We Can Lay With Our Eyes Closed

“I never meant to lie but…” “Shut up!” he snapped at me “I know I’ve lied but I’m not lying about how I feel about you” I reasoned “How you feel about me is the issue right now! Fucking hell! I’ve kissed you in public, I’ve held your hand, and we share a bed! Is that why you won’t sleep with me?” he asked and I shook my head. “Hayley do you know how old I am?” he stated and when I stayed quiet he carried on “I’m fucking 26! This is illegal!” he shouted at me and I looked at him “Your 26?” “Yes I’m 26! Your fucking 17! I’m 9 years older than you and over the age that is legal for me to touch you, I’m going to prison when your parents find out” he snapped at me.

“They…” “Shut up!” he snapped picking his phone up, “What are you doing?” I asked, “Ringing your mom!” he snapped at me and I started to cry. “Kevin stop it” “No your parents will be worried where you are, if I’m the one to tell them where you are maybe they won’t have me sent to jail!” he shouted at me. “She won’t answer! Ever noticed there are no messages from her? There’s not even a dad saved in my contacts is there?” I asked and he looked at me.

“Work it out Kevin! They tried to send me to a home, why would they do that if I had parents?” I said as tears fell down my cheeks “I don’t know” “She died, that’s why I left! I had nowhere else to go, she died and the bank sold the house and they were making me go live in a foster home! I’ve never met my dad, I have no family alive that I know,” I shouted at him and he looked at me putting his phone down. He tilted his head and I knew he was weighing up whether I was lying to him “Why would I make that up!” I stated and he sighed, “I’m sorry,” he said looking at the floor.

I couldn’t stop myself crying, it was the first time I’d really forced myself to talk or think about mom and the first time I’d said it out loud. It stayed silent until I heard him moving before he wrapped his arms around me “I’m sorry okay, baby please don’t cry” he whispered as I cried into his chest, “I never meant to lie but you never asked how old I was and I didn’t think you were that old” I mumbled “I know I should’ve asked you how old you were, I’ve never looked my age. You look older than 17 though, I thought you were about 22” he stated.

I nodded against his chest “I’m sorry about your mom baby, how long ago was it?” he asked quietly “3 weeks before I got here” I replied and he tightened his grip on me. “Why Ocala?” “My mom said that’s where I would find my dad so I came to find him but I keep backing out of it and I don’t want to meet him now” I explained and he nodded kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry I shouted at you but well it’s fucking strange” he admitted “I panicked when people wanted to know my name so I lied and then I felt like I had to keep it up, Mico’s the only one who knows” I explained as he moved backwards to the couch sitting down pulling me with him.

“You shouldn’t have just taken off like that from Atlanta and you shouldn’t have lied about it all to me. I guess we’re both to blame for the age thing but you know we’re illegal right? How long until your 18?” he asked “2 months” I replied still crying. “Hales come on stop crying please, I feel like shit for making you cry already. I should’ve handled it all a bit better than I did. Baby come on,” he said.

I pulled away from him rubbing my eyes “I’m sorry I shouted but it wasn’t just a harmless lie, I could go to jail” “Nobody cares enough to send you” I replied “Hey I care, its more than fucking obvious I care about you and yeah it worries me a bit that your only 17 but it doesn’t really change how I feel about you. Hales I’m 9 years older than you, you’ve got to find that kind of strange,” he stated. “Well yeah it is pretty weird, I mean your old” I said and he laughed “Fuck you Hayley!” he snapped smiling as a sign he was messing around.

“We need to have a real serious talk right now babe,” he stated and I nodded “Have you told me everything? No more secrets okay you tell me everything now” he demanded, “That’s it, I know my dad’s name and where he apparently lives” “You don’t really have to tell me that if you don’t want to but if you want me to help with that I will” he offered and I shook my head. “Okay, well that still leaves us. I guess we just got a whole lot more complicated. I won’t lie you’ve pissed me off by lying to me and I’m fucked off you never thought you mention your age to me because it was pretty obvious I was over 21, I mean you know I drink and I go out drinking with my friends so you knew I had to be at least 21” he explained.

