We Can Lay With Our Eyes Closed
Don't Leave Me Alone Now
He laughed at the stuff I was telling him about thing school and things I’d done back in Atlanta “I bet your pretty pissed they just sold your house” he said and I nodded laying next to him on my stomach “Yeah it was like they didn’t even wait, it didn’t matter to them that was all I had and I had nowhere else to go they just wanted to sell it and move on. They spoke like I should be grateful they’d sold the house, our neighbour and her husband let me stay with them when it happened but they’re both over 50. Everyone spoke like I wasn’t even there, it was as if I got no say in anything” I explained.
“One minute mom was gone, then the house and then I’m going to live in some foster home the other side of town, it was stupid but my neighbours went out and I just took my chance and left. I left them a note to explain and I just went to the airport, this was the only place I could think of. Mom made it clear I was to try and find my dad and that if he wasn’t here then people here would know where he was, I got his number and address but I don’t think he lives there anymore” I admitted.
“Why?” “Because I rang and some woman answered and then I thought it would be easier if I went to see him but I got there and realised I had no clue what to say to him. Then some guy came out the house that would never be old enough to be my dad, I know he was around mom’s age when I was born meaning he’s got to be around 35. What do I even say to him if I do find him ‘Oh hey you might not know this but I’m your daughter. Surprise” I stated and he smiled.
“I shouldn’t make a joke out of it but tie a balloon around your wrist saying it’s a girl and just sit on his doorstep,” he said and I shook my head smiling “You think it’ll work?” “Yeah, I mean if I had some kid I never knew about and they did that. I’d know they were mine,” he answered. “No you’d know they were yours by the lack of pants” I teased and he laughed, “I just get so pissed off that mom left it this long, I know she left it until I was 18 because I’d be grown up enough to know what I wanted but now I know nothing and I have no one. I mean she never even had a plan for if anything happened to her; all she had decided was that I got everything but I was given an allowance until I turned 18. So thanks mom I got the money and nothing else” I stated.
“Hey your not alone, people back in Atlanta must care to keep texting and ringing. I care and I’m pretty sure Mico would miss you” he offered “It’s not that I’m running from anything I just feel like I don’t know where I belong or where I should go next. The last thing we spoke about was my dad, not something I wanted our last conversation to be,” I said. “Well do you know what you’d want to say?” he asked and I shook my head “Then why’d you need to say anything? Whether she’s physically here or not you’ll always remember her and the things she taught you so you don’t need to have a last conversation or say bye to her. There are things to remind you of her everyday to stop that needing to happen, I bet you do things and you can hear her telling you off for them in your head. When someone dies you don’t have to forget them and have a defined last conversation, nobody ever completely goes; sometimes not saying bye is better” he reasoned.
I nodded “Stop trying to forget her and just let things take their course, so what if you remember something and it makes you cry. You’re allowed to cry, it’ll be hard but I bet it gets easier. I bet you started out fine but as soon as you came here you just told yourself she was back home, well she is back home but she’s still gone babe. Forget being sad she’s gone and try being happy she was here at all,” he offered. “That’s such a cliché” “Yeah but I bet they only say it because it works. You’ve got nothing to lose have you?” he asked and I shook my head as I felt tears in my eyes.
He smiled playing with my hair “And I don’t think you need to go anywhere next, as for where you belong; well you’re a doing a good job here right now. Maybe you need to leave it awhile before you try find your dad, get used to everything here first before you go looking for him,” he offered and I shrugged “Well whatever you choose we’ll do it together, sound good?” he asked and I nodded. He smiled reaching up and kissing me, “Now what the hell am I going to do tomorrow with you working and me with nothing to do and no friends home to go see?” he asked making me laugh.
“You’ll find something I’m sure” “Yeah I might sleep all day or maybe see if there’s any stuff for me to do at the studio, I’m actually getting bored of doing nothing. Never thought I’d say that” he admitted smiling and I rolled my eyes “Your always bored though” “I know, I’ve been busy for a very long time and now I have free time I have no clue what to do with it” he replied as I leant down kissing him.
“What time do you go in the morning?” he asked “8” “Ergh that early?” he complained and I laughed “That early” I repeated kissing him again. It should be extremely weird kissing a guy 9 years older than you but it wasn’t, it felt normal. Well it felt better than normal, it felt great; it felt everything but wrong and weird. His fingers tangled into my hair keeping me kissing him before letting me go “Do you want me to help you or are you big and strong enough yourself?” he joked “No I can manage, I’ve made sure all your stuff is back here now so try keep it that way” I replied smiling.
