I Will Try to Fix You

As the days go on the four of us boys settle in and get to know each other. We have no choice but to try to accept the fact we’re here and deal the best we can. We understand each other even though we don’t all have the same problems. No one’s ever understood me before. I’m beginning to think maybe Brendon wasn’t so wrong when he said we’re normal. There are people like me having problems like mine. We all have rough things to deal with. None of us are crazy, we’re just teenagers trying to live life.

On our way to the gym we have to cross the street. “What if someone tries to run away?” Bill asks Nurse Alex.

“We’d have to call the police then you’d have to go on lock down. You wouldn’t have the freedom that you do here with us. You’d have people watching you constantly.”

“What if someone runs in front of the car and kills themselves?”

“Let’s just go to the gym,” Alex says. He’s used to us being strange and asking odd questions.

We go to the gym and I try to play volley ball with them. I miss a few times and am terrible at serving the ball but no one makes fun of me. Everyone cheers me on and laughs with me. I laugh for the first time in a long time. Who would have thought that I would be laughing and smiling in the mental hospital?

Brendon and Pete win. Pete gives Brendon a high five. “No PC!” I scold them jokingly. They roll their eyes. No PC means no personal contact. We aren’t supposed to touch each other at all. The rules say it’s because some people feel uncomfortable being touched but none of us mind.

While Nurse Alex is talking with one of the other nurses we talk in the corner by the pool table. Pete looks at the phone with all of the numbers for the different buildings and codes. There are all kinds of codes like Code white is patient out of control. “I’m going to do a prank call,” Pete says, grinning.

“Do it,” Brendon encourages him. “It will cure my depression if you do.”

It’s a running joke between us. We are always saying things will cure our depression. I think it’s funny.

Pete calls the admissions office then hangs up. We all burst out laughing when the admissions office tries calling back. “What are you guys doing over there?” Alex asks us.

“Nothing,” Pete replies.

Alex answers the phone and I hear someone asking if he just tried to call admissions. He says no and the voice on the phone says that’s strange. He hangs up, no idea what happened. It may not have cured my depression but it at least made me laugh.

We hear that we are getting a girl. I don’t know how I feel about that. I guess it’s cool. Pete is looking forward to it for sure. I kind of liked having just us boys around but hopefully she turns out to be nice too. She’s coming in late so we take turns sneaking out of our rooms to try to see her. We all use the excuse that we’re getting water but Alex isn’t stupid. He catches on to what we’re doing and banishes us to our bedrooms for the rest of the night.

In the morning we finally get to see her. She’s already laughing at something Pete said, twirling her long orange hair around her finger. We all sit at the round table and get to know her. I find it strange that she has to sit on a couch on a different side of the room from the boys yet we can all sit next to each other at the table. I’m pretty sure no one’s going to start having sex on the couch when the nurses are right there.

“My name’s Haley. I’m sixteen,” she informs us.

“Why are you here?” Bill asks curiously.

“I’m bipolar like Pete and I do drugs too.”

“You guys should get along great then,” Brendon says.

She smiles. “Yeah, totally. I’m used to being around guys. I have all brothers and mostly guy friends at school.”

“Nice,” Pete comments.

“We should party some time,” she tells him. “Do you like to party?”

“Totally.”

“Me too.”

It’s the weekend so we don’t have any school lessons. I’ve been here a whole week now. Somehow I’m surviving. The schedule is different since it’s the weekend. We get art therapy and pet therapy. Pet therapy is first. A guy named Frank brings in a big dog for us to play with. We all sit on the floor in front of the couch and pet the dog. He even does tricks and we get to feed him treats. It’s actually really nice. I always wanted a dog but my dad wouldn’t let me get one.

The guy here for art therapy is Gerard. He tells us how he used to have problems like ours but he got past them. Brendon draws a cover for one of his favorite band’s latest album. “That’s really cool,” I tell him.

“Your picture is nice too,” he says.

I look down at my paper where I painted the ocean with the sunset over it. I can’t paint at all. I’m not really artistic unless you count writing. I write lyrics all the time but I’m not really sure how good they are either. “You like music?” I ask him.

“I love music.”

“Me too!”

We spend the rest of art therapy discussing music. By the time it’s over everyone managed to get a compliment on their art except me but Brendon keeps smiling at me encouragingly.

We all gather on the couches later to listen to a guest speaker. His name is Gabe. He’s wearing a hoodie and he talks to us all about how he used to be like us. He’s not exactly like me though. He says he used to be on drugs and do all this crazy partying that messed up his life. Pete and Hayley can relate to that stuff more than anyone else. Gabe managed to turn his life around. I wonder if there’s any hope left for me. “It gets better,” he tells us. I shake my head because I’m not so sure about that.

We all stand up to leave and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and it’s Gabe. “I saw you shaking your head,” he says.

“Sorry,” I blush, embarrassed.

“Don’t be,” he smiles. “I know it may not seem like it right now but it will get better. You’ll get through this and be stronger because of it. It may take a while, it took me a while, but don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Okay,” I nod. I still don’t know if I believe him but it was nice of him to say that to me.

We all end the night playing scrabble. With teenagers playing it starts to get out of control but it’s so much fun. I’m laughing and smiling and I’m honestly having fun. When’s the last time I had fun?

Hayley spells out suck. Pete adds letters to the board to spell cock. Hayley licks her lips at him then laughs. A nurse walks over then and frowns at us. “You guys need to stop,” she tells us.

“We’re teenagers. We’re having fun,” Pete tells her.

She sighs disapprovingly then walks away.

Maybe this place isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be…