“I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do, I can hardly deny it to anyone because it’s been plain as day. I hold your hand, we kiss, we got out together, your always here or I’m with you so there’s no way I could even pass it off as friends; I suppose if only Mico knows your real age it isn’t a problem because he won’t say anything but we can’t do this anymore” he admitted. “We can’t do anything in public Hayley, we shouldn’t even be friends okay?” he asked and I nodded, it fell silent and I hugged my knees to my chest as he got up walking off.

He came back about 20 minutes later in a hoodie and a pair of shorts apparently having been in the shower “You hungry?” I shook my head and he wandered into the kitchen coming back later having cooked fries. He sat next to me eating them before putting his arm around my shoulders pulling me into his side “How’d it happen, your mom?” he asked watching the TV “Some virus thing, the doctor said it was nothing and I found her passed out at home. It like shut down her body or something and she died in hospital” I admitted “Were you on your own?” I nodded “I’ve never met my dad or his family. My mom was an only child and her parents didn’t want anything to do with her when she decided to have me, she was only 16 when I was born. It sounds strange but it’s like it’s not real, being here it’s just like she’s back home and that I’ve moved away” I explained.

“Surely you’d want to see your grandparents?” “I don’t know their names, I know nothing about them” I replied and he nodded. “Do you know anything about your dad?” “Only his name, mom said I had to promise look for him. She always said she’d tell me when I was 18 about him but when she was in hospital she said I had to give him a chance and that he never did anything wrong, something like that and then told me his name. Made me promise to find him and then that was it, that was the last thing she said to me” I admitted feeling tears in my eyes again.

“Hales if I’m making you feel upset tell me to shut up don’t just keep talking, you never normally keep quiet when you want me to shut it” he said making me smile, “I’m not asking to upset you I just wondered” he added. “It’s weird, I’m fine until I think about it then I feel really strange. It’s like I’m alone and if I got in trouble or anything I have nowhere to run, most people go home but I don’t even have one they fucking sold it. She died and 3 weeks later they’d sold the house with the money on the way to my bank” I snapped angry at the bank and for people not even seeming to care about it.

“Hey your not alone, you got me. I’ve got your back home girl” he joked and I laughed “I’m serious Hayley you need anything tell me, I’ll help find your dad, anything. If you get in trouble I’ll just punch them, I don’t mean to brag but apart from being funny, incredibly talented musically, amazingly handsome and down right sexy I am pretty good at being protective” he joked and I smiled.

“You kind of got some of that wrong” I said and he looked at me “Your not funny” I added and he smiled “But I am handsome and down right sexy” he stated slowly kissing me, my hands moved to his hair and he ran his tongue across my lip. I let him deepen the kiss before he shifted his weight guiding me to lie down, his hand pushed under my top massaging the skin at my hip. I bit his lip and he took a deep breath before becoming forceful in his kisses, when his hand moved to my jeans I never even thought about it. Normally I reacted quickly to him doing that and I stopped him somehow but now I wasn’t even bothered, it had never been a not trusting him or feeling uncomfortable about the idea of having sex with him.

I honestly hadn’t even known why I was so against the idea, sure I was a virgin but that wasn’t stopping me and it always came to my head that I was lying to him whenever he tried anything with me and maybe now I’d told him everything I was okay with the idea of sleeping with him. His fingers played with the button of my jeans before he pulled away from me “Hales babe I’m sorry but I can’t do this, I don’t want this until your old enough. I know I’ve been asking for it for awhile but now I know your not 18 I just can’t bring myself to do it, I can’t sleep with you knowing it’s illegal” he explained moving to lay facing me.

I avoided looking at him but he put his hand on my face making me “This isn’t a you thing, it’s a me thing. It’s not that I don’t want to but I’d just rather wait now until it’s legal for us to be together that way, what harm can 2 months do us?” he asked and I shrugged as he smiled. “It’s pretty clear I don’t need sex to like you so I don’t think holding off until you turn 18 will alter anything” he offered kissing me gently, “Hales want to watch a movie?” he whispered making me smile as I nodded and he laughed flicking through the TV channels.