“We both know by the end of the week at least my jacket will be in your possession, I think you steal it” he said “Yeah I might just start stealing your stuff, you’d never notice” “No I wouldn’t your right, I don’t know half the things I own until I find them” he admitted. “Anyway its 12 and I have work in the morning so I should sleep” “You suck Hayley,” he teased as he pulled the covers over us and I laughed rolling onto my back “Forget to set the alarm?” he asked and I shook my head.
“I hate you,” he whispered before leaning over kissing me “Night love you” he said and I smiled “You too ad I hate you too” I joked and he laughed lying next to me again. The next morning he complained as I got up “Right I’m going” I stated but he shook his head “Yes I am, bye” I said kissing him, “I hate you!” he shouted as I walked off “Aww you too” I joked back “Whatever, talk to you later babe!” he stated as I left.
I walked into work to see Mico “Hayley how’ve you been?” he asked, “Good thank you, yourself?” “Great, your rooms back. Here let me help you carry that up,” he said taking one of my bags from me and I thanked him as we walked upstairs. “So where’d you stay?” he questioned “Oh just with a friend” I said and he smiled as he opened the door giving me my key back and I chucked my bags in before going back downstairs to work.
I got to my lunch break walking down the street to get something to eat when my phone rang “Hey” I said smiling as I saw it was Kevin “Babe I just spoke to 2 of the guys and they’ve asked me to go out to see them. They’re down state on vacation so I’m going to go see them, I’ll be back Saturday some time though” he explained and I nodded “Okay, you going now?” I asked “Yeah my flights in 3 hours but you’ll be working then so I thought I’d tell you now” he said.
“Okay” “”Come say bye?” he asked and I groaned “Fine” I stated and he laughed “Okay well I’m packing so come straight in, love you” “You too” I said hanging up walking to his. I walked in to find him laid on the bed “I thought you were packing?” I stated “Jeez Hayley you scared the life out of me then” he said looking at me and I laughed.
“I’ve got 10 minutes and that’s it” “Babe you don’t mind me going do you? It’s just when your at work I have nothing to do and I sit around bored all freaking day or I sleep and well they said if I’m there we could maybe do some work…” he explained “I don’t mind” “Are you sure because I can stay here” he offered and I shook my head.
“Nope go see your friends” I said and he smiled getting up “So I guess I’ll see you sometime Saturday, I’m not actually sure when I’ll be back but it’ll be Saturday for definite. Now don’t go having any wild parties whilst I’m gone and no hanging out with random guys” he joked and I sighed “Well you just banned everything I was planning” I replied as he laughed. “You better not have been” he whispered before kissing me and I nodded “Hales come on your not going to find anyone who’s better than me, I’m the best out there” he joked and I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck.
His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me into him “Someone with a smaller ego would be nice” “Shut up” he said smiling before pressing his lips to mine. My hands moved to his hair as he deepened the kiss, I didn’t exactly want to pull away from him but I had to otherwise I’d be late back to work. “I have to go,” I stated and he pouted making me kiss him again, “But I still have to go” I informed and he sighed “Fine, I’ll text you later beautiful” he replied kissing me again.
I pulled away “Have fun, love you” I said and he smiled “Love you too babe” he stated kissing me one last time before I left for work. I was making dinner later when my phone beeped ‘Okay so I get here and what do we do? Watch movies whilst ordering in pizza! Love you xxxxxx’ I read laughing ‘Well then you’re a seasoned professional at that Mr Skaff love you xxxxxx’ I replied smiling.
‘I know but somehow it just ain’t the same with these 2 love you xxxxxx’ ‘Why not? Love you xxxxxx’ I texted as I sat eating. ‘Because I can’t cuddle up with them! What you up to? Love you xxxxxx’ ‘Eating dinner, need to sort my room out really :/ Are you still watching movies? Love you xxxxxx’ I replied.
‘Nope we’re watching our show love you xxxxxx’ ‘Our show? Xxxxxx’ ‘Yeah, Total Wipeout! You and me always watch it together, we’ve both got the same sense of humour :) LOVE YOU xxxxxx’ he said making me laugh at the fact he was making a point on I’d missed saying ‘love you’ out.
