With Ears To See And Eyes To Hear.

No, I thought.
He can't be here.
This isn't real.
I left him back with my old life.
Why is he here?
Questions were swimming around in my brain, trying to figure out why he was here.
Shaking my head, I turned around and propped myself up against the nearest wall I could find.
"This isn't happening," I whispered to myself. Squeezing my eyes shut, I was soon flooded with nothing but memories from the day before I quit the tour life.
~
I had myself perched up on the couch that sat in front of a long coffee table. It was right after Sleeping with Sirens just got done playing a set, and they had me meet up with them and Bring Me The Horizon back on Bring Me's bus for a small after party.
Kellin Quinn was my best friend.
My party buddy.
The one I could complain and bitch too whenever me and Alex got into a fight.
And how do I repay him ?
By letting him watch me get higher than the sky with Oli Sykes on cocaine.
Every time I saw him watch me do a line, I felt myself crumble a little. But this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to have fun; I wanted to live. It made me feel on top of the world. Did i have to have fun by being strung out on drugs? No. But it's what I wanted to do.
But there was this one time. This one fucking time.
I don't know what made him do it, but he did.
Me and Alex had finally patched things up between us. All me and Alex ever did was fight, and fight, and fight. But the thing was, we were perfect for each other. We made each other happy, we made each other laugh, we knew what made each other tick.

I was completely strung out with Oli in the lounge, playing Xbox, when the bus door flew open with so much force, I thought it was going to break. Me and Oli glanced over to see a nervous Kellin, and one very livid Alex.
Kellin told him, and that's where it ended.

"What the FUCK were you thinking October ?!" Alex screamed. My eyes were wide and I'm pretty sure I was as pale as a ghost. Oli stood up abruptly, blocking Alex from my view.
"Look mate, yeh need to jus' relax, yeh?" He said calmly, trying not to get angry.
"Fuck off Sykes," Alex raged. "You're the reason why she's doing this shit!"
"Look, last time I checked, she was her own person, " Oli stated.
I pulled my legs up to my chest, and just continued to stare at the scene happening in front of me.
"October, come with me," Alex demanded.
When I didn't move, Alex's face turned even more red.
"NOW."
Jumping up, I followed him off the bus like a puppy, avoiding the stares from Oli and Kellin.
Kellin tried to reach out for my shoulder, but I shrugged him off and glared at him.
"Fuck off," I mumbled.

When I shut the bus door, Alex was leaned up against the side of the bus, his head down.
" I can't even look at you right now," he said quietly.
"Look, Alex-"
"Look nothing, October! Why the fuck are you doing this to yourself? We just got fine again, and here you are, snorting blow with Oli fucking Sykes!" Alex interrupted.
"What I do with myself is my business, not yours," I stated, narrowing my eyes a little. Alex scoffed.
"So is that why Kellin came and told me?"
I glared at the ground, having nothing to say. No come backs, no witty remarks, nothing.
Blank.
High.
I didn't know what to do.
Alex just laughed venomously. "You're too fucking high to even comprehend what's going on right now. Well understand this. I'm done."
I gaped at him.
That's when my blood began to boil.
"It was okay for you to cheat on me multiple times, but you call it quits on something as petty as this?" I spat. If looks could kill, I would have been dead with the way he was glaring at me.
I hit a nerve.
I felt like I won, until he opened his mouth again.
"And I would do it again too."
~
I tried shaking my head to rid the memory from burning into my brain. I lost the love of my life because of a stupid decision, and leave it up to life to bring him around again. It shouldn't bother me anymore though. He had hurt me multiple times in the past, so I should be well over him. But I'm not. Not entirely. If anything, Kellin is probably here too. But that didn't bother me as much as Alex being here did.
Racking my brain for answers, I finally decided that I wasn't going to make a scene. I wasn't going to cause problems. I came here to party, and I wasn't about to let Alex ruin that for me.
Plastering on my biggest smile, I rolled my shoulders, held my head up high, and marched back into the kitchen to do what I came here for.
Drink.
Squeezing through the bodies that were packed in the kitchen, I chose a route that was nowhere near Alex, grabbed a bottle, and turned back around. When I got back into the living room, I saw a familiar mess of black hair and tattoos.
"Kellin!" I yelled over the loud music. Kellin turned around, and smiled when he saw me. Hugging him as tight as I could, he pulled away and held me at arms length.
"Toby!" He exclaimed, "where have you..what have you.." he fumbled. I laughed and held a finger over his mouth.
"Hi, I miss you too. I'm doing better. Share this with me," I said, holding up the bottle of Jack that I scored earlier. He just nodded his head and grabbed my hand, pulling me to the backyard which seemed a little less crowded than the front.
Tiki torches were scattered around the perimeter of a peanut shaped inground pool that was full of drunks. The torches and the extra light from inside helped to keep the back yard luminated so no one would run into each other blindly.
Kellin and I found a deserted spot by a tall tree. I opened up the bottle and took a quick swig before handing it to him.
After taking a drink, he capped the bottle.
"How have you been, Toby?" Kellin asked. I shrugged my shoulders.
"I've been alright I guess," I answered simply. "Alex is here."
Kellin's body tensed at the sound of Alex's name. I rubbed the back of his shoulder soothingly. "It's okay Kel, I'm over it." Kind of a lie, but not really.
Raising an eyebrow, he asked me if I was sure, which resulted in me just nodding my head.
But speak of the devil, here came Alex. His eyes locked with mine, and I realized that there was no running off on this one.