“Back To The Future” he said throwing the remote down kissing me again before turning his head to face the TV, I rested my head on his chest and he squeezed my shoulders. The movie finished and I felt him shift “Come on lets go to bed” he said sitting up pushing me up with him “Your still okay to stay in the same bed as me right?” he asked and I nodded, “I’m going to tidy up, you go to bed” he stated kissing my forehead as he got up wandering off.

I went to the bedroom getting changed before climbing into bed only to hear him come through a bit later; he got in next to me pulling me backwards into his body. “Hales this changes nothing you know that right? We’re still the same but we just don’t do things in public anymore. Well we’re the same if you want us to be the same” he said quietly in the darkness and I nodded “That a yes?” “Yeah” I replied and he kissed my neck. “Good, night babe” he said “Night” I stated before it fell silent “I’m sorry I shouted at you and argued with you” he offered “Sorry I lied” I replied, “Love you Hayley” “You too” I said smiling before closing my eyes.

It was never ‘I love you’ it was always ‘love you’ but it was still felt. I didn’t love him in the sense I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him but I loved being with him and spending the time we did together. I wasn’t in love with him but I more than liked him, it was bridging the gap; being honest with him actually made me felt a lot better. I had someone to talk to about it all now and I did feel like I had someone to rely on with him “Go to sleep Hales” he whispered in my ear and I rolled over to face him.

“How…” “I’ve slept with you enough to tell when your asleep or awake, go to sleep beautiful” he said quietly pressing his lips to mine and I kissed him back smiling, “You haven’t set your stupid alarm have you?” he grumbled making me laugh “Nope” “Good because if you woke me up at 7.30 tomorrow I’d kill you, lie in tomorrow” he replied.

“Anyway go to sleep,” he added kissing me again before I rolled over again and he nestled his head into my neck as I closed my eyes. I lay awake for a while but drifted off to sleep eventually. The next couple of days had been very strange, neither of us was exactly sure what to say to the other about everything but we weren’t acting any different, it just felt like there was something we were both avoiding talking about “Ergh I have work in the morning” I grumbled as I sat on the couch “I know, you’ll be working and I’ll be lonely because my boys aren’t back yet” “Sucks to be you” I stated and he laughed ”Damn right it does, then I remember I’m a fucking stud and I forget everything else” he joked.

I laughed at him “What? You think I’m a stud right?” he asked “Oh definitely babe” I replied “Hey no sarcasm should be used in that statement!” he snapped and I sighed ”Fine! Kevin Skaff you are a stud, your handsome and the sexiest human to walk the earth. Nobody else will ever compare to you in looks and I will never ever forget that” I replied smiling “That sounds better. Hayley Brennan, you’re alright looking,” he stated and I shook my head at him.

He laughed at himself before nudging me “Hayley” “Nope” I replied “Aww but Hayley” “No!” I stated, “I was only playing babe,” he offered and I shook my head before feeling him kiss my neck and I ignored him so he kept going. His hand moved to my leg to support him as he leant into me, I tried to move away but he moved with me and I fell sideways complaining as he fell on top of me.

I started to laugh and I felt him laughing against my skin as he kept kissing my neck before sinking his teeth in, as I tried to move away his hand moved to hold me in place. He moved around my neck nipping carefully until he made my breath catch in my throat and he noticed, he pushed himself up taking his own body weight again as he kept at that one place. My hands moved down his body to the bottom of his top finding there way underneath it before tracing up his back and he moved to my face kissing me, I bit his lip before he deepened the kiss.

His hand moved down to my waist digging his fingers in slightly, he kept kissing me slowly before pulling away “Sorry beautiful but now I’m saying no” he said quietly moving to lay next to me. “You know Hales for someone who’s 17 your pretty grown up, I mean you live alone and you work. I didn’t move out of home until I moved down here 2 years ago, I never liked living alone; I get bored too much” he admitted.

