Lost in This Hell

Synyster Gates was standing right in front of me. Holy fucking shit its SYNYSTER FUCKING GATES.

“Actually his name is Brian Haner Jr. But I will let you have your fan girl moment.”

Ugh I forgot Jimmy was still in my head.

“And im here to stay Sweetheart.”

“Hey I asked who you are.” I looked up when I heard Synyster speak.

“His name is Brian.”

“Im Alexa.” My voice is soft and quiet. I saw Synyster relax and look down at me with a soft look on his handsome face.

“How do you know Jimmy, Alexa?”

“Remember Lexxie, you can’t tell him im your guardian angel yet.”

“He was my hero when I was growing up, he still is.” Synyster smiles softly down at my 5 foot frame.

“That’s really sweet, wanna tell me why?” He sits down on the grass in front of Jimmy grave and pats the grass next to him. I quietly sit down and put Rocky in my lap and run my fingers threw his fur softly.

“I had a bad childhood. Not because of my parents but because of my brothers. When the band self-titled cd came out, I practically forced my father to buy it for me. I listened to every song 5 times a day everyday but one always stood out to me.”

“And which song is that?” I looked up at Synyster’s soft brown eyes and smile.

“Lost.” I look down at Rocky and lay my head on top of Sinbad’s.

“Wanna tell why? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just like hearing what our fans have to say about Jimmy.” I smile at him and look at Jimmy’s grave stone.

“With peace of mind so hard to find
we’re dwelling on the drastic signs
another way to numb our mind
as you close your eyes tonight and pray for a better life”

“I have been doing that for the better part of 10 years and when I heard M. Shadows sing that part I finally realized that maybe someone out there understood me. I found out that Jimmy was the one who wrote that part. It made me think maybe he is like me and knows what im going through.” I didn’t look up at Synyster the whole time I said this but after 10 minutes of silence I looked up at him to see unshed tears in his beautiful brown eyes.

“You really have been threw a lot of pain haven’t you?” I nodded my head at his question. I looked back down at Rocky thinking this is the time where he would leave me just like everyone else. But I was proven wrong when I was pulled close to his strong chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his leather jacket. I feel him run his tattooed fingers through my purple hair. “Can I ask why purple?”
I smile up at him with tears running down my cheeks. I look at Jimmy’s grave once more before looking back up at those soft brown eyes.

“It’s Jimmy’s favorite color.”

He laughs and pulls me into his lap. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.



“Did I forget to tell you that purple is Brian’s favorite color too.”

I smile softly at my hero’s voice and snuggle into Synyster’s arms.

“Oh and by the way you too look SO cute together, gosh im sooo jealous.”

I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing at my insane hero’s logic.