The Chance to Love Again

“Jane, darling wake up now, Janie?”
I heard the sweetest voice I ever knew and couldn’t believe it, was that my nana’s voice?
“Nana” My voice sounded raspy and felt like I swallowed my tongue.
“Yeah darling it is me, open your eyes so I can see those beautiful greens." She asked me.
I tried opening my eyes but once I slightly started to everything was burning bright so I quickly shut them.
“There you are why you’re more beautiful than before; it’s been awhile hasn’t it?”
“Nana why are you here “I asked her.
Instantly I knew something was wrong and everything hit me like a bad dream. My mom was no longer her she died. Died and I’m sitting here in a hospital bed doing nothing about it.
“I’ve got to get out of here I have to find her.” I yelled.
“I know, I know, but there gone there’s nothing left honey.”
Just hearing that there was nothing left made me sob.
“Why don’t you go to the bathroom?
, and get ready”
My nana was here I knew things may start looking up from here. She still hasn’t changed that bright white hair and that sweet Irish accent could make any one love her she was perfection. I climbed out of the bed and was a little dizzy but kept walking toward the bathroom. I changed out of this stupid ridiculous hospital gown, and walked out of the bathroom trying to keep my head tall. The day was filled with signing a lot of paper work and packing up everything I owned. I got all my stuff sent to my nanas house in Ireland and then that was it. Just twenty four hours ago both my parents died and I was abandon, and on my way to Ireland.
Eighteen hours later
“Come on honey and get your suit case we have a long drive. “Nana said.
I gathered my suit cases and walked behind my nana. Nana and I drove to her inn at which she owned. The shutters outside were blue now and the door was yellow. I remember being here when I was seven and the whole place was white and broken down. Nana had always said that without color there’s no fun in life.
"Nana?"
"Nope no talking just moving go get cleaned up honey"
I walked to all the rooms looking for one that was just perfect, and as I walked to the last one on the left I was hit with creamy yellow walls and beautiful oak wood floors.
"Ya like it eh" Nana asked
Liked it I absolutely loved it, I turned around to show her the bright smile on my face, Just then it made me feel guilty how could I smile when my mom would never be able to.
"Yeah nana I do love it, it was mamas wasn't it?"
"Yes honey go to the armoire and in there, there's your mothers box she told me to tell you to have it if anything happened."
Nana left and I shut the door behind me. I came to like the room and instantly knew why my mother likes it as well. I came to the doors of the armoire and opened them up. Yuck. The smell of moth balls hit me. It was kind of funny, I knew my mom was a girly girl but this was extreme. All the coats were pinks and purples blues and ivories.
"Only you mom, only you."
I looked down and saw the leather bound box and the name Darcy on top of it.
I looked into the box and loved all the little articles of life that were found, a cute horse necklace with a four leaf clover emblem attached to it, there were letter bound in ribbon, kind of old looking to be my moms, and then in a envelope that said Jane Giselle Lennox Rose Marie McClendon, I opened the letter trying not to rip the pretty paper. The letter inside was nicely folded and smelled just like my mother.
Dear, Janie
By now I am probably gone, but that doesn't mean I am not still with you. Honey I can’t tell
You how much I love you, remember when you hear Childs laughter or open up Christmas
Gifts, well that same pleasure is what I experience everyday with you. Your only one right now
That I am writing this and I am praying you never get to read this letter, but I need to tell you
That I love you and I always will. Whenever you’re sad I hope this letter will cheer you up.
There's this song that's stuck in my head and it has became my favorite I hope it gives you just
As much joy as this song has for me. Love you like no other, my beautiful baby girl.
I'll say goodbye
and then we'll kiss
ill hold you tight
remember this
could be the last time
that we see each other

you'll close your door
and close your eyes
ill call you up
and say goodnight
you say I love
I say ill love you forever

I swear I will

don't let this fall apart
because when it does
all you end up with
is a broken heart
what's happening to you
just wait until I am gone then
and you have nothing to hold on to

you've been upset
I feel it too
but I love
everything you do
and I just don't think
that can live without this

I won’t forget
a word you said
that night
when everything went bad
but I am not going anywhere
and that's a promise

I need you

don't let this fall apart
because when it does
all you end up with
is a broken heart
what's happening to you
just wait until I am gone then
and you have nothing to hold on to

you've got, me I am
there for you
your all, I need
I'll be there for you

you'll close your door
and close your eyes
ill call you up
and say goodnight
you say I love
I say ill love you forever
I closed my eyes trying to keep the tears back this can’t be happening to me. I must have been sitting there for hours because the sun began to set. I walked to the window and smiled at the rolling green hills around me. I was going to get through this, she told me she wouldn't really leave she was still here.