

“It’s okay, at least you just scream. Val screeches and start to cry.” We laugh a little at that. “Did you know Jimmy was scared of spiders?”

“But for Afterlife, he had a tarantula crawling on him.” I said really confused. I didn’t know that daddy was scared of spiders.

“They are creepy little fucks.”

And yet you tell me to be quiet when I wake up and one of them was right by my face.

“Well you were screaming.”

Well…. Oh shut it.

I hear daddy laughing while Matt tells me the story why daddy was scared of spiders.

“You really remind me of Jimmy, a lot actually.” I look up at him shocked. “It’s true you are like a mini-Jimmy just in female form.” I smile up at the big man and hug him around his neck tightly. Matt chuckles and hugs me back. Matt pulls away and gets up to leave. But I quickly grab his hand, stopping him. Matt looks back at my with a confused look on his face.

“Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Just because of a little spider?” I quickly nod my head and pull him towards me again. Matt shakes his head but lays down next to me. I curl up next to him with my head on his shoulder and my arms tightly around my stuffed dog.

“Why are you so scared of a little spider, Sweetheart?”

Eric used to put spiders all around me when I was younger.

“So you connect spiders to your abuse?”

Yea I guess I do.

“It’s okay Sweetheart, nothing is going to hurt you anymore.”

I love you, daddy.

“I love you too, Sweetheart.”

I move closer to Matt and go back to sleep.



I wake up again… alone. I jump into the shower and wash myself. I step out of the shower with a big black towel wrapped around my body and a blue towel around my faded purple hair. I put on my iPod and blast Maroon 5’s One More Night. I squeal and dance around my room with a towel. I walk into my closet that is finally full of my clothes. I look in trying to think about what would look good on me today. I pick out some clothes but don’t get dressed yet. I walk to my dresser and grab some underwear and jewelry. I place everything on my bed and pick out some shoes. I walk into my bathroom and blow dry my hair. Damn the purple is really faded. It’s time for a new color.

I finish my hair and makeup before walking out with the black towel still around my tiny body. I get dressed and sit down on my bed to put on my thigh highs and shoes. I walk to the full body mirror and pose. I look good. I make a kissy face at myself and walk out of the room with my phone in hand.

“Go change into something else.”

But daddy, I look so good.

“Change.”

No you can’t make me.

“Alexa go change.”

No if mom says to change then I will.

“Fine.”

I walk into the kitchen with my head held up high and look at my mom. She looks at my outfit and smirks at me.

“Did your father tell you to change?” I pout and nod my head. She laughs and pulls me into her arms. “Don’t worry I think you look good, so don’t listen to him.”

“Don’t listen to whom?”

I look up and I had to hold in a gasp when I saw Matt. Damn that man looks good.

“No he doesn’t.”

I roll my eyes and my father’s sulky tone.

Grow up.

“No.”

Ughhh how can you be a father when you act younger than me?

“It makes me into a cool dad.”

Oh yea your SO cool.

“Hey watch that sarcasm, little girl.”

I giggle and skip to the snack closet. I grab my Oreo cookies Momma bought me this morning. I kiss momma’s cheek and tell her thank you.

“Do you want to go out with me today, Lex?” I look up at Matt and nod my head happy to get out of the house.

“No more piercings.” I pout up at my mom and flicker my eyelashes for affect. “Fine but only your ears if you want.”

“What no belly?”

Momma sighs heavily and shakes her head.

Am I pushing it too far, daddy?

“Nope, you pushed it just right.”

“Fine but Kat does it.” I squeal and nod my head while jumping up to hug her again.

“Well lets go, cutie.” I grab Matt’s hand and pull him to my charger. I get in the front seat and gun it out of Huntington with Hollywood Undead blasting threw the car.