‘Yeah we do watch that a lot, all right calm it no need to shout! Love you :) xxxxxx’ I sent smiling. It got to midnight and he was still texting me ‘Right I’m going to bed, don’t you party too hard ;) love you xxxxxx’ ‘Okay night baby, I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Sleep well, love you xxxxxx’ he replied and I smiled going to sleep.
“One minute mom was gone, then the house and then I’m going to live in some foster home the other side of town, it was stupid but my neighbours went out and I just took my chance and left. I left them a note to explain and I just went to the airport, this was the only place I could think of. Mom made it clear I was to try and find my dad and that if he wasn’t here then people here would know where he was, I got his number and address but I don’t think he lives there anymore” I admitted.
“Why?” “Because I rang and some woman answered and then I thought it would be easier if I went to see him but I got there and realised I had no clue what to say to him. Then some guy came out the house that would never be old enough to be my dad, I know he was around mom’s age when I was born meaning he’s got to be around 35. What do I even say to him if I do find him ‘Oh hey you might not know this but I’m your daughter. Surprise” I stated and he smiled.
“I shouldn’t make a joke out of it but tie a balloon around your wrist saying it’s a girl and just sit on his doorstep,” he said and I shook my head smiling “You think it’ll work?” “Yeah, I mean if I had some kid I never knew about and they did that. I’d know they were mine,” he answered. “No you’d know they were yours by the lack of pants” I teased and he laughed, “I just get so pissed off that mom left it this long, I know she left it until I was 18 because I’d be grown up enough to know what I wanted but now I know nothing and I have no one. I mean she never even had a plan for if anything happened to her; all she had decided was that I got everything but I was given an allowance until I turned 18. So thanks mom I got the money and nothing else” I stated.
“Hey your not alone, people back in Atlanta must care to keep texting and ringing. I care and I’m pretty sure Mico would miss you” he offered “It’s not that I’m running from anything I just feel like I don’t know where I belong or where I should go next. The last thing we spoke about was my dad, not something I wanted our last conversation to be,” I said. “Well do you know what you’d want to say?” he asked and I shook my head “Then why’d you need to say anything? Whether she’s physically here or not you’ll always remember her and the things she taught you so you don’t need to have a last conversation or say bye to her. There are things to remind you of her everyday to stop that needing to happen, I bet you do things and you can hear her telling you off for them in your head. When someone dies you don’t have to forget them and have a defined last conversation, nobody ever completely goes; sometimes not saying bye is better” he reasoned.
I nodded “Stop trying to forget her and just let things take their course, so what if you remember something and it makes you cry. You’re allowed to cry, it’ll be hard but I bet it gets easier. I bet you started out fine but as soon as you came here you just told yourself she was back home, well she is back home but she’s still gone babe. Forget being sad she’s gone and try being happy she was here at all,” he offered. “That’s such a cliché” “Yeah but I bet they only say it because it works. You’ve got nothing to lose have you?” he asked and I shook my head as I felt tears in my eyes.
He smiled playing with my hair “And I don’t think you need to go anywhere next, as for where you belong; well you’re a doing a good job here right now. Maybe you need to leave it awhile before you try find your dad, get used to everything here first before you go looking for him,” he offered and I shrugged “Well whatever you choose we’ll do it together, sound good?” he asked and I nodded. He smiled reaching up and kissing me, “Now what the hell am I going to do tomorrow with you working and me with nothing to do and no friends home to go see?” he asked making me laugh.
“You’ll find something I’m sure” “Yeah I might sleep all day or maybe see if there’s any stuff for me to do at the studio, I’m actually getting bored of doing nothing. Never thought I’d say that” he admitted smiling and I rolled my eyes “Your always bored though” “I know, I’ve been busy for a very long time and now I have free time I have no clue what to do with it” he replied as I leant down kissing him.
“What time do you go in the morning?” he asked “8” “Ergh that early?” he complained and I laughed “That early” I repeated kissing him again. It should be extremely weird kissing a guy 9 years older than you but it wasn’t, it felt normal. Well it felt better than normal, it felt great; it felt everything but wrong and weird. His fingers tangled into my hair keeping me kissing him before letting me go “Do you want me to help you or are you big and strong enough yourself?” he joked “No I can manage, I’ve made sure all your stuff is back here now so try keep it that way” I replied smiling.
