A Ballad of Love and Hate

Back in New York, Lily and I dropped all our other jobs and began designing the perfect wedding gown.

I wanted my wedding to revolve around both me and Ryan.

“Okay, so where do we start?” Lily asked as I stared at my blank canvas and different fabrics of white all around me.

This was going to be extremely difficult. Ryan and I were different on the fashion side. He thought ugly sneakers that were sparkly green and had diamonds around them were hot while I liked sleek and sophisticated.

“I have to put a flare of me and Ryan but in an attractive way,” I said, biting my pencil tip. I also thought about what I learned in Libya and head coverings and color.

I began designing a veil. One that would not cover my face but that would rest on the top of my head, covering my hair. To add intricacy and detail, I drew swirling patterns and grabbed a gold color pencil for the trim and for the intricate designs.

“Wow, Noah, that’s beautiful,” Lily remarked after while. I stood back and looked at what I had done.

“You think the gold adds Ryan’s style to it?” I questioned.

“Oh yeah, big time. What if the dress added that golden flare too? He is the golden boy after all,” Lily suggested.

I flipped my sketchbook page and began thinking out a dress. Did I want a ball gown? Not really. But I didn’t want anything over fitted either. I thought about the Middle East again. Imagining the women having a flowing back as they walked, enjoying that elegance that came with it.

I began drawing a sweetheart strapless dress. An a-line cut that would flow out after the waist where I drew a golden ribbon. The top would have fabric overlapping that would make a unique design at the top. The fabric would be chiffon lace, so as I walked it would flow out and float instead of being tight on me or overly puffy. I added in a note to make this dress a pocket dress due to my love of pockets. The dress in itself was not over the top but since the veil had a lot of detail, I didn’t want to look over done.

I took a step back and stretched out.

“That is you, perfectly,” Lily clapped.

“Yes, but it’s not Ryan, I added the gold, and my veil is a little extravagant but where is he in my design,” I frowned. Lily pondered for a moment.

“What if you did something you have never done before,” she said after our silence. I turned and looked at her.

“What if you designed your own shoe, Ryan LOVES shoes, Ryan is all about shoes. What if you made a heel that a female Ryan Lochte would wear?” Lily said.

“I’ve never made a shoe a day in my life, Lily,” I laughed, thinking the idea to be crazy.

“Yeah but what if you did? Noah, you learned how in design school, I know you did,” Lily kept pushing. I flipped the page again. Lily was right, I did learn to design shoes in school but I never wanted to nor never had a good enough idea. I closed my eyes and channelled my inner Lochte. Soon, I opened my eyes, saw my ring and began to draw.

A five inch heel. It would put me right around Ryan’s 6’2” height. The heel was a pointed closed toe heel, having a slight curve for support and comfort. I wrote that the idea would be to have diamond crystals in the shoe, making them dazzle and shine. I sketched out a quick draft of the bottom of the shoe and wrote Lochte on the bottom of the sole.

“See, in under 45 minutes you have a female Ryan shoe,” Lily grinned.

“Come on, we’ve been at it for a few hours, we will work on your dress later,” I smiled. Lily looked at me confused.

“Lily, you know you’re my maid of honor, of course,” I grinned. Lily dropped her phone and hugged me.

“Oh my gosh, Noah, I’m so honored, are you sure?” She asked.

“Lily, of course I’m sure, you’re my best friend. My only friend that I can deal with. Ryan and I just want you and Devon standing beside us. Besides, best man, maid of honor, wud up,” I said, going in for a high five.

“So no Cullen? Conor?” She questioned.

“Cullen yes, Conor, well, not really. So I’m having his sister, Kristin up there with me too, Zaydin and Dalia will be our ring barrers and flower girl, with help of course,” I laughed as we walked out of the office.

“What about his suit?” She asked.

“Ralph Lauren claimed that a long time ago, thank God,” I laughed. Lily and I grabbed a coffee and walked down the New York streets.

“So, the real question, is the Noah Henderson line going to move to Florida?” Lily asked.

“I don’t know, Lil, I mean, Ry has said that he would move for me but he loves Florida so much, his family is there. Mine is too but in a far different way. I would love to stay in New York but I don’t know if I can ask Ryan to do that, to leave his coach and his family,” I sighed.

“I think you guys should just move to New York, selfishly that is, but you could be based out of Florida and still flourish, or leave headquarters in New York and stay in Florida, coming up monthly,” Lily thought logistically.

This is why she was my person. Always thinking things out in a great way.

“And then of course, are you going to still be Noah Henderson or Noah Lochte?” She smiled looking at me.