“Something that you solve by watching TV, if your bored why don’t you just try getting dressed” I teased and he laughed hugging me against him “Because watching TV fully clothed sometimes just isn’t as fun as if I’m half dressed” he replied making me laugh. “Plus you love walking in to find me asleep in my boxers with the TV on” “Yeah of course I do it’s so cool” I replied and he laughed “I’ll allow that sarcasm” he stated kissing the side of my head.

“Ergh it’ll be strange you not being here tomorrow, I just got used to it. I really don’t like the idea of you living there on your own even more now” he admitted “Man alive, I’m fine! I’m not going to get kidnapped, robbed, murdered or anything else living there” “Yeah well I do worry” he replied “I can look after myself just fine” “Yeah but somebody needs to be looking after you” he said.

“No they don’t, why do I need looking after?” “You might think you know everything but you don’t, I think I know everything but I don’t, difference is I’m not bothered by admitting it and I can get myself out of trouble responsibly” he answered me. “What’s that meant to mean?” “That running away from an issue isn’t a responsible thing to do, nobody knows where you are right now! You have to lie to people so you don’t get caught; I’m worried that you’re maybe not dealing with things properly. I’d rather you lived somewhere I knew you were safe and preferably somewhere I could keep an eye on you” he cut back.

“I don’t need someone to keep an eye on me. I’ve lived alone for 2 months and I’ve not done myself any damage yet, I’m 17 not 7” I snapped at him “I’m not going to argue with you over this so lets just drop it” he stated. “Fine” I said getting up and walking away from him “Hayley” “What?” I asked as he walked into the kitchen behind me “I said I don’t want to argue” “Well we’re not” I stated, “No, your just giving me attitude, stop it please. What do you want me to say? That I’m completely fine with all this, that I don’t give a damn where you live and who you live with, that I don’t care. Would that make you happy?” he asked.

“No it wouldn’t make you happy at all” “Your only doing it because you think you have to” I snapped and he shook his head. “No I’m not, I’m not doing this because your 17, I’m doing this because you’re my girlfriend and I care about you. I want you to be safe and happy and I want to look after you because you’re my girlfriend not because of your age. I’m worried that you’ve not dealt with things like you should’ve,” he offered standing in front of me.

I looked at the floor and he moved his arms to neck “Your too busy running you’ve forgotten what you’re running from and that’s what’s worrying me, I can’t imagine how pissed off and upset you are but you know its okay to feel that way. Nobody’s going to think your stupid or being a baby for being upset by it; if it was me I’d be upset. I know you felt like you had to lie to keep yourself safe but I won’t tell on you, I don’t want them sending you anywhere so you can talk to me about things. You’ve got to deal with this baby before it creeps up on you” he said quietly and I shook my head.

“Yes you do, one day you’ll think you’ve forgotten about it and you’ll stop being so guarded about it, that’s when it’ll creep back up on you. You’ll have stopped being so strong and it’ll hurt you twice as bad and I don’t want that” “I’ll be fine” I stated and he shook his head pressing his forehead against mine “That’s the thing about demons, they let you think that and when your least expecting them they turn up and they get you. You have to stop letting yourself believe she’s still alive and deal with the fact she’s not” he replied.

I stayed quiet and he kissed my forehead “You know where I am” he said quietly walking off, I sat in the kitchen on my own for awhile thinking about what he’d said before wandering into the lounge to find him gone and the TV off. I walked into the bedroom to hear him singing away in the shower, I grabbed my pyjamas getting changed before sitting on the bed. My stuff was ready to go back to Mico’s tomorrow morning, even though I didn’t mind living there I had to admit I liked living with Kevin.

I looked through my phone at the messages I had saved on it from mom and the pictures on it of her, the lights went out and I looked up to see Kevin collapse on the bed. He stretched out laying on his back before looking at me smiling holding his hand out, I put mine in his and he linked his fingers through my own “So tell me about Georgia” he stated and I put my phone down starting to talk to him.