“We both know by the end of the week at least my jacket will be in your possession, I think you steal it” he said “Yeah I might just start stealing your stuff, you’d never notice” “No I wouldn’t your right, I don’t know half the things I own until I find them” he admitted. “Anyway its 12 and I have work in the morning so I should sleep” “You suck Hayley,” he teased as he pulled the covers over us and I laughed rolling onto my back “Forget to set the alarm?” he asked and I shook my head.
“I hate you,” he whispered before leaning over kissing me “Night love you” he said and I smiled “You too ad I hate you too” I joked and he laughed lying next to me again. The next morning he complained as I got up “Right I’m going” I stated but he shook his head “Yes I am, bye” I said kissing him, “I hate you!” he shouted as I walked off “Aww you too” I joked back “Whatever, talk to you later babe!” he stated as I left.
I walked into work to see Mico “Hayley how’ve you been?” he asked, “Good thank you, yourself?” “Great, your rooms back. Here let me help you carry that up,” he said taking one of my bags from me and I thanked him as we walked upstairs. “So where’d you stay?” he questioned “Oh just with a friend” I said and he smiled as he opened the door giving me my key back and I chucked my bags in before going back downstairs to work.
I got to my lunch break walking down the street to get something to eat when my phone rang “Hey” I said smiling as I saw it was Kevin “Babe I just spoke to 2 of the guys and they’ve asked me to go out to see them. They’re down state on vacation so I’m going to go see them, I’ll be back Saturday some time though” he explained and I nodded “Okay, you going now?” I asked “Yeah my flights in 3 hours but you’ll be working then so I thought I’d tell you now” he said.
“Okay” “”Come say bye?” he asked and I groaned “Fine” I stated and he laughed “Okay well I’m packing so come straight in, love you” “You too” I said hanging up walking to his. I walked in to find him laid on the bed “I thought you were packing?” I stated “Jeez Hayley you scared the life out of me then” he said looking at me and I laughed.
“I’ve got 10 minutes and that’s it” “Babe you don’t mind me going do you? It’s just when your at work I have nothing to do and I sit around bored all freaking day or I sleep and well they said if I’m there we could maybe do some work…” he explained “I don’t mind” “Are you sure because I can stay here” he offered and I shook my head.
“Nope go see your friends” I said and he smiled getting up “So I guess I’ll see you sometime Saturday, I’m not actually sure when I’ll be back but it’ll be Saturday for definite. Now don’t go having any wild parties whilst I’m gone and no hanging out with random guys” he joked and I sighed “Well you just banned everything I was planning” I replied as he laughed. “You better not have been” he whispered before kissing me and I nodded “Hales come on your not going to find anyone who’s better than me, I’m the best out there” he joked and I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck.
His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me into him “Someone with a smaller ego would be nice” “Shut up” he said smiling before pressing his lips to mine. My hands moved to his hair as he deepened the kiss, I didn’t exactly want to pull away from him but I had to otherwise I’d be late back to work. “I have to go,” I stated and he pouted making me kiss him again, “But I still have to go” I informed and he sighed “Fine, I’ll text you later beautiful” he replied kissing me again.
I pulled away “Have fun, love you” I said and he smiled “Love you too babe” he stated kissing me one last time before I left for work. I was making dinner later when my phone beeped ‘Okay so I get here and what do we do? Watch movies whilst ordering in pizza! Love you xxxxxx’ I read laughing ‘Well then you’re a seasoned professional at that Mr Skaff love you xxxxxx’ I replied smiling.
‘I know but somehow it just ain’t the same with these 2 love you xxxxxx’ ‘Why not? Love you xxxxxx’ I texted as I sat eating. ‘Because I can’t cuddle up with them! What you up to? Love you xxxxxx’ ‘Eating dinner, need to sort my room out really :/ Are you still watching movies? Love you xxxxxx’ I replied.
‘Nope we’re watching our show love you xxxxxx’ ‘Our show? Xxxxxx’ ‘Yeah, Total Wipeout! You and me always watch it together, we’ve both got the same sense of humour :) LOVE YOU xxxxxx’ he said making me laugh at the fact he was making a point on I’d missed saying ‘love you’ out.
‘Yeah we do watch that a lot, all right calm it no need to shout! Love you :) xxxxxx’ I sent smiling. It got to midnight and he was still texting me ‘Right I’m going to bed, don’t you party too hard ;) love you xxxxxx’ ‘Okay night baby, I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Sleep well, love you xxxxxx’ he replied and I smiled going to sleep.