Lost in This Hell

“Guys, it has been a week since the Matt incident and she has not been out of her room since she ran up those steps after hitting Matt. She won’t look up at me when I walk into the room. She doesn’t eat. I don’t think she moves. Im worried that Matt broke her.”

“Don’t worry Leana, I will go and try to talk to her first.”

Brian walks into my room and from the corner of my eye I say him frown at my upset state. I knew I look like a mess. I should look like a mess on the outside since I feel like a mess on the inside. Brian comes to my bed and sits down on the edge of it. He places a hand on my ankle and rubs it softly.

“Kitten, talk to me please.” I shake my head and sob. I hide my face into my stuff dog and curl myself around it to get away from Brian. But he knew what I was doing and laid down next to me. He places an arm around my waist and pulls me back to him. He rubs my stomach and hums softly to me. “How about we go out?” I shake my head and sob loudly. “We don’t have to go out; I mean we can go to my house. Get you out of this room for a little bit.” I look up at him with tears falling down my cheeks and nod my head. “Ok why don’t you get dressed and me and you will have a day together.” I get up from the bed but almost fall to the floor if it wasn’t for Brian catching me in time. He calls Momma in and she helps me to my bathroom.

After Momma helps me into the shower she leaves to go talk to Brian. I just stand in the shower letting the water run over me.

Why does it hurt so much, Daddy?

“Because Sweetheart, you were starting to like him.”

Why did he have to hurt me?

“Matt is a good man but sometimes he only thinks about himself.”

Daddy it hurts too much.

“Don’t worry, Sweetheart we are all here to help you.”

Does Brian really want to help me or is he going to hurt me just like Matt?

“Brian IS going to help you, Sweetheart. More than you will ever know.”

I can trust him with my heart right?

“You can trust them all with your heart, Sweetheart but it’s your choice on who you want to give it to.”

I looked up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into Momma’s soft and warm brown eyes. I went to step out of the shower but she shakes her head and pushes me back in it.

“You didn’t clean yourself; you just stood there talking to your father. Please wash, it will help you feel much better.’

“Listen to your mother; she knows how to deal with heartbreak.”

Daddy?

“Im fine just listen to your mother.”

Daddy’s voice was soft but full of pain. I knew that my mother’s heart broke when my father died but knowing it still hurts my father, hurts me and makes me nod my head to my mother. I wash my body and hair. My mother hands me a razor and goes to sit on the counter. I shave my legs, arms and underarms. I shut of the shower and wrap a black towel around my tiny body, which got even tinier due to not eating for a week. Momma hands me some clothes and I getdressed. I put my feet into my UGG slippers grab my stuffed dog and walked downstairs.

I hear voices in the living room so I walk into it to see Momma, Brian, Johnny and Zacky all standing there with their arms crossed. I look down and my eyes well up again, finally seeing how much pain I put my mom threw. I felt an arm go around my shoulder and I look up and into Zacky’s green eyes. I lean my body closer to his and cry into his shirt. Zacky holds me to him tightly and runs his hands threw my wet purple hair. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I look up at Brian’s understanding eyes.

“Ready to go?” I nod my head I hug my mom once more before following Brian out to his car. I stopped when I heard a soft bark. I look back up to the front door only to see Rocky sitting there looking at me. “Go on get him.” I look up at Brian and nod my head; I bend down and Rocky comes running to me. I pick him up in one arm while my other holds my stuffed dog. Brian opens the car door for me and helps me in. I look at the back and noticed it was empty. I looked at Brian confused. “Johnny and Zacky are going to stay here with Leana while we go to my house.” I nod my head and pet Rocky and kiss his head.

“Everything is going to get better, Sweetheart.”

I nodded my head at my father’s words and turn my head to look at Brian. I smiled thinking maybe he would be the one to protect and love me just like Daddy told me someone was going to.

“He might be but remember you can give your heart to another guy not just Brian.”

But daddy, Brian is always there.

“So was Zacky today and Johnny the other day. And what if Matt does finalize his divorce, then what?”

I don’t know anymore, Daddy.

“And that’s fine because you are only 17 you have your whole life to live. You don’t need to give your heart away yet.”

But what if one of them already has my heart?

“Then I will be by your side to make sure they don’t hurt you.”

 

I smile a little and look back up at Brian. He looks down at me and grabs one of my hands before bringing it up to his face and kissing it.

Yea one of them has my heart.