Lost in This Hell

I crawl out of my closet the next morning thinking I could finally get some peace and quiet. But that was shot to hell when I saw Eric sitting on my bed. I sit cross legged by my closet, not daring to get any closer. I hug my stuffed dog to my chest and look up at my older brother with my brown eyes.

“Im sorry, I guess I don’t realize the pain you have to deal with every day and im just making it worst.” I shake my head and bury my face into my stuffed dogs’ fur again.

“Don’t listen; he is only lying to you.”

I looked up when I heard The Rev’s voice. I look around the room thinking something was just playing his voice but nothing was.

Should I listen to Eric or ‘The Rev’? I don’t know anymore.

“You’re my baby sister and I love you.”

“He doesn’t love you enough to tell you the truth.”

“I promise I will never hurt you again.”

“That’s a lie. Don’t listen to him.”

“Why don’t we go and get some ice cream, my treat.”

“Don’t go with him.”

I look up at my brother and saw that he was really telling me the truth.

“No don’t believe everything you see. It’s a trap.”

I shake away the thoughts and nod my head at my brother with a smile on my face. Eric smiles back at me and gets up.

“Well get dressed then, im not gonna wait forever for you.”

I nod my head and go back to my closet. I pick out an outfit and quickly put it on. I brush my long brown hair and put it up in a bun. I walk out of my bedroom and down the stairs as fast as I can but come to a fast stop when I saw that Eric is not alone. Maria and her 7 month old daughter, Brooke, were with him. I frown at the sight of them kissing and holding each other.

“Told you so”

I frown even more at my hero’s voice sounding threw my head.

“Ready.” My brother breaks away from his girlfriend of two weeks to look at me.

“Ready for what?” I start tearing up knowing how this is going to end.

“You said you were taking me to get ice cream as an apology.”

“Apology for what? Stop acting like a 4 year old and grow up. I have a life why do I need to be with you.”
I start to really cry when I saw my brother girlfriend smirking at me. I always knew she hated me. I just never knew why.

“God you look like such a little fucking baby. How are we related I would never know.”

I run up the steps to my room with tears running down my face. I throw my small body onto the bed and curl up into a ball around my stuffed dog crying my eyes out. I look on my wall over my desk and look at my family pictures. I look at the one of me and Eric and cry even more when I saw how happy we were. I miss that. I wanted to run to my brother not from him. I never wanted to be scared of him.

“It’s okay now; you will get everything you want.”

“When Jimmy?” I whisper to the poster of him on my wall.

“Soon, I promise you that.”

“How can you know that?”

“I know things.”

“You make no sense.” I really am going crazy. Im talking to a fucking poster. Im just thinking of what I want to hear only in Jimmy’s voice. Yea that’s it. It’s just my wild imagination running wild again.

“You will get everything you want very soon, just listen to me.”

“No you’re not real.” I cover my eyes, shut my eyes and shake my head wildly.

“Listen to what I tell you to do.”

“NO!” I screamed at shake my head with my ears covered again.

“LISTEN TO ME!”

I screamed loudly and curl myself up into my little ball again. I scream till I felt my father touch my arms and pull me to his chest. He rocks me back and forth while running his fingers threw my hair.

“Shh Baby-girl, nothing is going to hurt you anymore.”

I sob loudly when I don’t hear Jimmy’s voice in my head anymore.

My dad leaves once I stop crying, after he covers me with my blanket and kisses my forehead again.

I lay there thinking about everything. I really want to leave but I don’t want to leave my dad or my friends.

I hate this life but I love my friends. They helped me with a lot of shit in my life. I don’t know where I would be without them.

I also don’t want to leave my dogs. They are my life. Sinbad and Rocky are everything I need since Bullet died.

Bullet was the dog I had since I was 2 years old. He was my best friend. Bullet is the reason why I need to have my stuffed dog with me at all times. My stuffed dog wears Bullet’s dog collar around his neck. I need him with me.

I need to move on and leave this life but I don’t know how to do that.

“So listen to me.”