“Oh I will be changing my name,” I grinned as I sipped my coffee. I was going to gladly drop my family name to take on Ryan’s.

“Even of your company? I mean his name is essentially a brand in itself,” Lily went on.

She was now making my think a little too much.

My phone saved the day as it went off and I saw that it was Ryan.

“Hi sweetheart,” I smiled into the receiver as I answered.

“Aw, look at that sweet, beautiful smile,” he said. I looked quizzically into my phone.

“And now you’re confused, oh this is great,” Ryan laughed.

“Where are you?” I asked him.

“Turn forty five degrees to your left,” he said. I turned and looked for him but I couldn’t find him.

“Ryan, I turned, you’re not, --AHH!” I screamed as someone attacked me from behind. Lily instinctively swung her bag to hit whoever it was roughly in the face.

“Shit!” He screamed. Lily dropped her bag and put her hands over her mouth.

“Ryan, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know it was you! I thought someone was attacking from behind!” Lily was frantically apologizing as Ryan held onto his nose. I laughed a little as I watched the scene play out.

“That might have been a poor idea on my part, thanks for protecting my fiance’ from evil, Lily, damn, my nose,” Ryan said as his eyes watered from being hit in the nose. I giggled a little and pulled Ryan’s hands away from his face.

“Oh, my poor baby, you’re not bleeding though,” I smiled as I reached up to kiss his nose and be pulled into his embrace.

“Well, I surprised you so that’s the good news,” Ryan laughed as he held onto me and we walked.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I hate being away from you so much, Noah, I don’t know, I got uneasy and just decided to come see you,” Ryan shrugged.

“Awh, Ryan, that’s so cute,” I cooed, kissing his cheek.

“I was on the way to your studio actually but I saw you on the street,” he said.

“You can’t go to the studio, top secret work is being done,” Lily said strictly. Ryan turned and looked at her.

“My wedding dress,” I explained he shrugged as we kept walking.

“You know, Lily, you can take the rest of the day to yourself. I think I’d love to just soak in the city with my future Mr.,” I smiled, loving how romantic and caring he was being right now.

“You don’t have to tell me twice! Have fun,” Lily waved and quickly walked away from us. Ryan pulled me even closer into him, practically carrying me as we walked.

“So what would you like to do today, Miss Noah?” Ryan asked. I shrugged.

“Enjoy you being here, how long are you here?” I asked.

“Whenever, I don’t really have a schedule,” Ryan shrugged. I stopped walking and pulled away from him.

“Since when does Ryan Lochte not have a strict training schedule?” I questioned.

“Since Ryan Lochte made the decision to stop swimming,” he said as if it were nothing. Ryan tried to keep walking but I wouldn’t let him.

“Ryan Lochte, don’t walk away from me, you can’t just tell me that you quit swimming like it’s no big deal and keep walking, hello?! You just quit your dream job!” I yelled. He turned around and rolled his eyes.

“Noah, it’s fine, I wasn’t having fun anymore, I said I would swim until it wasn’t fun,” he explained.

“No, Ryan, I call BS on you, you LOVE swimming, you love being in the water, beating the clock,” I snapped.

“Noah, I don’t want to do it anymore, okay?! I just, quit. I hate it, swimming has taken my life for 20 years now, I don’t want it to take anymore years from me,” he said back forcefully.

I wasn’t done with this.

I took my ring off and tried to hand it to him.

“Noah, put the damn ring back on, you’re not being funny whatsoever,” he sighed heavily.

“I’m not going to marry you if you give up on your dreams, I don’t date people who give up,” I said seriously.

“Noah, just, stop, okay? I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit, I just want to live my life,” he groaned. I still kept handing him the ring.

“No, Ryan, I don’t believe you,” I said sticking firm. This was coming from nowhere. Ryan loved swimming his entire life, he loved racing, he loved being in the water, beating everyone out.

“Look, how about this, I take a month off, and after a month, if I miss it, I will go back to swimming,” he said when he realized I wouldn’t let off.

“Yes, sweetie, absolutely, I will reason,” I breathed out, relaxing when I realized that he was willing to make a deal.

“Great, now put your ring back on, that’s not okay,” he said, taking the ring and slipping it back on my finger.

“It’s only because I’m in love with you that I did that,” I told him, placing a firm kiss on his lips.

Why would Ryan quit swimming just like that? Because of me? Because of not wanting to live in Florida? Whatever it was, I had a challenge ahead of me, I had to get Ryan back in the water.

And I would do whatever it takes.